View Full Version : How to handle a meeting with the president


anonymouslyadd
08-31-17, 11:24 PM
I had a confrontation with my pseudo-boss today and made myself clear that I didn't appreciate all the feedback I've been getting. I did it in front of everyone. I need your honest feedback on a meeting I'm having with the president tomorrow to discuss it. I need to know what to say and how I need to act in the future to keep my job.

After the event, the president brought me into his office and told me that what I said wouldn't be tolerated. He was very firm and didn't want any explanation. I'm not sure if he'll want one tomorrow either.

aeon
09-01-17, 12:02 AM
Be contrite and give feedback to let him know you understand that what you did was and is unacceptable.

Offer no explanation, and listen to what you are told. Don't argue. Don't say the word "but."

Even if you get fired...the above applies.


Well Wishes,
Ian

Fuzzy12
09-01-17, 03:05 AM
Was it unacceptable or is there some sort of misunderstanding? If there is a misunderstanding and if you think that you can clear it up then it might be worth sending him an email today to explain. He might not want to listen to you or discuss anything with you tomorrow but if you send him an email in advance he probably will read it.

Fingers crossed it will be ok.

acdc01
09-01-17, 03:49 AM
I'm not sure if I'm responding too late but i agree completely with aeon.

Do not make excuses, admit your behavior was unacceptable, and say that it will never happen again.

He might ask you why you behaved the way you did so be ready to answer that in a way that is honest but doesn't insult your psuedoboss as a person even if you do mention that some of her actions were difficult for you to accept.

I'd watch your boss really carefully too at the meeting. Watch his body language, eye contact, tone of voice, etc. It'll give you an idea of whether by the end of the meeting he's satisfied with your responses to him.

I'd also start looking for another job. Don't feel bad for this mistake, i don't actually think it matters. I dont think it changed anything. I don't think you can handle working under your pseudo boss and your pseudo boss most likely will never change. So you have to find another job regardless.

I really hope the best for you tommorrow.

anonymouslyadd
09-01-17, 10:26 AM
Was it unacceptable or is there some sort of misunderstanding? If there is a misunderstanding and if you think that you can clear it up then it might be worth sending him an email today to explain. He might not want to listen to you or discuss anything with you tomorrow but if you send him an email in advance he probably will read it.

Fingers crossed it will be ok.
Nah, no misunderstanding. I like the idea of sending him an email.

anonymouslyadd
09-01-17, 10:30 AM
I'd watch your boss really carefully too at the meeting. Watch his body language, eye contact, tone of voice, etc. It'll give you an idea of whether by the end of the meeting he's satisfied with your responses to him.
I like this. Great idea. He's an honorable man, someone you wouldn't want to disappoint.

anonymouslyadd
09-01-17, 10:10 PM
I found out that there are coworkers of mine who went to the president and said that I'm the source of negativity at the office. I was floored. He wouldn't name names. He didn't seem receptive to an explanation or anything.

If something happens again, I'll be gone.

anonymouslyadd
09-01-17, 10:51 PM
He might ask you why you behaved the way you did so be ready to answer that in a way that is honest but doesn't insult your psuedoboss as a person even if you do mention that some of her actions were difficult for you to accept.
He didn't really ask, and I didn't mention her. I only said that what I did was a bad thing to do.
I'd watch your boss really carefully too at the meeting. Watch his body language, eye contact, tone of voice, etc. It'll give you an idea of whether by the end of the meeting he's satisfied with your responses to him.
He seemed satisfied.
I'd also start looking for another job. Don't feel bad for this mistake, i don't actually think it matters. I dont think it changed anything. I don't think you can handle working under your pseudo boss and your pseudo boss most likely will never change. So you have to find another job regardless.
I really like this one, though. :( I'm trying to find another job.

ToneTone
09-02-17, 06:24 PM
If a boss gets under my skin, it really helps me to talk to people who I know will comfort me or at least listen to me ... Talking can help me think about why this boss so upsets me ... Sometimes the boss is in fact a jerk, but nall jerks trigger me ... So I find talking to people helps me connect with why this boss and this particular instance led me to act out.

I also talk to my therapist about bosses ... I had a situation at work about 5 months ago when my pseudoboss (great term ... because this person is technically over me ... but doesn't evaluate me) ...said something that I took as extremely negative about my work.

A friend of mine said that I was definitely in panic over nothing because this person couldn't fire me ... So why was I so bothered by the remarks? ... Well, insecurity ... fear ... fear that I'm not going to be allowed to do the work in the way that I do it ... I have make all kinds of adjustments to my job in order to minimize my ADHD ... And generally, people say I'm doing good work ...

Funny: going back for years and years ... I always would hit the panic button in discussions with bosses ... I grew up with this view ... you either please your boss ... or you hate your boss ... it has taken time to try to see there is room between those two poles ...

One thing that helps me is to remember that there are millions of people all over the world who have bosses and supervisors say idiotic and rude things to them, bosses that connive behind their backs ... and these people manage to politely and gently nod and then ignore the boss ... So keeping your cool while a boss talks to you in a rude way ... that can be an honorable choice ... that's not necessarily "kissing up."

Tone

sarahsweets
09-03-17, 07:38 AM
Can you elaborate on what actually happened that led to this meeting?

stef
09-03-17, 07:48 AM
I found out that there are coworkers of mine who went to the president and said that I'm the source of negativity at the office. I was floored. He wouldn't name names. He didn't seem receptive to an explanation or anything.

If something happens again, I'll be gone.

That's very messed up.
You are positive and upbeat, there is just no way you could be a " source of negativity".

acdc01
09-04-17, 06:56 AM
It sounds like you did a good job at your meeting anonymouslyadd. Your boss isn't going to fire you so now you have time to find a good job without feeling like you have to rush to the point you have to take a bad one. That was the only goal at this meeting and you accomplished it.

If it makes you feel any better, you aren't alone in this. So many of us do good work and are shocked to hear someone doesn't like us regardless. No doubt some of my coworkers, even ones I think highly of, feel that way about me too as you can probably tell from the thread I posted earlier.

acdc01
09-04-17, 07:25 AM
That's very messed up.
You are positive and upbeat, there is just no way you could be a " source of negativity".

"Source of negativity" might just mean speaking up and calling things for what they are,not necessarily "negative".

Companies like yes people who nod their heads, agree with everything, and socialize with others. I've noticed it's the people who never comment about the companies weaknesses who are the ones that climb the highest in my company. Next up are people who spend 90% time complementing the company and then make some suggestions for improvement by mentioning how great the company is but we might be able to be even better by so and so. Not 100% sure this was the reason.

But Multiple people commented so people were sensitive about something. It doesn't matter if they should be sensitive or not, they were and we unfortunately are the ones that need to adjust to their ways if we can. I can't adjust, I can't procrastinate any less than I do cause I've already done all i can to minimize this. But I do believe anonymouslyadd can so he can fortunately keep this from repeating at his new job.

It seems dark now but I can see you doing well in your future position anonymouslyadd. You're good at what you do and now you know better the things you need to be careful about. Like stef said, your personality overall seems very likeable to me so this doesnt have to repeat if you just figure out the things to not do or that you need to do more next time.

It's a shame, nearly always doing well socially at work, getting people to like you, is more important than actually being more productive.

anonymouslyadd
09-05-17, 01:21 AM
Can you elaborate on what actually happened that led to this meeting?
I made a direct comment to the pseudo-boss in front of others regarding how I felt about being told I was doing something wrong from two different people. One of the new people on the team forwarded me an email and copied the pseudo-boss, regarding something I needed to do differently. A couple days later, the pseudo-boss sent me the same email and copied the new guy.:scratch:

Maybe she forgot I was already told about the issue. That's certainly possible.

The president spoke to me afterwards and then spoke to me a day later about it.

anonymouslyadd
09-05-17, 01:28 AM
That's very messed up.
You are positive and upbeat, there is just no way you could be a " source of negativity".
Get this: I reached out to the guy who hired me a few days ago. He was let go about two months ago. I mentioned to him that I was struggling at the job.

He told me a ton of things that had been happening behind the scenes there. He said the CFO lives in a make believe world where everything is fine and dandy and if you mention anything that opposes that view, you're deemed negative. He also said my pseudo-boss was a tyrant and a butt-kisser, who was in over her head.:eek:

I don't know that he really helped me other than give me some insight on how things really worked there. I still need to make this job last until I find better, consistent work.

acdc01
09-05-17, 05:44 AM
Get this: I reached out to the guy who hired me a few days ago. He was let go about two months ago. I mentioned to him that I was struggling at the job.

He told me a ton of things that had been happening behind the scenes there. He said the CFO lives in a make believe world where everything is fine and dandy and if you mention anything that opposes that view, you're deemed negative. He also said my pseudo-boss was a tyrant and a butt-kisser, who was in over her head.:eek:

I don't know that he really helped me other than give me some insight on how things really worked there. I still need to make this job last until I find better, consistent work.

So why is your tyrant psuedoboss singling you out?

Maybe your ex coworker can act as a good reference for you.

sarahsweets
09-05-17, 09:34 AM
So why is your tyrant psuedoboss singling you out?

Maybe your ex coworker can act as a good reference for you.

Try and take what he says carefully as he no longer works there. Even if some of its true, he still has the former employee perspective.

anonymouslyadd
09-07-17, 10:36 PM
Try and take what he says carefully as he no longer works there. Even if some of its true, he still has the former employee perspective.
Good point. However, I think he's a fairly good source, considering how high he was up on the corporate ladder.

acdc01
09-08-17, 09:33 AM
Good point. However, I think he's a fairly good source, considering how high he was up on the corporate ladder.

I'd believe there's truth in what he says. I'd also think he might possibly be exaggerating the truth given he must be disgruntled.

Regardless, I wonder if your pseudo boss is targeting you for reasons that if you continue the way you are acting at this job, will open you to being targeted in future jobs?

Like your excoworker who says the CFO can't handle anyone who says anything that suggests a company isn't doing fine and dandy. Reality is, every company I've been to wants their employees to pretend everything is fine and dandy. And if you don't act that way, then you are considered negative.

I'm not saying put a fake smile and nod your head all the time. Just maybe call the whole truth out. You mentioned a bunch of good things you liked about your company earlier, next time maybe mention those good things too in public to your coworkers. Then be careful how you phrase suggestions for improvements.

I actually don't know if that an issue for you. But I do wonder if you are doing something that makes you a target to people who like finding targets.

anonymouslyadd
09-08-17, 10:50 AM
I'd believe there's truth in what he says. I'd also think he might possibly be exaggerating the truth given he must be disgruntled.

Regardless, I wonder if your pseudo boss is targeting you for reasons that if you continue the way you are acting at this job, will open you to being targeted in future jobs?
I wouldn't say that I'm being targeted. She seems to be like this with everyone. I'm probably the most innovative of the group and stand out. This makes me a natural target.
Like your excoworker who says the CFO can't handle anyone who says anything that suggests a company isn't doing fine and dandy. Reality is, every company I've been to wants their employees to pretend everything is fine and dandy. And if you don't act that way, then you are considered negative.
The president said that I was being negative about the boss, not in general matters. It was said that I was talking poorly about her.
I'm not saying put a fake smile and nod your head all the time. Just maybe call the whole truth out. You mentioned a bunch of good things you liked about your company earlier, next time maybe mention those good things too in public to your coworkers. Then be careful how you phrase suggestions for improvements.

I actually don't know if that an issue for you. But I do wonder if you are doing something that makes you a target to people who like finding targets.
Good idea, and I've made it a point to recognize our accomplishments and how we've improved.

I've resolved to not do all the extra that I used to do, because I cannot perform the job to her satisfaction level. I know it seems like I'm being spiteful. I'm actually trying to survive and while doing so, I've learned one very important thing: always be tactful when raising an issue or don't raise it at all.

finallyfound10
09-09-17, 05:39 AM
The Emperor's New Clothes comes to mind here.

The woman is like this with everyone but you were the only to speak up. If you had been quiet and not said anything to anybody, you wouldn't have been called negative by your co-workers nor called into the BB's office for saying something to the PB.

Everything is good as long no one tells the truth about what is going on!

acdc01
09-11-17, 11:42 AM
The Emperor's New Clothes comes to mind here.

The woman is like this with everyone but you were the only to speak up. If you had been quiet and not said anything to anybody, you wouldn't have been called negative by your co-workers nor called into the BB's office for saying something to the PB.

Everything is good as long no one tells the truth about what is going on!

Good point. This is really about knowing when to just nod your head and smile and when you are better off speaking up if you disagree with simething. 80% of the time if not more, the answer is to nod your head.

No matter how tactful you are, sometimes it's better to just not say anything at all. This isn't just about saying something bad about someone else which you should never do. But control freaks like people who think the same as they do so if you have an idea that might remotely be contrary to the norm, sometimes it's not worth speaking at all, not just with her but possibly with others as well. It's not just control freaks really, people trust people who think the same as they do.

So I say, pick your battles wisely. Some battles, even if you win them will cost you so much damage you will ultimately lose the war.

anonymouslyadd
09-15-17, 10:41 PM
No matter how tactful you are, sometimes it's better to just not say anything at all. This isn't just about saying something bad about someone else which you should never do. But control freaks like people who think the same as they do so if you have an idea that might remotely be contrary to the norm, sometimes it's not worth speaking at all, not just with her but possibly with others as well. It's not just control freaks really, people trust people who think the same as they do.
I agree. I haven't talked during our last two meetings, and I won't be talking for a long time. You're right.
So I say, pick your battles wisely. Some battles, even if you win them will cost you so much damage you will ultimately lose the war.
I've decided not to battle anymore. It's not worth the energy, and I can't meet my boss' needs while putting in all that extra effort.

anonymouslyadd
09-16-17, 02:40 PM
I just talked to my old boss, the one who hired me. It probably seems like he's just some disgruntled employee. Apparently, the pseudo-boss can do no wrong in the eyes of the CFO and president.

For instance, he said that the pseudo-boss would send disrespectful emails to him. When he brought it up to upper management, they sided with her. :eek: They sided with the pseudo-boss and told my boss, who was a VP, that they could see her point.

Instead of taking responsibility for her own actions she finds things she doesn't like and is relentless in trying to "fix" them.

She's always talking about being positive. Why? Why does she have to preach about being positive all of the time? In her unconscious mind, she must really feel the negativity of our environment or at least in her own mind. Otherwise, why the obsession with being positive?

I'm learning to appreciate the dynamics here and believe I can grow from it. I'm fascinated the psychological dynamics at play here.

acdc01
09-16-17, 06:27 PM
I just talked to my old boss, the one who hired me. It probably seems like he's just some disgruntled employee. Apparently, the pseudo-boss can do no wrong in the eyes of the CFO and president.

For instance, he said that the pseudo-boss would send disrespectful emails to him. When he brought it up to upper management, they sided with her. :eek: They sided with the pseudo-boss and told my boss, who was a VP, that they could see her point.

Instead of taking responsibility for her own actions she finds things she doesn't like and is relentless in trying to "fix" them.

She's always talking about being positive. Why? Why does she have to preach about being positive all of the time? In her unconscious mind, she must really feel the negativity of our environment or at least in her own mind. Otherwise, why the obsession with being positive?

I'm learning to appreciate the dynamics here and believe I can grow from it. I'm fascinated the psychological dynamics at play here.

Office politics is absolutely insane. And we are the ones deemed "mentally ill".

anonymouslyadd
09-16-17, 08:22 PM
Office politics is absolutely insane. And we are the ones deemed "mentally ill".
The fact that they didn't take a step back and give an honest assessment on the reality of the situation is scary. I've had five bosses since I've been there, and she's the first one I've had an issue with. Why wouldn't they ask the following: "Why now?" or "What's going on?"

finallyfound10
09-16-17, 11:20 PM
It's amazing to me how management/bosses think and act.

I think they really just want peace even if it's fake and only looks good on the surface but right underneath the surface is a poisonous broth.

anonymouslyadd
09-25-17, 11:59 PM
The issues with being positive/negative make sense now. My boss is so concerned with being positive that things must really be bad. :(

anonymouslyadd
10-11-17, 11:04 PM
I gave my two weeks and am looking forward to a new experience.

namazu
10-11-17, 11:07 PM
Best wishes in your next endeavor!

acdc01
10-11-17, 11:50 PM
That's fantastic! Good luck in all your future endeavers.

anonymouslyadd
10-11-17, 11:55 PM
That's fantastic! Good luck in all your future endeavers.
Thanks. My pseudo-boss asked me if I wanted to do an exit interview. :scratch: Very strange.