View Full Version : Discouraged and unsure of where to go.


Stuckcat
09-24-17, 03:47 PM
When I was a young child, I was given a diagnosis for ADHD.

I was put on a rather high dose of Adderall, which helped me to quiet down and focus in school. Allowed me to do my homework, fulfill my responsibilities.

When I was fifteen, I went off the medication. I felt that it was making me into a zombie. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Would simply put my head down in class and pretend to be asleep so that I could try to shut out the world.

When I went off it, my problems socializing persisted. I've since come to believe that my issues socializing with others came as a result of a deepseated mistrust in other human beings that was seeded by an unpleasant upbringing where I was viewed as the designated ****up by my family, peers, and teachers.

I believe that I blamed my social issues on the medication that I was taking. After I went off it, my grades in school dropped, and I found a handful of "friends" through smoking pot with others, which I was so thankful for that smoking pot became a central habit around which I built a large portion of my life.



Now that I'm an adult trying to support myself and make decisions for myself, I'm finding that I don't function as well as other people.

I woke up at noon today, and have spent the three hours that I've been awake considering doing things, starting them for three to five minutes, and then second guessing myself and stopping them to go and ponder and consider what ELSE I should POSSIBLY do next.

I've tried to get back onto ADHD medication for a long time now. I've been in and out of therapy for the past six years (I'm 25,) and most of the time I try very hard to get back onto medication.

It usually goes down the same way every time. Am told by a medical professional that they won't prescribe me anything because of my history with smoking marijuana (which I used to do every day, nowadays it's something that I do occasionally, two to three times a week).

What makes managing my own healthcare so difficult is that I end up missing half of the appointments that I make because I'm so disorganized, and the providers won't let me make appointments anymore.

I call the list of possible providers for mental health in my area and don't get callbacks, or am told that they're not accepting new patients, and get discouraged and decide that there's no point. That I should just accept that this is who I am.

That I'll never have my life together, that I'll be stuck in a minimum wage job with people who don't appreciate me, for the rest of my life.

I'd like to go back to school.

I'd like to be able to learn how to draw and master a skill.

I'd like to be able to get into a career where I can help others beyond being a friendly voice in a drive thru window.

But I'm worried.

And I'm not sure I'll ever find a way out.

A bit melodramatic, yes...

But when this has been going on for the past six or seven years, and my attempts have still not borne any fruit?

When I want to scream at the top of my lungs "I NEED AN ADULT!" and look around and realize "Oh ****, -I'm- the adult"?

I feel like I'm a lost cause.

That I might as well just pull the proverbial covers back over my head, go back to smoking pot and playing videogames in my free time, and accept that I'll never be anything more than a kid who will never grow up and will never get himself together.

So I'm posting here out of desperation. In the hopes that someone has gone through something similar and has come out of the other side.

I just want to feel like there's hope.

finallyfound10
09-25-17, 02:19 AM
Welcome!! There is hope!!!

Would you consider quitting pot totally in order to be able to able to answer the docs questions honestly? That seems to be a big stumbling block and you need to get seen by someone in order to see what treatments you can do.

sarahsweets
09-25-17, 08:10 AM
I am sorry for your pain but you are going to have to lose the pot if you expect to get any sort of treatment and you may have to look farther from your area.