View Full Version : Life crushing anxiety


Fraser_0762
10-01-17, 10:11 AM
I'm so tired of this. I'm so sick of people getting angry at me and telling me i'm just plain lazy. They don't seem to understand just how much energy anxiety robs from me.

I'm now at that point where i'm even tired of feeling tired. Every little thing gets to me now. Every slight noise sounds like an unbearable screech in my ears. Natural light burns through my eye sockets, everything I touch nibbles away at my skin, every smell is nauseating and everything just tastes bland.

Doing nothing is hard work, doing anything else is out of the question. I wake up but I don't, I got to sleep but I don't and there's no inbetween.

midnightstar
10-01-17, 10:19 AM
Many hugs for you Fraser :grouphug:

Greyhound1
10-01-17, 12:06 PM
Hey Fraser,
I can totally relate to anxiety taking over and stealing our life. It sucks and makes life seem like such a hopeless and painful waste of time.

I hope you continue to seek out treatment until you find something that improves your quality of life.

Best wishes!

Little Missy
10-01-17, 12:59 PM
I would go to the doc's office every day with my lunch and not leave until they lock the door and then be back when they open them in the morning, throw in some tears intermittently and do not quit until you are helped.

No one can live with that kind of anxiety. I couldn't, my dad couldn't. Pharmaceuticals are made for this and they will change your life. I wish I could whip them all into shape over there.

Fraser_0762
10-01-17, 01:15 PM
I would go to the doc's office every day with my lunch and not leave until they lock the door and then be back when they open them in the morning, throw in some tears intermittently and do not quit until you are helped.

No one can live with that kind of anxiety. I couldn't, my dad couldn't. Pharmaceuticals are made for this and they will change your life. I wish I could whip them all into shape over there.

I can't, it's too much effort for nothing. Besides, pharmaceuticals exist to make money, make no mistake about it.

stef
10-01-17, 01:59 PM
I can't, it's too much effort for nothing. Besides, pharmaceuticals exist to make money, make no mistake about it.

well yes, it's an industry and with all of the bad sides of it;
but antidepressants saved my mom's life
and well I have now, much less anxiety with adhd meds,

I mean i didn't even know that I had been living with anxiety most of my life, that's the difference it made!

please don't rule out meds because of the negative sides of the industry
( and believe i know , my dad was a pharmeceutical salesman...)

Little Missy
10-01-17, 02:42 PM
I can't, it's too much effort for nothing. Besides, pharmaceuticals exist to make money, make no mistake about it.

well, of course they make money. No one works for nothing. That is like cutting off your nose to spite your face. Besides, I'd rather feel relatively good than always bad.:)

finallyfound10
10-01-17, 04:01 PM
(((Fraser)))

I hope you feel better, Scottish friend.

sarahsweets
10-02-17, 09:29 AM
Yes they are for profit but so is everything. That doesnt mean they dont work.

aeon
10-02-17, 12:03 PM
I'm done with anxiety too. So done.

I'm sitting in the doctor's office now.

I said I was unwilling to continue the previous approach.

He asked me what I would hope he would do.

I said get me on the lorazepam already. It's gotta be better than alcohol, self-injury, and eating boatloads of candy (not good as a diabetic).

So Ativan it is. I'm riding the benzo train at last, after way too much suffering.

Part of it was actually writing down what my experience is, so I didn't have to rely on my crap memory.

Plus, I made a point of trying to not be a people pleaser this time.

I wrote:

My anxiety is not event-related. It just comes. I had a resting pulse of 140.

I’m not thinking of anything in particular, and when it happens, I am not thinking of anything...I just have the feeling of wanting to run and hide, and I am afraid if someone said something to me I would either be so startled I would flinch or I would explode at them out of rippling fear. I grind my teeth, my breathing is shallow, and it is hard to swallow. I tremble and it is hard to sit in my seat such is the wild, racing feeling of wanting to flee. I can feel my heart pound. My mental state is just blank, and I couldn’t think coherently if I wanted to. The feeling is one of wanting to escape, but knowing there is nowhere to go, no escape. It provokes a feeling of it being better off dead, because the experience feels unbearable. It doesn’t feel like I am dying...it just feels like acute anxiety.

I can’t explain it any better than that. The one thing I am sure of is that it does not seem related to the outside world...it seems like something of my own body, without thoughts or feelings leading to it coming on.

That really helped them to see I had a problem, and one that was going unaddressed.

Dexedrine, Wellbutrin, Remeron, and Ativan. God bless Big Pharma.


Cheers,
Ian

Fraser_0762
10-02-17, 02:19 PM
Dexedrine, Wellbutrin, Remeron, and Ativan. God bless Big Pharma.


Cheers,
Ian

This sort of thing terrifies me. Short term artificial relief with highly likely long term consequences.

Little Missy
10-02-17, 02:33 PM
This sort of thing terrifies me. Short term artificial relief with highly likely long term consequences.

It shouldn't be terrifying.

I've taken amphetamines and benzodiazepines non-stop for 20+ years. I'm productive, responsible and trustworthy.

Long term proven relief, nary a consequence.

aeon
10-02-17, 02:54 PM
This sort of thing terrifies me. Short term artificial relief with highly likely long term consequences.

Without them, I would experience the short-term consequence of being dead. http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/dead.gif

I chose the alternative.

And to be honest, Iíve never worried too much about what tomorrow will bring.

On account of the time-blindness as part of my ADHD, I do kinda live in the moment. http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Jumpup.gif

For what it is worth, a decade-plus of cannabis, psilocybin, mescaline, and lysergic acid diethylamide didnít do me in (not recommending them, mind you), so Iím not particularly worried.

Iíve taken the Dex for years, the Wellbutrin for years, Iíve had the Remeron before, and Iíve had a few different benzodiazepines a handful of times over the years. None of these meds are new to me, and I know the risk potentials and what to look for.

I can appreciate you are terrified. Learn about the clinical history of these medications. I think that will help greatly.

Cold steel will heal, and better living through chemistry. http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Yaisse.gif


Cheers,
Ian

Fraser_0762
10-02-17, 04:12 PM
I know some people are like immune to ever experiencing the worst effects. But how many people are really that lucky? It seems that most people seem to hit a brickwall at some point and find themselves in a worse place than they were to begin with. I couldn't imagine being in a worse place than I am right now.

Little Missy
10-02-17, 04:18 PM
I know some people are like immune to ever experiencing the worst effects. But how many people are really that lucky? It seems that most people seem to hit a brickwall at some point and find themselves in a worse place than they were to begin with. I couldn't imagine being in a worse place than I am right now.

Then go for the better place :)

Fraser_0762
10-02-17, 04:21 PM
Then go for the better place :)

You're assuming it will be better. If it's any worse then it will be the end of me and there's every chance that it could be.

aeon
10-02-17, 04:46 PM
I know some people are like immune to ever experiencing the worst effects. But how many people are really that lucky?

Iím not...there are three psychiatric medications that immediately presented as toxic to me:

Effexor (venlafaxine) - debilitating nausea, feeling of about to vomit, constantly watering mouth, lasted 5 days until I bailed
Lexapro (escitalopram) - constant gagging and retching, inability to eat any solid food, lasted 72 hours until I bailed
Zoloft (sertraline) - made me so spacey it was unsafe to drive, zero short-term memory, depersonalization, derealization, stopped after 2nd dose

It seems that most people seem to hit a brickwall at some point and find themselves in a worse place than they were to begin with.

Could you be more specific or give me an example of what you mean?

I couldn't imagine being in a worse place than I am right now.

I thought that same thing the other day, so I decided to do something about it. I realized that untreated, it would eventually lead to my undoing, with grave consequences, including the potential of my own death.


Cheers,
Ian

WhiteOwl
10-02-17, 09:41 PM
I don't like medications, either. I don't even like taking them for headaches or illnesses. It wasn't easy putting my kids on meds and I do worry a little about them being on them longterm, and starting them myself, but I've realized it's worth the risks. What other choice is there, go through the rest of your life being miserable? When there are options to make things better for you? You don't know what will happen if you take meds, but you know you will continue to be miserable without them, right? I hope you at least try them and see how much it helps you! Where do you get the idea most people end up worse off?

acdc01
10-14-17, 03:11 PM
I know some people are like immune to ever experiencing the worst effects. But how many people are really that lucky?

Seems like most people who have tried the anti-anxiety pills here did get good results without serious long term side effects. I've read some complaints on depression meds but I haven't really seen as many on anti-anxiety meds.

My mom has been taking a benzo for a couple years now. Man alive has it made a difference. She did get a side effect. Can't remember what it was but it wasn't that big a deal and the dr. just lowered her med a bit and shes fine again.

I was afraid of the side effects for her too. But then my sisters pointed out the side effect for her not taking the meds is that she might end up having a stroke. It was when she had a mini-stroke we were able to convince her to start taking the meds. Her mini-stroke was timed at a very high stress point in her life so we are pretty sure anxiety had a lot to do with her stroke.

My sisters have had a friend die in his 30s from a heart attack. They think his extreme work stress contributed to it - he never took anxiety meds. I myself have gotten stomach erosion, high blood pressure, all from stress (well, bp is genetic too) which isn't even as severe as I'm sure your anxiety is.

The side effects of not taking meds can sometimes be much, much greater than the meds you do take. You're still young so maybe high bp, ulcers, heart attacks, strokes haven't come into play yet but if you don't treat your anxiety, the odds are they will someday affect you too - before you know it. Listening to how severe your side effect of not taking meds is, I suspect you will have a more painful and short life without meds than with - even if the meds do end up causing some pain and shortening your life somewhat.