hello im a 35 year old mother with 2 adhd children one nearly 13 (Boy) and one 10 (girl) and we live in australia
It seems that no matter what we do to hand out punishment or discipline the children, it never seems to be of effect, or we get abused by them. Its like they just laugh in ya face and say go ahead take this or that away i will do it again anyway and you will take it away till ya blue in the face it aint going to make a difference to me, or they yell and scream at you like you are the one that has just misbehaved.

Thats problem number 1 the other problem is that my son feels very let down by his father who they have nothing to do with since he left us for another family and even though its been over 2 years he still compares others to his father when he gets into any trouble, even blames other people and no matter how many times you tell him he has to start being responsible for his own actions its still everyone elses fault. Any advise as to how others handle discipline successfully would be great appreciated

:eyebrow:

Shazibabe,

Hi! It sounds like you have your hands full!

Have you tried counseling for the children? I am hearing that they may be resentful over their father leaving.
They also could be subconsiously blaming you. I think that is a good place to start. It may be more difficult because they are both ADHD. That is where I am learning with my son that punishments are a lot less effective on him than they are his brother who is non ADHD.

Let me know how it goes. Keep the faith!
~Sandi~

I know exactly what you are talking about! I can only say stick to your guns, stay cool, and follow through. I also know that that is EXHAUSTING! We have also continued with individual therapy and family therapy and it is a real help.

First of all, the kids feel like they are not "alone" against us and we often need someone not so close to the situation to help us as parents get back on track. My older son is also ODD and that's really tough. With him it is really important to try and make the "punishment fit the crime", so to speak and it must be immediate. It does not good to punish him then next day or even a few hours later. He's "forgotten" all about it and just doesn't understand why he's in trouble.

He also tends to blame everyone except himself, but that is improving a bit with age. He is now 15 and can be really vile, but he is starting to accept that the trouble he gets into is his fault and he has to deal with the consequences.

Know that you are not alone. Try and find a counselor, or support group so that you aren't fighting the battles all on your own.

Kim

I have 5 kids. 2 are boys in their 20's...the others are 12,6, and 4.

My advice, let the oldest one fail now and then. I mean...let it be ok that he goes out and totally screws up something in his own life. Then help him see how his choices got him there and lead him through how different choices would have gotten a different result.

Your 10 year old is just following along with whatever your 13 yo dishes out. So, focus on GETTING RESULTS with the oldest.

He is at the time of his life where he is learning to be a man. Some of it he needs to learn through "hard knocks".
Some of it he needs to learn from his father...or someone else who could stand in as a role model or mentor.

Unfortunately, he has already learned from his father to leave when the going gets tough. That's rough.

Remember when you were 13? What would you want someone to tell YOU if you were going through the same rite of passage that he is?

Sometimes being strong looks to your kids like you are being weak. By that I mean...sometimes its best to back off and give them some space. Give them "enough noose to hang themselves" but be there to catch em when the horse rides away.

Lets face it: in a few year he IS going to be responsible for his own life, ALL of it.

Wouldn't you want him to practice and fail on little stuff now instead of the big stuff then?