hi everyone:) I am mostly a lurker but I was hoping to get some feedback. Yesterday we invited some friends over last minute. I very rarely have people over because of the anxiety associated with it. But I thought that since I had a couple hours to straighten up the house it would be ok. I was wrong. I was so overwhelmed and disgusted with myself for the condition of my house. I couldn't stop crying. I felt like a total failure. My husband called our friends to tell them that it wasnt a good time after all. Does anyone deal with this kind of stuff? I can't connect the dots in my brain. I was just put on Concerta and I am not even sure if that's helping. I just feel so depressesd and hopeless. thanks for listening

hi everyone:) I am mostly a lurker but I was hoping to get some feedback. Yesterday we invited some friends over last minute. I very rarely have people over because of the anxiety associated with it. But I thought that since I had a couple hours to straighten up the house it would be ok. I was wrong. I was so overwhelmed and disgusted with myself for the condition of my house. I couldn't stop crying. I felt like a total failure. My husband called our friends to tell them that it wasnt a good time after all. Does anyone deal with this kind of stuff? I can't connect the dots in my brain. I was just put on Concerta and I am not even sure if that's helping. I just feel so depressesd and hopeless. thanks for listening

Hi MC,

First thing you do is calm down and stop feeling hopeless. NOTHING is ever hopeless as long as your breathing there is always a fighting chance. :soapbox:

I found myself recently in your predicament after many years of high functioning and thought I would die of humiliation when people came over to a messy house. So, I sucked it up and decided to do something about it instead of crying myself to sleep every night.

First thing I did was go thru my entire house inside and out to make a list of what needed to be done and how often. I then made a color chart on my Microsoft works for household chores dealing out the easier chores to the kids and tackling the much harder ones with the help of my husband.

We gave ourselves an entire day per room. And went thru everything cleaning from top to bottom and organizing and labeling where everything goes. If you know the home its easier to put it away.

Then we made weekly lists of what we needed to do so that no one felt overwhelmed keeping the house in tip top shape. I'll try and share some of those charts. But, basically after the house was spotless I dealt out chores to myself and my family so that each room looks as though it was completly cleaned that day.

And next time you decide on a dinner party, give yourself a week to get ready. Keep up with your list and find recipes that you can make ahead of time and freeze so all you have to do is throw it in the oven the day of the party. The more stress you cut out of the day makes for a more enjoyable experiance and I will try and share some of those recipes with you as well when I have some more time.

Big hugs fellow ADD'er,
Cherity

Don't feel bad because I deal with stuff like this all the time. Pretty much on a daily basis. I have really horrible anxiety, especially when it involves me participating in activities which cause me to be the center of attention or in charge of a situation or event, etc. I know I shouldn't do it, but I'm a huge perfectionist and I'm really down on myself and very hard on myself. I always go into situations saying I'm going to fail or picturing the worst that could possibly happen. And of course, it would be all my fault because I was in charge right? So right there, that's a lot of added anxiety and weight on my shoulders I don't need. I hate failing. I never want to feel like a failure because I try so hard to be perfect and to do a good job. So when things don't work out the way I envisioned, I fall apart and get upset I beat myself up over it. So you're not alone.

I'm aslo a major procrastinator (sp?) I'll have a plan in my head to do something and I know what steps to take to carry them out, but for whatever reason I wait until the last minute to carry out this plan. And then I'm rushing around like a chicken with it's head chopped off which creates even more anxiety. I also get confused and overwhelmed very easily and it always seems like the more I do, the more I have to do. Maybe because I can never do one thing at a time or stick to one task and carry it out fully before moving on to the next. I have major problems following through.

I agree with Nucking Futs though and it's something I've been trying really hard to apply to my lifestyle. I know that it's going to take me a lot more time to complete a task than "normal", so I have to be consistent and I have to make lists and make sure I give myself enough time to complete a task so that I'm not overwhelmed and don't feel like the clock is ticking and bearing down on me. And don't be so hard on yourself. That's something my therapist tried to drill into my head. You thought you had enough time to straighten up but you found that maybe you needed a little more. It's okay. You're allowed :)

I understand and have done this also.

We lived in a rent house for 13 years that wasn't nice and had no storage and was always a big mess. For years I've kept everyone away and I've come up with some clever reason also... :D Some friend had never seen the inside of my house. :o

We have moved to a very nice place, bright clean and lots of storge and room !

Now because of the years of keeping people away no one comes to visit us at our new place, funny huh? :D

Oh well, I can live with it.

I wish I had some advice for you.

Thanks so much for the replys :) . Some daye are worse than others I guess. Next time I will invite with at least a weeks notice. I don't know what I was thinking LOL. Baby steps...baby steps.....

I absolutely dread people coming into my home...and the longer I keep people from coming in, the worse it gets:o

You are just like me. I struggle with this too often! We have a pool, so I always have ppl asking to come swim. I spend too much time on one area of my home, neglecting everything else. Then I have to stop my project speed clean my house. Then all my progress in other area i was working on goes to hell. My husband is very understanding most of the time because he knows how bad it bothers me. But sometimes it really creates some unwanted emotional distress. And I am very sensitive, especially when I am criticized with my struggles. Lets pray for each other.

I have this problem even if my house is so clean you can eat off of the floors.I do not like my house dirty as most of us do not but it takes so much somedays to get it just the way you would like it.Keep your head up and hope to hear from you soon.



Sandra

Whoa nelly look at that six pack!!!!

Ok back to the thread, I've found that once I get things organized it takes far less time and emotional distress to keep my house clean. I generally deep clean the house two weekends a month but since I am not the only person who lives in this house I am not the only person responsible for cleaning it and yes I held firmly to that belief even when I was not working as housekeeping is a 24/7 job anytime of the day you can find something that needs done, you never get a break or there is always something on your mind that needs done tommorrow.

We generally split up, my son goes with his father and my daughter with me. We complete a list of chores and then the rest of the day is ours to spend as we like that night we rent movies and eat pizza in the living room. It allows us one on one time with the kids and a chance to catch up on things that we may have missed during the work week.

hi everyone:) I am mostly a lurker but I was hoping to get some feedback. Yesterday we invited some friends over last minute. I very rarely have people over because of the anxiety associated with it. But I thought that since I had a couple hours to straighten up the house it would be ok. I was wrong. I was so overwhelmed and disgusted with myself for the condition of my house. I couldn't stop crying. I felt like a total failure. My husband called our friends to tell them that it wasnt a good time after all. Does anyone deal with this kind of stuff? I can't connect the dots in my brain. I was just put on Concerta and I am not even sure if that's helping. I just feel so depressesd and hopeless. thanks for listeningDoes anybody? I think a better question might be who doesn't!:p Oh, I know there are a few ADDer's who survive by being super organized but I'm sure not one of them. That's me exactly. Every time I invite someone over it is a panic rush to get things acceptable -- not great -- just not too embarassing. And I have definately called things off because I couldn't pull it together. I'm on Concerta too -- it has improved a lot of things -- especially my emotional regulation, anxiety, depression, memory and stuff -- but the house cleaning/organizing situation is still pretty dismal. Hang in there -- there are more important things in life than being a great housekeeper (please remind me of this from time to time!:) ).

Scattered

yea...i'm seeing a new guy and he said he would wanna head back to my place and hang out for a while...Oh NO!!!!
i told him to wait outside...at least in the living room...my bedroom was in a horrible state...clothes,bra,undies...clean or unclean were everywhere...

but yea the living rm wasn't in gd shape either...he had to sit on the floor because the sofa was occupied with my clothes and handbags...the kitchen's sink was full of dirty dishes...sigh...

i spent the next gd 5 minutes to put all the clothes into the closet to hid them

i was embarrassing...my car was the same thing...my friends wanted to ride in my car without "advanced notice"...OMG...it was embarrassing...bottles, cans, fastfood trash everywhere...and many pairs of my shoes in the backseats..

btw....it's ironic...he's a tidy freak...he makes his bed everyday and his room is perfect...yea...i guess i already blew my nice impression...i guess opposites attract...

I generally don't like having visitors as I'm not comfortable with having people in my home...not even family but I seem more comfortable visiting people...at the moment it's HELL with a capital H as I'm living with my best friend and she has people around ALL THE ****** TIME!!!! and what makes it worse is that these type of people are not people I'd choose to associate with under other circumstances (they are substance abusers and seem to think that violence is the answer to their problems, my other friends are "straight laced") and one chick actually threatened me the other night and I lost my temper as I'd had enough of these people, they are NO GOOD as they influence my friend (whose an alcoholic among other things) to drink, smoke pot and act like an idiot in general and the only people that suffer are her 2 daughters who have mentioned several times that they don't like the situation....this is why I'm cautious about socialising and when I socialise I prefer to mix with "straight laced" peopleI absolutely dread people coming into my home...and the longer I keep people from coming in, the worse it gets:o

hi again everyone:) I think that this is something that I will always struggle with, and that frustrates me to no end. Having a 3 year makes things even more complex LOL my dd can destroy a room in minutes:eek: There has got to be a way for me to get a handle on this. oh yeah! guess what! I am having a yard sale saturday! So I can hopefully get rid of tons of stuff. And whatever doesn't sell is NOT coming back in the house. LOL

Mentalcase,
I feel you there,im gettting ready to have a sale with my mom and whatever does not sell goes to the shelter for battered women and there children and the money i raise also goes to the shelter.Good luck with your sale.

Sandra

Perfect example of this type of thing, my father died in the hospital, the doctor asked if anyone could come pick me up to drive me home. I said, "no". She said, "Well maybe you'd like to sit here with me for a while". The first thing that went through my mind, and I did say it out loud, "No, I have to get home to clean the house. People will be coming"! Talk about not being able to get out of your mess at the last minute! ADD and social anxiety will never mesh.