Most of the time, I feel pretty ok with my ADD. I lurk here, I manage ok but sometimes like tonight I'm so sad and overwhelmed and inadequate that I just need to rant. It is a nice bit of whine with dinner and I don't expect anyone to read it but I have to get it out before I explode in a torrent of self-pity and whinge. My poor kid has ADD, too. She's 7. She's worse than I am. She gets lost on the way to putting her shoes on to go out the front door, and then I flip out because I'm late. Late for what? Who knows? I'm just late. I'm always late. Well, small critter is worse. We even got her a t-shirt as a family 'in' joke that says "huh, what?" because- well that's what she says. My girl is the human equivalent of being stuck behind some slow guy in the fast lane.

Well- mama bear over here can't stand to see my kid with that 'deer caught in headlights' look I had as a kid and I'm moving heaven and earth trying to get her evaluated and assessed for dyslexia and placed in a classroom that works for her. Because she's 7 years old and going to be in the second grade and she can't tell the difference between the addition and subtraction signs and can't add 1 to anything. What can I say? She's a quirky learner but a cool kid and she doesn't deserve this constant disappointment. And- although I don't exactly sound like June Cleaver, I just adore her and I've been nuts for her since the moment she was born.

And I'm in the information gathering stage of what I have to do to help her and I'm just bewildered. The way to help is a structured environment. Color coding crap and schedules and picking out clothes the night before whatever. How the heck am I supposed to do that for her when in 30 years I haven't learned how to do that for myself? We have like 5 of her report cards sitting around the house because I never could manage to both sign the darned things and return them. If I can't pay the light bill on time, how am I supposed to remember to return the field trip permission slip (that's if SHE remembers to bring it home!) I'm supposed to speak quietly and slowly and not get mad and impatient and repeat things over and over and over and over until she gets them. Yeah right. I know I should home school her, but I can't. I'd kill her. I'd go nuts. Because as she said tonight- "Mom, your ADD clicks fast, and mine clicks slower" and she's right. She got HER ADD from her Father. Who is no help and a nice big cup of making stuff worse. Good man, good intentions, he doesn't drink the rent money and the babysitter is safe from his clumsy embrace but Good Lord, I didn't know it was possible to be more clueless than me! No help from that quarter. He figures yelling at her will make her do/think/move/be faster, then he gets frustrated and goes back to playing on the computer.

Why didn't someone tell me this crap before I made kids? Be careful who you mingle your genes with, you might just make someone non-functional. She can't pass a spelling test, but Mother of the Year over here has her spelling out cuss words in the air. Then I have to be terrified when she's around other kids that she'll slip and blurt something out that'll get us kicked out of Sunday School. Because I'm an overgrown kid. Who gets bored and silly and teaches my kids goofy inappropriate things. Because I can't be a 'normal' mother. Ok. So we have fun sometimes. I think that if make them laugh hard enough it'll make up for all the times I lost my temper and yell. But sometimes I'm even appalled at the stuff I do and I don't even know why I do it, other than I'm bored and can't behave properly. How am I supposed to help her? She deserves better than me. I deserve a fricking break from her. Ok, I'll say it. I don't deserve a kid like her. How are we supposed to make this work? We're the blind leading the blind. We're dumb and Dumber. (or if you count my husband, dumb and dumber and dumberer) As a family team we're below par.

Hey, and I haven't even gotten to my two year old. I can tell already she's a chip off the old block and her ADD is going to click fast like mine. Because she snuck out and spray painted the cat. And she draws on the walls as soon as I'm out of eyesight. And she was talking-quickly and imperatively- from the womb. I guess she'll be a rant for another day.

So, I guess I'm done. I'll have to go to bed, because I know my critters will have me up at the crack of dawn and I'll assume my soccer mom mantle and go on being the Scout leader and room mom and dropper of all juggled balls and pretend like I'm not a complete fraud. But maybe it'll be a little better because at least you guys know I am and I could be honest for once.

If you got through this book, God bless you. If not, no worries, I'm a too long/didn't read person myself, so no hard feelings. I feel better already...

Ok first of all take a deep breath and say after me I am human, I do not have to be perfect!!!!! Its gonna take awhile for me to reply to everything but know while you wait another mom hears your pain and has been there and maybe has a few simple life adjustments that may help you out a little. Slow baby steps sister!!!!

Be with ya in a few.

Ok, first of all let me tell you a little about my family. I am ADHD/depression/PTSD/OCD and quite possibly a little ODD. My 12 year old son is ADHD/depression and we just added a new dx of OCD to the mix, my 9 year old daughter is ADD/ODD, I have a one year old "so that is what our family was missing" son and my husband is blessedly so normal that he is off the charts on normal. :rolleyes:

I lurk here, I manage ok but sometimes like tonight I'm so sad and overwhelmed and inadequate that I just need to rant. I like lurkers, you learn how to interact with others long before interacting which makes my job easier. Ranting is good for your health I do it all the time whether people respond or not I always feel better. :D

My girl is the human equivalent of being stuck behind some slow guy in the fast lane. My oldest son is the euivelant of Speedy Gunzoles on Speed!!!!! There is a constant buzz of energy in the air around him that I tend to feed off of. One of his teachers asked me if the air always crackles around him, yep thats my boy!!!! :rolleyes: My daughter us is the very reason men love blonde jokes, here is our latest conversation
Lexi look both ways
I have to look both ways don't I mom
:rolleyes: yes
cause I could get hit by a car right mommy
yes
I have to look both ways, so I don't get hit by a car cause it will hurt right mommy
YES
And if I didn't look both ways and I got hit by a car and it hurt and I was crying or dead you would cry right mommy
Yes already just look both ways
As she starts to cross the street I notice she neglected to look both ways and am forced to run after her and pull her back to the curb.
CHILD DID WE NOT JUST DISCUSS THAT YOU HAVE TO LOOK BOTH WAYS SO THAT YOU DON'T GET HIT BY A CAR SO THAT YOU DON'T GET HURT AND I DON'T HAVE TO CRY? :mad:
You never tell me anything
:eek: :faint:

Fun!!!Fun!!!Fun!!!

I just adore her and I've been nuts for her since the moment she was born. Hon, June Cleaver is overrated. You don't have to be perfect to adore your child nor want what is best for them.

The way to help is a structured environment. Color coding crap and schedules and picking out clothes the night before whatever. How the heck am I supposed to do that for her when in 30 years I haven't learned how to do that for myself? With patience, practice and forgiveness for yourself when you have screw up days. Once you get started and stick with a program its much easier to follow. Persistance becomes second nature.

I'm supposed to speak quietly and slowly and not get mad and impatient and repeat things over and over and over and over until she gets them. Yeah right. I know I should home school her, but I can't. I'd kill her. I'd go nuts. Because as she said tonight- "Mom, your ADD clicks fast, and mine clicks slower" and she's right. Aren't kids wonderfully smart and patient with us adults?

I'll say it. I don't deserve a kid like her. How are we supposed to make this work? We're the blind leading the blind. We're dumb and Dumber. (or if you count my husband, dumb and dumber and dumberer) As a family team we're below par. NOBODY deserves their kid. I don't know a single parent who gets everything right. You said it not me but the key word in your last sentence was TEAM!!!!!

If you got through this book, God bless you. If not, no worries, I'm a too long/didn't read person myself, so no hard feelings. I feel better already... Epics with lots of drama and happy endings are my favorite!!!! I figure all we have to do it start working on the happy ending.

I was once lost and frightened like yourself, everyday felt like a lie. Then I got a life and realized everyone else in this world is just as messed up as I was only difference was I was willing to work very hard to better myself. Your on the right road I would spend hours going over some organization tools, etc with you but am short on time right now but do not worry someone will come where I left off and someone will add to that soon you will not know what to do with all the information so just print and work on each idea, think it thru and figure out if it works for you or your family, implement it and stick to it!!!! Yesterday I felt hopeless too, today I feel like I can conquere the world.

Big hugs lil momma,
Cherity

Oh how my heart goes out to you, I have a child who is very slow on the uptake, slower than me, if that is possible, and dawdles, and me-I just sort of tune it out and forget about it, I just assume we will be late because of him, and we are. But you have to choose your battles and this is one I will always lose because the more frustrated I get with him, the more he dawdles, I guess that is passive aggressive, but the point is, we all deal with that-it comes with the territory,

I get frustrated like you because I have a slow child and a fast child- I don't know any answers other than they will "get" it one of these days, just keep on doing what you are doing, you are a wonderful mother, you care, you talk with them, and about the blind leading the blind-I know how can you see ahead when you are trying to get through the moment? I don't know-But just pick one thing to work on, the thing that bothers you the most, some moms have their kids bring every book home every night, whether they need it or not, and then go through the homework that way-my daughter did the exact same thing, I always found out the day after the money had to be there or whatever-but we went to a small school, so they were understanding.

Can you find a friend who can help you -say you pick the one thing and the friend can keep you accountable for the thing-see progress in one area and go from there, I hope this helps you in some small way, I am right there with you>>>Lori

Thank you guys so much for your kind support. I was half afraid to come back for fear that I'd be flamed for saying such unkind things about my child. That's the thing, nobody quite understands what it is like to have a traffic darter unless they have one. And nobody understands the difficulty of being a traffic darter charged with the care of another traffic darter, unless they have been there. And I don't know of anyone else that can understand how the minutes pass differently for us ADDers and how I'm discouraged by the tedium of motherhood sometimes.

I often wonder at fate- pairing the two of us together like this. I have a hair-trigger temper and my kid would try the patience of a saint. I have to think there's a plan for this, and a reason...

I know, I should go back to my FlyLady :) and be a grown up, I just wish things didn't have to be so hard all the time! Thank you guys so much for your kind understanding!

Hey, thanks for sharing your rant -- I really needed that! Hope you won't be offended that it gave me a good chuckle. You practically described my family to a t, but it is of course much more entertaining when it is someone else's family. But boy can I relate.
Most of the time, I feel pretty ok with my ADD. I lurk here, I manage ok but sometimes like tonight I'm so sad and overwhelmed and inadequate that I just need to rant. It is a nice bit of whine with dinner and I don't expect anyone to read it but I have to get it out before I explode in a torrent of self-pity and whinge. My poor kid has ADD, too. She's 7. She's worse than I am. She gets lost on the way to putting her shoes on to go out the front door, and then I flip out because I'm late. Late for what? Who knows? I'm just late. I'm always late. Well, small critter is worse. We even got her a t-shirt as a family 'in' joke that says "huh, what?" because- well that's what she says. My girl is the human equivalent of being stuck behind some slow guy in the fast lane.

Well- mama bear over here can't stand to see my kid with that 'deer caught in headlights' look I had as a kid and I'm moving heaven and earth trying to get her evaluated and assessed for dyslexia and placed in a classroom that works for her. Because she's 7 years old and going to be in the second grade and she can't tell the difference between the addition and subtraction signs and can't add 1 to anything. What can I say? She's a quirky learner but a cool kid and she doesn't deserve this constant disappointment. And- although I don't exactly sound like June Cleaver, I just adore her and I've been nuts for her since the moment she was born.Well, I'm ADHD and have a 7 year old who's suppose to be going into second grade next year who is worse than I am. She is also dyslexic (got that from her dad)

And I'm in the information gathering stage of what I have to do to help her and I'm just bewildered. The way to help is a structured environment. Color coding crap and schedules and picking out clothes the night before whatever. How the heck am I supposed to do that for her when in 30 years I haven't learned how to do that for myself? We have like 5 of her report cards sitting around the house because I never could manage to both sign the darned things and return them. If I can't pay the light bill on time, how am I supposed to remember to return the field trip permission slip (that's if SHE remembers to bring it home!) I'm supposed to speak quietly and slowly and not get mad and impatient and repeat things over and over and over and over until she gets them. Yeah right. I know I should home school her, but I can't. I'd kill her. I'd go nuts. Because as she said tonight- "Mom, your ADD clicks fast, and mine clicks slower" and she's right.Well, maybe not. The reason I said my daughter was suppose to be going into second is because I'm not sure I'll have her ready for second, because brilliant me decided to homeschool her. I'm a teacher after all, it should be easy right. Wrong -- nobody standing over me to make sure I actually teach her or stick to a schedule or whatever. She got HER ADD from her Father. Who is no help and a nice big cup of making stuff worse. Good man, good intentions, he doesn't drink the rent money and the babysitter is safe from his clumsy embrace but Good Lord, I didn't know it was possible to be more clueless than me! No help from that quarter. He figures yelling at her will make her do/think/move/be faster, then he gets frustrated and goes back to playing on the computer.

Why didn't someone tell me this crap before I made kids? Be careful who you mingle your genes with, you might just make someone non-functional. She can't pass a spelling test, but Mother of the Year over here has her spelling out cuss words in the air. Then I have to be terrified when she's around other kids that she'll slip and blurt something out that'll get us kicked out of Sunday School. Because I'm an overgrown kid. Who gets bored and silly and teaches my kids goofy inappropriate things. Because I can't be a 'normal' mother. Ok. So we have fun sometimes. I think that if make them laugh hard enough it'll make up for all the times I lost my temper and yell. But sometimes I'm even appalled at the stuff I do and I don't even know why I do it, other than I'm bored and can't behave properly. How am I supposed to help her? She deserves better than me. I deserve a fricking break from her. Ok, I'll say it. I don't deserve a kid like her. How are we supposed to make this work? We're the blind leading the blind. We're dumb and Dumber. (or if you count my husband, dumb and dumber and dumberer) As a family team we're below par. Like I said, my husband definately has dyslexia and a good bet is that he has ADD too or something that looks so much like it the difference doesn't matter. We're a disaster -- always losing keys, bills, late to everything -- life is just one disaster barely averted after another!

Hey, and I haven't even gotten to my two year old. I can tell already she's a chip off the old block and her ADD is going to click fast like mine. Because she snuck out and spray painted the cat. And she draws on the walls as soon as I'm out of eyesight. And she was talking-quickly and imperatively- from the womb. I guess she'll be a rant for another day.Well, my youngest is 3 and painted herself in chocolate with a basting brush the other day, shortly after hooking the cockerspaniel up to the baby carriage and yelling, "Gidde Up, Reindeer!" We've had two calls to poison control and more funny stories than I have time to relate.


So, I guess I'm done. I'll have to go to bed, because I know my critters will have me up at the crack of dawn and I'll assume my soccer mom mantle and go on being the Scout leader and room mom and dropper of all juggled balls and pretend like I'm not a complete fraud. But maybe it'll be a little better because at least you guys know I am and I could be honest for once.

If you got through this book, God bless you. If not, no worries, I'm a too long/didn't read person myself, so no hard feelings. I feel better already...Anyway, I feel better too! We'll all make it! I was adopted and had non ADD parents. That's not a perfect solution either. They couldn't begin to understand me or teach me how to deal with my ADD, although they loved me to pieces. You at least have understanding and empathy in spades. Good luck!

Scattered

oops! double post!

uh huh

I'm with you here. All of you. (gotta love this place):eyebrow:

My family is inattentive. All of us. Trying to have a conversation around here is a bit... challenging? I click fast (I like that term!) as does our son. Hubby clicks slow so I tend to verbally run over him all the time (oops):( .

When son and I argue? Not a good scene! We do get through it and out the other side though because we are both as tenacious as h*!!. Hubby tends to leave rather than argue, so the issue gets left hanging, which frustrates me and son... So, life goes around and around and around... :faint:

And I think... shouldn't there be something more? And then I think, if any of us was a Neuro-Average, we'd all be TOTALLY miserable!!! (grin) There is something to be said for forgetting the bad stuff and moving forward. The best place for an ADD person is in an ADD family.:D

Best wishes & keep your chin up.

me too, on the homeschooling thing, I am a teacher, or was -too, so I thought I should be able to do it, but no way-I need goals, I had none because I didn't know how to set them-I needed them to do chores, but it would take them all day to start, so I just did them, I always tried to avoid conflict, and ended up making it worse on all of us, end result-nothing accomplished, a few lines written on paper-for the whole year, that is all!! I was way too frustrated to do anything good for anybody-

But I think boundaries are good and healthy for us, especially us, if I may say so, it puts a ceiling on how far we can go-before we need help-or even to identify and clarify what our problems are, I am so foggy sometimes, I can't see why I am so miserable, I have no name for it, or no reason for it. this is how I am and I know how my children are-my husband can't see it though, easy for him, he says, "jump" and they jump-and I am left standing there, saying, "How does that work" It doesn't work for me cause I put my emotions into everything.

WE have also had two calls to the poison center, one recently my teen daughter thought she overdosed on Tylenol-she had 4-but no way an add parent can parent add children effectively-they need an objective person to come in and stop the chaos, I must thrive on it or something,

anyway, you are not alone,
Plugging along,
LORI

"Why didn't someone tell me this crap before I made kids? Be careful who you mingle your genes with, you might just make someone non-functional. "

Amen to that! I am ADD with on again off again Depression. Daddy is a narcissist with severe RAD. He is also EXTREMELY controlling, which does not mix well with my ADD. My poor son has got to be confused. I pray every day and read all I can on our various disorders.

Working in child protective services for many years, I do know how to screw up a kid. Now I am trying to figure out how NOT to screw one up with all these factors working against me. If I manage to raise a reasonably happy child with a reasonably positive outlook on life, I WIll be writing a book. Wish me luck!:confused:

The best place for an ADD person is in an ADD family.:D
Bless you for saying that whiteraven. That's the part I beat myself up with most- wishing for my kids sake only that I could be normal. You know, it never bothers me any other time- but sometimes all I can see is the board games I can't sit through and soccer practices where I count the seconds until I can leave while pretending to watch my kid. It is awful to say, I think I like my kids better when they're being awful because breaks the tedium.

Well, I did something about it today- I applied for a job. I think I've hit the end of my SAHM usefulness, because I've hit a wall and I think I can say that my kids might even be a bit better off with something different- especially the little one. She needs a group of kids to run into the ground, her sister and I just aren't enough. Still, for the first time in my life, I think I'm ready to say that what *I* want is important and my babies will be ok even if I do something with my own happiness in mind. Keep your fingers crossed for me- I hope to have my first "grown-up" real job, complete with office and independent projects and things to keep this perpetual motion mind of mine occupied...

ooh I am curious, what is the job you applied for? Good for you recognizing the need to move on-I wish you the best of luck from the bottom of my heart. L

aslld5,

You are definitely in the right forum. You probably feel like you are the only one in the whole entire world who is in such a disfunctional add/adhd family. Well, we're here to tell you that you are definitely not alone. I could have written your post myself.

I am 43 and adhd. Just got medicated with Adderall in March. It's been great.

My husband of 15 years is add and 45. He has self medicated with alcohol and pot forever. He finally started Adderall in June. What a difference!

My 12 year old son is adhd, ocd, has mood disorder and learning disabled. He has been medicated since the age of 3. Kicked out of every preschool and daycare around. I can't believe he is 12. It has been a long tough road. I also can't believe our marriage has lasted due to his behavior. I only wish my husband and I would have gotten medicated way back when. It would not have been as hard as it was.

My 14 year old daughter is adhd but not yet medicated. She has tons of friends, makes all A's, is fun and creative, but she is very moody, runs hot and cold, and a clone to me.

The last 9 years have been a blur. I thought that I couldn't remember it all because it was so rough but I have learned through this forum that my lack of memory is normal for an adhder.

I have learned sooooooooooo much from this forum and have shared alot that I hope will help others.

I have said this before and I will say it again because I really believe it:

My mom constantly tells me that my son was given to me for a reason. I call my son "My ticket to heaven". Each year he gets older, I get one step closer to heaven. I am guaranteed a spot in heaven at this point, no matter what I do going forward. I KNOW THIS.

The first question I am going to ask is "By the way God, what was the reason that he was given to me?" And when God points to the right toward all the adhd kids that weren't properly diagnosed, that weren't properly medicated, that didn't have good loving parents to advocate for them, that ended up killing themselves or having gone to jail, then I will know "why he was given to me".

This is what gets me through each and every struggling day.

Hang in there. If I could do it, you can too! Especially being the adhder that you are!