Originally posted by Keppig
I'm curious... Do any other ADDers feel they know what other people are feeling? Like almost empethy?

Too much so,for me !

Ditto for me....just as Paula said:)

And incidentlaly empathy is a wonderful trait....not all people have....glad you brought that up Kassie:)

I am very empathic as well. It has served me well but also got me into trouble... I have to remove people from my life who are trying to live impossible lives, or I find their problems take over my mind and I feel depressed and hopeless...

Originally posted by Keppig
Do any other ADDers feel they know what other people are feeling? Like almost empethy? ABSOLUTELY! I'm often amazed at how easily some people stomp on other's feelings without thinking or caring.

Paul: Not sure being involved with people who live impossible lives and eventually their problems taking over your mind is what empathy is about....

I mean one thing empathy is NOT is giving away our power.....It involves being true to ourselves (retaining "self") while at the same time having a genuine ability to really be there and present for another human being physically and emotionally and step into their shoes momentarily and get a real sense of what they're feeling........especially when that person is hurting....

and letting go when we feel our own personal sense of space being overstepped, I guess you might say.....

I think in my own experience that empathy is mainly about listening, totally listening without judgement.....and the other person KNOWS absolutley that you have heard them....and understand.....

and I agree Tiggwin....SO many people will just listen to someone and stomp on that person's feelings....without caring....I think, chances are, they never really listened....

How did we get on this subject?:D

I don't think what you are describing is how I would define empathy, Joan. I think you are describing good listening skills instead.

Anyways here's what www.dictionary.com has to say about it:

em·pa·thy (n.)

1. Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives. See Synonyms at pity.
2. The attribution of one's own feelings to an object.

I had always assumed having empathy was the ability to put yourself in someone else's mental space and see and feel things from their point of view. So what I was describing above was, some people have lives that are too stressful, and I have trouble shutting that capacity off... so if I remain around that person, my own life becomes too stressful along with theirs.

I'm glad to hear it's not a problem for you. :D

I broke this thread out of the good/bad jobs for ADDers in the Career section. Thought this forum would be better suited for the Empathy Question... Enjoy.

Hehehe, great minds think alike, and fools seldom differ! :D :D :D

Originally posted by Paul S
I am very empathic as well. It has served me well but also got me into trouble... I have to remove people from my life who are trying to live impossible lives, or I find their problems take over my mind and I feel depressed and hopeless...

Ditto, Paul. I've had to distance myself and erect boundaries between me and people who are, for whatever reason(s), just tooo much for me. I've often wondered if this behavior means I have a "being in denial" problem....

Originally posted by smooch


Ditto, Paul. I've had to distance myself and erect boundaries between me and people who are, for whatever reason(s), just tooo much for me. I've often wondered if this behavior means I have a "being in denial" problem....


No, no I don't think so Smooch....I think just the opposite.....I think you are so NOT in denial....

That's what setting boudaries is all about....in my opinion....taking care of ourselves just as you say when people are way too much to handle...

I find that I have huge amounts of empathy when it comes to animals - not as much when it comes to people. Maybe it is because I see people as being more in control of their own destiny - where as many animals are dependant on us.

I am a big animal person. I used to have ferrets (surprise, the name ferrette1976). If any of you have ever had ferrets, you'll know that they are very prone to cancer. I've spent numerous evenings in the Animal Emergency Center. I felt myself overwhelmed with how they must be feeling - in a strange place, people sticking needles in you, you hurt and don't know why. There is no way for a person to communicate to an animal what is being done to them and why. I'd cry for days feeling guilty that I couldn't make it better.

Finally after watching each of my 4 ferrets die, I couldn't take it anymore. It was just too painful for me to watch. I moved on to greyhounds. Luckily they are both healthy. It's a good thing because I do not know how I'd react to another series of emergency vet visits followed with heartbreak. :(

-Diane

Funny you and smooch should see the denial differently, because I have thought along those lines too... wondering if I am not feeling someone else's problem too strongly, because I have a similar problem of my own I am not admitting?

In the end I haven't found a lot to suggest that, but I keep trying to check myself. I think honesty with ones self is very important and growth is almost impossible without it.

Originally posted by Paul S
...because I have thought along those lines too... wondering if I am not feeling someone else's problem too strongly, because I have a similar problem of my own I am not admitting?

Yep, that's exactly what I mean.

Originally posted by Paul S
I think honesty with ones self is very important and growth is almost impossible without it.

TOTALLY agree, Paul!

Diane, I had two ferrets and lost them the same way. Its so heartbreaking because they show so much affection for to you. :)

I'm curious, what does empathy feel like in you?

I think to understand empathy its easier if we look at its definition aposed to sympathy. It would appear they are the same, but for the empathetic person not sharing the feelings ie; hurt, joy etc

What is Al Anon?

Ya. at the same time, I miss read people , thinking they are upset with me when they are not, and thinking they are upset with the topic, when its me they don't like at the moment!

Hmmm. To me sympathy is understanding what a person is feeling. Empathy is actually feeling the feeling, as it is for me.
I can feel pain, sadness, etc the person is feeling, when I was younger I wouldn't understand why I would feel sad all of a sudden at a party, there would be no reason why. It was till later that I would recognize this as another person's emotion and I would look around and find the person who was feeling it. Now I know when an emotion isn't mine. Although sometimes I do get confused. (For example at a funeral)

Thanks Joan, What I wrote there hardly makes sense to me today so I'm going back to the dictionary...

Sympathy-
A relationship or an affinity between people or things in which whatever affects one correspondingly affects the other.
Mutual understanding or affection arising from this relationship or affinity.

The act or power of sharing the feelings of another.
A feeling or an expression of pity or sorrow for the distress of another; compassion or commiseration. Often used in the plural. See Synonyms at pity.


Empathy-
Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives. See Synonyms at pity.

The attribution of one's own feelings to an object.



Now as I understand it empathy is identifying or understanding someones personal position, situation,feelings, where they come from etc. Without actually feeling what they are feeling yourself.

I think you can often do this by understanding a situation and how it may effect a persons feelings without actually being told what they are feeling.
I am sure as fellow ADDers most of us here have had people actively listen to us at times yet still fail to understand what we are feeling.

This starting to look to look like a discussion on definitions rather than... So yea I to answer the original, I reckon I do! I just tend to cross the line and sympathise with people a little to often.

Originally posted by Bucky




I think you can often do this by understanding a situation and how it may effect a persons feelings without actually being told what they are feeling.
I am sure as fellow ADDers most of us here have had people actively listen to us at times yet still fail to understand what we are feeling.



Right totally agree....and yet if we turn the tables around -- when WE (ADD'ers) have listened to OTHERS -- they have VERY MUCH felt understood and that we felt what they were feeling....whether they told us or not....not literally felt what they were feeling....(because we can't literally get into some else's shoes)....but ADD'ers can sure come close....:) That's what makes us so much more empathetic compared to others....

I appreciated your definitions Buckey...

Is this supposition of the ability to "feel" someone else's feelings perception, reality, or both?

How could it be tested?

Oh I would say perception......and I don't think we can totally feel someone else's feelings....but I think we can sure come pretty close....

Of course a lot of it has to do with how WELL one describes the feeling, experience they are trying to convey....AND how well the receiving party listens and is tuned in.....

I guess we're pretty good at it as ADD'ers because of our ability to hyperfocus AND we're so sensitive anyway....I mean we have GREAT radar.....:)

empathy, ya know something? I never thought about it before but man oh man am I empathetic. To a fault. I never thought about that word. Hmm, i feel like an idiot. I mean I don't think I ever really knew what the word meant. Now that's what it's called. Heehee, I have a nack for empathy.