My 7-yr-old son will soon be diagnosed to see if he has ADD/ADHD. At the end of the school year, his teachers and counselors had a meeting with me to say they suspected he was ADD. I had been worried about it myself when he was 4-5 (his dad and older half-sister have it), but I actually thought he had been getting better! So this all came as a bit of a shock.

I've been reading up on ways to modify behaviors and I've been trying supplements (the Omegas, Zinc, etc.) and some changes in diet while I research a professional in our area (Seattle). I've been doing all of this under the guise of "it'll make your more healthy" or "this makes your brain grow" etc. He's already struggling with reading and is being tutored for it, which bothers him immensely ... he's really sensitive and his struggles with reading are an embarrassment and annoyance for him. I don't want to crush his ego even more.

Once, I mentioned that something would help him "focus more" and he broke down in tears. So I'm wondering at what time introducing the label of ADD/ADHD is right (assuming that he does indeed have it). I could see it going two ways -- 1) He's devastated that he has a condition that makes him different and may require meds. 2) He uses it as a cop out and excuse for his performance/behavior. Or is the label ever right?

My step-daughter was 12 when she was diagnosed, so it was easier to talk to her about it. And after going through this once before (she's 21 now), my perspectives have changed a bit. She was EXTREME ADHD and is still struggling as a young adult. Medication was a necessity for her. My son, I don't think he's nearly as severe. I'd like to take the less-aggressive route with him. I'm really hoping a change in structure/parenting, diet/supplements and kung fu (which he started last month and loves) can reign him in enough that he can do better in school. Boys will be boys, right? haha

OK, I know I'm rambling and going through a bunch of subjects, but I just thought of something else to ask. In kung fu, when he first started, he was absolutely attentive to the teacher, didn't speak out of turn, didn't fidget -- nothing. I was so impressed with his attention and focus. Now, about 3 weeks later, I notice that he's talking a little and when it's not his turn, fiddling with a punching bag or whatever. Do people with ADD/ADHD have the ability to focus in a new situation, but not in a familiar one? I know all too well the ability to focus on something that they're interested in, but not on something they don't want to do ... just talk to me about my husband running errands or my step-daughter and her school work!!

Thanks!

I've been reading up on ways to modify behaviors and I've been trying supplements (the Omegas, Zinc, etc.) and some changes in diet while I research a professional in our area (Seattle). I've been doing all of this under the guise of "it'll make your more healthy" or "this makes your brain grow" etc. He's already struggling with reading and is being tutored for it, which bothers him immensely ... he's really sensitive and his struggles with reading are an embarrassment and annoyance for him. I don't want to crush his ego even more.

My 12 year old smarty pants son taught me a new trick that has worked well for him and his sister (who was behind in her reading levels). I have a rule that in order to get 15 minutes of tv time you must read 30 minutes. My son is a big cheater and found a way around it and I can't take it back. He turns the tv onto cartoons and lowers the volume and hits closed circuit (or whatever its called) and reads along with the story. I don't know whether to be mad or pat him on the back :rolleyes:

Once, I mentioned that something would help him "focus more" and he broke down in tears. So I'm wondering at what time introducing the label of ADD/ADHD is right (assuming that he does indeed have it). I could see it going two ways --

1) He's devastated that he has a condition that makes him different and may require meds.

Meds are not forever, my son started on meds but has gone natural using BMP's, diet, therapy, coaching, excercise, etc. The rest of my family has never tried meds.


2) He uses it as a cop out and excuse for his performance/behavior. Or is the label ever right?

Your son needs to be taught he has ADD. ADD does not have him. He is responsible for his actions and reactions good or bad and he is the only one to be held accountable for them. Its a hard lesson to teach any kid.

My step-daughter was 12 when she was diagnosed, so it was easier to talk to her about it. And after going through this once before (she's 21 now), my perspectives have changed a bit. She was EXTREME ADHD and is still struggling as a young adult. Medication was a necessity for her. My son, I don't think he's nearly as severe. I'd like to take the less-aggressive route with him. I'm really hoping a change in structure/parenting, diet/supplements and kung fu (which he started last month and loves) can reign him in enough that he can do better in school. Boys will be boys, right? haha

OK, I know I'm rambling and going through a bunch of subjects, but I just thought of something else to ask. In kung fu, when he first started, he was absolutely attentive to the teacher, didn't speak out of turn, didn't fidget -- nothing. I was so impressed with his attention and focus. Now, about 3 weeks later, I notice that he's talking a little and when it's not his turn, fiddling with a punching bag or whatever. Do people with ADD/ADHD have the ability to focus in a new situation, but not in a familiar one? I know all too well the ability to focus on something that they're interested in, but not on something they don't want to do ... just talk to me about my husband running errands or my step-daughter and her school work!!

We all have the ability to focus if something is of interest to us. With both my kids their TaeKwonDo instructor started dismissing them from class denying them the chance to spar when they became disruptive, its happened only twice in a 3 year span.

Thanks!

I'm an ADHD'er also the mother of an ADHD'er and ADD'er. Even having first hand experiance and knowledge of what its like to be ADD there are still those days. :faint:

When it was time to inform our kids of their dx and tx options which we try to keep them interested in their own therapies as much as humanly possible we did so in the comfort of a Pdocs office. She was able to answer all questions and reassure the children and us that they will still achieve their dreams, they are not retarded and they will live full and healthy lives with a lot of hard work. We cheated :p

Anyways, one day~one struggle at a time and you'll survive in much better condition.

I could see it going two ways -- 1) He's devastated that he has a condition that makes him different and may require meds. 2) He uses it as a cop out and excuse for his performance/behavior.
As parents, it is often a struggle to remain impartial while helping our children become independant, but secure human beings. You will find lots of information about ADHD in these forums. You will also discover generous people willing to share their experience. Welcome.

Chitchat,

Hi! Mom of a newly diagnosed ADHDer here. Now that we've seen most of her ADHD behaviors recede or go away altogether thanks to Strattera, I've realized that overreacting to things/being overly sensitive is definitely related to her ADHD. It was always an issue at home and it became an issue at school this year and in her friendships. She's 10 and just finished 4th grade.

By the time my daughter was diagnosed, her life had gone to hell in a handbasket, so once she got used to the idea, she was happy to find that there was a reason that was largely beyond her control. She was also encouraged by the idea that medicine might help her. Although it's still early, we've been very fortunate that she's responded extremely well to the Strattera. Her doctor started her at a low dose for a week and then is upping it very gradually a week at a time. The side effects have been negligible. The improvement in her behavior was subtle at first but gradually it's become obvious even to her that things are much better.

After her diagnosis, I talked to her psychologist about behavior therapy. He suggested getting the medicine sorted out first and then worry about the therapy. Because her ADHD is only mild to moderate, he felt there was a good possibility that most of her symptoms would go away with the proper medication. It appears (if things keep going well) that he'll be right.

Bottom line, as my daughter got older and as her ADHD had more and more of a negative impact on her life, the problems caused by her ADHD had much more of an effect on her self-esteem than the official diagnosis ever could.

Good luck with your son!

Is your son bullied at school due to his learning difficulties? My son became belligerent, defiant, difficult and angry over his dx after a bully at the school found out and he started getting more and more withdrawn. We had to be told by our daughter that he was being bullied as he was too ashamed to discuss it with us.

One other thought. Do you and your husband fight often about poor choices due to ADD? Its not a judgement on you but my brother and his wife were constantly fighting about ADD related issues because my brother wouldn't even try to change his behaviours or seek medical attention. When Devan was dx'd with ADHD he immediatly turned to his mom and asked her if she would still love or would she hate him like she hated daddy. Kids often view what is said in the heat of the moment as a real feeling and don't understand that underneath it all is a very deep love.

Those are all good points/insights. Thanks! And once I find a professional, I will discuss with her/him ways to approach my son. As of now, he doesn't even know what ADD is. I doubt he's even heard the term. My husband isn't treated or medicated for it and we generally don't fight about it. We have disagreements over hubby's level of effort/involvement with things I'm trying to initiate/maintain with the kids (most likely because of his ADD!), but ADD is never mentioned.

One thing that makes me a little nervous is that there is a boy in my son's classroom who at the very least has extreme ADHD. I'm not a professional, but this kid can't sit still for 5 seconds, he speaks out/screams at inappropriate times, acts out aggressively towards other kids, etc. He's got plenty of issues. But my point is that my son is VERY AWARE of this boy and his problems. This boy is disliked by most of his peers because of his behavio. I'm going to have to make it very clear to my son that he's not in the same category.

And there's also no bullying going on at school. Fortunately, he goes to an alternative school that is very warm and fuzzy and has zero tolerance for any kind of bullying or disrespect. He's also an incredibly outgoing and well-liked kid with lots of friends. Whereas my step-daughter never had friends. She would burn through them in about a month. She's spent most of her life as a loner, much to my sadness. No amount of therapy or medication helped her with it. I'm not against meds -- with her we tried everything from ritalin to concerta to adderal to prozac. But she's a whole 'nother story!

I think a lot of what's going on with me is that I have an incredible sadness and feeling of failure with my step-daughter. She barely made it out of high school, has wandered through a string of fast food jobs, has become grossly overweight and is just an all-around sad person. She's 21 and should be having the best years of her life. I want my son to have a better life, and I think that means that my husband and I have to look at the ways that we failed with dealing with our daughter. At the time, I thought we were doing the best we could, but in hindsight I think we were exhausted a lot of times and weren't as diligent as we should've been. And I'm sure outlooks and treatments have changed. So we're reading, reading ....

One thing that makes me a little nervous is that there is a boy in my son's classroom who at the very least has extreme ADHD. As you are aware, confidentiality should be mandatory at schools. Perhaps this student has other diagnoses that you are not aware of. Believe it or not, some people prefer to tell people about an ADHD diagnosis and neglect to mention more serious comorbid conditions. :D

I think a lot of what's going on with me is that I have an incredible sadness and feeling of failure with my step-daughter. You did what you knew, then. A lot more is known, now, about ADHD and now you have a second opportunity to be the kind of parent you would like to be.

I completly agree with the ODD one there. I dropped my first child, left my second child sleeping peacefully in the high chair. Mistakes I've never repeated with our oops baby. You live and you learn something everyday. Have a little confidance Ma