Andi
07-28-05, 11:33 AM
by Kimberly Bailey
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me.
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me!
STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES,
BUT WORDS WILL NEVER HURT ME!!
HA!
I've chanted this mantra since I was a child,
but the long and short of it is ...
Sticks and stones can break my bones,
but words can scar forever!
Yep! Yep! Yep!! Words wound, fester and scar. We've all had those completely thoughtless things said which we can quote verbatim five, ten and even thirty years down the road, and I know I've acquired a few more through comments made about and to my ex-husband and myself since his diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder.
The interesting twist of this is that most of these people never intend to hurt us. They really think they are being helpful in some way or another, but we are wounded nonetheless.
The following is the short list of some of the things said to me or my hubby and which I later found were common to those who suffer with this and other ailments. I decided to address this so we can each be better equipped to respond to the thoughtless comments and to illustrate the need for each of us to better think through our word choices.
What was said: It's all in your head.
What was perceived: You are either completely deluded or making an excuse for poor behavior in order to get my sympathy. I don't believe in that psychiatric mumbo jumbo.
The Fallacy: Mental health problems are the result of a character flaw or weak personality.
The Facts:
- The National Depressive Manic-Depressive Association (NDMDA) states, "they [affective disorders such as Manic-Depression] are not character weaknesses ... the presence of depressive or manic depressive illness indicates an imbalance in the brain chemicals called neurotransmitters."
- Barry Campbell offers the same information in his Bipolar Disorders FAQs, "Mood disorders are biochemical in nature, just like diabetes, and are just as treatable."
What was said: We all go through times like this.
What was perceived: You are overreacting. Stop making mountains out of molehills. You can't handle life as well as I can.
The Fallacy: Everyone has the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder.
The Facts:
- The Expert Consensus Panel addresses this head-on, "Everyone has ups and downs in mood - happiness, sadness, and anger are normal emotions and an essential part of everyday life. In contrast, bipolar disorder is a medical condition in which people have mood swings out of proportion, or totally unrelated, to things going on in their lives."
- The NDMDA, "While we all experience occasional highs and lows, affective disorders are characterized by their extremes in intensity and duration."
What was said: Just shake out of it.
What was perceived: You've created this problem for yourself, so just get over it and move on. I am out of patience with you. Don't bother me with this again.
The Fallacy: Everyone can and should control their emotions.
The Facts:
- The NDMDA challenges this misconception: "You [addressed to those with affective disorder, but can be applied to anyone] can't make yourself feel better by trying to 'snap out of it' or 'lighten up.' "
What was said: He must be demon possessed.
What was perceived: I am righteous. He is not. Everyone who believes in God is perfect and does not struggle in life. He is a sinner and got what he deserved.
The Fallacy: Bipolar Disorder is the result of misconduct.
The Facts:
- The Expert Consensus Panel sheds some light here: "Bipolar disorder is not your fault, nor is it the result of a 'weak' or unstable personality. It is a treatable medical disorder for which there are specific medications that help most people ... There is no single, proven cause of bipolar disorder, but research strongly suggests that it is often an inherited problem related to a lack of stability in the transmission of nerve impulses in the brain. This biochemical problem makes people with bipolar disorder more vulnerable to emotional and physical stresses."
http://bipolar.about.com/library/weekly/aa980308.htm?nl=1
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me.
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me!
STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES,
BUT WORDS WILL NEVER HURT ME!!
HA!
I've chanted this mantra since I was a child,
but the long and short of it is ...
Sticks and stones can break my bones,
but words can scar forever!
Yep! Yep! Yep!! Words wound, fester and scar. We've all had those completely thoughtless things said which we can quote verbatim five, ten and even thirty years down the road, and I know I've acquired a few more through comments made about and to my ex-husband and myself since his diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder.
The interesting twist of this is that most of these people never intend to hurt us. They really think they are being helpful in some way or another, but we are wounded nonetheless.
The following is the short list of some of the things said to me or my hubby and which I later found were common to those who suffer with this and other ailments. I decided to address this so we can each be better equipped to respond to the thoughtless comments and to illustrate the need for each of us to better think through our word choices.
What was said: It's all in your head.
What was perceived: You are either completely deluded or making an excuse for poor behavior in order to get my sympathy. I don't believe in that psychiatric mumbo jumbo.
The Fallacy: Mental health problems are the result of a character flaw or weak personality.
The Facts:
- The National Depressive Manic-Depressive Association (NDMDA) states, "they [affective disorders such as Manic-Depression] are not character weaknesses ... the presence of depressive or manic depressive illness indicates an imbalance in the brain chemicals called neurotransmitters."
- Barry Campbell offers the same information in his Bipolar Disorders FAQs, "Mood disorders are biochemical in nature, just like diabetes, and are just as treatable."
What was said: We all go through times like this.
What was perceived: You are overreacting. Stop making mountains out of molehills. You can't handle life as well as I can.
The Fallacy: Everyone has the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder.
The Facts:
- The Expert Consensus Panel addresses this head-on, "Everyone has ups and downs in mood - happiness, sadness, and anger are normal emotions and an essential part of everyday life. In contrast, bipolar disorder is a medical condition in which people have mood swings out of proportion, or totally unrelated, to things going on in their lives."
- The NDMDA, "While we all experience occasional highs and lows, affective disorders are characterized by their extremes in intensity and duration."
What was said: Just shake out of it.
What was perceived: You've created this problem for yourself, so just get over it and move on. I am out of patience with you. Don't bother me with this again.
The Fallacy: Everyone can and should control their emotions.
The Facts:
- The NDMDA challenges this misconception: "You [addressed to those with affective disorder, but can be applied to anyone] can't make yourself feel better by trying to 'snap out of it' or 'lighten up.' "
What was said: He must be demon possessed.
What was perceived: I am righteous. He is not. Everyone who believes in God is perfect and does not struggle in life. He is a sinner and got what he deserved.
The Fallacy: Bipolar Disorder is the result of misconduct.
The Facts:
- The Expert Consensus Panel sheds some light here: "Bipolar disorder is not your fault, nor is it the result of a 'weak' or unstable personality. It is a treatable medical disorder for which there are specific medications that help most people ... There is no single, proven cause of bipolar disorder, but research strongly suggests that it is often an inherited problem related to a lack of stability in the transmission of nerve impulses in the brain. This biochemical problem makes people with bipolar disorder more vulnerable to emotional and physical stresses."
http://bipolar.about.com/library/weekly/aa980308.htm?nl=1