Hi Everyone!

I am putting the finishing touches on my presentation for CHADD on romance, sexuality and relationships in general - especially concerns for women. I want to make sure that I don't miss anything and include as many concerns and strategies/solutions as possible. Could you all tell me what your biggest problems are in these areas and what, if any solutions/strategies you have found effective? Thanks in advance for any help on this.

Barbara
TheStrategiesCoach

Hello Barbara... I have a lot to say on this subject, and a lot of theories... and I have said a lot of it in this thread here:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1704

Basically, this thread addresses the concern of impulsive behaviour in ADD people causing trouble remaining monogamous with the person you love. Both men and women have posted in this thread, and there are a couple of contrasting viewpoints, but I think it is all stuff that is very important to discuss IMHO... I hope there is something there you can use.

Hello Paul...thanks for the link. I believe I have read those postings and was looking to hear about new thoughts. I know what alot of my clients deal with, but it is such a small pool by comparison to a forum of men and women. Thanks again!

Barbara
TheStrategiesCoach

My biggest problem with relationships is how intense I get. I really put my whole heart into... well... everything. Sometimes this intensity is a big turn off for a friend or date... heck sometimes even my family gets overwelmed. I notice that with ridalin I'm not so, but then my feelings as a whole are diminished.

One of my biggest problems with relationships is getting attracted to the wrong kind of men -- generally unavailable (spoken for or emotionally unavailable) or I get attracted to alcoholics (my dad's one).......or angry or abusive men......

Another problem is I get really needy in relationships....wanting the other person to affirm me all the time....I have such severe abandonment issues I'm always afraid of being "left" even if there is no indication of such....

Of course the possibility of being abandoned grows more as I try to convince a mate not to abandon me.....:(

My "picker" can really be off, obviously.....But I did have one really good one which just ended.....He was totally available in every way....and functionally ADD and very good to me.....I hope I meet someone like him one day to marry....only a man the same religion as me....:)

Oh Joan, you hit apon one of my weaknesses, my sense of being abandoned. I have been engaged four times and married twice, all in all 4 men have left me. I'm alittle afraid of a relationship, it hurts so bad to be dumped.

But you know, all the men who did dump me, well.. they really weren't good people, one drank, two hit, and one didn't want to work ever.

not to be cocky or arrogant...but I feel like my outgoing nature is often interpreted as confidence, and guys find that attractive. I speak my mind, which apparently is attractive according to my friend... When I sense guys checking me out, I immediately feel uneasy and don`t know what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, and he is extremely patient, sweet, caring and nice. (Not to mention cute...and a pro/elite cyclist...!Whoa! How did I do it? I have no idea...)

We had a LOT of issues in the beginning of the relationship, back when I was not diagnosed as ADD. I knew I always wanted to be with him, but he was not sure. Now, I find that I am worried that he will just get fed up with my messiness, my moodiness, and my all-over-the-place nature and leave. But apparently, my spontenaiety is what he thinks is cool about me.

I think what makes things work with us is that we both have similar values and attitudes. We both value honesty and committment. We both ironically and paradoxically have anxiety, so I guess we empathize with each other or something. It seems to end up that we are always leaning on one another for one thing or another, and the other person hold the other up...so we help each other out and it balances out. When I get too anxious or exhausted to do much, he cooks and takes care of me. I do the same for him, when he is getting stressed out, I`m there to cheer him up and to listen. I think the `mothering` I can`t help but fall into actually makes him feel cared for.

My boyfriend is my best friend in the whole world, so much sometimes that I wonder if there should be more passion... and we have to make an effort to be all mushy and romantic. We are both laid back and I`m a `tomboy` so we`re not mushy as a couple most of the time. But on the other hand, this dynamic is what makes us strong...

As for the attraction thing, PM me and I can let you know... I would rather not post it here, out of respect for my boyfriend, no matter how harmless it may seem.

Hi Barbara,

I like to come from far into left field..so bear with me on this probably long post.

***Disclaimer*** No offence is meant in any way, to anyone; it's just another partial view on ADD and relationships***

Relationships in general are a difficult thing to manage. We are quite keen to start them, with little objective matching before we end up in the deep-end; way out of our depth.

When you start a relationship; there is the magic warm n fuzzy that lasts from a week up to 6 months; and then reality sets in.

With typical relationships; a balance gets worked out that allows some people to continue after the fuzzy has gone; and they are what I call enduring relationships.

My experience with ADD is that after the fuzzy has gone; I have less likelihood of being succesful in a relationship as I have my ADD traits which are mostly considered poor for relationships.

Forgettfulness(birthdays are a shocker), Constantly changing focus (if you were interested in me, you would look at me and listen), messyness (if you had some pride you would clean up), poor interest in the boreing activities (can't you even be bothered doing the dishes).

These extra challenges stem largely from a society where nowdays; there is such a large 50/50 committment expectation in relationships. You have to "pull your own weight"; do you "fair share" etc.

Well, with my ADD, I'm not likely to "pull my weight" or do my "fair share". It's not because I don't want to..it's because I am UNABLE to. It's not like I go off and party; or get interested in other activities; it's just that I just don't have the ability to get motivated with mundane and boring activities.

With meds; some people can get some concentration and get some of these thimgs done; but by and large; we ADD people tend to be luckiest when we find partners who listen to who we are; understand what we can and cant do...and work together as a team to get the best balance possible.

The 50/50 partners we always feel expect too much from us in ways we cannot deliver. does that mean we love less. Nope. Does that mean we wish to do contribute less. Nope. It just means that a different balance needs to be made with us.

So what is the right type for us ADD?? No magic answer. The best I've come up with is someone who understands give and take...someone who knows that where I may only give 10% here; that I will give 90% somewhere else. Someone who doesn't get caught up in the stereotypical expectation of what each partner should contribute; but rather; they work out together; based on their collective strengths and weaknesses; a balance that they can both be comfortable with.

I can never justify the disgraceful actions of some people in the way th treat their ADD partners; but I can understand how frustrating, some ADD symptoms can be on people and that it can be very too difficult for many people to deal with. Unfortunately; when it gets too difficult, bad things happen.

For me; I have 4 choices

1/ I can find a way to get close to the 50% level (not likely)
2/ Find someone who can deal with variable contribution (desirable, but less likely)
3/ Find someone with ADD so that together; by both knowing the strengths and weaknesses' we can work something out (more likely, but need to tread carefully as teice as much mess could be really scary)
4/ Give up(life's too short to give up!!)

I decided I would learn more about me and what my contributions are likely to be and not be. By knowing and understanding my weakness's; i can also best learn how to use my strengths.

By knowing I have ADD; I can undersand much more about the weaknesses that won't change; but the strengths that I can use more of. I no longer wonder why; but am actively investigating the what and the how of managing with what I have.

Hopefully; one day; someone will look to see what I have to offer; what areas I'm not good at, and decide that thats an OK combination. I know it will happen; but I'm not ready to rush into anything till I fully know just who and what I am. It would be like false advertising!!

There's my 2 cents on this issue.

Sleepz

Wow sleepz, don't forget that the 2 cents is in USD so make that 1 cent AUD!

I find the intimacy thing hard coz I can't sustain that level of intensity without getting distracted.

Sleepz that is a VERY insightful post and is making me slightly adjust some of my ideas about my own relationship... thank you...

Thanks for that post, Sleepz...Definitely givesme something to think about.

Sleepz great post, agree with the others....and why I can't give my entire 50%? Because I'm too damn a high maintenance person....so choice number 1 would not work for me either....I too would never achieve my 50%

My last relationship knew of my high maintence tendencies....and so we did okay....

He was ADD too....but far less maintenance than me.....so choice 3 above did work for us....yes we did have a lot of "mess"....but we seemed to take the "mess" and laugh alot and be crazy...DARN I miss him:( :(

Joan,

I heard he has a twin out there. One day you will meet him and get another go.

And I'm glad others found this of benefit. I sometimes wonder with my mini book length posts.

Sleepz

Sleepz: Thanks for the encouraging words....Hopefully his "twin" happens to be my religion.....otherwise he can basically stay the same....:)

Mini book length posts: see thread "LONG POSTS"....as it makes "mini book length" posts totally cool.....:)

Your last paragraph there...."Hopefully one day...........false advertising" probably would be great words in a book on relationships....I'm sure there would be a lot less divorces in the world if more people heeded those words.....:)

I have a question for you all. I find myself in a very wierd state of mind. I really would like to have a relationship again but I find myself putting walls in front of potential ones and longing for ones that would be an impossible relationship. What the heck am I doing?? :(

Also do any of you, hyperactive women, have problems keeping a man interested when faced with your open, impulsive self?
I find myself overwelming the opposite sex. I really need a hyperactive man don't I?

Well, maybe attraction to impossible relationships...and walls in front of potential ones signifies perhaps there is fear?? on your part? lots and lots of fear....

If so, what's the fear? fear of getting close? (perhaps?)....fear of someone REALLY getting to know you....fear if someone got to know you, would he like you? would he leave you?...So....the impossible ones are "safe"....as they never really get a chance to see who you really are....and there is never a chance of getting hurt....

OR the fear that you won't really care for him...that the expectation you may have for him won't be met....

I SOOOO relate to longing for the impossible ones, i.e. the ones I can't have...ouch those ones hurt soooo bad....but I think wanting what we can't have is part of the human condition....

It may be about making a decision to actually want -- and go after that which we CAN have...that which IS indeed available....

and leave the others alone...

Kassie: I'm not sure hyperactive....I think a guy needs to like/love you exactly for the way you are....I mean I think opposites can attract....If you are hyper, you probably might not want someone who is also hyper....If your personality is not cutting it with someone, I don't believe that's about YOU...it's about HIM....

and so move on...he may be overwhelmed with your style because he's overwhelmed with your style....perhaps he's threatened, who knows?....doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong....or that a particular type of man is the answer....

the right man is the one who is nice to you consistently....nice to you and kind to you consistenly...no matter what your demeanor....and accepts you no matter what your demeanor...and likes your demeanor....and sees way past it....and inside your mind and soul....

Joan, I think you said it very well. Nice and kind sounds like an excellent mix.

Being the relationship guru expert that I am(cough cough), all I can say is be patient and get to know what it is that you really want, so that when Mr Right comes along, you will know it and feel it.

Someone who just fits like a glove; is as warm as a rug; is as kind as a smile and is as gentle to you as you are to them.

Kassie, I wish you all the best in your endeavour, and I think the right man will understand who you are and what you are; and will love you for all that and much much more.

Sleepz

Sigh, at being my age, all the men who are my age want someone 10 years younger. I have had men hit on me but they are usually much older than me, in their late 40s.
Am I being unrealistic to want someone my age? or is this just another mental wall I'm putting up?
I admit I'm alittle afraid, I have met men who I first met talking on the phone (friend told him about me) or email from a chat group. They take one look at me and run. "You are definitly someone I want to be friends with but as for romance I'm not interested..."
Though I like the honest, I wonder if I am visually not a person someone wants a relationship with.
Or is this yet another mental wall?

Ps Thank you Joan for your thought, I always read your post for you bring so much of what I'm thinking to light. :)
Pss Thank you Sleepz- you are wonderful for your well wishes :)

I think you're attractive, Keppig.

Of course, I'm married.... sigh... hehehe

Thank you, Paul! :D

Kassie: I think it's sort of a trial and error thing....If this one doesn't connect with you, move on...and try the next and the next and the next....Perhaps not get "stuck" on the one that isn't interested in you....just keep moving on to the next....With each one that doesn't work out -- you get closer to the one that does work out, the one that IS interested.....but just keep trying.....keep chatting, stay on the phone, keep e-mailing:)

No it is not unrealistic to want someone your age....some men like thier own age range....how about a 'range"...say 39-45....Would that work?

Incidentally your pretty new picture may only be doing a little bit of good here....is it on safe dating websites as well? I'm actually on a dating website according to my religion and it feels very safe for me....why not try that?

P.S. Kassie: I also wanted to say that I know when it's your time it WILL happen for you....I mean why NOT???? You're pretty, smart, interesting, have lots to offer, etc. It may be about being in the right place at the right time.....

Kassie-

Here is one thing to keep in mind - some people might be envious of your single hood. I think you should enjoy it! Is it possible that you are having a case of "the grass is greener"?

Of course, I speak from the other side of the fence. I have always been in a relationship if some kind since I was 15. For the past 12 years of my life I may have spent 1-2 months unattached. Sometimes I wish I hadn't been so quick to jump into things. While some of my girlfriends were moving into their own apartments, I was living with my fiancé. I never got to experience that kind of life, and as a result I am still struggling to find out who I am.

I envy the self-sufficiency of single women. And that's not to say that I am ready for a divorce, but I really do feel like I missed out on something. :(

Additionally, relationships come with their own problems. Sure the first 6 months are great, but then you come down from your "love high" and realize - boy, I really have to work at this! And it's even harder for the married ADDer I think.

Just giving my 2 cents!

I really do envy you Kassie- keep smiling! ;)

-Diane

There are certainly days when I wish I was still single... hehehe

Paul,

I couldn't agree more!!! lol

No, no, no, no......gentlemen, please take those thoughts with a grain of salt.....the grass is definitely greener on the married/hitched side of the fence.....no matter what.....you hitched people will ALWAYS have a "date"....it's a given....

Dating in the mainstream is the pits....and the older we get, the pitsier it gets....I'm with Kassie on this one....

I have been married twice and single for a while twice... I'm sorry but being married is much better, especially if you are a touchy feely person or one that like to share things with others.
Or a nurturer like myself. Just my two cents.

There is good bad and ugly to being married.

Yes, you always have a date.

Dates just aren't exciting anymore though.

There is good bad and ugly to being single too.

Yes, you are free to date whoever you chose
But being rejected too many times isn't exciting...

Wanna trade just for the odd weekend, Keppig? :D :D :D

The solution is simple: a double date:

Paul and his wife

PLUS

a male friend of Paul's and his wife with whom they fix Kassie up (certainly Paul you and your wife must have SOMEONE for Kassie)

for a night out on the town of dinner and dancing

Would you like me to make the reservation????

Great: reservation made....

(Kassie now goes and buys herself a new dress.....)

and the four of you have a fabulous time....

Kassie's in Love.....

The End

Hmmm... surrogate dating excitement...what a concept... :D

:D :D :D

Canada sounds like a nice place....

It is. We have a lot of advantages over you. You just can't bring your gun when visiting, and it's getting to the days where your double date needs to be indoors, as it's colder and colder outside...

Well it looks like the marrieds and the singles both have a case of "the grass is greener".

*sigh*

Will we ever just be satisfied with what we have? :D

As ADDers, I highly doubt it. :D :D :D

You're right - I was thinking the same thing :D

Just for me, I have been on both sides and I think that the married side was better. But as I said that's just me.
I'm not the "grass is greener on the other side of a fence" person.
I have to experience things to make a decision. It was the only good thing I do according to my cousilor ;)

Okay Kassie, I believe you! ;)

Just wondering though, what's wrong with older men? Personally, I find older men quite attractive. I drool over Sean Connery - of course, not all older men are devastatingly handsome with a Scottish accent!

He, he

-Diane

The problem I have with "older" men Diane is that they remind me too much of my "father".....can't explain it further than that.....

And so the thought of sleeping with them...well I won't go there....

Otherwise for me I'm sure many of them would be fine...:)

Ick! I see :eek:

"Ick" is right.... I'm embarrassed to share that....I hope I have not offended anyone....:(

Well, I'm not offened. :D

Cool:D

Actually I have a pen pal who is older than me and such a charmer but What would a older man want with me? I act too much like a kid sometimes and I don't want a father figure either. I want an equal grounds kind of thing, so any child at heart older man... please apply ;)

Dayum, where were you when I was single? :D

Kassie!
What are you keeping from me? Older man? Penpal? Btw...any man would love to have you (you just have to find the one that is right for you)....be the kid at heart you are...and you can't go wrong kiddo!!!!!!

Kassie...may I make a suggestion? Rather than wonder about the whys/whats, why don't you just ask him, sweety? Maybe you will like his answer(s) and if so wonderful...if you don't like his answers, then you can move on and stop wondering at least!!!
*SMILE*

Don

EEp! I was found out! ;)
Now what do I do about my thing for men from other countries... :D

You could always get a passport...just remember..only 10 countries per passport..lol

Realistically though...If you are a touchy feely kind of person, then distance really is your enemy. Overseas just falls into this category!!

Sometimes you just have to know what can become something and what can't be...It helps to be realistic. Walk away from those that can't be...and allow yourself the room to let in sometyhing that can be.

It is nice to dream though.....

Sleepz

Easy, Kassie, come visit another country (like Canada) for a while, then while you are here, strike up a long distance relationship with someone back home. :D :D :D

Originally posted by Keppig
EEp! I was found out! ;)
Now what do I do about my thing for men from other countries... :D

OR you go on a "Love Boat" cruise to Mexico, Mazitlan, Peurta Vallarta, fall in love in exactly 6.5 days -- and live happily ever after....:)

You guys are just too funny! *hugs* But seriously, Sleep are you saying that if there is a great distance then don't even think of a relationship? Because almost all my penpals are far away. :(
I wonder if I should even think romatically about them. Its unrealistic isn't it?

Sigh.

Not unrealistic if willing to relocate. Some people are willing to relocate. In fact on my Jewish dating web site, they ask that...."are you willing to relocate"? (similar to a job search)

I would relocate for the right man. If he lived in an acceptable location, it would work for me as I have no kids...and assuming I could find a job where he lived. SO....perhaps one of those "pen-pals" would move for you......to N.H.....assuming THEY have no kids...

BUT you have to meet those penpals first....So go get that passport and make those airline reservations....:)

Kassie,

I'm the last to give advise...according to my scoreboard, I've struck out so far and i'm in the bottom of the ninth(is that correct baseball speak??..lol)

Distance is something that you need to decide if it is something you can manage. For some who are touchy feely; then distance is a killer. On the other hand...if the person who is distant fills your emotional needs in other ways; and is someone that makes you happy...enjoy it.

Time has a funny way of changing many things. What is far away today can become much closer tomorrow. As Joan points out...people can move. I know of three couples who have done it successfully.

What is important is how you feel. If it is too hard to manage; then walk away. If it is manageble; and you feel it is working for you...then go for it.....

I have always thought.....it is better to have loved and lost...than never to have loved at all. We spend a lot of our life looking for that someone special. If you manage to find that person, and that person feels the same about you.....a solution will somehow present itself.

Did I make that clear???....If it feels really right, and it is reciprocated..then try it...you never know...it may just work!

Maybe just pretend they are actually local, just posted overseas like in the army or something..lol

Sleepz

You will either have to find someone as aggressive as you, or find someone who isnt bothered by your high energy. Its either mixing cherry flavored koolaid with grape flavord koolaid or plain Oil and water. Sometimes you can try to minimize the high energy and match the person you are with to kinda give them some time to get use to you. Good luch

By the way, any consolation for my accomplishments. Someone who I learn from each day and we are very different but very similiar in our CORE beliefs.

I have trouble with relationships too. My thing seems to be that after the first few months the person starts driving me crazy. I feel like I need a lot more space than some people. I love to be close but it has to be an easy closeness. It makes me nervous when a man acts too needy.

The wierd and annoying thing is that half the time, even though I'm being driven absolutley bonkers, I stay in the relationship anyway. I keep telling myself that I'm just being picky or too critical, or selfish. And its like I don't know how to communicate what it is I'm feeling. It's like when they ask me about it, at that moment I don't have a clue. It's like looking right at it the thoughts/feelings become elusive. Finally ( and it can take a couple of years!) I'll just not be able to take it anymore and I'll break it off. I have hurt people doing this.

I am widowed now(my husband was killed in a car accident) but I was married 8 years ago to a man that seemed to fit just right into my comfort zone. He was so easy for me to be around. It was like our sensibilities were aligned. Plus he made me laugh- we had so much fun together. We could talk for hours even after being together for 6 years. Of course it wasn't perfect. At the time I could pick out faults in the relationship like I wished our sex life was a little hotter ( it was joyful but didn't sizzle). And he would go out wearing stuff like yellow sweat pants and black shoes with white socks. It makes me laugh when I think about it. But it was good. And retrospectively I realize he picked up a lot of the slack that I left in terms of housework, paperwork, planning trips, and just about everything else - or at least not get too bothered by it (sometimes I wonder if we had gotten to spend more time together if it would have started to cause more trouble). At the time I took it somewhat for granted. Of course now I know how lucky I was. I hope someday I can find another man to love and if I do that I'll recognize it.

Anyway, my point is...what is my point? Basically its just my opinion that I think that some matches are better than others but the grass is greener thing is tricky- maybe it is and maybe it isn't.

Today I'd like a relationship but I'm wary. My track record isn't all that great ( aside from the divine intervention that led me to be married to my husband for a few years). I think I'd like to give myself some time ( many times I have rushed into relationships).

I hope I've said something coherent. Thanks for all your posts.

Sara

An awful lot of that rang true for me, Sara.

*sigh*

Hi Paul and the others!
I'm starting to feel a "Nobody loves me, Everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms.." mood. You know, like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. "Thanks for noticing me"
Not from you all of course, but in my non-internet life.
So here's a cyberhug for all of you *Hugz*

cyberhug for you too Kassie... we love you!

No worms for you! Unless you get lots of ketchup and share them, ok?

Hugs & Hugs for ya, Kassie :)

Thank you, you wonderful guys!!! :)

hmmm....My biggest problem...Well, I am introverted to the point that I really dont like people at all...There are some very nice women out there, but I am so afraid of opening up cause in the past I have been stabbed in the back numerous times when I did, or people used my kind caring nature as a weapon against me...I no longer realy like the human race (although we are an interesting research subject....psychological/emotional lab-rats...). Anyway, on one hand I also ahve always dislke myself and recently went on this big self improvement binge....sometimes I slip up and I just keep climbing anyway...(started eating better....lots of fish etc....veggies...that sort of thing).....I have stopped drinking for the most part (that is usually where I slip up though).....And, I have lost about thirty pounds in the past few months (I do notice I am a bit better lookng these days....)....My problem is that I crave some connection of some kind but I know how much of a jackass I have been in the past and I never want to hurt anyone again like I hurt the last girl I dated (mentally, not physically....but both are equally bad).....plus, I have that whole not-liking-humans thing going (including myself)....I have made a connection, but it is over a long distance and I am afraid not of it ending, but of it going too well and then losing that firend forever......she too has ADD and we seem to know each other and what the other person is going through.....anyway, I guess thats all for now....

I love the song "I Hope you Dance" Lee Ann Womack & Sons of the Desert.

I'm trying to take it as advice.

I'm just brain dead when it comes to relationships. My first marriage was, to be perfectly honest, not even to the person whose name was on the marriage certificate. Rather it was to a ficticious person, who would be completely incapable of doing the things that woman did to me. By the time I figured out the two were not the same, I was already behind the game. She was screwing around, doing drugs in our home (YUCK!!!! she was a wee bit upset when I told her to take her nasty habit elsewhere), and screwing around with her ex-boyfriend on the side. Definitely not June Cleaver. I was too young stupid and hurt to react appropriately until I caught her red handed with her ex. I ended up on my ship, she pawned 15K worth of my belongings and cost me another six thousand in maxed out credit cards.... You get the picture. Love present wife. She loves me too. Somehow it is still teetering on the edge of collapse. Long story but me becoming mentally ill basically did the damage. She doesn't care much for the whole ADHD thing either. Before my promotion, the mental illness, and a host of othere stressors I had it all under control. Hell, I didn't even realize I was ADHD. Now everything stinks. It stinks in a calm and philosophical way at least. This is an improvement.

E-boy -- Lousy circumstances that are at least calm and peaceful? Well that's not bad....I see the crap in that situation as having the possibiilty of slowly getting better, right?

Sorry about the history of lousy luck....I hope you've recovered from that....

Nope... I'm half Irish. You'd think I'd at least have half %&# luck. ;-) I am developing as a person though. I have learned to put my mistakes to good use in the form of advice to others. I even had a few of the young guys and gals on the ship refer to me as wise... :-O I had to explain to them that it was more a case of the fact that I just screw up a lot. If you are going to learn from mistakes and you make a lot of them, you might as well share the wealth right?

If I remember correctly, you mentioned being of the jewish faith? Would you be terribly offended if I were to ask you some questions regarding it? My e-mail is Excuse_boy@hotmail.com if you are o.k. with discussing it. If not, I can certainly respect your privacy, or the fact that you are not jewish and I am a big stupid head. ;-) That would be the quarter swede. :-p

Yes I'm Jewish....you may PM me.....with questions if you like....not too many okay? I'm working today and although it's really slow -- I have to make it LOOK as though I'm working......:)

As for the topic of this forum: Dear God please bring me some nice Jewish educated men to date in 2004...........:D

Why thank you! I did! :-D

This is one long thread! I never noticed it or read it before. Woe!!!!

I highly suggest people in relationship issues, which is all of us probably, consider psychodrama. Talk about a place where people can get a first hand birds eye picture of the relationship issue one has. I can go in there with an issue and not only do a drama of it, not only learn from the drama what I am really dealing with, not only walk away with a lasting knowledge that will help me in all future interractions, not only be able to bring the problem back to me - to my response to the scenario, but also be able to have a group of people who empathize and understand what I just went through, who can share with me what experiences they had that were similar, or share with me how my drama impacted them.

When I leave psychodrama I am more than what I walked in, I have solved some part of my buried personality, I have empathized with others, I have expressed myself.

It took me months to be able to start expressing in psychodrama, and yes, I was scared, but the power of the group support and the strength and skill of the psychodramatist, and the revelations from other peoples drama, became a motivator for me to do my own work.

I know how much this has helped me with relationships, with giving up negative tendencies in those relationships, so give it a thought.

Jonathan