:( I am trying to keep myself together but I am having a sad weekend and I thought I would share it with my family here seeing as how you all understand.

As many of you know I am a ADDer,my little girl is ADHD combined type and my son was being tested for ADD.Well he was diagnosed on friday with ADD.I feel like a bad mom here,he will be 12 and I just had him tested.I really was not being neglectful,it was really hard to tell in him.He is very layed back,good boy(not that adders are not ) but it was really hard to tell in him.Is this normal or am i a bad mom?
Im soory guys i am just having a bad last few days.He has always been honor roll student and he is such a good boy,i would have never known if it wasnt brought to my attention by teachers and him.He started really complaining of not being able to take in what he reads unless he is reall interested in it and i am the same way.He is very much a boy whom entertains himself by making funny noises and plays to himself,except for in school he is VERY well liked in school.He does rock though while like sitting in a chair,he use to bad as a baby and stopped for a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time but is back to doing it.I do not make a big deal out of it but i know he use to say as a young child that it feels good to do so.

Im sorry i am a scatter brain here but i am really in need of someone to listen and give advice if you may have some.


Sandra:(

not noticing his inattentive add doesn't make you a bad mom, esp. since, like you said, he was an honors student. most kids with add are not even close to honors students, and that is what alerts people to a "problem". my daughter, for example, wasn't reading in grades one through three. that is how we knew she had a problem.....so, stop beating yourself up. the world at large will be only too happy to do that for you. deal with the situation at hand and go from there. and be happy you caught it now, not when he's in high school. :)

Thanks so much pembroke!!!It is so nice to hear kind words as I have not heard nothing but how bad of a person I am all except my sons father,he was very good about it.He is very much a lot of support and we dont even live in the same home but its nice to have his support.

Yea,thats what I am saying very much a honor student,it was kind of cute he got a B in 2nd grade and threw it away because he thought it meant BAD,LOL.Cute little things like that are what gets me through and the fact that I have 2 beautiful children.

I am a nervous wreck though because he starts 6th grade(middle school) this year nd he is sooooooooooooooo disorganized,Do you guys have any suggestions on that?

oh, SS...

My heart goes out to you... I think you are a wonderful mom. The way you described you son is EXACTLY like me.... the first grade I got below an A was in 11 grade!! I was "the perfect kid" I rocked a lot too, and keep myself busy, just like you described him, and when I went to college, I still came out on the Dean's list... I was the "perfect" child... teachers loved me, my mom's friends envied her, all my relatives thought I was just perfect... I always knew something wasn't quite right inside my head, and some of my teachers that I was close to too....

The difference, my mother never listened to them, or cared to get me tested....

So don't beat yourself up for waiting till he was almost 12, *geez* girl... I had to wait till I was old enough to take it into my own hands, and my mother still doesn't believe me....
You are a wonderful mother and your children are very lucky to have you :D

Keep your head high, SS,
Crystal

well, you can do your best to help him organize - bright colored things help. every year we get my daughter the seperate and different-colored folders for the different subjects, a pencil box, a back-pack and a yearly planner. by about the middle of the year, we have to start all over again....
if you have an iep or 504 plan in place for him, you can get some help from the teachers in keeping him organized in school.
some other suggestions:

http://www.onlineorganizing.com/

http://www.additudemag.com/additude.asp

good luck.

Awwww thank you so much crystal,I really try to be the best I can be with my children,they are my world and I want NOTHING but the best for them.

He is So well liked at school by other children and the teachers,they all just love him,girls too :eek: ,lol.I hear the smae thing all the time,EVERYONE tells me how lucky I am to have such a wonderful and kind son.Even my daughter with ADHD,people tell me wow she has got such wonderful manors and she is so kind,so maybe i am doing something right but its still so hard to know i had amy lil girl tested and diagnosed at age 5 and my sons gonna be 12 and i just had it done with him.
Thanks so much for the reply crystal,that post really touched my heart.


Sandra

I am just learning about the IEP and 504 and im gonna check into these for both of my children.I did buy him a trapper keeper with bright colored folders for each subject,a pencil box and a backpack so i am on the right track there and his school provides a school planner and the parent and teachers sign it daily so maybe this will help as well.

Lipz17,

My 12 year old adhd son was 3 years old when he got diagnosed and medicated. The only reason he was treated so early on is because he was the exact opposite of your son.

My son was hyper off the chart, fearless, wouldn't share, couldn't play nicely with the other kids at the park, kicked out of every daycare and preschool in our area due to his behavior. This is why he did not fall through the cracks. There was no way he could hide his issues.

Kids with ADD that are not hyper usually get diagnosed much later (if at all). They are the ones that are able to sit in class and "not disturb" everyone while the teacher is trying to control the adhd kids (like my son). Kids like your son are probably a teachers dream.

My son was the one at the park that was climbing on top of the monkey bars while the other kids were trying to use their hands and climb their way across.

My son was the one that would stand at the bottom of the slide and throw sand and rocks on the slide while the other kids came down.

My son would run and quickly grab the swing while the other kid was just about to sit down on it.

This is why my son stuck out like a sore thumb so early on. This is why he immediately got into the early childhood preschool program in the public school system when there was a long waiting list. This is why I have had to go to IEP meetings since Kindergarten. This is why he gets suspended several times a year. This is why we live at Walgreens picking up his adhd/ocd/mood disorder medications. (Metadate, Respirdal, Zoloft, Clonidine.)

He too gets good grades (all A's and B's last year in 6th grade) but he, not like your son, is not able to keep friends. He is able to talk to just about anyone he meets and hang out for the day. But as far as keeping a friend for over a month, not yet. He eventually gets on their nerves.

Count your blessing and please do not beat yourself up over this.

Always remember that the apple does not fall far from the tree.

In our family, I have adhd, as does my 4 siblings but they are in denial. I finally got medicated in March.

My husband is add, as is his 7 brothers but they too are in denial. My husband finally got medicated in June.

My 14 year old daughter shows signs of adhd but she by no means has been diagnosed or medicated. She has made honor roll every quarter for years and has tons of friends. She starts high school later this month so we will keep an eye on her.

My husband and his brothers all did bad in school, hung around with the wrong crowd, some graduated and some didn't, all self medicate with drugs and alcohol. They all have finance issues. Four of the 8 are divorced and not in any current relationships (and there is no doubt in my mind why.) My mother-in-law is still in denial.

My niece on my husbands side got diagnosed with a learning disability when she applied for high school. I couldn't believe that she was able to get through Kindergarten to 8th grade with an undiagnosed learning disability. She was just diagnosed with ADD this summer as she is entering 11th grade. Even though her dad is still in denial about himself, I am relieved that she is finally getting the needed help. She is transferring from a private catholic school into a public high school so that she can get the needed resources for her learning disability and add. She is very cute, sweet, quiet, does very well in sports and has lots of friends. Now she can totally excel now that she will get the help for her add.

Your son is VERY VERY lucky that he was diagnosed this young. Keep up the good work.

Oh I know how u feel about ur son because my little girl is the same way,she is VERY busy and always has been.My son is sooooooooooooo layed back and he is like the teachers favroite EVERY YEAR!!!!He is starting to be a little gabby but he is a very good kid.I am not saying he is perfect because not one of us are but he is a very good kid.

I only had my son (14) tested because he is like me, quiet, disorganized etc. I didn't want him to have to wait like me.
All they will do is cautiously say he appears to have attention difficulties. (snort)
You are not a bad mom, and it sounds like you have 2 great kids!

A bad mother doesn't feed her child, even after hours of crying.

A bad mother is passed out on the couch after an all nighter while her child is playing in the street.

A bad mother puts herself before her child.

A bad mother leaves her child with complete strangers for days on end.

Now no-where in your post did I see any indication that you willfully neglected your child. How are you to know he has ADD? Especially if all of the warning signs are non-existant?

What I see is a mom who educated herself to better help her daughter and realized her son may also have ADD. Since when is educating yourself and ensuring your child gets a proper diagnoses and medical treatment constitute a bad mother?

Never thats when!!!!!

Take a deep breathe, you have enough experiance with ADD to know your son wasn't given a death sentence. Somethings will have to change but you are already a head above many of us when our children were diagnosed.

You are doing fine, educating yourself and your children. That makes you a good mother.

I'm not a veteran. I'm in my early 20s and I have one child--a three year old son. So I'm just learning on the job. But maybe this'll make sense. Hopefully it'll provide some comfort, maybe a boost of confidence, if nothing else.

See, someone once told me that when it comes down to it being a good parent means if you're both hungry, and there's only enough food for one, then you give the child all the food without a second thought. If you both need a winter coat, or new shoes, but you're too broke to buy something for each of you, you can do without. If you've both got a serious illness but you can't pay for two doctor visits, the kid goes, no question, and if there's only one bed, you sleep on the floor. If there's only enough water for him or her, you can be thirsty. You get the picture. Along with all that, there's something crucial that can't ever be forgotten--love. Food and water and shelter will keep a body alive, but a soul needs love.

Sounds hokey, maybe, a bit Hallmark-ish...but hey, I'm kind of wishy-washy in theological matters, and I try to keep it as my parenting mantra, so...:eyebrow: You make the call.

If your son knows he's loved, and he's not going hungry or thirsty, and he's got a safe, warm place to sleep, then you're not neglecting him. So many of us didn't get diagnosed until we were adults--that doesn't mean it was the fault of our parents' for neglect, right? So don't worry, you didn't know! It's ok. Besides, the important part is that the kid's diagnosed and being treated and helped now. He's only approaching 12--he's still in the middle of school and has a great chance to thrive academically and otherwise beyond however well he was already...so hey, he'll be fine. K? :)

;) No worries, mommy (Says the girl who worries about absolutely everything!:rolleyes: :p) All is well now, it'll get better from here.

KJ/C

Thank you for all the wonderful post,I talk before I think A LOT.I do know I am a good mother,i just feel bad that I waited so long to have my son tested but you are right that the signs were not there with him.


Thanks again!!!!

Do not feel bad AT ALL for not having him tested earlier!!

I'm VERY similar to your son. I was one of the smartest in my class all through elementary, middle, even high school (not trying to toot my own horn or anything here...). I taught myself how to read around kindergarten, always did well on tests, had high IQ scores and was even in a gifted program through elementary school. I do remember I rarely did my homework, procrastinated on everything, BUT I retain information easily so I would always do well on the tests. Therefore my grades were well above average so no one suspected a problem.

My biggest problem was reading comprehension (like you said, "taking in" what he reads was difficult for him), MAJOR procrastination, and lack of motivation. I couldn't *coast* through college like I did in high school. I *had* to do my homework and study, which I was DEFINITELY not used to doing. I had never studied a day in my life and so college was starting to take a toll on me. I had to take matters into my own hands. I was diagnosed with depression at age 22 by a general practice doc and then finally saw a psychiatrist about my symptoms and given a script for Adderall XR. I'm 23 now and life has never been better. I'm more organized, motivated, and happy! :)

My psychiatrist says that ADD/ADHD is VERY difficult to spot in kids that make good grades. These grades mask the problem. Most of the time, the red flag for ADHD in kids is poor schoolwork or severe hyperactivity. This was not the case for me (or your son.)

So now being out of college, I'm on to grad school and being more successful than ever because of the diagnosis and of course, the help of medication.

You're an excellent mom for wanting what is best for him. My mother does NOT support me in taking Adderall. She tells me that I'm getting "doped up" and "killing" myself with "unnecessary drugs". I wish she would be more understanding of my problem. Your son is very lucky. I wish I would have been diagnosed 10 years ago! I probably would have been valedictorian of my high school class and did better in college.

He's a lucky boy and will have a very successful school year after his diagnosis! I just know it!! Good luck to you and your son!

It's not your fault that you didn't recognize that your well-behaved A student son has ADD.

You should be very pleased that you identified his symptoms pretty much the minute they started interfering with his life. People who are smart and not hyperactive often never get diagnosed because their intelligence masks their symptoms and makes them seem "normal", or maybe just lazy. Your son got to age 11 with A's and no real problems and that's a great thing. And your catching the problem as soon as it was apparent has saved him years of underachievement and frustration. Unlike thousands of kids just like him who don't have moms like you, your son will never have to feel chronically frustrated, won't be labeled "lazy", won't have to cope with chronic underachievement, won't feel stupid even though he knows he's really smart...I could go on and on. Just talk with some people who were diagnosed as adults and you will see everything that your son has been spared.

You are a great mom and your son is so, so lucky to have you.

I do agree Im glad I found it before he was grown and frustrated.I do talk to a lot of adults,that JUST got diagnsed adn they are some what angry cause they say "IF" I would have known when I was younger then I would have not been labled the lazy kid and so on.I do try my HARDEST to be the best I can be with my children it just made me feel really bad and I guess a big shock because i never thought this would be my son,ya know.

I am looking at my own life there, I didn't know that was ADD behaviour I just thought itwas me who was different. He started really complaining of not being able to take in what he reads unless he is reall interested in it and i am the same way.He is very much a boy whom entertains himself by making funny noises and plays to himself,except for in school he is VERY well liked in school.He does rock though while like sitting in a chair,he use to bad as a baby and stopped for a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time but is back to doing it.I do not make a big deal out of it but i know he use to say as a young child that it feels good to do so. That is soo like me it is unbelivable. Anyway I was diagnosed at the age of 11 or 12 I forget. The main reason why I was tested because reading my handwriting is like reading acient code.

You are not a bad mother, don't say that all you'll be depressed. For him just let him sorta go with the flow and try out meds, well thats what I did. I went off meds because they destroyed my socail life. I have trouble reading somtimes but that is not really a mojor problem in my life. I think look after him more in high school because that is where my problems started.

Hope this is helpful. :)

Have you ever noticed that we waste a lot of energy on what if when instead we should be focusing on right now and the future?

You can't change the past but you can make a difference in your son's and your own futures. Stop focusing on what is out of your control and start worrying about today and tommorrow. When I stopped focusing all my energy on the past I found that my general outlook on life took a turn in a more positive direction I'm hoping that it would have the same effect on you.

I am really giving it my all,my son has been asking a lot of question which i think is great.He ask if we could go to the library today so he can check out some books to read on it some more,so we will be doing so in a little bit here.We tried the strattera and it made him VERY sick and tired BAD!!!!!!!!!After he got done being sick he would sleep for like 13 hours so we have a apt tomorrow with his doctor.

Thanks so much for all the advice!!!

Keep us posted! Hope everything is going well with your son!