Hey People!!

Has anyone with ADD/ADHD noticed just how slow they are at picking up on social cues, jokes etc etc, if so PLEASE TELL ME YOUR STORIES!!!!!!!

1: I'm good at picking up on when someone's not happy
2: Although I get jokes I'm ALMOST ALWAYS the last to get it
3: I'm usually oblivious to someone's romantic interests towards me
4: I'm usually good at picking up on sarcasm especially when directed at me
5: Overall I'm just slower than everyone else at picking up on things

I await your stories on your experiences....:)

Selena:D

1: I'm good at picking up on when someone's not happy
2: Although I get jokes I'm ALMOST ALWAYS the last to get it
3: I'm usually oblivious to someone's romantic interests towards me
4: I'm usually good at picking up on sarcasm especially when directed at me
5: Overall I'm just slower than everyone else at picking up on things

1. I can always tell when someone isn't being happy, Even if it's over the phone or via e-mail..well not always..i can tell when my friends or people I'm close to aren't happy. I do my best to cheer them up or just stay quite and listen to them vent about whatever they need to vent about

2. About 90% of the time..I have NO clue that a guy is interested in me. I have the lowest self-esteem, it's gotten better but with being a single mummy and already feeling out of sorts with the "normal girls" I think I MAKE myself not realize a guy is hitting on me till later on when I'm thinking about my day and then I'm like "SWEET I had a guy hit on me!!!" This has happend a lot since I started seeing my boyfriend...maybe cause they all know i'm taken...or cause I have more confidence I'm not sure

3. I think I can tell when some is just like "what the he*l with me" I get annoyed SUPER fast...not mad, cause I really don't get mad that much....but annoyed for sure...and it makes me forget, and zone out when someone is being a b*tch to me.

4. I'm so s-l-o-w at picking up on things. okay here is a little story: b/f and his friend went to buy food and I asked them to get a red-bull...well sometimes I mumble or i have this stupid lisp that comes and goes...so yeah when they got back they had bought me a bread-bowl instead cause "That is what they heard and if I'd learn to speak english I might get what I really wanted" was really funny and they keep telling me to pure my vodka in it (redbull and vodka yummy) So my b/f's friend FINALLY went out the truck and brought my red-bulls in....we were all laughing was super funny..well to us anyways. :)

hope you get some better stories!!! good thread though

Hints:o
People who like to hint at things instead of saying what they really mean.
Forget it, I'm very slow to pick up on what someone is hinting at.

Thanks for your replies....I thought I was the only freak that had this problem...lol

yeah I'm S-L-O-W at picking up on most things but like Flygurl said I can also pick up very well when a close friend or family member isn't happy etc etc.

As for guys/girls....I have absolutely NO IDEA if they have a romantic interest in me unless they are BLATANTLY obvious.

I guess it's just another ADD thing:rolleyes:

Hints are non-existent for me. I don't play games and I'm very honest, so I guess that's why I never 'get the hint.' Doesn't matter what the hint is about. I figure it out later when I'm in bed or something, but never when I need to get it.
I can always tell when a guy likes me, even if he doesn't let it be known in an obvious manner.
Sitting in a classroom can be real stressful if the lesson is going too fast. Then I find out later that even the normal ones don't get it if the lesson is going too fast, so I'm learning to not feel stupid in those situations.
I guess the hardest thing is social hints and intrigue games. I just don't like it when people can't just say what they mean and stop looking down on others if others aren't cued in on the 'secret'.

Yep I'm like this too! except I DON'T know when someone likes me!!!....I don't understand mind games and the like.Hints are non-existent for me. I don't play games and I'm very honest, so I guess that's why I never 'get the hint.' Doesn't matter what the hint is about. I figure it out later when I'm in bed or something, but never when I need to get it.
I can always tell when a guy likes me, even if he doesn't let it be known in an obvious manner.
Sitting in a classroom can be real stressful if the lesson is going too fast. Then I find out later that even the normal ones don't get it if the lesson is going too fast, so I'm learning to not feel stupid in those situations.
I guess the hardest thing is social hints and intrigue games. I just don't like it when people can't just say what they mean and stop looking down on others if others aren't cued in on the 'secret'.

I am very socially inept. A lot of it is my blurtiness.
But it's also that I notice things others don't instead of the things you're supposed to notice.
At 2 different wedding receptions I had to be asked to move, because I sat down at what appeared to me to simply be an empty table. It was, of course, for the bride and her party.
On the other hand, on at least 3 occasions I saw in a person's eyes how deeply depressed he or she was shortly before committing suicide.

Miss out of clues all the time! I hate when my husband (or anyone else for that matter) tries to subtly suggest something -- there is no way I'm going to pick up on it. Please be blunt with me! It's actually pretty amazing that I have a husband, because I was generally clueless until it was too late that I guy was interested in me. Just too busy off in my own world I guess. I'm very slow to get jokes (assuming I do get them at all), and I frequently ask my husband to explain movie plots to me, if they're too involved. However, I am excellent at reading people's feelings and seeing the truth there (assuming those feelings aren't about me directly, in which case my feelings distract me too much and I have a massive blind spot). I also couldn't get the answer when the teacher used to do all the out loud math problems in class that even kids not as bright as me got (ie: 1 plus 3 add 2 divide by 6 etc...).

Scattered

I also tend to notice things that others don't....I also don't always notice the things I'm suppose to notice

Hey People!!

Has anyone with ADD/ADHD noticed just how slow they are at picking up on social cues, jokes etc etc, if so PLEASE TELL ME YOUR STORIES!!!!!!!

1: I'm good at picking up on when someone's not happy
2: Although I get jokes I'm ALMOST ALWAYS the last to get it
3: I'm usually oblivious to someone's romantic interests towards me
4: I'm usually good at picking up on sarcasm especially when directed at me
5: Overall I'm just slower than everyone else at picking up on things

I await your stories on your experiences....:)

Selena:D
1. I am not that good at picking up on whether or not someone is unhappy. The only time I seem to notice is when its obvious sulking or them just telling me that they are sad.

2. Jokes I get, sarcasm never. Sarcasm still throws me off alot. When people keep a straight face and tease me I never seem to get it. Instead of me getting angry at that in the past I just crack a joke myself and then laugh it off. Most of the people I run accross tease me in a good natured way and never consider me stupid... just very trusting.. heh

3. Oh yeah I have to be hit in the head with a 2x4 to even notice if someone is "checking me out". It took me two months of dating a guy to ever truly think that he was interested in me. Luckily that is all it took because I found out that if it had taken me longer then he would have just given up on me.

4. Never for me (see number 2)

5. Me too... but that is ok. At least I do pick up on things and it sounds like you do too :)

Sorry if all of this is a jarbled mess... I have a hard time focusing my thoughts into words and I hate going back and proof reading things. :)

*I tend to notice body language and voice inflections more than others do - and I make too much of it.
*Another problem is that when someone is behaving inappropriately I'm deeply embarrassed for them.
*When other people yawn I yawn almost immediately.
*I don't feel that I understand the fundamentals of socializing, I always feel like I'm watching people participating in something that they forgot to tell me about.
*As a consequence, I tend to pick friends with the same problems which only compounds mine...guess what we spend a lot of our time talking about?

Pardon me for being straightforward, but don't you guys ever think that all of those insensitivities/oversensitivities might not be the characteristics of ppl with ADD? Instead, they belong to you as a person, not a person with ADD.. In my opinion, adding more unproven/unrelated attributes to characterize ppl with ADD/ADHD just increases the ambiguity in diagnosing the real problem. I know that's not what you guys are trying to do. I do have ADD myself. But I never think that any of my traits is shaped by it. For me, ADD drastically degrades my ability in focusing on one thing at a time, but it doesn't change who I really am inside. Even though my ADD has been treated, I still am the same sensitive person. I still have the ability to instantly know when someone's sad, when someone's hurt, etc. Many ppl without ADD also have those abilities. So it's not ADD, it's you ....

As far as the insensitive/oversensitive part, I think that deals with personal experiences, but I also have a problem with getting things. People have to be blunt with me or my mind doesn't really interpret the words. I don't know how many times a day I have to say, "Well why didn't you just say that in the first place?" Especially with stupid sayings.

Thanks people....I'm glad I've read this as it's helped a lot

I've seen everyone of the items in the poll addressed in books about ADD/ADHD. They're all very common, just not universal.

You are partially right about it being personality traits but I DO try my best to be a good person and I found this post to be a little insensitive and yes these characteristics ARE part of ADD/ADHD as well.Pardon me for being straightforward, but don't you guys ever think that all of those insensitivities/oversensitivities might not be the characteristics of ppl with ADD? Instead, they belong to you as a person, not a person with ADD.. In my opinion, adding more unproven/unrelated attributes to characterize ppl with ADD/ADHD just increases the ambiguity in diagnosing the real problem. I know that's not what you guys are trying to do. I do have ADD myself. But I never think that any of my traits is shaped by it. For me, ADD drastically degrades my ability in focusing on one thing at a time, but it doesn't change who I really am inside. Even though my ADD has been treated, I still am the same sensitive person. I still have the ability to instantly know when someone's sad, when someone's hurt, etc. Many ppl without ADD also have those abilities. So it's not ADD, it's you ....

I tend to be very intuitive about peoples feelings, and for some reason, people confide in me about personal stuff. I find this interesting, and it is easy for me to empathize. I am fairly blunt, and have learned to do so without sounding judgemental, and I think that people walk away feeling better after they've talked to me....at least when I'm interested and paying attention! (LOL). I have often thought that I'd like to do counseling, and probably could do a good job....except what would I do when someone came to me for help and I wasn't interested?!? I'm afraid that I wouldn't have enough tolerance for whiners and blamers. But I digress.......

I never did well with teasing and sarcasm. Maybe it's because, deep down, I believe it to be hurtful and malicious. Well....some teasing and sarcasm is just tongue-in-cheek, but when someone deliberately tries to push my buttons, targeting something I'm sensitive about, it just seems mean. And it's funny, when I've tried to be sarcastic, or tease someone, I always regret it because it seems that I hurt people when I do it. So I've given it up.

I DO think that some of these things are more prevalent in people with ADD than in 'normal' people. Here is why I think this:

1) For someone who's mind is all over the place, any thing that is not interesting or obvious often goes under the radar. Although hinting is often used to avoid a confrontation, it's often so subtle that we miss it. Please, be blunt! Or don't expect me to 'get it'. I've had bosses who are so subtle with their 'constructive criticism', they are frustrated with my 'unwillingness' or inability to change, and by the time they get around to spelling it out to me, they are so angry about the whole thing that any attempt at being constructive fails miserably. It's like they have to 'punish' me for forcing them to come out and say in plain language what's not working, and having to get into what they see as a confrontation.


2.) Many of us grew up in an environment where, simply by being ourselves, we made people annoyed or angry....and no one ever explained why. Like it was so obvious to them what we were doing wrong, they thought we were doing it deliberately, when we had no clue. So we eventually learned, not so much to behave differently, but to be hyper aware of peoples reactions to us....to their moods, and feelings. We didn't know what we were doing wrong, but leaned to change our behavior based on people's reactions. Out of necessity, we developed skills to translate subtle cues (a sigh, an expression, a voice inflection) into the feelings that were expressed. What was once a coping mechanism becomes a skill.....of being intuitive and responsive to people's feelings. This is a good thing!!

All in all, ADD IS a blessing and a curse. I'm learning to be less sensitive to what people think of me....all those subtle cues, figuring out what people want from me...it's all so confusing. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't....but I'm going to go crazy if I continue to try to change everything I say or do because someone is reacting in a way I don't like. Take me or leave me...just be honest.

I'm just like this!!!!!I tend to be very intuitive about peoples feelings, and for some reason, people confide in me about personal stuff. I find this interesting, and it is easy for me to empathize. I am fairly blunt, and have learned to do so without sounding judgemental, and I think that people walk away feeling better after they've talked to me....at least when I'm interested and paying attention! (LOL). I have often thought that I'd like to do counseling, and probably could do a good job....except what would I do when someone came to me for help and I wasn't interested?!? I'm afraid that I wouldn't have enough tolerance for whiners and blamers. But I digress.......

I never did well with teasing and sarcasm. Maybe it's because, deep down, I believe it to be hurtful and malicious. Well....some teasing and sarcasm is just tongue-in-cheek, but when someone deliberately tries to push my buttons, targeting something I'm sensitive about, it just seems mean. And it's funny, when I've tried to be sarcastic, or tease someone, I always regret it because it seems that I hurt people when I do it. So I've given it up.

I DO think that some of these things are more prevalent in people with ADD than in 'normal' people. Here is why I think this:

1) For someone who's mind is all over the place, any thing that is not interesting or obvious often goes under the radar. Although hinting is often used to avoid a confrontation, it's often so subtle that we miss it. Please, be blunt! Or don't expect me to 'get it'. I've had bosses who are so subtle with their 'constructive criticism', they are frustrated with my 'unwillingness' or inability to change, and by the time they get around to spelling it out to me, they are so angry about the whole thing that any attempt at being constructive fails miserably. It's like they have to 'punish' me for forcing them to come out and say in plain language what's not working, and having to get into what they see as a confrontation.


2.) Many of us grew up in an environment where, simply by being ourselves, we made people annoyed or angry....and no one ever explained why. Like it was so obvious to them what we were doing wrong, they thought we were doing it deliberately, when we had no clue. So we eventually learned, not so much to behave differently, but to be hyper aware of peoples reactions to us....to their moods, and feelings. We didn't know what we were doing wrong, but leaned to change our behavior based on people's reactions. Out of necessity, we developed skills to translate subtle cues (a sigh, an expression, a voice inflection) into the feelings that were expressed. What was once a coping mechanism becomes a skill.....of being intuitive and responsive to people's feelings. This is a good thing!!

All in all, ADD IS a blessing and a curse. I'm learning to be less sensitive to what people think of me....all those subtle cues, figuring out what people want from me...it's all so confusing. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't....but I'm going to go crazy if I continue to try to change everything I say or do because someone is reacting in a way I don't like. Take me or leave me...just be honest.

some strange silver linings to share:
1. i have always had boyfriends compliment me because i never overanalyze what they do or say, i just take them at their word.
2. i did not have as much culture shock as my fellow monolingual americans when i moved to greece because i was already used to nodding and smiling and pretending to pay attention and understand when i was really totally lost.
3. i experienced the alienation of adolescence but was spared the complicated, hurtful, social wrangling often inherent in middle school girls - because i rarely noticed.

i know that i sometimes annoy my girlfriends because i fail to notice subtle cues and i take a risk in every professional situation that i am acting inappropriate either naively or impulsively; but oh well, i try and put my best foot forward and am sometimes thankful that i do not always know the results of my gaffes.

I too have thought that I could be a therapist. I always have something to say about peoples problems, but have no idea how to take care of my own!

I also seem to always do things to offend people and I have no idea what I did or that they were even offended until they tell me. I'm blunt and say what's on my mind. Sometimes I can tell something is wrong with my husband and when I finally ask him, he tells me something I said or did earlier that I am oblivious to. I had no idea. Over the years, this has made me scared to be myself around people. I used to be clueless of this, but after it was pointed out to me, I've become hyperaware of it and, therefore, I never know how someone is going to take me or what I say. So, I think the true me got lost somewhere along the line. I'm trying to find her right now.

I also tend to notice things that others don't....I also don't always notice the things I'm suppose to notice
Same here. Couldn't have put it better.

And I hate it when people hint and don't say what they mean - they don't have to be rude, as I'll be upset/made angry easily, but I won't pick up on hints until later on in the day when it's too late.

An example: at college, some of us had the job of sawing some wood. One person had a go at it and found it really difficult and slow-going so I had a go and was much faster, was better at it (they told me so) and enjoyed it more than them. After a while someone said, 'shall I have a go now?'. Thinking she was offering to do some of the work because she thought I was finding it hard, I said, 'no thanks' and carried on and finished the job. No one else wanted to do it.

Later, a friend of the one who'd asked me the question told me that I had taken over in sawing the wood. I was hurt, confused and, after thinking long and hard about what had happened, I realised that she hadn't meant 'shall I have a go now?' but 'Can I please have a go now? I want to try'.

Grrrrr! She could have told me!

I'm can be completley oblivious to people, and also pick up on subtle cues that others don't---it just depends on the situation....I still haven't figured it out completley, though.
But generally, when someone's annoyed/upset with me, I really have no idea--totally clueless--but I do sense that something's "not right." And usually, if it's someone whom I'm not too close with, I just don't bother trying to figure out (I find it way too complicated)...so I guess I've missed potential friendships because of this. But when it's a friend that means a lot to me, I'll straight up ask--and then I finally figure it out. I wish people would just be blunt and let me know if something's bothering them. Trying to figure out "cues" is such a waste of time (IMHO)
And as for guys... I can't figure out for my life when someone's interested--just assume they're friendly....I usually need a friend to tell me when someone hits on me, otherwise, I generally am clueless.

Wow I can't believe this thread is still going....oops I've opened up a pandora's box, but it sounds like it's a good thing

Hi (forgot your name already). Anyway, I am veerryy slow on the uptake. When I'm in a conversation I have to stop and analyze what is being said to me before I can offer a coherent response. And since it is seldom possible to do so, I often end up either giving an incoherent(and often embarrassing) response, or there's a long pause. And yes I do have alot of trouble with social cues. I'll remember something a man said to me later, and realize he was flirting with me, and I didn't catch on. Then I think of all the clever responses I could have given, but the moment is lost. Then I start to overanalyze the whole thing(was it just a casual remark or is he interested in me? Was he REALLY flirting with me or did I just take it that way?) I do this not just with conversations with men, but anyone. Someone will make a comment, and 5 minutes later it will dawn on me they are angry or annoyed with me. There again I overanalyze the whole thing and turn the molehill into a mountain.

Don't despair....I'm the same!Hi (forgot your name already). Anyway, I am veerryy slow on the uptake. When I'm in a conversation I have to stop and analyze what is being said to me before I can offer a coherent response. And since it is seldom possible to do so, I often end up either giving an incoherent(and often embarrassing) response, or there's a long pause. And yes I do have alot of trouble with social cues. I'll remember something a man said to me later, and realize he was flirting with me, and I didn't catch on. Then I think of all the clever responses I could have given, but the moment is lost. Then I start to overanalyze the whole thing(was it just a casual remark or is he interested in me? Was he REALLY flirting with me or did I just take it that way?) I do this not just with conversations with men, but anyone. Someone will make a comment, and 5 minutes later it will dawn on me they are angry or annoyed with me. There again I overanalyze the whole thing and turn the molehill into a mountain.

I also seem to always do things to offend people and I have no idea what I did or that they were even offended until they tell me. I'm blunt and say what's on my mind. Over the years, this has made me scared to be myself around people. I used to be clueless of this, but after it was pointed out to me, I've become hyperaware of it and, therefore, I never know how someone is going to take me or what I say. So, I think the true me got lost somewhere along the line. I'm trying to find her right now. I am exactly the same :( I hate that I do that!! I find I am so much quieter in a group than I used to be, before people stopped talking to me, or inviting me out with them....

Hey People!!

Has anyone with ADD/ADHD noticed just how slow they are at picking up on social cues, jokes etc etc, if so PLEASE TELL ME YOUR STORIES!!!!!!!

1: I'm good at picking up on when someone's not happy
2: Although I get jokes I'm ALMOST ALWAYS the last to get it
3: I'm usually oblivious to someone's romantic interests towards me
4: I'm usually good at picking up on sarcasm especially when directed at me
5: Overall I'm just slower than everyone else at picking up on things

I await your stories on your experiences....:)

Selena:D

1 - I'm quite good at picking up when somebody is unhappy as well. I suspect this is a learned skill, however, as I have spent most of my life surrounded by those who are pretty up-and-down emotionally. You learn to spot when to stay away and when it's okay to goof around :p

2 - I get jokes that are sarcastic or dry, or just basic one liners. I don't always get jokes that have to do with anologies, play-on-words, long drawn out stories with punchlines at the very end. For those types of jokes I prepare to stand there and say "huh?" with a blank look on my face at the end.

3 - I'm always oblivious to this as well... to the point that I'm just generally suspicious of men in generally because i know that I can't tell. It sucks.

4 - I'm very good at picking up sarcasm because that's my own style.

5 - I'm slower on picking up on things only when they fit the categories that I listed in number 3, or when my attention has been diverted. Aside from those times I actually find that I pick things up quite quickly.

I also seem to always do things to offend people and I have no idea what I did or that they were even offended until they tell me. I'm blunt and say what's on my mind. Sometimes I can tell something is wrong with my husband and when I finally ask him, he tells me something I said or did earlier that I am oblivious to. I had no idea. Over the years, this has made me scared to be myself around people. I used to be clueless of this, but after it was pointed out to me, I've become hyperaware of it and, therefore, I never know how someone is going to take me or what I say. So, I think the true me got lost somewhere along the line. I'm trying to find her right now.

I easily offend people as well, without even meaning to. I think that this largely has to do with my sarcasm and tone of voice - I don't really have much appreciation for how my own tone of voice sounds to other people, I guess. I get told that I'm patronizing and what not without ever meaning to be (then when I actually DO mean to be nobody notices :D)

I've also been told I'm patronizing and...I know I often hurt other people's feelings. I'm really trying to work on that. Usually, I'm sitting around later, thinking...oh..I can't believe I said that.

I've also been told that by the things I say, that I think I'm better than everyone else...when really I think just the opposite. But, for some reason, I'm somehow putting that attitude out there, when usually I'm just trying to joke with the person.

As for slow on the uptake...my favorite saying is I DON'T GET IT.

I've also been told I'm patronizing and...I know I often hurt other people's feelings. I'm really trying to work on that. Usually, I'm sitting around later, thinking...oh..I can't believe I said that.

I've also been told that by the things I say, that I think I'm better than everyone else...when really I think just the opposite. But, for some reason, I'm somehow putting that attitude out there, when usually I'm just trying to joke with the person.

As for slow on the uptake...my favorite saying is I DON'T GET IT.

I get the "you think you're better than everybody else" bit too. Oh well. I think it's my attitude combined with the things that I say. It's not true, but it's how people read me from time to time... when they get to know me they know better :)

Your I DON'T GET IT is my WHO SHOT WHO IN THE WHAT NOW? :D

Your I DON'T GET IT is my WHO SHOT WHO IN THE WHAT NOW?

:) :) My non-ADD husband says that when he wasn't listening to me...again. Or, he says sorry..I went to see a man about a horse (i don't get that at all..but I never say anything.)

I ended up learning what the "I am going to see a man about a horse" the hard way. We were at a golf course watching a horse race on TV the first time I heard that! I cluelessly followed my, then, boyfriend to see this horse (I love horses, they are so cute!) and he looked at me like "why are you following me?" (Later on I realized it did not make sense to have a horse at that golf course) I had almost followed him into the bathroom! I still don't get where that phrase comes from...

I never get jokes until too late either, OR I think of the BEST comeback :D ...but it is hours later. :(

I ended up learning what the "I am going to see a man about a horse" the hard way. We were at a golf course watching a horse race on TV the first time I heard that! I cluelessly followed my, then, boyfriend to see this horse (I love horses, they are so cute!) and he looked at me like "why are you following me?" (Later on I realized it did not make sense to have a horse at that golf course) I had almost followed him into the bathroom! I still don't get where that phrase comes from...

IT MEANS GOING TO THE BATHROOM???? Well, that's just strange. It must be some strange potty humor I missed out on, as they probably taught it in Boy 101.

It is also completely funny about going to see the horse on the golf course. I'd probably start to follow as well, but I would be firing questions...How did you know there was a horse here? Who is this man? Can we ride the horse? :) :) :)

No wonder I never get embarrassed about anything anymore.

Yeah, don't you just hate it when everyone around you is laughing at a joke, I guess a funny one, but you just sit there staring blankly-trying to quickly put it all together, I would love a nickel every time I have done that, It takes me forever to get punch lines, and even then very few are funny, but I love blonde jokes-I can laugh very easily at them. L.

I always laugh for the longest as well as usually laughing last. Or I burst out laughing at virtually nothing at all or at a joke that no one else found funny in the slightest :D

Lettie, I probably should have been asking questions. I may have learned a little sooner! ;)

I'm actually pretty observant where people are concerned. I am super-sensitive to sarcasm and hints and tone of voice.

I'm also extremely sensitive to people's moods. Unfortunately, sometimes I feel like a mood chamelion. If everyone else is in a bad mood, I pick up on it and seem to mimic them. The same goes for up-beat and happy. I think this is one of the reasons I left my first husband. He seemed to just bring on a dark cloud of gloom most of the time. I usually end up being the sholder to cry on. I can usually manage to comfort people or to cheer them up if needed.

Jokes...well, most of the time I get them, but a little later than others.