:confused: I have had a problem with relationships all my life, and I have tried every which way to Tuesday to address it, to no avail. I am 48.

I have never been able to sustain a relationship with a man for any longer than a few months. While I did get married, that ended in divorce after two years. Probably the reason we actually married and stayed married that long is that my husband was a student, and before we got married we only had weekends together, and after we got married, he was busy most of the time.

It's almost like...I lose interest unless a relationship continues to be a challenge...with lots to figure out and analyze, lots of issues to resolve. Mind you, these aren't happy relationships, most of them, except for a few really exceptional parts. If a guy falls all over himself to be with me (only happened in a couple of instances), I would feel all confined and overwhelmed, and ohmygodwhatifhewantstogetmarried. And, because of self esteem issues, I would always wonder what the heck is wrong with this man! I can sustain interest for a long time in a relationship that is kind of not-quite-a-relationship...or where I'm just real interested in someone and am not actually dating them.

But I think usually I send out some kind of antipheremone, or 'stay away' vibe; men seem to hover around a bit, but once they 'find out' (what??) they move on. And I have totally given up the search; who needs continual rejection?

I have considered everything I could think of; childhood issues, fear of intimacy, committment phobia, asexuality....I even wondered if I was a lesbian, and not that there's anything wrong with that, I couldn't get into that idea even a bit.

I have had wonderful long term girlfriends...good solid relationships, women I could turn to for anything. I have asked them, what's wrong, and I don't get any useful answers...except affirmations about being attractive, interesting, nice, good conversationalist, intelligent, kind, compassionate.....

And when I look around I see women with less of those qualities find an sustain relationships. I'm independent, and have supported myself and my son for 18 years. I'm not 'needy', or demanding, nor do I 'cling' too much.

Do any other ADDers have this problem? I feel like it is just one more example of the kind of 'social skills' where I missed that class, or never got the handout. I am quite alright by myself, but from time to time I think it would be nice to have a partner in life....

I always followed them around and obsessed about them.It was crazy!I had no self esteem.Of course they would freak out by my demanding temperment and bolt.I thank my lucky stars i found my dh.We have been married for 4 goin' on5 years.Been together 7.Its hard for him sometimes but its a give and take.Hes not perfect either and he dosnt have A.D.D to blame it on.LOL!!!

Have you gotten any feedback from the guys? Have any of them ever told you what their side of things looked like, or what thier impressions of the relationship were?

Losing interest in a relationship after the challenge is gone doesn't sound surprising in an ADHD context. I've known people like you, but I don't know for certain if ADHD was the reason (could be).

For me personally, while I often lose interest in things that cease to be challenging, in relationships, I much rather have the stability since it removes the anxieties of being alone, and plus I've never been very good at the dating game (I guess for me it's too challenging and frustrating :) )

Do any other ADDers have this problem? I feel like it is just one more example of the kind of 'social skills' where I missed that class, or never got the handout. I am quite alright by myself, but from time to time I think it would be nice to have a partner in life....
It's not embarassing, I'm much the same way, whether it be friends or more romantic relationships. Let me know if you find the handout or get the lecture notes from a friend, I could use a copy!

Seriously, anyone who can support/raise a son on their own and live their life well, with good friends, has nothing to be embarassed about. I know not having anyone in your life as that "special person" is hard, but you've managed to seemingly do quite well on your own, so I'd say you're doing just fine. Find someone who appreciates you for who you are and what you've accomplished, and you'll have found the person for you, I hope. You've accomplished a lot, and that'll be attractive to someone.:)

Have you gotten any feedback from the guys? Have any of them ever told you what their side of things looked like, or what thier impressions of the relationship were?
No, I haven't. I asked my husband, but he said that he probably never loved me. I asked another, but he said he could not handle the passion or intensity (I worked on that). Other's found someone else, and didn't seem to want to deal with my questions. I got a few "It's not you, it's me". Actually, as brandilyn said, I did get into the obsessing thing, and carried on whole relationships in my mind!!

In truth, most never even developed to the point where I'd call it a 'relationship'....but must admit, I don't know for sure how to define that. It sure isn't sex. If it is a level of closeness or intimacy, I've had that with men where there was not romantic or sexual interest. On either part.

bcaddkid, I tend to think as you suggested, but it doesn't always suffice. I suppose that we always want something we can't have, and tend to believe that it is better than it is....the "grass is greener" syndrome. I know there are plenty of bad marriages, and I am terribly fortunate for my female friends and my self-sufficiency. This is a question that may have no answer for me, and I have to learn to accept it.. I'm working on that!! But thanks for the input.