Since ive started adderal I feel like I can see for the first time.My self confidence has soared but there is one problem.With my new found independence I seem to feel diffrently about my husband.Things I never noticed or was too insecure to say anything about are driving me away.Sometimes I look at him and hear what hes saying and his actions and it just makes me shutter!I know he can feel it too and he dosnt like it one bit.I guess he probably liked it better when I was his yes girl and expected nothing in return.We havnt had relations in a month(which is a long time for me)because I was so insecure for so long that I would put up with anything and feel loved by only that act.I dont really know what to do,we dont even really speak lately.:confused:

Brandylyn;

This is serious stuff. This is your marriage, and your relationship with your mate. You need to talk to your husband. You should also talk to your therapist/doctor. If you can save it, do so, but it is going to take both of you communicating and trying. If you withdraw from the relaitonship there is no hope, so reach out and keep reaching out. I think he will get the idea...

just my two cents worth

Me :D

Since ive started adderal I feel like I can see for the first time.My self confidence has soared but there is one problem.With my new found independence I seem to feel diffrently about my husband.Things I never noticed or was too insecure to say anything about are driving me away.Sometimes I look at him and hear what hes saying and his actions and it just makes me shutter!I know he can feel it too and he dosnt like it one bit.I guess he probably liked it better when I was his yes girl and expected nothing in return.We havnt had relations in a month(which is a long time for me)because I was so insecure for so long that I would put up with anything and feel loved by only that act.I dont really know what to do,we dont even really speak lately.:confused:

Fight,Contend,Battle for your marraige.
I say this to myself every day.

Take it one day at a time.

Also, remember, your behavior trained him how to treat you.
You can really boil it down to be almost as simple as dog training.

If you teach a dog to respond one way by rewarding it for certain behaviors and disciplining it for other behaviors...then one day you realize that this isn't how you want your dog to respond to you anymore....it will take you just as long to retrain your dog as it did to train it. Sometimes you won't succeed...that's where the addage "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" came from. So, if you do your level best to retrain your dog and it doesn't work you need to find your dog a new home and if you feel the need to replace that dog....now you know how to train it.

I know.....it's a little lame to use this analogy but there isn't any emotion attached to analogies so the point is usually easier to understand.
If you'd like you can copy and paste the paragraph into Word and replace dog with husband or wife and the logic still holds true for human behavior.

The great thing that I like about this analogy is that it also leaves us with the best point. You don't ever sit down and tell the dog that you have recently realized that you don't like it's behavior you just change how you reward and discipline the dog and it either gets retrained and you like the behavior or not. Same with your husband. You will think you can sit down and explain this all to him and he'll get it and even help you retrain his behavior to your liking.

It ain't gonna happen.

So, figure out how you want him to behave towards you. Then reward him when he treats you the way you want. And discipline him when he behaves in a way you don't want.

As with most things the solution is a simple process. The implementation is the hard part. Having ADD....consistently implementing the solution is even harder.

But you have to ask yourself "Is it worth it?"

The answer is "Yes, if you're strong enough."

WOW!Since Im a dog nut that really hit it!Your right.Last night I came clean to him.I told him exactly how I felt and we agreed to make it work.He would work on being more compassionate and helpful and caring of my feelings and I agreed to soften the edges of my new found assertivness.Turn out it really freaked him out.He has never seen that side and to be honest neither have I!!!!I think I need to learn how to talk about things instead of holding it in and then letting it out with a explosion of negative undertones.Thanks you guys,sometimes I need to hear what I should automatically know from someone else.

lol Your on the right track. My husband and I went thru a pretty similiar period in our lives when I started functioning on my own and was able to start voicing my own opinions on things.

I never disagreed with him because he might leave me and I didn't deserve him one day and the next I'm glaring him down after yelling "why don't you just kiss my *you can probably guess*".

What you are going to go thru now will be a lot of hard work and stubborness to make it thru and a therapist wouldn't hurt any. But, thru it all I learned so many things about my husband that I would have missed out on.

We've learned to talk about everything and anything and I find that everyday I respect, love and honor him a little more.

My advice is use your voice, open your ears and follow your heart.

Good luck!!!

Weird, this happened to me.

I started taking Ritalin many years back (not taking it now)

I never put the two together :eyebrow: but it makes prefect sense to me.

The new book Delivered from Distraction has some good practical advice on relationships and marriage. Apparently, many ADHDers marry the "wrong" person, and only really grasp this after they get treated successfully for their symptoms.

I'm not saying you married the wrong person. I believe in marriage, and I think this could be a serious point of growth for both of you. Growth is hard as hell though, and don't be surprised if your growth happens much quicker than his, now that you're addressing your issues concretely.

Best wishes

That's very interesting. Does the book say why? Are many ADDers passive ?

brandilyn,

You may have already mentioned it in another post, but does your husband have any "issues" such as add/adhd/ocd/bipolar, etc?

One thing I noticed when I started taking Adderall in March (at the age of 43) was that I was "more aware" of all the annoying things my (non-medicated-at-the-time) ADD husband did. And my 2 adhd kids (1 medicated and 1 not).

Especially the first week. I noticed EVERYTHING. Who didn't close the drawer. Who left their dishes in the sink instead of loading them into the dishwasher. Who got a shirt out of the dryer and left the dryer door open so everything got wrinkled. You name it, I noticed it. My family kept saying I was nitpicking.

I was so much more aware of the things that have been going on for years but I never really noticed.

My husband got properly medicated in June (at 45) and life is grand. We get along so much better as a family. My husband and son don't bicker nearly as much.

I would take the "Adderall aware feeling" any day compared to how stressed out I used to be prior to taking it.

Personally,I think my hubby has the hyperactive side.He would never admit to it though.