Does anyone else have the "why bother attitude?" Often I feel the need to talk about something with a friend,bf or coworker and play the conversation in my head. In my head they either don't get it and frustrate me, are going to try and "fix" my problems and preach about how great my life is or anything else that will leave me wondering why did I bother mentioning it. Sometimes I feel antisocial or give that "nothing's wrong honey" reply because I second guess the outcome and don't have the energy. The strange thing is that it's a valid assumtion because those are usually the outcomes when I do express my feelings. Does anyone else's brain overthink social situations like this? Nevermind I know the answer ;) Ugh! Jacaboon

I often don't share things with my wife because I know she'll end up blaming me for my problems and generally make me feel worse after talking to her. (not intentionally on her part)

Of course it drives her crazy if I don't share these things with her. But I don't know what to do, since I believe that talking about what bothers you is supposed to be thereputic and make you feel BETTER not worse!!

I'm sure that this is quite common. It's a learned coping skill, and it probably starts early in life, lying to parents about school and social situations in order to avoid conflict. It continues into adulthood in slightly different contexts.


Of course it drives her crazy if I don't share these things with her. But I don't know what to do, since I believe that talking about what bothers you is supposed to be thereputic and make you feel BETTER not worse!!

People having an understanding of how other people think and operate is only an illusion. For most people, voicing one's problems is theraputic because the opposite party understands the problems as being typical (and may know how to proceed). When an ADDer voices problems to an NT, often, the NT sees the ADDers problems as being absurd and therefore make assumptions of laziness, weakness, etc.

It's called Apathy, and it's mixed in with negative thinking by the looks of it. People try and dismiss negative thinking by suggesting you should twist it, what they forget is the power of intuition sometimes, negative thinking, is honest realistic thinking.

Our brains work non stop and just like when you have two people talking dead serious after a while it always reduces to idle chit chat - well too much thinking about anything, almost always ends up overly negative.
The Key is to find a good combination of drugs that will stop you thinking so much, then with at least that out of the way, being selective with who you you speak frankly to (prefebally others with ADD as they may get where you are coming from). i hate to say it but a lot of the times you'll be on a losing battle when wanting to communicate with non ADDers (hence you're apathy now towards it)

What ever you do don't be tempted by Nihilism, Nihilism is attractive but it simply isn't true as there definitely can be meaning to things.

I don't know if the two are related but yes and yes. I do have the why bother attitude and I constantly play social situations and conversations in my head, both before they happen and after they happen.

The why bother attitude is there because I know for a fact that if I want to talk about whats in my head no one is going to be more interested in this super exciting subject as I am. (exclude better halves, paretns, maybe siblings) I used to do this all the time and I found out it's a great way to test people's patiente, endurance and how they feel towards you. Nice people don't deserve this "testing". There is always a person, a time and a place for everything though, which of course, sounds very nice and logical but I still have to control myself.

And play conversations in my head? Yeah, all the time, constantly and majorly. The amount of time I spend playing in my head stuff that hasn't happened yet and replaying stuff that has happened already is just unreal. I replay stuff heavily no matter how trivial or forgettable.

I can't believe that this kind of stuff can disappear when I take medication for it (which I've never done) cause I've lived with it all my life. I can't believe it -literally-.

It's nice to not feel alone on this one. It's true that I just want validation of my feelings (which you all just did :) ) and not solutions. I have no problem with the "maybe you could.." suggestions but that feeling of being judged as having a "trivial" concern is what gets to me. Thanks for the "validation"! Jacaboon

I play conversations in my mind. I have always done this. It's healthy to a certain extent, but can become obsessive and develop into anxiety. Trust me, on this one. :rolleyes: I think I would do this because I needed to be prepared for the actual conversation. If I was caught off guard, I couldn't think straight.

I can tell you the proper medication can reduce this need to play conversations tremendously. It can also help you pick up on social ques. I am getting better at identifying a persons mood or feelings in the first few seconds.

It's nice to not feel alone on this one. It's true that I just want validation of my feelings (which you all just did :) ) and not solutions. I have no problem with the "maybe you could.." suggestions but that feeling of being judged as having a "trivial" concern is what gets to me. Thanks for the "validation"! Jacaboon
Maybe you should... :D

I hear you. When I talk about my feelings to someone, I'm usually not looking for solutions to my troubles, because most people don't come up with anything that I wouldn't think up on my own. It's usually a matter of just wanting to vent and get it off my chest

I can definitely relate to the "playing things over and over in my head" part -- both those that have occurred and those that might (and even those that would most certainly never happen!) The "why bother" part only comes in when I've tried and tried to talk to someone about something, to get them to understand me and maybe make a change ("Honey, it really bothers the family that you golf every weekend, all weekend ...") and then nothing changes. I just give up.

I did hear a tactic I thought I would try using when people try to give me "solutions." I saw it on an Oprah show, with an adult daughter and mother; the daughter had a phrase she used to preface conversations in which she specifically did NOT want advice -- "Mom, this isn't something for you to FIX, but ...." I thought that might be a good way to approach those times when I just want validation. (ok, that's pretty much all the time ;-)

I have this attitude all the time... I have to

I want to share my feelings, thoughts, ect... but I just want someone to listen... not fix or try to solve a problem... and boy does my mother have a solution for EVERYTHING...

So now it's "why bother" and she get's annoyed I don't talk to her... well it's better for me than to keep getting upset over our conversations... she just doesn't know when to just listen...

I've had the "Why Bother Attitude" my whole life. It's usually because I boil it down into how much energy it will take me to do it and what the end result will be.
I remember making up this phrase when I was in my early teens that I think accurately illustrates how I look at most things.

"Why should I wash my face? It's just going to get dirty again and I'll have to wash it again." At the time I saw no benefit to washing my face every day and every night to avoid getting acne. Washing it all of the time didn't help and the problem wasn't that big that I need to waste that much time and energy on it. I have never really cared what others think of my looks and I still don't. So where is the benefit to exerting myself.

There is also the "why bother" entering into a conflict with someone when you know the outcome. In some cases it ends up that I just end the conversation bc the other person is so adamant about being right rather than getting things right that you can't have an honest converstaion with them so why bother trying to get them to see your point of view. They are either too dumb, too scared, or too self absorbed to make it worth my time.

So, in many things there is no payoff to warrant the effort so why bother doing it. Only stupid people iron their underwear before they put it on and get pee stains in it. Some things just aren't worth the effort.

this is not based on lethargy or laziness or apathy. This is based on logic and reason and a very acute understanding the the universe will provide you with everything you need. All you need to do is ask for it and wait.

IMO, the people that get into all of the fuss and bother in life are people that are trying to force the universe into a shape that suits them. They are typically control freaks.

Now, I'm at the point where I'm thinking: why bother saying any more on this topic. I've probably already exhausted anything relevant and the audience is ADD people whose attention span problem ended long before they got to this point in the post. (I would have stopped reading about paragraph 2. If you made it this far....thanks for reading the whole thing! :D)

Sometimes simple tasks would take so long I would just think screw it,who cares.Which of course turned into depression.Now I have more determination with my meds.It dosnt seem so hard now.

Sometimes simple tasks would take so long I would just think screw it,who cares

Okay would those simple task include voicing your feelings to others??????




The "why bother" part only comes in when I've tried and tried to talk to someone about something, to get them to understand me and maybe make a change ("Honey, it really bothers the family that you golf every weekend, all weekend ...") and then nothing changes. I just give up.

I resemble this remark. :D

("Honey, it really bothers the family that you golf every weekend, all weekend ...") and then nothing changes. I just give up.


If your husband plays golf all weekend and you have a family he needs to read the book "How to NOT be a Narcissist" previously title "Give yourself a Head-a-Rectomy for dummies." :D

Somebody who works all week and golfs all weekend (and that's like more than a couple of WHOLE weekends in a year) has serious issues and could just as easily support a family through child support and alimony. (Jail time is optional.)

Bring that boy over to my house! My meds are workin' great! I think I could express a few of your opinions without even hearing them myself. And if that didn't work giving him a good swift kick in the butt sure would do wonders for me.

OR

Is this one of those things that you just wanted to be heard on and not have fixed. I didn't see the "Don't Fix This" sign hanging on your door so I can't tell.:D

Oh yea!!I have a terrible time expressing myself to others.Most the time Im in the middle of trying to explain to my hubby why I dont like something or I think he should stay home and help me form his little girls brains instead of playing golf,basketball ect...I find myself getting so discusted with the situation and not being able to spit it out I just give up and walk away.My hubby calls me his little "jessica simpson".I hate that!Im really pretty witty if I can write it down and feel no pressure.Im definetly smart but he dosnt know that side of me.Just you guys!LOL!!!

Im really pretty witty if I can write it down and feel no pressure.Im definetly smart but he dosnt know that side of me.Just you guys!LOL!!!



Hmmmm sounds like a plan..write it down but don't immediatly decide weather or not to send it. Writting often helps get your thoughts straight.....some time I do this and I do not always send it to gary but if 48 hour go by after I have finished my writting peice and I feel the continued need to let gary in on my thought I have been know to e-mail my letter to him....

That way he can intrupt, side track and argue with the letter all he wants and the letter remains on track!!!!! Ignore if advice wasn't wanted.....Gary intrupts me often so if I do try to tell him how I feel and he goes into his justification mode that is when I hit the why bother button!!!!!

Yet he gets so mad when I keep my feelings inside.....but refuses to shut up long enough for me to get it out!!!!! Often I don't feel like causing a conflict because then still have the problem and conflict which is wayyyyy toooo much bother!!!!!!

I really hate it when he tries to explain things to me like Ive got down syndrome or something!LOL!!Sometimes he really pushes my buttons when he says something about housework or something HE wants done.Truly,Tammy I really believe that I have more common sence in my little to than he has in his entire body!!!LOL!!!But thats the blessing of being a woman,the patience and love to step back and let them puff theyre chest out and look so adorable!LOL!!!Ive come to the realization that my hubby is as thick as a brick and thats okay.Because when I throw him in the lake hell sink!LOL!!!!

I really hate it when he tries to explain things to me like Ive got down syndrome or something!LOL!!


OMG------Gary does this also!!!!!!! He talks like I am five. Some times it makes me sooo mad. Then at other times I look at him and laugh inside because he looks sooooo silly.

Here is this 47 years old man talking like he's six, with these stupid facial expressions. I have even accidently laughed out loud. If he makes the mistake of asking I make the mistake of telling him if I can stop laughing long enough!!!!! I mean to on looker he must look retarded because I certianly don't look six, haven't in over thirty years!!!!!!


he says something about housework or something HE wants done

Oh Oh Gary doesn't even go there!!!!!! I have a presonal house rule.....if some thing is dirty or bothering you then it becomes YOUR job to clean it!!!!!! If some thing needs fixing I will ask Gary only because he has asked me to!!!!! He wants to be given a chance to fix it before I try to!!!!!! Once I get ahold of some thing to fix it it's usually fixed alright...like for good........fixing so as to need a new one!!!!!

I have also prepaired what i thought I was going to say in any given situation and the end results and how I would deal with the disappointment I felt from the other persons reaction to my conversation and so on and so on and then one day sitting on a bus,,,,, there was a lady argueing with herself to no end,,, she was as loud as she could be and at first,, I thought she was cussing me out but when I asked if I had affended her she said "no honey, why do you ask" I left it alone but then started think,,,, will this be me one day? I am very self concious as to if my lips are moving when I plan ahead these conversations now. I still wonder if that poor lady started out just like some of us. And if,,so did her real conversations ever go as she had imagined. I know that mine hardly ever do.

as to if my lips are moving when I plan ahead these conversations now.


I can relate here, which is why I learned to write instead of talk.....looks so much sainer!!!!!


,,so did her real conversations ever go as she had imagined. I know that mine hardly ever do.



Niether do mine which is why soooo often decide to not even say any thing at all. All that explianing, emotions toooooo much bother unless I have a real problem with another preson's behavior and am unable to work around the behavior by my self!!!!!! I hate argueing, and all the negative emotions that go along with an arguement.

Besides most of the time nothing changes any way so why bother!!!!!!