I have personally been struggling with this one for awhile, when I try to figure out what it is that I want out of my life. I mean I would like to be married someday and have a couple of kids and a nice house and be active in my kids' school and be employed for a long time at one place and have a decent car and a nice list of friends and all those "normal" things. But when I see people do that, I think, oh my, how BORING, that must be. I don't know if that's just me being jealous and trying to make myself feel better about not having the life I'd like, or if I really would be one of those people who got to this ideal place then realized, this really SUCKS. I don't know what I want, I don't know what's normal, so I don't know WHAT to DO with myself half the time. I wonder what it's actually like to live like that, maybe it's better than I can even imagine. At the same time, it still seems boring. I can't see myself wanting to be with one person for six months let alone "til death do us part". Maybe that's just because I've never been in a good, healthy relationship?

Has anyone ever BEEN there, and isn't there anymore who could offer insight? I want to have hope for myself but sometimes I think I can't possibly slow down to enjoy anything at all, let alone to take the time and care needed to create a life I'd value enough to force myself to step back when I need to. I am always in such a RUSH to do everything and get it done that I think I miss so much. If I could snap my fingers I'd have a husband, two kids in grade school, a house, a career, a car. I don't even care about the journey to get there, and I know I probably should. :confused:

What I'm wondering is where do you think you are going to arrive (when you get there)....
The journey to get there is one of the best parts, its where you learn the most...the journey is your whole life

And yes I used to have this issue, do you have a therapist? I used to feel this way, and everyone always said Andrea you just haven't found "the one" yet, but there was a little more to the issue than that... my psychologist really helped me with that...and let me tell you, it's amazing....I used to think I knew what happy was...and now I think, "wow, so this is what being really truly happy is like, I never knew it could be this good"...

I see so many people struggling with happiness I really just wish everyone could experience this, being completely and utterly ok with yourself...even when crap happens...I hope that you can find this peace also

Good Luck
Take care ;)
...and I'm not even dating anyone right now, its not really that big of a deal (dating mean) anymore, and I'm completely happy...

Ditto....what Andie said. At the moment, I'm trying to get the right med and comprehend this ADD thing, so I'll admint I'm a bit discombobulated....

But I'm pretty ok about not being 'with' anyone right now. I too thought I'd prefer the "normal" thing, but when I had it, I didn't like it that much. I'd like to be 'in love'...but when I think about the guys I've been 'in love' with....well, it was good that it happened, but it's also good that it ended. I don't think I could give someone 'normal' what they need in a mate. Some of it, but not enough.

The main reason tho is that I have enough trouble making sense out of my self and my life when I only have me to worry about.....it's all about me, I guess.....and it's not fair to someone else, who deserves more of my attention than I can offer...

I decided a long time ago that I would rather have a hard life than an ordinary life. I got my wish -- my life has been and is a bit out of the ordinary. And I hope I can get even further from the beaten path in the future.

On the other hand, I do have a wife, a kid, a house, etc. etc. Those are all good things. Having complete love and faith and loyalty for someone, and knowing that it is reciprocated, is a fantastic feeling.

But I don't know, the answer will be different for everybody. For me, I didn't want to work for some Megazlotty Corporation; or wear a suit; or have to do some crappy task because that's what the rules said; or wake up and know that in all likelihood, my day would not hold any surprises; or ever, ever have to scrape the ice off my windshield again. :)

Then when my wife got pregnant, some kind of switch clicked in my mind and I realized that I wanted money too!

Putting together a life where all that could come together took some creativity, luck, and a bit of talent. But I have mainly done it by trusting my gut and jumping at the opportunities that have come my way.

so what is it you do with your time ? what goals have you accomplished so far ?I remember my father used to say the next 5 yr.s are going to go by anyway ,at the end you can say I'm glad I accomplised that and it's done ,or you can say -another 5 yr.s went by ,I wish .........

I just realized this was posted to "Women with ADD/ADHD", so maybe you wanted female rather than male opinions. Sorry if I intruded!

A good friend once told me, "Everyone has their own timeline."

Society seems to dictate that everyone has to do certain things to be deemed acceptable, i.e. go to college, find a career, get married, have kids, make respectable friends, make investments, own property....and do this all in a certain amount of time.
I am happy for those who can get all of this done. I try to not beat myself up for not being one of those folks at my age.
I think it's more important to get into these things when you're ready, rather than thinking, "Ok, I should have this by now."
Like others who posted in this thread, I realized the normal way of things was not really for me.
I've had what were supposed to be normal relationships and it didn't work for me. Neither did the ones where it was "Oh, we both have these major problems, we should understand each other!" What a crock of ****.
I had to find someone who is as loopy and inconsistent as I am without really being off the deep end and doesn't mind my problems.
I did find that person and while we'll never be the status quo, we're happy. I don't know if he's ADD too, we're both babes in the woods when it comes to dealing with mundane cr*p like bills and keeping the house together, but it's fun, there's never a dull moment and we love each other, so it works, and that's more important to me than anything else.

Normal life can mean all sorts of things. What is normal and works for me is strange to someone else, and vice versa.

I think normal life should be one that works for you, makes you happy and encourages you to go forward, even if it isn't the usual thing or takes you longer to get where you want to be.

Ahalo,
First advice, baby steps, find one area to work on. You might want to look at the work arena, gives you $ to do the other stuff. Decide what parts of the work world you'd dislike, then find a job that doesnt have those things,(at least as many as possible). Look for a job that has change, maybe outdoors, physically active,travel?

In my former life I taught special education in a SMALL school district. Frequent turn over in kids, small numbers of kids, different stuff to teach every year. And, being a small school, I was also able to teach other stuff. Got coereced into 7th grade English, (hey! I learned a lot, actually enjoyed it :D ); keyboarding, I still type with 4 fingers:o; advanced elementary math, a chance to teach kids something I hated:mad:;high school computer literacy; and 3rd grade 1/2 days, nope not my cup of tea. Worked well for me, rarely a day of being bored. I hated paperwork and figured ways to keep it to a minimum. Was able to stick with it for 25 years.

Sometimes your job is what YOU make it as well, taught with one gal who's quote was "I AM a second grade teacher". Don't ask her to step out of her comfort zone. Always count on the same project for the Halloween bulliten board (yep, 25 years of toothpick skeletons...). You do have choices...take ADDvantage of them.

(Yea, I can hear the thought, 'but what if I don't know what I want....oh well, perhaps some kind of career screening???)
Best of luck.

I use to feel the same way.I would sit at work and wish I could fast fprward to being married with kids and a life that I wanted.I have that now.You know,I think its the comfort of a family that you crave.I needed it so badly.I always felt like I was looking for my ship tp jump on.Somehow It just happened,I turned around and here it is.I would suggest diving into a job you enjoy or can make enjoyable,date and just have fun.I believe that everyone has a road and destination in life,we just dont know what it is.The love of my life , my husband was right under my nose the whole time!!!!!Life,YOUR LIFE will keep on moving forward and time will pass and whats meant to be will happen.Just put yourself in good positions,be positive and enjoy yourself,slow down,good luck to you.

I know this may be a little off track, but this just reminded me of something someone once said to me "Andrea! Wake Up! What are you waiting for? your life to begin? Because it's happening now, this is your life, right here, right now... and it's not gonna wait for you to begin!"

I just love that! They were completely right! So enjoy the ride!

:D

Ahalo, you have gotten some wonderful advice here! I am in total agreement with everything said. Like Brandilyn, I always felt just like you do now...and now I have what I thought I was searching for. I married a lawyer, I live in a big house in the suburbs, I have two baby girls, etc. etc. I was CRAVING the security that I thought that would give me. But like I believe you said, I also had this conflicting thing of NEVER, ever wanting to be a regular person. I would have (and still sort of feel this way) that I'd rather stick a fork in my eye that be "standard" or mediocre in any way. What I have found is that I am still the exact same person as before, even now that I'm not travelling all over the world or "free". I still have the same fears and struggles and need to always shake things up a bit...And here is my honest opinion, I don't know how it will go over, but I'll say it anyhow. HAVING KIDS AND BEING MARRIED IS HARD!!!!! For me anyway, it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and there are moments when I wonder what in the world i've gotten myself in to! (Don't get me wrong, I adore my family. ) So not to sound cliche, but life IS where you are at the moment. IT IS the journey. You will not suddenly "find" fulfillment when you reach your imagined destination. I'm convinced it doesn't work like that. :) Try to find the joy in what you have going on right now, it's there, you may just have to dig a little. (or a lot!;)) Appreciate the fact you can sleep and do your thing on your own time...there is beauty in every stage or life situation, really. GReat topic you started here! Very interesting.

Oh YES!!!Having a family is by far the most difficult thing you can imagine.No sleep,no alone time ever!!!I have to go to the bathroom with a child trying to climb on my lap!!!LOL!!!I also have 2 baby girls,2 and 4.Sometimes my hubby just has to laugh like last night.I went in the back bedroom to hide and blow dry my hair.So of course one at a time they found me!!!I was sitting on a leggo table,I could barely see the mirror!!LOL!!!Here were these two precious angels driving me absolutly bonkers!!LOL!!!Enjoy yourself.Everything in life is hard especially forming a little human being.Im glad that I waited until I got myself straightened out before my babies because when you think about it,we mothers are the ones responsible for what goes in theyre little noggins.