pembroke
08-29-05, 09:35 PM
This is going to be long (for me) so, if you have not the patience to read it, move on....
I have noticed that a lot of ADDers "lose interest" after the chase. I think I might have a solution. You need to find a guy who will not let you scare him away, no matter what.
When my husband and I reconnected, I did everything in my power to thwart his advances. I told him about past lovers, past affairs and some other things I should have kept to myself. I embellished. A lot. I invented things that might have happened.
The first 2 years we were married were hell. Heck, the first two weeks we were married were hell. But the one thing we both learned was: "never trot out the 'D' word unless you really mean it".
That has been our guiding principle. After the first two years, things got better and got worse and got better. And we realized that disinterest can set in real fast unless you make an effort.
You need to remember why you were attracted in the first place; you need to remember what the sex felt like; you need to realize that after a while, if you let the negatives take over, they will. You can convince yourself (up to a point) that this person is still the one.
Granted, if we are talking abuse or similar, then GET OUT NOW.
Although, having said that, I am still here, in spite of what people would consider emotional abuse.
My husband has always been a heavy drinker. In the beginning, I partied with him. Then I got pregnant. He continued the party. Sometimes to the point of actual attempts at physical violence. (Thankfully I am not at all shy about fighting back, and he realized that he would not win.)
Why am I telling you people all of this? I do not know. Maybe I need to finally get it off my chest after all these years. But, I do know that it is possible to remain, if not "in love" at least loving. Even when the conquest has been made. Remind yourself of the reasons that first attracted you. They are still there. And don't be too hard on your s.o. God knows, if anyone is hard to live with, it's an ADDer.
We have learned to become friends over the years. And he is still the only one I want touching me :o.....arguments and flying plates and all.....
I have noticed that a lot of ADDers "lose interest" after the chase. I think I might have a solution. You need to find a guy who will not let you scare him away, no matter what.
When my husband and I reconnected, I did everything in my power to thwart his advances. I told him about past lovers, past affairs and some other things I should have kept to myself. I embellished. A lot. I invented things that might have happened.
The first 2 years we were married were hell. Heck, the first two weeks we were married were hell. But the one thing we both learned was: "never trot out the 'D' word unless you really mean it".
That has been our guiding principle. After the first two years, things got better and got worse and got better. And we realized that disinterest can set in real fast unless you make an effort.
You need to remember why you were attracted in the first place; you need to remember what the sex felt like; you need to realize that after a while, if you let the negatives take over, they will. You can convince yourself (up to a point) that this person is still the one.
Granted, if we are talking abuse or similar, then GET OUT NOW.
Although, having said that, I am still here, in spite of what people would consider emotional abuse.
My husband has always been a heavy drinker. In the beginning, I partied with him. Then I got pregnant. He continued the party. Sometimes to the point of actual attempts at physical violence. (Thankfully I am not at all shy about fighting back, and he realized that he would not win.)
Why am I telling you people all of this? I do not know. Maybe I need to finally get it off my chest after all these years. But, I do know that it is possible to remain, if not "in love" at least loving. Even when the conquest has been made. Remind yourself of the reasons that first attracted you. They are still there. And don't be too hard on your s.o. God knows, if anyone is hard to live with, it's an ADDer.
We have learned to become friends over the years. And he is still the only one I want touching me :o.....arguments and flying plates and all.....