Brandilyn, can you hear me? :)

Gourmet, if you should catch this, your writings are lovely and inspiring and you need to get your work to publishers, period!

On with my story...


I introduced myself a week or so ago, but every time I go to post again, one of my kids goes bananas. They hate my using the computer. :) Anyway, I have two girls, ages 3 1/2 and 1 1/2. I believe I mentioned in my intro (I won't go over again as I don't want to bore you to tears!) that I haven't completely acknowledged my add in many years b/c it seemed like I could keep it under the radar fairly well. I never did poorly in life, am not hyperactive, etc. (I was diagnosed at age 7, my dad is a psychiatrist and was very tuned in...took me in for testing -- I'm 34 now.) My ADD has never been terribly severe. Until NOW!!!) I have compensatory skills that I use, such as just smiling when I forget terribly important things, etc. Sort of kidding. :) Anyhow....I have noticed that since having my girls I'm a bit of a mess. I feel sort of on the edge at all times. Like the normal, everyday things that need to get done are soooo hard. I have this inner sense that I'm not nearly as "with it" as other mothers. Or even...anyone! My house is clean and somewhat organized, as I cannot function with clutter around me (not a joke, I can't sit if things are in disarray)...I'm sure I have a little OCD tendency...I think it's because my brain is in disarray so my house cannot be -- isn't there some kind of saying like that? :) Seems as though now it's all catching up with me, no matter how I try...

I was asked previously by a member here if I was on meds -- the answer is complicated! :) I have been, on and off, for some time. (Mostly "off", as caffeine would help me quite well.) Never a high dose, as I don't like taking meds of any kind -- I'm very healthy and health conscious, so I've always had a hard time putting "drugs" in my body. Likely also b/c of my father, a psychiatrist... maybe a rebellion thing? I don't know. But I have caved and currently take focalin, a very low dose.

Back to what prompted me to post this. I have had a frightenly hellish day, one that has me wondering how I've made it this far! IT began with my waking up feeling that something is "off". I'm very intuitive (I'm guessing many of you are, too?) and told my husband I had "the creeps". He looked at me oddly and went to work. My babysitter came over (Yes, I even have help and I'm not functioning normally) and I went to do errands. This bizarro feeling is still with me. I'm driving along and I see that I'm getting pulled over...now, I very rarely get pulled over b/c I don't like to get in trouble!!! haha. Well...I realize at this point that my younger daughter (who is WILD) had taken my drivers license out of my purse a few months ago...I knew when she did it and could never find it. Did I go get a new one? NO. Why not? I have no IDEA!!!! Not only did I not have a license, the other one is NOT from the state I currently live in. I have lived in this state for THREE years and never updated my license. WTH??

So....the officer asks for it, I tell him I don't have it, but I DO know the number in my head. (Strange, I know.) He runs it and comes back and tells me that somehow it's been cancelled. Not a joke. That he is suppossed to tow my car and take me in. Now, I am driving a VOLVO WAGON with two car seats in the back. Here's where it gets really good. I was panicking and so "freaking it" (as my daughter says) I asked the guy IF HE WANTED A PIECE OF GUM!!!! Oh, dear. I will not go into further unneccessary detail, but he did let me go with just a million tickets. This is what I think I mentioned in my intro...I married a lawyer b/c I cannot seem to get my %h*t together!!! It's driving me crazy. And this is on medication. I feel like such an ingrate. :(

After this I got to my doctors office and they didn't have me down for today...things like this! (I broke down crying. Very not good.) I feel like I am teetering on the brink -- do any of you ever struggle with similar feelings, or seem to have experiences/behaviors that are not particularly acceptable to an adult with kids and the responsibilities that go with it?

WEll I've just gone on and on...This likely should have been several different topics, but it seems I so rarely have a chance to sit down and write here I thought I'd get as much out there at once as possible! :)

Thank you for letting me vent here. I already feel a bit better!

Wendy

Yes,In fact Im doing the same right now.Im not kidding.I told my hubby today that the past three days have been excruciating for some unknown reason.I said to him that too much was going on and it went right over his head.Which I quickly informed him of.He started in on my old flylady schedule and I swear to Moses I almost knocked him out!!LOL!!!(That was a crazy laugh.)I said its not a schedule HONEY! There is too much in my head.He just stared at me.I said youll never understand and put my head down on my pillow.Then he gave me a hug and rubbed my back.The physical affection made me feel much better.It really lifted a weight.I think that we try to be so strong all the time that we tend to forget to breath or be loved and that does make a diffrence.LOL!!!!! I looked at a cop once when he pulled me over and asked him if he was just really bored or something.Yes,Im a little ball of fire.LOL.I had to go to sallys beauty supply because state was not open(im a licenced hairdresser)not working though.Anywho,the little 19 year old behind the counter kept trying to correct me on my purchases.At first I said honey,Im a stylist,I dont need help.She was being a little snot.Looking at me and asking me if I had this or that because this wont work without this and so on....Finally I broke.Im not going to tell you how I handled it,it wouldnt be proper on the forum.But this is what Ive been dealing with the last week.I think you handled yourself very well.I am famous for being a sweetheart with a heart of gold and then if you get at me I turn into the hulk!LOL!!!We are okay!!!We have ADD and we have rugrats.We just need to let go....Im going to lay down and one by one let go of my anger and anxiety.My adderal had totally taken that away before but unfortunately everyday that passes its slowly creeping back.Im gonna go to the doc on the 9th and just tell him what improvements have stayed and which are floundering.Let him make the decision on whether I should go up or down on my meds.You know,we will have hard times though and its not always gonna be easy.I think that I might have panic attacks(alot of them lately)I use to have them several times a day before meds.We will make it till tommorow and the kids will scream,the dogs will tear up my clothes and my hubby will put me out by asking me to do something I just dont have the power in me to do right now,but its alright because only I can change it or stop it.I have to push myself.You can mail me and we can gripe together.I have made a goal though to only get on the computer two times a day for 15 min.Ive been on way too much and I can really tell.I have too many other things I SHOULD be doing.lol.

Wow!! What do you say to take away all that stench from such a crappy day?

Geeze, I'm so sorry (mmm not good enough)

Omg how awful (mmm still missing something)

I KNOW

*hugs to the both of you* its all I have at the moment I'm afraid. Its very late, my meds are wearing off and I still have the ten basic characteristics of life going over and over in my head. But, I will be back with something brilliant tommorrow I promise.

For tonight kiss the day away when your head hits the pillow and start tommorrow fresh. Who would want to bring a day like you two have had into tommorrow? Certainly not me though I've done it and wouldn't advise it.

Hugs
hugs
hugs
hugs
hugs
hugs
Cherity

ps I didn't have to marry a lawyer~~I adopted one or his brother adopted me however you wanna put it he still says I'm his favorite client. lmao

I will accept your hugs and raise you two more.LOL!! I know,pitty party central but I do look fabulous!!!

OH, you guys are the greatest! Thank you sooooo much. Brandilyn, you had me rolling on the floor.... I forgot to mention...we have 10 dogs. NOt a joke. Well, not "WE" my HUSBAND... while I do like animals, I'm in no condition to have 10 dogs and two little kids...haha! Futs, you are so kind...thank you.

ANd yes, I do also think the panic attacks can go hand in hand with the ADD, not sure which comes first, for me anyway...I've had the sometimes panicky thing for years and years....ugh! But anyway, I adore you! MWAA!
Wendy

On with my story...

I introduced myself a week or so ago, but every time I go to post again, one of my kids goes bananas. They hate my using the computer. :) Anyway, I have two girls, ages 3 1/2 and 1 1/2. I believe I mentioned in my intro (I won't go over again as I don't want to bore you to tears!) that I haven't completely acknowledged my add in many years b/c it seemed like I could keep it under the radar fairly well. I never did poorly in life, am not hyperactive, etc. (I was diagnosed at age 7, my dad is a psychiatrist and was very tuned in...took me in for testing -- I'm 34 now.) My ADD has never been terribly severe. Until NOW!!!) I have compensatory skills that I use, such as just smiling when I forget terribly important things, etc. Sort of kidding. :) I can relate. I was diagnosed as a kid, but did pretty well inspite of it and thought I outgrew it or had compensated for it sufficiently.
Anyhow....I have noticed that since having my girls I'm a bit of a mess. I feel sort of on the edge at all times. Like the normal, everyday things that need to get done are soooo hard. I have this inner sense that I'm not nearly as "with it" as other mothers. Or even...anyone! My house is clean and somewhat organized, as I cannot function with clutter around me (not a joke, I can't sit if things are in disarray)...I'm sure I have a little OCD tendency...I think it's because my brain is in disarray so my house cannot be -- isn't there some kind of saying like that? :) Seems as though now it's all catching up with me, no matter how I try... Couple of thoughts here: most other moms aren't doing quite as well as you think but there's no doubt that ADD makes is much tougher, especially if one or both of your girls end up with ADD too. That's the case around my home -- it appears that both my girls are AD/HD. No matter how well you coped before, having kids (especially more than one) can throw off those coping skills -- it just isn't possible to control all the variables as well (especially when they "help" by moving your license, keys, etc.!:p ).I hope that meds won't always be necessary for me, but for now, with small kids -- I'm very grateful that they help.
I was asked previously by a member here if I was on meds -- the answer is complicated! :) I have been, on and off, for some time. (Mostly "off", as caffeine would help me quite well.) Never a high dose, as I don't like taking meds of any kind -- I'm very healthy and health conscious, so I've always had a hard time putting "drugs" in my body. Likely also b/c of my father, a psychiatrist... maybe a rebellion thing? I don't know. But I have caved and currently take focalin, a very low dose. I don't know anything about focalin -- does it help your symptoms much? I'm a health nut too -- hated the thought of taking drugs. I'm also a counselor, so I was sure I could change my thinking patterns enough without medication. Problems was it wasn't just thinking patterns -- being a mom is a very challenging job with constant distractions and changes of direction -- not an easy combination for an ADDer. I finally decided that the side effects of not taking medication were a lot more dangerous (the stress hormone cortisol (sp?) really wrecks havoc on your mental accuity and stress is definately a major cause of lowering your immune systems leaving you vulnerable to all kinds of unpleasant health problems.
Back to what prompted me to post this. I have had a frightenly hellish day, one that has me wondering how I've made it this far! IT began with my waking up feeling that something is "off". I'm very intuitive (I'm guessing many of you are, too?) and told my husband I had "the creeps". He looked at me oddly and went to work. My babysitter came over (Yes, I even have help and I'm not functioning normally) and I went to do errands. This bizarro feeling is still with me. I'm driving along and I see that I'm getting pulled over...now, I very rarely get pulled over b/c I don't like to get in trouble!!! haha. Well...I realize at this point that my younger daughter (who is WILD) had taken my drivers license out of my purse a few months ago...I knew when she did it and could never find it. Did I go get a new one? NO. Why not? I have no IDEA!!!! Not only did I not have a license, the other one is NOT from the state I currently live in. I have lived in this state for THREE years and never updated my license. WTH??

So....the officer asks for it, I tell him I don't have it, but I DO know the number in my head. (Strange, I know.) He runs it and comes back and tells me that somehow it's been cancelled. Not a joke. That he is suppossed to tow my car and take me in. Now, I am driving a VOLVO WAGON with two car seats in the back. Here's where it gets really good. I was panicking and so "freaking it" (as my daughter says) I asked the guy IF HE WANTED A PIECE OF GUM!!!! Oh, dear. I will not go into further unneccessary detail, but he did let me go with just a million tickets. This is what I think I mentioned in my intro...I married a lawyer b/c I cannot seem to get my %h*t together!!! It's driving me crazy. And this is on medication. I feel like such an ingrate. :( One of the hard truths for me once I finally decided that medication was a must at this phase of my life was that I was still ADD after meds. It definately helped, but symptoms were still there and I was even more aware of them than before. I have a really great counselor that I've been seeing twice a month since I started meds in March. He's really helped me deal with the feelings around my meds, my ADD, my lapses and helped me identify my strengths, taught me coping techniques to deal with stress, etc. Pretty much all the material I've read on ADD (which is a lot) agree that meds alone aren't enough, especially in the beginning or under times of high stress or change. If you don't already have one, I'd encourage you to explore the possibility of seeing a therapist familiar with working ADD issues. Like I said earlier, stress really erodes mental functioning and the spiral down can continue until there is sufficient self care, support, etc to break it. You're worth it and will be a better mom, wife and a happier person with appropriate support. I can understand your resistance since your dad is a psychiatrist, but I overcame my own resistance even though I'm a counselor myself, to realize that there are times in our lives when a little outside intervention goes a long way.
After this I got to my doctors office and they didn't have me down for today...things like this! (I broke down crying. Very not good.) I feel like I am teetering on the brink -- do any of you ever struggle with similar feelings, or seem to have experiences/behaviors that are not particularly acceptable to an adult with kids and the responsibilities that go with it? Unfortunately, yes. Recently, when I was stressing because I couldn't read a map in the car, had misheard about 50% (not exagerating here) of what my husband had tried to tell me, and had grabbed a cart I thought my husband left, but which was actually attached to a woman on oxygen which I narrowly avoided pulling out:eek: , I was sobbing in the car and couldn't stop enough though I knew my kids were worried. Combine ADD and stress and you've got a real mess. That's why I think outside support is such a good thing. My counselor helped me identify the stress triggers and the thoughts that made them worse (like, "I should be able to ..."), and come up with strategies for dealing with the similar situations in the future, when they come up.
WEll I've just gone on and on...This likely should have been several different topics, but it seems I so rarely have a chance to sit down and write here I thought I'd get as much out there at once as possible! :)

Thank you for letting me vent here. I already feel a bit better! Glad the venting helped. You're definately not alone out there in your experience. Be gentle and patient with yourself!

Scattered

WELL,today is a new one and so far its not so bad.Ya know, I think my meds are not working again.I went through this before and shes right,you really do need meds at this stage because now is not he time to try to wing it.We have little people who didnt ask to be here.In fact mine is naked and jumping off the table.Gotta go,im gonna go swimming and have some fun.The computer is sucking me in and its draining me.LOL!!!!type later.

Where do I begin ? Gosh ! Ok, I had 6 kids, 2-2 1/2 yrs apart, I wasn't properly dx & on put on proper meds til 8 yrs ago...I'm almost 52 now, hubby suddenly upped & walked out 4 yrs ago, the 2 youngest were the only ones still at home, both were in High School & 1 was in her Sr yr & I had been told that due to injuries from a accident in the home that I wasn't able to go back to work. All the kids are grown now.....well thats what their age category referrs to them as, they range in age from 32-19 & the 2 youngest 19 & 21 are more mature than the older ones are even aware exists. I had 5 girls & 1 boy...3 with ADD & 3 without, my son died 2 yrs ago at the age of 24. He was ADD & had Learning Disabilities & always did Great, until a specific idiot convienced him he didn't really need his meds.
The 2 Cops stories are priceless..I was stopped when I was 18 for running like 6 red lights at 2am & noone was on the road & I was scared. When the cop pulled me over & asked me why I said "I was afraid to stop, where would you have been if I had stopped at those lights & someone tried to get into my car?" He replied, "the same place I was when I was watching you run a those 6 red lights." I was telling the truth so he didn't give me a ticket & followed me home.
A few yrs later I was engaged to a guy that was stationed at a local Air Force Base, this was during the Vietnam war & he had just gotten back a few months before. I was going on base to have lunch with him & an MP made a comment about the way I signed my name. With all the boldness & stupidy someone that age can have, I looked him straight in the eye & said "this is a Micky Mouse outfit & I'm tired of being a mousecateer." They called my finace & told him from then on he had to meet me at the gate & stay with me until he walked me out the gate & off the base. But 32 yrs later I attended 1 of several Military Balls my youngest daughter had on that base(my 2 youngest were in JROTC & rose through the Cadet ranks, 1 was Orienteering Commander her Sr yr in High School & the youngest was Rifle Team Commander 2 yrs in a row, graduated at rank of Cadet Major & is still active at the high school she graduated from, she also is a college Sophmore & attends college on this same base) Back to the Military Balls....I conducted myself in a Proper, Dignified & Respectful Manner, although fear of what my youngest would do to me if I didn't had the influence over me that the MP's from 32 yrs back just didn't.
Also, my hubby was physically disabled & unable to work for a number of yrs. One summer afternoon...after quite a few yrs of fileing for Disability & being turned down we took all 6 kids down to the local office to fill out yet another application. He needed medical care at home & when we were told that several yrs before this I was also told that I should be the one to do this, I have a Medical Backgfround. Anyways, there was a cute young lady, about 18 & she was being trained to take applications. We weren't 5 minutes into the process when the word "degenerative" came up & she looked up at me & said "what does the word "degenerative" mean? Well, that was it for me...I asked her if the window behind me broke & she asked why I was asking...I said "because I'm getting ready to throw your" I can't finish exactly what I said because of the guidelines...but I think you get the idea. Know what the real kicker...so to speak was? Several weeks later I was contacted by someone at the Elegibility Determinations office here & after talking with the Lady for a few mins, she said " I was really worried about calling you, they have "Wife Hostile" "Violent Wife", ect written all over your husbands file but I just have 1 question....what took you so long ? His application finally went through. For the record I Do Not Recommend this type of behavior, but at the time I was at the end of my rope & I just couldn't deal with 1 more incompatent & ignorant person.
About the Painc Attacks. I use to have them so bad that our family dr & I had a "check list" for me to go down to make sure I wasn't having a Heart Attack & 20-30 mins after taking 10 mg of Valium & laying down or trying to, if I didn't feel better he told me to call him. And the few times I or hubby had to call, this Saint of a dr came to the phone right away & never made me feel like I was being silly or overreacting or that it was all in my head. I was also dx with Mitral Vavle Prolapse Type 1, no mumer, no click when I was carrying my youngest child (1985) There has been some connection between the 2 reported in several studies........BUT, I haven't had 1 Panic Attack since the first day I started taking ADD meds 8 yrs ago.

2001-2004 were not only more full of stress for me, but it was the type that was extrodinary..not your usual day to day things..although the day to day things were mixed in & it was chronic. I have been told & I know of others that when they were going through this type of thing...it literally put them in their grave. I Know & have no doubt that being on the ADD meds in combination with my personal Faith beliefs is the only explanation as to why I'm still here.

Ladies, as stressful, hectic & "something's just not right" as these times are for you right now...I Promise you that 1 day you will look back with fond memories & be able to laugh at the things that make you cry now. Keep on shareing & remember to be as good to yourself as you are to others & don't allow anyone to treat you in anyway less than you would a stranger.
BlessedLady

Blessed Lady, I really like the words of wisdom in your post. I also wanted to convey my deepest sympathy on the loss of your son. It really angers me when people who don't know what they're talking about criticize medical management of ADD and put lives at risk. :mad:

I relate to what you were saying about the panic attacks too. I've had them on and off for years. One doctor even ran EKG and other tests to be sure I didn't have a heart condition. From my very first Concerta, my anxiety level dropped markedly and I've had no panic attacks. It felt like a knot unclenching in my stomach. I also know that my personal faith has made a huge difference in my life. Without the combination, I'm not sure where I'd be or if my family would be in tact, it was headed in a pretty ugly direction.

Scattered

I know what your saying.Its made a huge diffrence for me too.I just hate how I keep building a tolerence or something.Whats up with that?It makes it ten times worse cuz I know how I can feel and its so dissapointing when this happens!! Honestly,I dont know if I can wait till the 9th.I think I will call my doc tommorow and get in earlier but what else can he do?Im already taking two 20ml. a day.Im not that big so I would kind of be scared to go up but I have to do something.My hubby dosnt believe me when I tell him its all fixable through my meds.It really is,thats why I hate it when it bottoms out.This time it took about three weeks for it to wear down on me,Im sure you all can tell my decline through my post.Im just not me,happy together me.Im lost again,scattered like marbles let out of a bag.I refuse to live the old way,there has to be something that will keep me at that content level.

Brandilyn,

Did you get counseling along with the meds. What I read was that they've found the medication makes a big difference immediately, but without follow up education, support (counseling, coaching or group support), structure and so forth the gains aren't permanant. Also I found I didn't feel my meds after the first month or so, but they still made a difference in my behavior and thinking. Is there a reliable outside person you could ask about the changes they see in you? A few people to develop a tolerance and that is trickier. Drs. Hallowell and Ratey(Driven to Distraction, Answers to Distraction, and Delivered from Distraction)have a lot of non medication approaches that can supplement or be used when medication isn't working or desired. Stress can also undermine the effectiveness of the medication, so learning stress management tools can help a lot. Lastly, your husband is partly correct -- for most of us mediation won't "fix" all our symptoms, but it surely can help reduce them and improve our quality of life. Accomodations such as mentioned in the above books and others such as Adult AD/HD written by Michele Novotni and Thomas Whiteman, Women with Attention Deficit Disorder by Sari Solden, and You Mean I'm not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy (can't remember the authors). There are lots of others as well, but I've got a headache and can't think of them at the moment. One thing that helps me most on or off meds is regular aerobic exercise -- walking does the trick nicely. Gets the blood flowing the the brain. Also things like caffeine and cigarettes reduce the flow of blood to the brain, so less medication and all the other things the brain needs get there (there is a short term boost but an long term loss). Anyway, hope you find something helpful in this. I really found outside counseling helped me, if that's an option for you -- it can really be worth what you pay if you find someone knowledgable about AD/HD.

Scattered

I have recieved counciling most of my life.Thats why I get soooooooo frustrated because I know whats right and whats wrong it just seems I have no self control without meds.My anxiety level is so high and the only thing thats ever worked was adderal.My brain is like a t.v. flipping from station to station and I cant grasp on to anything.I tried to tell my hubby last night and he looked at me like he pittied me and Im sure he truly does feel compassion for what Im going through,he has just ran out of advice.He did say your right,I cant understand that.Im everywhere and yet nowhere.I cant sit still again which is very upsetting because I was really enjoying the benefits of reading and playing with my girls.My family has noticed even though I tried to keep it to myself.Thats why they kept Lilli for a few days,I know that.My sis says,have you taken your medicine and I dont know what to say.They were so happy for me and I could really see the relief that they felt when the meds had me under control.They had the real me back again,not the anxious,depressed,quiet brandi.My kids were so happy.My oldest Lilli said mommy this is great!I was sitting and reading to her.....Dont get me wrong,Im definetly NOT going to go with this flow.I will perservere.I have no choice.Im definetly scared of this weekend though,I will have my stepson and hes a real handful.He completly destroys the house and I spend most of my time screaming and threatning him to stop acting crazy.Plus,the fact that its another little person to deal with and I feel overloaded right now.Oh well, Ive done it before,Ill do it again.Im gonna be okay.

Hey Brandilyn, I can relate. I know how out of control it can get and how frustrating that is, especially when you've seen how different it can be. Do you think the additional stress is wrecking some of the havoc? Is there anything nice you could do for yourself to get a bit of a time out from it? (Easier said than done I know!). If nothing else, be understanding of yourself -- others who don't have it can't fully understand, but validation from yourself on how hard you work to make things better and how much you care can make a big difference too. I find when I get down on myself (which I frequently do) that I just spiral down and down. Finding what's reasonable for you (not someone else) to accomplish and giving yourself some latitude to be less than perfect while still being a wonderful person can really help. It's something I have to work on all the time.

On the counselor thing, I saw a number of counselors and they all helped some, but until I found one who really understood adult AD/HD things were very slow to improve. Groups with other ADDers are especially valuable -- it's nice to have the face to face validation and support and group provides. It's also nice to know you're not alone in this. One particularly unpopular homework assignment my counselor gave me is having me write down what I like about myself and say it to myself in the mirror. I really don't enjoy it, but it does actually help over time, if I stay with it. It's pretty easy to forget about all the good stuff about yourself and just focus on the lack.

I hope you have a better today!

Scattered

Thank you Scattered,your so nice.I am doing better today.Im really pushing myself.I do have alot of stress right now,Im so tired of having a pitty party for myself so Im gonna snap out of it!LOL!!!I did enjoy my last psychiatrist,it was creepy though.My hubby went with me and he ended up chewing my hubby out right in front of me.He made me feel like I wasnt wrong and that my emotions are very real.That I have the right frame of mind I just need the power to control it.That was the first time ever someone didnt say I was wrong or lazy or giving up.It was quite a suprise!!LOL!He thought I was pretty neat!I think I need to focus on my children and husband and engross myself in my family life instead of being paranoid.I am hiding though,I dont do well with other people in public when Im like this.My fight or flight button is broken!LOL!!!!!thank you.

Wow. I'm sitting here in shock after reading through these posts. THank you all so much for contributing your personal experiences and thoughts! I'm still feeling a little "off", have been all week -- good to know I'm not the only one who goes through such periods.

Let's see. Scattered. How interesting you were "found out" as a kid too. Also interesting you are a therapist! I have my psyc degree but never got around to getting my masters,etc. Tell me how you did and if you are glad? Worth it? Oh yes, I have had counseling. I'm a firm believer in it. Focalin is a newer med, the right isomer(?) of ritalin. I'd tried about everything, but the after-affects were too hideous to tolerate -- meaning the afternoon/evening hours for me. Horrible come down. And I get jittery easily, so this has been the only thing I could take, and I still take very small amounts.

Brandilyn, brandilyn! Wow. We even have a daughter same name, different spelling. :) Think of it this way...at least your brain is GOING! It may be tuning into a million channels, but it is on! (Mine comes in and out...sometimes just playing with the kids is soooo boring I want to die...then the next hour I'm fine.) I don't want to sound like a doc, and I certainly am not, but have you ever tried any low dose anx. meds? Even for occasional use? Having young kids and "doing it all" is soooo hard! I never drank or swore before, and now I find myself being a foul mouth drunk. Only kidding about the heavy drinking part -- but I DO have a glass of wine several (like SEVEN ha!) times a week whereas I NEVER did this unless out to dinner or whatever before. Have you tried yoga? The really strenuous, hard kind? THis helps me tremendously. I notice a big difference on the days I do it. Also...diet. I stick to vegetables, fish and some grains...no sugar or anything processed. When I stray from this, HUGE difference in my mood and functioning abilities. (As in I cannot think, I act impulsively, say things I should not, etc.) There was something else you mentioned a while back that we had in common, can't remember...I'll let you know as it comes to mind. Please keep me posted on how you are doing. Anytime, I am here! (OH! I remembered..as i read your post MY daughter was dancing naked on the table. MY god, she does this all the time and it scares the he&* out of me! And then she tries to jump! argh. we've been to the ER three times with this one.)

Blessedlady, you are a beautiful soul and we are so lucky to have you share your experience. Thank you for your lovely reminders and kind, compassionate words of wisdom.

So nice to be able to talk with you all. :)
Wendy

One more thing...for those with young kids...can you give me some suggestions for the afternoon/evening hours, say after 3pm? I seem to be much more tired then, and the kids behavior seems to go downhill starting around four or so...fist-fighting, pinching, pulling hair, stuff like this never stops! (Yes, they are girls, 1 and 3 -- WILD.) I call these few hours before bed "hell hours," and everyone knows never to call me then -- it's that bad! What do you all do? Or did you do? Anyone else just feel strong "brain drain" in the late afternoon and have an extra hard time with kids then? Yikes...just thinking about the hours coming makes me feel naseous....

Wow. I'm sitting here in shock after reading through these posts. THank you all so much for contributing your personal experiences and thoughts! I'm still feeling a little "off", have been all week -- good to know I'm not the only one who goes through such periods. Not the only one by any means!

Let's see. Scattered. How interesting you were "found out" as a kid too. Also interesting you are a therapist! I have my psyc degree but never got around to getting my masters,etc. Tell me how you did and if you are glad? Worth it? Oh yes, I have had counseling. I'm a firm believer in it. Focalin is a newer med, the right isomer(?) of ritalin. I'd tried about everything, but the after-affects were too hideous to tolerate -- meaning the afternoon/evening hours for me. Horrible come down. And I get jittery easily, so this has been the only thing I could take, and I still take very small amounts. I did great believe in or not. I loved my masters program and did well and really enjoyed working in the field. I did personal growth weekend workshops (my favorite thing to do -- exciting, stimulating, and I got to talk lots and people actually paid to listen!:D ); ran a grief recovery program in local schools, and had a private counseling practice -- yes I was a busy girl (notice the H in AD/HD).

On the subject of meds I had terrible come down from my Concerta too -- took a good bit of fiddling with until I got it right, but what finally worked for me was to take the once a day pill twice a day (7 AM and 2 PM). Now I do real well.

Brandilyn, brandilyn! Wow. We even have a daughter same name, different spelling. :) Think of it this way...at least your brain is GOING! It may be tuning into a million channels, but it is on! (Mine comes in and out...sometimes just playing with the kids is soooo boring I want to die...then the next hour I'm fine.) Yep, I do that too -- sure wish I didn't. I don't want to sound like a doc, and I certainly am not, but have you ever tried any low dose anx. meds? Even for occasional use? Having young kids and "doing it all" is soooo hard! I never drank or swore before, and now I find myself being a foul mouth drunk. Only kidding about the heavy drinking part -- but I DO have a glass of wine several (like SEVEN ha!) times a week whereas I NEVER did this unless out to dinner or whatever before. Have you tried yoga? The really strenuous, hard kind? THis helps me tremendously. I notice a big difference on the days I do it. Also...diet. I stick to vegetables, fish and some grains...no sugar or anything processed. When I stray from this, HUGE difference in my mood and functioning abilities. (As in I cannot think, I act impulsively, say things I should not, etc.) Same experience here with the diet -- exercise is the other biggy.

Blessedlady, you are a beautiful soul and we are so lucky to have you share your experience. Thank you for your lovely reminders and kind, compassionate words of wisdom.Scattered agrees wholeheartedly!

One more thing...for those with young kids...can you give me some suggestions for the afternoon/evening hours, say after 3pm? I seem to be much more tired then, and the kids behavior seems to go downhill starting around four or so...fist-fighting, pinching, pulling hair, stuff like this never stops! (Yes, they are girls, 1 and 3 -- WILD.) I call these few hours before bed "hell hours," and everyone knows never to call me then -- it's that bad! What do you all do? Or did you do? Anyone else just feel strong "brain drain" in the late afternoon and have an extra hard time with kids then? Yikes...just thinking about the hours coming makes me feel naseous....Nope it's just you -- all of our kids are great at those hour and we're at our best!:p NOT!!!:rolleyes:
Naps are wonderful, but hard to apply at times. Exercise, exercise, exercise -- wear those little gals out (preferably outdoor) -- it'll also reset your brain to run around some too! Then you can at least have some peace in the evening when they collapse into bed. If that's not an option, a quiet nature video can sometimes give a tired mother a break. There's no easy answer -- that's why it's not so affectionately called the witching hour:eek: .

Scattered

Yes,I have monsters too.Its that time of day ya know.theyre hungry,tired and everything else.Im a huge supernanny fan.Thats one thing I make myself stick too.They go to bed at 9.Thats it.All lights out and nothing but themselves and me sitting for comfort.Its important,I never learned that growing up and it was a shock to my system once I became a adult.I really stick to it.It took a long time but it helped me out cuz like I said if were not runnin' right whos gonna take care of them.Im trying to teach them to let theyre brains shut down,I wish mine would!!LOL!!! I also put them in theyre room if they wont let me talk when I need to or something important.Its better than losing it and screaming at them,that shows them how and believe me,they dont need training.Sometimes I find that with myself having ADD I have a hard time sitting down and really asking them how they feel or what they want to do.That makes a huge diffrence.They are much more content when Im involved with them in a activity with justthem for 30min. or so.I know,ITS HARD!!!!But we must!!!!LOL!!!!!thats my crazy laugh...

Sometimes I find that with myself having ADD I have a hard time sitting down and really asking them how they feel or what they want to do.That makes a huge diffrence.They are much more content when Im involved with them in a activity with justthem for 30min. or so.I know,ITS HARD!!!!But we must!!!!LOL!!!!!thats my crazy laugh...Absolutely, you said it brandilyn. This is probably the biggest thing (and frequently the most challenging to do).

Scattered

Oh, dear--you sound exactly like me. :o I don't remember how long it took after moving to this stupid landscape-free, pig-feces-stinking midwestern state before my license started reading "DUPLICATE" all the time, but it wasn't very long--I'm sure if I could find all of those suckers that I've lost it'd be a weird sort of gallery. :faint: Yes, yes, "on the brink" sounds about right--my final term of college (which ended in May) was very "on the brink"-ish. Heck, I may have fallen over the edge a couple of times. (You can see if you look through posts from days past. :foot: ) Rockin' move with the gum offer...I probably would've just ranted off my DL# and then mumbled nonsense incessantly until, at some point, the officer asked if I'd been using any illicit substances that evening (it's happened before--but my pupils, which are constantly dilated thanks to brain damage, don't help at all. :rolleyes: )

If you feel like an airhead or an incompetent mother or something like that sometimes...I think it's normal. Heck, I know some non-ADD mommies who feel incompetent half the time! ;) You're not alone worrying. But even though it might seem bad at the moment, I'm sure that in reality you're a fine mother.

Oh, yeah--SUPER rockin' move marrying a lawyer. That could come in very handy! Hmm...actually you just reminded me--I think I have a couple of 2-month-old parking tickets I should probably pay. :eek:


(I broke down crying. Very not good.) I feel like I am teetering on the brink -- do any of you ever struggle with similar feelings, or seem to have experiences/behaviors that are not particularly acceptable to an adult with kids and the responsibilities that go with it?

Wendy