This may be too graphic for some people. If you feel offended at anytime while reading the Post below, I apologize ahead of time, and would advize you to leave. I do not intentionally mean to be offensive, I am merely looking for help, and advice.


This will be my first post. I'm a 22 year old male who believes he has a serious problem with masturbation.

I can't make myself stop anymore. Am I the only one? Because everywhere I look (internet), I'm finding things like "i do it 3-10 times a day..." and even though I don't do it that much, its the frequency of it. See, I may only masturbate once a day, but I'm doing it for hours. Today, was 3 hours...before climax. I hope this isn't too graphic. I really just want some advice. I'm completely lost.
I've heard "it's a natural thing, it's fine, healthy..." Whatever. Personaly, I think if you can control it with moderation it can be healthy, but for myself: I'm late for appointments, work, family functions, I deprive myself from sleep, food. Today alone I've only had one SMALL meal.

I've heard most ADDer's are pretty sexually active. And before I was on Concerta I could say I was "ready" to be active, but I just didn't have that special someone to share it with. But now I have a serious girlfriend, and I really think that my habits, or addiction, is hurting our sex life. I don't think it's the medication, entirely. Concerta is suppose to more or less kill a person's sex drive, (while the med is functioning). And it does. But that hasn't stopped me from "overly-practicing" while I'm on it.
I recently read on seperate websites about over-masturbating, and how it creates an excess of chemicals in the body. How much of it is true? I'm unsure. There's information listed on both trustworthy sites
http://www.sexualrecovery.com/resources/articles/understanding-compulsive-masturbation.php
And a sites I would consider "sketchy." http://www.herballove.com/library/resource/overmas/fatal.asp

I think there may be something to what the reports say, because I experience symptoms similarly to what is described. Obviously lower back pain could come from a bad computer chair, and I don't believe masturbation can cause hair loss, but, the groin pain, and soft erec@#$. Well, those exist.

I'm not attracted to wierd fetishes (ie: pain), everything that I find sexually attractive would be in the norm.
I just feel alone, and lost. I'm aggrivated because I want to stop! And each time I say I will, I wind up doing it again. I could be sitting in the act, yelling at myself to stop, for hours!... and I won't. I just keep on going.

I haven't told my girlfriend... or anyone. This is the first place I've ever made a reference to it. I'm really considering calling Love Line tonight, but I'm a little afraid of getting on air, and having my friend who listen to the show hear my voice. (ADD kicking in), the reason I haven't told my girlfriend, is because every recovery meathod I read has to do with "finding God," or "obstaining from any sexual interaction." The reality is that God and I, we're on our own level. I'm not a church goer, I have my own opinions on that, and I'll keep them for another forum (just as I will appreciate that from you aswell). To add to it, my girlfriend is the same way; being that religion is the last thing to do with anything. Whether thats agreed on by all or not, there has got to be a way to get over this addiction without religion. And, my girlfriend and I are sexual active. We have sex, it's good, we keep each other happy respectively. So abstence would not go over well.
However, I'm finding the more and more I allow myself to masturbate, the harder it is for me to preform.

I have my own theories in how this ties into with ADD. Generally, people with ADD have an attraction towards visual stimulation. IE, my masturbation addiction coincides with a lot of internet porn. It could be said that I have as much of an addiction to the internet as I do with masturbation. Now its easy for people to say, "give the internet up; just stay away..." That's a little tough. See I use a computer everyday at work. I help build them so-to-speak. I also use software that creates photos, and film, via, the computer. All the things I work with invlove a computer, and internet.

I have to find a solution. Is there anyone else out there that goes through this? Any suggestions/constructive criticism from anyone is encouraged. If there is anything that I haven't answered that might help, please let me know. I'm really at a breaking point now. And I'm exhausted. Help.

:(:confused::mad:

Have you read either of Wendy Richarson's books ADD and ADDiction or When too much isn't Enough?

I haven't told my girlfriend... or anyone.Not even your doctor? He/she should know. Seriously, this is crucial. Do it as soon as possible. That's by far your best option, IMHO.

There's no shame in telling your girlfriend either. The more support you have the better. If she thinks you're some kind of freak or otherwise looks down on you in any way she doesn't deserve you as a boyfriend.

Dont worry,my addiction is my hair.Even if I know Im frying it I wont stop.I have actually had all my hair fall out and Im a hairdresser!!!!LOL!!!!!I will say to myself to just stop and leave it alone but its a impulse.JUST THAT A IMPULSE.Thats why when I was a teen I had mohawks and shaved my head to hide the fact that I could not keep my hands out of my hair.Ive been doing it again lately,I think my meds have stalled on me again.Ive gone through this before.You do need to talk to your doc about being impulsive on one thing.You dont have to tell him your masturbating all day,but you do need to tell him that you are being obsessive about something.Hope I helped out.

I agree with Hb. You really need to tell your doctor about this and if you don't have one then I would seek one out as soon as possible. Your gf needs to know what's going on. You need all the support you can get.

I have a few questions:

Are you on medication for you ADHD?
Do you find sometimes that during masturbation you lose focus?

I know that to a degree this is an embarrassing situation but you need to understand that you are NOT alone. Most people have a healthy desire for sexual release and masturbation is a good part of it. Your body and mind are apparently telling you that there is something that you need and I truly don't believe that you will find the answer to that alone.

you've gotten some great suggestions.

i think i'll only add that you may benefit from seeing a sex therapist. i'm just feeling like the scope of your problem is much too great for any of us to adequately give advice.

i appreciate your honesty and understand how difficult this will be to talk about with anyone in real life. but, i think it's necesary in order for you to find a solution. you also might be interested in reading about shame and guilt ... i found an article on-line that provides a brief overview (http://www.beyondintractability.org/m/guilt_shame.jsp).

it has been my personnel experience that feelings of shame and guilt can be hard to sort out on your own and acting out those feelings of shame can be very self-destructive. again, i advise seeking out a qualified psychotherapist ... someone with whom you can establish good rapport.

you did good, taking the first step with us. i hope you can take the next step as well.

good luck,

wheezie

Without going into too much detail, I do understand where you are comeing from,,, Along w/ masturbation and sex comes thoughts that I hate and yet even though I hate them and have come to hate orgasims because of these thoughts, I still continue. I am working on those issues now and all I can tell you is that talking about it may help,,,, the jury is still out on that one cause I posted my issue in a private forum a couple days ago and talked about it last night for the first time so not sure if talking works but that is what i am told. What I did that may be helpful to you is to print out what you posted and hand it to the person you trust most,,, let them read it and then go from there. I did that last night and although we did not get far because I got way too upset, I did feel better about letting it out. Good luck.

Thank you, Draven...I know that was difficult to share and I know that things WILL get better for you. Letting go of this will not only help you but will allow others to know that they're not alone.

Big hugs to you :)

Wow. Thank you everyone. I was really not expecting the amount of responses I've recieved. Thank you for all the suggestions. I'll go down the list and answer some questions, and respond to your posts.

Have you read either of Wendy Richarson's books
No, I haven't read those books, but I will check out a local Barns&Noble to see if they might carry them. Thank you.

Not even your doctor?... There's no shame in telling your girlfriend either.
No, I haven't told my doctor either. I haven't told him because he's my family doctor. Everyone in my family sees him, including my grandmother. I know that there is confidentiality, at least I'm pretty sure there is. Regardless, I felt a little wierd about talking to him about it. But I haven't ruled him out all together; I just haven't built up the courage yet. My post above, was seriously, the first time I've ever spoken about it... to anyone.
As for telling my girlfriend... We've been together for 3 years. I love her, and she really loves me. We're the type of couple that people continually say we'll grow old together. Telling her that I have a compulsive/addiction to masturbation... .... .... I'm just not ready yet. I know I should. And I will, but not yet. Like I said, talking with everyone here was the first time I'v ever told anyone. I think once I feel a little more comfortable with the idea of actually talking about it, then I will tell her. Rest assure... it will probably be soon. She's on vacation at the moment.

You dont have to tell him your masturbating
I know what your saying. I could just tell him that I'd like to work through a compulsive habit, and ask his advice on how to go about it. But I remember taking that special "Do you have ADD" test, and one of the questions asked how many times did you masturbate. I didn't exactly lie on the test, because at the time, I really didn't do it that much, if at all. But I think if I was going to talk about a compulsive habit with my doc, I should probably be specific. I don't know how, but if the test asks how much someone does it, "it" probably has something to do with ADD. Trouble is, I haven't found a lot on the net... so I could be wrong. And just having you write in helps. Thank you.

Are you on medication for you ADHD?
Do you find sometimes that during masturbation you lose focus?
I truly don't believe that you will find the answer to that alone
Yes. I am on Concerta. Do I like the stuff? Well, it's better then not having it. I don't care for having to take a pill everyday, but I definatly don't like going a day without taking them either. Do I lose focus... yes. A lot. Thats the part that really makes me worried. Despite my loss of focus, it doesn't stop me from... for lack of better words, ...from continuing. This partly has to do with the meds, as they suppress the sex drive. Which also leads me to believe that it's more compulsive. See, I think it's mostly a desire for visual stimulation. Like watching an interesting cartoon, or video game, or editing; but I've gotten in this repitition of masturbating with visual stimulation. Now my body is used to that kind of rush, which doesn't stack up to the rush of crossing the finish line in a computer game. Does that make sense? I don't think I'll find the answer alone either, but just being able to talk with people about it has really helped already. Thank you.

you may benefit from seeing a sex therapist. ...shame and guilt...
I have thought about a therapist. Financially speaking, it would be difficult. But I will take a look to see what options I might have. Who knows, the price may be very reasonable, and getting some extra, professional help, would be encouraging. The whole idea of telling someone face to face is still pretty intimidating, but I'm will. I read a short portion of the "shame and guilt" article. From what little I've read, it sounds like it would be very good to read. When I get a moment I will read the rest of it. Thank you for the link.[/QUOTE]
thoughts that I hate and yet even though I hate them...I still continue.... talking about it may help.... print out what you posted and hand it to the person you trust most
Thank you Draven. I believe I know very closely what you mean. After I'm done, shame, disgust, and haterid fills me. My thoughts may not be the same, but just as you, I still continue. Talking about it has helped. It's really helped a lot. I felt very alone for a very long time. And I felt so scared that if I told anyone I would just be thrown to the curb. It was the biggest sigh of relief to post here. I felt like,... fight or flight. And then everyone responded with great help. Its been really comforting. Printing my post out, now that was a good idea. I will really have to consider that. I can imagine it was very hard, and it was a very brave thing for you to do. When it comes time to tell my girlfriend, this will be one of my options. Thank you for that suggestion. And good luck to you.


Everyone has given great suggestions and support, and I thank you. I guess as a wierd update, I've stopped cold turkey for 2 days now...or, well, since I made the first post that is. Talking about it has helped, because now anytime I think about it, I just think of this post. And now you guys as support. There's a word for it... I think it's accountability. But thats how I feel. I'm no longer letting myself down, I would be letting everyone down. My girlfriend will be home in a few days, and in the mean time I work 12 1/2 hour graveyard shifts pretty much until she comes home. Within the next two weeks I'd like to approach, or really talk with a councilor, of some kind. I hope that I answered most of your questions. And if you have more, please feel free to ask. It's nice just to have someone to talk to about ADD too. I'm really the only one of any of my friends that has it. And I don't talk with them about it. Personally, I think it's just hard for them to understand. Thank you again, everyone. Take care, and I'll post again soon.:)

lol believe it or not, women do it too...well at least I do...I find that I do it most often if I am not getting enuff of it in my relationship...I mean I will literally tell him that I'll be right back because I have to go to the bathroom and I'll do it in there ROFL. If you aren't sexually satisfied in your relationship...it's easy to be impulsive about. Sometimes, I'll watch porn and sit there and do it like 10 times in a row....Usually, this is do to the fact that I do lose focus like someone said if you scroll up. I wouldn't worry about it. Just have a bunch of sex with your girlfriend and it will be alright. Tell her what you like and if she is into it...she will give you a lot of foreplay.. If she can't keep up, find a new one LOL imho...:D

Thank you andi and college for your words,,, and college, I wish you the best,,, it is very difficult when it comes to talking about such things. Feel free to email anytime if you ever need to talk.

college stress...

your story is identical to mine. i have recently come forward to my fiancee and family with the news that i have the internet porn addiction. it si so embarrassing.

what has happened to you since your post?

Have you ever thought of getting a router and blocking yourself from those sites, have someone else enter the password so you dont know the password to the router configuration to remove the blocked keywords. I know someone that did this because he developed a bad addiction to internet pornography, he got scared because he apparently downloaded something that was questionable, and the authorities questioned him about it. I know this is a strange suggestion, but if it works its worth a try, it worked for my friend

Over obsessing about anything can be harmful, for a lot of people they over obsess about work and success. Some how in todays society these obsessions are almost accepted as normal or something to brag about. In your case the physical act I think is healthy, however the length of time is counterproductive. If you find you hyper focus during the act, think about getting a stronger medication like Dex, focalin or Desoxyn.

I think a lot of adders are addicted to visual stimulation that's why we make great hunters and warriors. I find I get massive visual stimulation when walking thru the woods in early mornings when the sun light is filtering thru the trees; sometimes if I walk fast it seems like a strobe light. This visual stimulation can also be brought on by driving extremely fast, however I gave up that habit because it is unhealthy. So look for other visual stimulation in unobvious places.

While I said the act itself is healthy in moderation the internet porn will more than likely affect your thinking about sex after a while. You maybe more prone to being more aggressive than your normal sexaulality or some of the stunts they accomplish you may take for granted as being normal accepted practice. Not that their maybe anything wrong with a lot of the stunts, but moderation maybe the key to a healthy relationship. It's kind of like if a long distance runner ran pikes peak everday would it be healthy? or would his body actually age faster do to the extra stress and no recovery time. You might also ask your girl freind to wear some eye freindly clothes when you both can enjoy some privacy, this should help with your internet addiction.
Please try to go easy on your girlfriend during the gradual weaning, she is not ment to be a complete replacement for your internet addiction. But she could be a strong advocate in helping you with your problem, if you understand her needs aswell.

I think the key to success is to gradually wean yourself off the internet. I know this addiction is extremely addictive the world population is proof. Take little steps and gradually things should taper off. I do suggest you talk to someone proffessionally about this. I have seen obsessions left unchecked turn into huge difficulties later in life. Like for a lot of people today that obsession is gambling. I think the more you talk about it to the right people; the more you will feel the pressure melt away. While you will always probably have a stronger urge than most, at least you will be able to control it, instead of it controlling you.

Good Luck,

Tom