This may be too graphic for some people. If you feel offended at anytime while reading the Post below, I apologize ahead of time, and would advize you to leave. I do not intentionally mean to be offensive, I am merely looking for help, and advice.


This will be my first post. I'm a 22 year old male who believes he has a serious problem with masturbation.

I can't make myself stop anymore. Am I the only one? Because everywhere I look (internet), I'm finding things like "i do it 3-10 times a day..." and even though I don't do it that much, its the frequency of it. See, I may only masturbate once a day, but I'm doing it for hours. Today, was 3 hours...before climax. I hope this isn't too graphic. I really just want some advice. I'm completely lost.
I've heard "it's a natural thing, it's fine, healthy..." Whatever. Personaly, I think if you can control it with moderation it can be healthy, but for myself: I'm late for appointments, work, family functions, I deprive myself from sleep, food. Today alone I've only had one SMALL meal.

I've heard most ADDer's are pretty sexually active. And before I was on Concerta I could say I was "ready" to be active, but I just didn't have that special someone to share it with. But now I have a serious girlfriend, and I really think that my habits, or addiction, is hurting our sex life. I don't think it's the medication, entirely. Concerta is suppose to more or less kill a person's sex drive, (while the med is functioning). And it does. But that hasn't stopped me from "overly-practicing" while I'm on it.
I recently read on seperate websites about over-masturbating, and how it creates an excess of chemicals in the body. How much of it is true? I'm unsure. There's information listed on both trustworthy sites
sexualrecovery.com/resources/articles/understanding-compulsive-masturbation dot php
And a sites I would consider "sketchy." herballove.com/library/resource/overmas/fatal dot asp

I think there may be something to what the reports say, because I experience symptoms similarly to what is described. Obviously lower back pain could come from a bad computer chair, and I don't believe masturbation can cause hair loss, but, the groin pain, and soft erec@#$. Well, those exist.

I'm not attracted to wierd fetishes (ie: pain), everything that I find sexually attractive would be in the norm.
I just feel alone, and lost. I'm aggrivated because I want to stop! And each time I say I will, I wind up doing it again. I could be sitting in the act, yelling at myself to stop, for hours!... and I won't. I just keep on going.

I haven't told my girlfriend... or anyone. This is the first place I've ever made a reference to it. I'm really considering calling Love Line tonight, but I'm a little afraid of getting on air, and having my friend who listen to the show hear my voice. (ADD kicking in), the reason I haven't told my girlfriend, is because every recovery meathod I read has to do with "finding God," or "obstaining from any sexual interaction." The reality is that God and I, we're on our own level. I'm not a church goer, I have my own opinions on that, and I'll keep them for another forum (just as I will appreciate that from you aswell). To add to it, my girlfriend is the same way; being that religion is the last thing to do with anything. Whether thats agreed on by all or not, there has got to be a way to get over this addiction without religion. And, my girlfriend and I are sexual active. We have sex, it's good, we keep each other happy respectively. So abstence would not go over well.
However, I'm finding the more and more I allow myself to masturbate, the harder it is for me to preform.

I have my own theories in how this ties into with ADD. Generally, people with ADD have an attraction towards visual stimulation. IE, my masturbation addiction coincides with a lot of internet porn. It could be said that I have as much of an addiction to the internet as I do with masturbation. Now its easy for people to say, "give the internet up; just stay away..." That's a little tough. See I use a computer everyday at work. I help build them so-to-speak. I also use software that creates photos, and film, via, the computer. All the things I work with invlove a computer, and internet.

I have to find a solution. Is there anyone else out there that goes through this? Any suggestions/constructive criticism from anyone is encouraged. If there is anything that I haven't answered that might help, please let me know. I'm really at a breaking point now. And I'm exhausted. Help.

:(:confused::mad:

Have you read either of Wendy Richarson's books ADD and ADDiction or When too much isn't Enough?

I haven't told my girlfriend... or anyone.Not even your doctor? He/she should know. Seriously, this is crucial. Do it as soon as possible. That's by far your best option, IMHO.

There's no shame in telling your girlfriend either. The more support you have the better. If she thinks you're some kind of freak or otherwise looks down on you in any way she doesn't deserve you as a boyfriend.

Dont worry,my addiction is my hair.Even if I know Im frying it I wont stop.I have actually had all my hair fall out and Im a hairdresser!!!!LOL!!!!!I will say to myself to just stop and leave it alone but its a impulse.JUST THAT A IMPULSE.Thats why when I was a teen I had mohawks and shaved my head to hide the fact that I could not keep my hands out of my hair.Ive been doing it again lately,I think my meds have stalled on me again.Ive gone through this before.You do need to talk to your doc about being impulsive on one thing.You dont have to tell him your masturbating all day,but you do need to tell him that you are being obsessive about something.Hope I helped out.

I agree with Hb. You really need to tell your doctor about this and if you don't have one then I would seek one out as soon as possible. Your gf needs to know what's going on. You need all the support you can get.

I have a few questions:

Are you on medication for you ADHD?
Do you find sometimes that during masturbation you lose focus?

I know that to a degree this is an embarrassing situation but you need to understand that you are NOT alone. Most people have a healthy desire for sexual release and masturbation is a good part of it. Your body and mind are apparently telling you that there is something that you need and I truly don't believe that you will find the answer to that alone.

you've gotten some great suggestions.

i think i'll only add that you may benefit from seeing a sex therapist. i'm just feeling like the scope of your problem is much too great for any of us to adequately give advice.

i appreciate your honesty and understand how difficult this will be to talk about with anyone in real life. but, i think it's necesary in order for you to find a solution. you also might be interested in reading about shame and guilt ... i found an article on-line that provides a brief overview (http://www.beyondintractability.org/m/guilt_shame.jsp).

it has been my personnel experience that feelings of shame and guilt can be hard to sort out on your own and acting out those feelings of shame can be very self-destructive. again, i advise seeking out a qualified psychotherapist ... someone with whom you can establish good rapport.

you did good, taking the first step with us. i hope you can take the next step as well.

good luck,

wheezie

Without going into too much detail, I do understand where you are comeing from,,, Along w/ masturbation and sex comes thoughts that I hate and yet even though I hate them and have come to hate orgasims because of these thoughts, I still continue. I am working on those issues now and all I can tell you is that talking about it may help,,,, the jury is still out on that one cause I posted my issue in a private forum a couple days ago and talked about it last night for the first time so not sure if talking works but that is what i am told. What I did that may be helpful to you is to print out what you posted and hand it to the person you trust most,,, let them read it and then go from there. I did that last night and although we did not get far because I got way too upset, I did feel better about letting it out. Good luck.

Thank you, Draven...I know that was difficult to share and I know that things WILL get better for you. Letting go of this will not only help you but will allow others to know that they're not alone.

Big hugs to you :)

Wow. Thank you everyone. I was really not expecting the amount of responses I've recieved. Thank you for all the suggestions. I'll go down the list and answer some questions, and respond to your posts.

Have you read either of Wendy Richarson's books
No, I haven't read those books, but I will check out a local Barns&Noble to see if they might carry them. Thank you.

Not even your doctor?... There's no shame in telling your girlfriend either.
No, I haven't told my doctor either. I haven't told him because he's my family doctor. Everyone in my family sees him, including my grandmother. I know that there is confidentiality, at least I'm pretty sure there is. Regardless, I felt a little wierd about talking to him about it. But I haven't ruled him out all together; I just haven't built up the courage yet. My post above, was seriously, the first time I've ever spoken about it... to anyone.
As for telling my girlfriend... We've been together for 3 years. I love her, and she really loves me. We're the type of couple that people continually say we'll grow old together. Telling her that I have a compulsive/addiction to masturbation... .... .... I'm just not ready yet. I know I should. And I will, but not yet. Like I said, talking with everyone here was the first time I'v ever told anyone. I think once I feel a little more comfortable with the idea of actually talking about it, then I will tell her. Rest assure... it will probably be soon. She's on vacation at the moment.

You dont have to tell him your masturbating
I know what your saying. I could just tell him that I'd like to work through a compulsive habit, and ask his advice on how to go about it. But I remember taking that special "Do you have ADD" test, and one of the questions asked how many times did you masturbate. I didn't exactly lie on the test, because at the time, I really didn't do it that much, if at all. But I think if I was going to talk about a compulsive habit with my doc, I should probably be specific. I don't know how, but if the test asks how much someone does it, "it" probably has something to do with ADD. Trouble is, I haven't found a lot on the net... so I could be wrong. And just having you write in helps. Thank you.

Are you on medication for you ADHD?
Do you find sometimes that during masturbation you lose focus?
I truly don't believe that you will find the answer to that alone
Yes. I am on Concerta. Do I like the stuff? Well, it's better then not having it. I don't care for having to take a pill everyday, but I definatly don't like going a day without taking them either. Do I lose focus... yes. A lot. Thats the part that really makes me worried. Despite my loss of focus, it doesn't stop me from... for lack of better words, ...from continuing. This partly has to do with the meds, as they suppress the sex drive. Which also leads me to believe that it's more compulsive. See, I think it's mostly a desire for visual stimulation. Like watching an interesting cartoon, or video game, or editing; but I've gotten in this repitition of masturbating with visual stimulation. Now my body is used to that kind of rush, which doesn't stack up to the rush of crossing the finish line in a computer game. Does that make sense? I don't think I'll find the answer alone either, but just being able to talk with people about it has really helped already. Thank you.

you may benefit from seeing a sex therapist. ...shame and guilt...
I have thought about a therapist. Financially speaking, it would be difficult. But I will take a look to see what options I might have. Who knows, the price may be very reasonable, and getting some extra, professional help, would be encouraging. The whole idea of telling someone face to face is still pretty intimidating, but I'm will. I read a short portion of the "shame and guilt" article. From what little I've read, it sounds like it would be very good to read. When I get a moment I will read the rest of it. Thank you for the link.[/QUOTE]
thoughts that I hate and yet even though I hate them...I still continue.... talking about it may help.... print out what you posted and hand it to the person you trust most
Thank you Draven. I believe I know very closely what you mean. After I'm done, shame, disgust, and haterid fills me. My thoughts may not be the same, but just as you, I still continue. Talking about it has helped. It's really helped a lot. I felt very alone for a very long time. And I felt so scared that if I told anyone I would just be thrown to the curb. It was the biggest sigh of relief to post here. I felt like,... fight or flight. And then everyone responded with great help. Its been really comforting. Printing my post out, now that was a good idea. I will really have to consider that. I can imagine it was very hard, and it was a very brave thing for you to do. When it comes time to tell my girlfriend, this will be one of my options. Thank you for that suggestion. And good luck to you.


Everyone has given great suggestions and support, and I thank you. I guess as a wierd update, I've stopped cold turkey for 2 days now...or, well, since I made the first post that is. Talking about it has helped, because now anytime I think about it, I just think of this post. And now you guys as support. There's a word for it... I think it's accountability. But thats how I feel. I'm no longer letting myself down, I would be letting everyone down. My girlfriend will be home in a few days, and in the mean time I work 12 1/2 hour graveyard shifts pretty much until she comes home. Within the next two weeks I'd like to approach, or really talk with a councilor, of some kind. I hope that I answered most of your questions. And if you have more, please feel free to ask. It's nice just to have someone to talk to about ADD too. I'm really the only one of any of my friends that has it. And I don't talk with them about it. Personally, I think it's just hard for them to understand. Thank you again, everyone. Take care, and I'll post again soon.:)

lol believe it or not, women do it too...well at least I do...I find that I do it most often if I am not getting enuff of it in my relationship...I mean I will literally tell him that I'll be right back because I have to go to the bathroom and I'll do it in there ROFL. If you aren't sexually satisfied in your relationship...it's easy to be impulsive about. Sometimes, I'll watch porn and sit there and do it like 10 times in a row....Usually, this is do to the fact that I do lose focus like someone said if you scroll up. I wouldn't worry about it. Just have a bunch of sex with your girlfriend and it will be alright. Tell her what you like and if she is into it...she will give you a lot of foreplay.. If she can't keep up, find a new one LOL imho...:D

Thank you andi and college for your words,,, and college, I wish you the best,,, it is very difficult when it comes to talking about such things. Feel free to email anytime if you ever need to talk.

college stress...

your story is identical to mine. i have recently come forward to my fiancee and family with the news that i have the internet porn addiction. it si so embarrassing.

what has happened to you since your post?

Have you ever thought of getting a router and blocking yourself from those sites, have someone else enter the password so you dont know the password to the router configuration to remove the blocked keywords. I know someone that did this because he developed a bad addiction to internet pornography, he got scared because he apparently downloaded something that was questionable, and the authorities questioned him about it. I know this is a strange suggestion, but if it works its worth a try, it worked for my friend

Over obsessing about anything can be harmful, for a lot of people they over obsess about work and success. Some how in todays society these obsessions are almost accepted as normal or something to brag about. In your case the physical act I think is healthy, however the length of time is counterproductive. If you find you hyper focus during the act, think about getting a stronger medication like Dex, focalin or Desoxyn.

I think a lot of adders are addicted to visual stimulation that's why we make great hunters and warriors. I find I get massive visual stimulation when walking thru the woods in early mornings when the sun light is filtering thru the trees; sometimes if I walk fast it seems like a strobe light. This visual stimulation can also be brought on by driving extremely fast, however I gave up that habit because it is unhealthy. So look for other visual stimulation in unobvious places.

While I said the act itself is healthy in moderation the internet porn will more than likely affect your thinking about sex after a while. You maybe more prone to being more aggressive than your normal sexaulality or some of the stunts they accomplish you may take for granted as being normal accepted practice. Not that their maybe anything wrong with a lot of the stunts, but moderation maybe the key to a healthy relationship. It's kind of like if a long distance runner ran pikes peak everday would it be healthy? or would his body actually age faster do to the extra stress and no recovery time. You might also ask your girl freind to wear some eye freindly clothes when you both can enjoy some privacy, this should help with your internet addiction.
Please try to go easy on your girlfriend during the gradual weaning, she is not ment to be a complete replacement for your internet addiction. But she could be a strong advocate in helping you with your problem, if you understand her needs aswell.

I think the key to success is to gradually wean yourself off the internet. I know this addiction is extremely addictive the world population is proof. Take little steps and gradually things should taper off. I do suggest you talk to someone proffessionally about this. I have seen obsessions left unchecked turn into huge difficulties later in life. Like for a lot of people today that obsession is gambling. I think the more you talk about it to the right people; the more you will feel the pressure melt away. While you will always probably have a stronger urge than most, at least you will be able to control it, instead of it controlling you.

Good Luck,

Tom

Hello,
I am a new comer.
I had the almost same story as the post.
I would like to know the follow-up story.

I am just start my medication recently.

Hi koeb. Welcome to ADDF.

This thread was started in 2005, so I'm not sure you'll get a follow-up. You are welcome to start your own thread, and get some fresh information if you like.

In my humble opinion:

ADDers have a tendency to be impulsive (I do it because it feels good, and is a good release ;)), addicted (to absolutely anything), and generally have a great deal of sexual energy.

My advice to anyone suffering with this kind of thing would be to try and channel that excess energy into something else. I am married, and my wife believes that masturbation (by one's self) is disrespectful. Not only is she Catholic, but she has very old-fashioned views on sex (when we started going out, she used to call me a pervert because I was always 'up for it'). I, like most ADDers, am very creative, so I decided that when I needed 'quick relief', I would pick up a pencil and draw. Now I don't need that 'release' as often because I have managed to focus on something else. A sex therapist or doctor will give you good advice, but you should find your own way of dealing with it. If it's a problem, use that motivation to help yourself, and talk with your partner about it. It may be embarrassing, but it's better to be embarrassed than alienated (everyone knows that ADDers don't stay embarrassed very long)...

-Don't worry, be happy-

I do it because its the ONLY sex life Ive had. Ive only had sex once(at 31) and Im 35. The foundation of this not finding someone is that because of my ADD, my father was severly abusive to me and destryoed my self esteem at a very early age. And then, I never developed a life rooted in a social life with women. Therefore, I had not developed a sense of emotional sensitivity to the need to find someone because Ive lived this way for so long. So I get scared when a the possiblity comes up because Im afraid of letting go the life Ive developed; even though I want it more than anything in the world.

I just watched an episode of 'Sons of Anarchy', and their was a guy who had a condition where he didn't even realize he was doing it. but this guy was doing it in public, and you can control when and where you do it, right?..so its probably not a 'condition'.
just curious, do you feel the urge and then find online porn to do it, or do you only feel the urge after seeing the porn site?

The compulsive masturbating could be a form of self medication. Do you do it in order to focus? If so, it might be a good idea to find a similarly relaxing alternative if your "horniness" (for lack of a better phrase) gets distracting. I know that it's far easier said than done. You have my sympathy, though, I know how awful it is to feel like you have no self control.

just briefly looked through the posts and replies.... would like to add... that any activity no matter what it is.... can become a problematic activity.

any activity that CANT be controlled, which you WANT but FAIL TO STOP signals a very real addiction problem.

Masturbation maybe what it is for right now.. due to your age and possible limitations to "other" things.. but, this already signals something that can be very concerning.

spending 3 hours or more on your activity without being able to stop is a problem especially at your age. In time this addiction has the potential to evolve into something more severe, which could very easily disrupt your ability to have a normal life and normal relationships.

Sexual addictions especially have a tendency to become center stage, placing life, relationships, responsibilities, emotional, physical and mental health on a very neglected back burner.

Please take control of your addiction and get some help before it becomes a worse problem. Also note that sexual addictions are common.


Just re-read your post, and noticed you mentioned it has already started to have a profound effect on your life.. I would highly recommend you speak to your psychiatrist, tell him or her your problems.. they have the knowledge and ability to point you in the proper direction of someone that can help you (without having to turn to god and all that crap..)

Please, please get help. All addictions are very real and need to be treated properly.

Masturbation maybe what it is for right now.. due to your age and possible limitations to "other" things.. but, this already signals something that can be very concerning.


I think, what is important here is moderation.

I'm sorry to say this but in moderation, this is very normal, especially for single people. Some people don't have the advantage of a healthy relationship.

Obviously, allowing it to take control of your life can be a problem. I also don't know what is a "healthy" frequency.

If you need help. most definitely I agree with Veighen to get help. If you have a need every once in a while, I'm sorry to say, most people, especially most men are like this.

I think, what is important here is moderation.

I'm sorry to say this but in moderation, this is very normal, especially for single people. Some people don't have the advantage of a healthy relationship.

Obviously, allowing it to take control of your life can be a problem. I also don't know what is a "healthy" frequency.

If you need help. most definitely I agree with Veighen to get help. If you have a need every once in a while, I'm sorry to say, most people, especially most men are like this.



I agree in moderation is fine, and, its very normal for both men and women.... however, the initial poster has already mentioned how he can not stop and it IS preventing him from doing anything constructive (i.e late for all his appointments, not eating or sleeping, etc..etc...) this is evidence already that this is not longer just about normal behavior.. and has now become a problem. I really hope he gets the help he needs.

this is evidence already that this is not longer just about normal behavior.. and has now become a problem. I really hope he gets the help he needs.

I hope help is obtained to in that case. :).

I think that for ADDers there may reward seeking addiction to over masturbating, just as there would be for some one that does drugs. Also the orgasm does release certain brain chemicals, which add to seeking the stimuli behavior

is 14x too much?

is 14x too much?

Per month? No problem.

Per week? No problem...unless you're not getting the important things in life done.

Per day? Serious problem.

Unless...you're just being a comedian...which I then fail to see the humor.

nope wasnt a joke

I tend to put lol at the end of my jokes
and i tend to be the only one laughing but no, i wasnt joking

and i guess i have serious problem at 14, easily done in a day no?

nope wasnt a joke

I tend to put lol at the end of my jokes
and i tend to be the only one laughing but no, i wasnt joking

and i guess i have serious problem at 14, easily done in a day no?

Well, I ain't saying that a person physically couldn't do it that many times a day...and there's certainly "pharmaceutical aids" that could help get to this figure...and while there's very little medical information about physical side effects of doing this, it definitely indicates emotional or psychological issues. The lack of info is probably due to the expected embarrassment of telling a doctor this; but seriously, if this is true, you really need to speak with a medical professional.

Of course, you might just be "yanking my chain" (pun intended), and if so, that's not what this topic thread was intended for. There are people here (mostly male, some female) who do have legitimate problems with this, in their social lives, their relationships/marriages, workplace, you name it. I know, because I was there for some time (self-medicating undiagnosed ADD).

Again-if you're telling the truth, get help NOW. If you're messing with us, please do not continue to post.

no mate I dont get kicks for inaccurate information.

So we have established 14 times in a day is a serious problem, doesnt anyone else here reach a number near or even higher?

14 times is not impossible

I think sometimes my honesty gets me into trouble

I cant be the only one who reaches this number in a day on a regular or at least semi regular basis?

if you'd prefer me to shut up or simply go away, just say so

no mate I dont get kicks for inaccurate information.

So we have established 14 times in a day is a serious problem, doesnt anyone else here reach a number near or even higher?

14 times is not impossible

I think sometimes my honesty gets me into trouble

I cant be the only one who reaches this number in a day on a regular or at least semi regular basis?

if you'd prefer me to shut up or simply go away, just say so

No Karl, not at all...I'm just saying that by all accounts, 14 x/day is lot...and that you should check with a doctor, that's all...to make sure that you're not going to have physical problems or psychological issues in the future.

does this class as a sex addiction or is this different?
and if I was to get help, it sure wouldnt be CBT

I think Ill just shut up and never comment again,
Im sounding like a freak even within this ADD forum

does this class as a sex addiction or is this different?

I would think so, but I really don't know.

and if I was to get help, it sure wouldnt be CBT

If I may ask: What "stimuli" are you using? Internet? If so, there's a variety of filtering software that can help...do you have a family member or friend you can trust to install it and use a password to prevent accessing that stuff? I've also read many stories here (some conflicting) that Strattera puts a crimp in the sex drive...and stimulants, due to their vasoconstrictor action (opposite of ED pills, which are vasodilators) do this as well. Certainly something to discuss with a doctor.

I think Ill just shut up and never comment again,

Please do not do that-we're here to help, not judge...I apologize if I initially sounded judgmental...but some of us here have been burnt by trolls, so sometimes we're a little "gun shy" when we read something like your initial post.

Im sounding like a freak even within this ADD forum

Karl, I do hope you're kidding...spend a little time browsing the other forums-especially some of the really lengthy threads in the General ADD Talk section, located here http://www.addforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=13 ...and trust me man, you'll change that opinion of yourself VERY quickly!

Stoney, You don't mention your age. If my 55 year old partner is doing it 14x a day, that would be entirely different than someone in his teens or twenties doing the same.

Have a browse in the Men's forums. You will quickly see that you aren't alone.

Stoney, You don't mention your age. If my 55 year old partner is doing it 14x a day, that would be entirely different than someone in his teens or twenties doing the same.

Have a browse in the Men's forums. You will quickly see that you aren't alone.

Agreed, but I still think 14x a day is quite a lot. I couldn't even imagine more than 4 or 5 times when I was in my teens and twenties.

aww thats good to here!
Im 26 btw

If this behavior negatively affects your life and is unmanagable, you have tried to stop or moderate and can't, and there are rituals involved it is a sexual addiction. Check out this book: Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes.

Sexaholics Anonymous could be a helpful course of action. For face to face meetings go to www.sa.org (http://www.sa.org). There is a separate women's site at www.womeninsa.org (http://www.womeninsa.org). If you can't make it to a face to face meeting try the phone meetings scheduled at www.denversa.org (http://www.denversa.org).

Check it out, you might find some answers.

great ill read that book, see if it gives me some insight