Who do let know that you have adult ADD? Family? Friends? Coworkers?....just curious becouse after a difficult situation regarding Add at a former job i just keep it between me and my doc, and two of my friends who have known my since i was seven. Is it a lie when you tell someone that nothing is wrong when they confront you about erattic behavior or forgetfullness? Just want to know what you guys think.
Pith

Of course it is a lie, but lying is [unfortunately] a part of survival. If you don't want to lie, you could remind that person that everyone is different and each person has his or her own specific plusses and minuses.

Two of my friends know. They both have ADD.

Luckily I work with people who understand and live with people who understand as well so most everyone I am in contact with on a daily bases is aware of my ADD. This is the first time I have been able to be as open about it but it the fast I just explain it by saying my mind aint always right and laugh it off. If it was something major then I would explain.

Being a rather disinhibited AD/HDer (notice the H), I probably tell too many people. Actually trying to curtail that a bit. Most all my family and close friends know. I've haven't been in the work force since I was diagnosed, so I'm not sure how I'll handle that. I don't think it will be the first thing I put on the table. It's really not any of their business unless it's creating a problem (fortunately, work isn't usually where my symptoms are the most problematic -- I've tended to find jobs that fit my strengths and interests). What I find is that most people don't want to hear about it. Either they don't believe in it, simple aren't interested, or don't think it matters anyway (unless they or their child have AD/HD). I think you can be honest without going into all the details.

Scattered

I tell everyone because I don't care. Just recently, I am holding it from my new job. I got it through a staffing agency and the lady there told me not to say anything because she said as unfortunate as it is, employers will discriminate because they don't understand that it isn't a problem where the brain moves slow, but they don't care....other than that....I don't care what people think lol

I figure, if they don't like it...they weren't worth my time...but now, I do try to ease into it with making new friends. I try not to be so forward right off the bat so I don't scare them off...but it is nice when I meet other ADDers...I've met 3 so far in the last few months. It's awesome!! But when we get together, it's insane!! hahahaa

I didnt expect such varied responces but i guss i should have as we all have the dissease to a different degree and plus it interacts with our individual personalities so there you go i guss but i would still like to hear from more of you. Thanks
Pith

Maybe because we all want to let the whole world know and it would be okay, but the truth is...it wouldn't be....so it's all a matter of getting realllllly comfortable with it..

Funny story -- disinhibited me right after getting my daughter and myself diagnosed was running off at the mouth to the principal of my daughter's school and asking about an accomodation for her. Not only did I get the accomodation, but she asked me to do some reading testing (I have a masters in that area) for some of the students. (Kind of surprised me that I didn't scare her off, when I thought about it later). I ended up referring several of those students for further AD/HD testing that seemed to be more prominant than reading problems. The principal said that everytime she had seen me in a professional setting I had "blown her socks off". That absolutely made my day and helped me regain a lot of confidence in myself that had taken a pretty big hit when I received my diagnosis. Sometimes running off at the mouth can actually work out.:p

Word of caution, this particular principal is a very wonderful insightful woman. Not everyone can be trusted to be so accepting, non judgmental and able to see your strengths inspite of your diagnosis.

Scattered

Who knows? My wife, my daughter (also add) and one friend. I wish I never told the friend, cause he thinks it's all in my head- which is true.

jim-

My family and Friends know about my ADD. I am currently unemployed and I would not reveal it unless work issues arose because of it.

I can count on one hand the people who I've told.

Me, my counselor, my wife and kids, my sister and a couple of friends I trust. While others, including my parents and my brother, probably wouldn't be surprised, I haven't told them I am in counseling for it.

I was telling my counselor the other day that I'd like a business card like the deaf people have that tell you to speak slowly as they read lips. Mine would say, "I'm ADHD...I'm sorry...what did you say your name was???" ;-)

Eric

I have told a select few people. Only the ones who I feel would understnad, have it or have asked or something along those lines. I have heard of too many people who dont understand or get it. I have found its just better to keep quiet.

I told coworkers in a previous job(that I thought were friends) that I have ADD.

It turns out they used that to make me the inside joke among the good ole boys network and move ahead in the company. Instead of telling them I should have told HR. At least that would have provided me with some ADA protection and I could have actually settled out of court for some nice coin...but those were the old days. HA!

Be careful who you take advice from (he says as he gives advice!). The reason I didn't tell my employer at the time that I had ADD was on the advice of my psychiatrist....well...and my wife. That was 8 years ago when the reaction to being told about ADHD/ADD was either baffled ignorance or some equally ignorant defaming remark.

So, very few people have been told that I have ADD. My take on it is that people DON'T want to know and don't care. They are pretty much wrapped up in themselves and their own problems.

Take my wife for example. She was the one who watched all of the TV stuff about ADD and did some research enough to find out that I sure did have the symptoms and after about 18 months of persuasion I saw a doctor about it. But that's about it. 8 years later she knows more about the behavior patterns of our 3 year Airdhale dog than she does about ADD.

Bottom line is: if you think you need to use it to keep some ignorant/arrogant blowhard from putting you out on the street then tell the HR dept. at your employer.

Otherwise, consider this:

If those people you think you should tell are actually SMART enough to comprehend what you are telling them....they already know....and I'm sure some of them could use this forum. If they don't already know by how you behave? They will NEVER be smart enough to get it. So, why bother?

I suppoes if you really need to hear yourself say it a few times...you can use it as a pickup line...."Hey, I have ADD and I can't stop thinking about you. No, I said ADD, not OCD. Right, Right, you know. So, what's my name?" :D

FightingBoredom Your making me emotional. LOL
I'm frowning at the top of your post about what happened at your job.
Then cracking up laughing at the bottom of it.
I don't know which emotion to go with. :o lololol

my parents know. My psych and research nurse, along with the rest of the office know(they knew before I even walked in the door:))

I told a few of my friends, it worked out OK. one or two admitted to the same issues. Makes you feel a lot more human when that happens.

Other than that, I told school...I had to

FightingBoredom Your making me emotional. LOL
I'm frowning at the top of your post about what happened at your job.
Then cracking up laughing at the bottom of it.
I don't know which emotion to go with. :o lololol
Hey, that's the Stori of my life! :p It's so depressingly whacked sometimes that you gotta be able to get to a point where you can laugh about it!

Also, I go with both emotions simultaneously. That way I can tell people that I'm laughing so hard it's making me cry.

My take on it is that people DON'T want to know and don't care. They are pretty much wrapped up in themselves and their own problems. :D
Wow, you said it! Of course, I think that pretty much applies to anything. People are just too wrapped up in their own lives and problems to take on anyone else's.

I am impressed with all the self control about not telling that so many people here have exhibited. I think keeping quiet about it except with very safe supportive people is a great idea, but like with so many things my mouth gets ahead of my brain. How do you all keep this (or anything else for that matter) to yourselves?:foot:

Scattered

It's easy for me to keep my ADHD confidential because too many people don't have a clue what ADHD really is.

It's easy for me to keep my ADHD confidential because too many people don't have a clue what ADHD really is.Unfortunately, that doesn't stop me (but then not much does;) ). Being a counselor and an educator, I try to educate them -- boy they love that!:rolleyes: You'd think I'd learn, but I'm textbook AD/HD in that I'm not quick at learning from previous mistakes.

Scattered

If the subject comes up and questions are asked, I have no problems sharing what I know. I just don't mention that I have ADHD. I'm not foolish enough to believe that observant, informed people don't know I've got IT, but I prefer not to volunteer the information to people I don't know really well.

Scattered, perhaps you are fortunate enough to be around informed, ADHD supportive people and don't need to be concerned about disclosure. That's the way it should be.

Actually, I've been very fortunate. I'm really working on reigning myself in -- I do know that it's not always well received and that it can be used against you. I wouldn't recommend anyone pursue my run away verbal self revelation. :foot: That really is one of the ADD traits I have the most difficulty with (you should have seen my score on the impulsivity section of the TOVA :eek: - amazingly it hasn't caused much trouble, but I don't want to keep pushing my luck.

Scattered

I tell a lot of people. (Scattered, I'm also pretty disnihibited myself) coworkers, other friends, my boyfriend, but someone stopped me from telling my boss right away thank god. They took me aside and suggested a correct way to do it. I got input from a lady who works for CHADD as well not to do it right away and suggested I read the ADA page before I blabber and see the proper procedure since I need the accomadations. and she told me to wait until I get on the meds as well- it would be wisest. Thats my story right now.

I never tell anyone.
My wife only.
I am alienated enough from the mundane world, thinking about and then trying to hold true to what I think is right but I am probably insane.
I always assume they will dismiss it as a joke "illness."
I am very private otherwise too. I have always known I am different why keep proving it. Mundanes puzzle me and I have always felt I needed to go home to a faster and more creative land.

Resistance, you are fortunate to have a refuge.

...If those people you think you should tell are actually SMART enough to comprehend what you are telling them....they already know....and I'm sure some of them could use this forum. If they don't already know by how you behave? They will NEVER be smart enough to get it. So, why bother?... :D
I have told my husband, son, a couple of friends (one of which is now gone). I am much more hesitant to share the information with friends after that experience. I have one friend who has figured it out, but is too tactful to say anything. She does however share articles, info that she finds with me!

I haven't told my parents, because my dads immediate reaction would be disbelief.

I haven't said anything at work because, as you state above, they have already figured it out. They may not know what is different about me, but they know enough to have figured out that I need to have the dimentions/specifications etc. written or drawn, or I will be back to ask more questions. Or the same questions again! And they know I know what I am doing and that I do good work.
So far, we all get along fine and I like my job.

i'm pretty disinhibited, too.
The only people close in my life who do not know are my in-laws, and that's mostly because they probably don't know what ADD is. It'll come up sometime, but I'm waiting until I have a better handle on my life so they don't worry about their son being married to a woman with "problems".
My workplace is extremely tolerant, so pretty much everyone knows. I'm not the only ADDer there (the other ADDer is a manager). Plus, no less than five of my coworkers are bipolar and everyone knows, so it's not a big deal. No one makes fun of them or me. We have a very strict policy about harrassment, so any guff I'd get would be dealt with immediately.
They also see and acknowledge that I make a lot of effort to manage it, so as long as I do so, it's fine. I'm lucky. I'm sorry some of you have had to deal with intolerance. That's just sad.
My parents have handled it very well, considering. They read some info I sent them and couldn't argue with it sounding like me. My mom does bring up my less than glorious school years sometimes (she likes to do that), but I just say, "Remember what I sent you?" and she backs off. Other times, she says she's proud of me for taking charge of my issues.
My dad feels a lot of guilt. I don't want him to feel bad, I don't blame him or my mom. When I was in school, no one really knew about ADD. What can you do? It's no one's fault.

When I was first diagnosed, I told everyone, because I was so darned happy to know there was a name for it, and it wasn't just ME. There were a variety of reactions. Some good, some not so good, some horrible.

Over time, for myself, I came to believe that while the adhd is a part of me, it doesn't have to define who I am. I am what I make of myself and the opportunities around me. That's just my perspective though. I also learned, via years of therapy, that I can't do anything about how other people are; I only have the power to work on myself. So, I spend more time on that, and less on trying to explain myself to everyone else.

At my current work place (going on three years now), I didn't immediately say anything about my diagnosis, but not because I was trying to hide it. I am a single parent, and I didn't spend time discussing that with my co-workers, either. I concentrated on showing people through hard work and interaction that I was dependable, responsible; a "go-to" person they could count on in any professional situation.

Only after I had earned the respect of my co-workers, and the discussion of adhd came up, did I listen and participate in the conversation. When someone asked how I was so knowledgeable on the subject, I said, "I live it 24/7." Some assumed I meant my children. It took a while for them to realize it extended to me, as well. The biggest reaction was shock and surprise. LOL My reaction was to wink, laugh, and say, "This is why you see me say never give up on the kid who you are sure is a lost cause. The reason I say that is because I WAS that kid."

I have used myself as an example to students in grades k-12 when they were struggling, to let them know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and that hard work really does pay off in the end. It has not been necessary to tell them I am adhd to achieve this. I simply shared my own horrible school experiences (prior to diagnosis) in k-12, and they could more than relate. They have always responded well to this honest approach, and shown me tremendous respect, which is reciprocated.

There have been plenty of times when I have had to hold out my hands and say, "Okay...sensory overload here. Everyone please be quiet for a minute, so I can refocus, and then we can go on." There has never been a time when they did not listen to this, and I have to think it's because so many of them could relate to this same need. When I see one of them experiencing this, I try to give them that same time to refocus. ;) Two way street and all that...
Whether or not they are adhd, in this regard, isn't really relevant. We all have our moments.

I try to show by example what CAN be accomplished, no matter what the obstacle. People can interpret this as they will. I'll just keep on being me, regardless. :D

Great post, Ms Sunshine, and great way to live your life. Nothing like a living contradiction to the misconceptions about AD/HD out there!:)

Scattered

I never tell anyone.
My wife only.
I am alienated enough from the mundane world, thinking about and then trying to hold true to what I think is right but I am probably insane.
I always assume they will dismiss it as a joke "illness."
I am very private otherwise too. I have always known I am different why keep proving it. Mundanes puzzle me and I have always felt I needed to go home to a faster and more creative land.
I'm the same way. The only people who know are my mother (she had my diagnosed when I was 12) and my sister. I have never told a friend or anyone else about it. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I feel that they will see my in a different light if I tell them. It hasn't really been a problem with friends. The biggest problem has been with girlfriends -- it's very hard to explain my sometimes irrational behavior without spilling my "secret."

Anyone who knows me well enough knows.I dont hide my quirkyness,In fact sometimes I embrace it.Im always wanting to help others who seem lost to me and dont know or understand what they are feeling.I have never gotten a bad reaction,in fact,Most friends and family come to me to share theyre feeling because Im open minded and honestly,I have disected myself and will use myself as a example.Of course this is only when Im properly medicated.I am of no use to anyone emotionally when I am in a ADD mess.Sometimes I think,if I can help one person by talking to them about ADD or ADHD or any other mental or brain deficiecy it is woth every minute.Especially the kids,they need guidance and support.I think people should be more open about ADD,its not the plauge or anything(I hope I spelled that right)Like I said only when properly medicated!!!I would never want to scare someone away when Im in a mess,but when I am capable I love to share information and I always learn something new myself.

Just about everyone.

I believe that my having ADHD is what initially led to my practice developing in that direction over the years. It's been building up over the last 17 years, which is when I started back treating it.

As I've now made it my primary area of expertise, there's almost a reciprocal effect; for lack of a better word.

hmm... who knows?

me, everyone on the add forums, my boyfriend, one of my friends from school who i told, a few people at uni who i told (i dont know why i told them....) and that's about it. oh - two of james' friends know about it. i dont know why he told them, but he did...... and also another of his friends who has adhd anyway - and those two i think are the only of their (male) friends who knows about each other having add/adhd.


i was just thinking... when james told me he had add. and this was before i even knew that i had it myself (althouh i had suspicions about a year earlier!!).... he said "you know there's a reason why i'm so random and impulsive" etc etc. he kept going on and on about it. i didnt know what he was giong to say! and he said, but he doesnt want to tell me yet because it was the reason why his last girlfriend broke up with him - when he told her about it.
so i thought what? i really want to know now!! haha. so finally he told me, and i didnt mind. i dont know what was wrong with that other stupid girl but its fine by me if i have him now :D

not many people know he has it. he knows, i know, his parents know, his sister knows. three of his friends know. the two female friends who know, he said he told them "so they would understand"... but if they dont understand what add is, as someone said before, and if they couldnt figure it out for themself.... its not going to help them understand any better. its just going to make them think he/we are crazy etc and all their preconceptions about what it is, its just a label for them.
his other friend (male, before mentioned) ryan, .... well a few years ago i think it was, ryan told james he had adhd and then james said "oh yeah,i have add too". and theyre the only two that know about each other (as i just said).
and ryan told me one day, but i already knew (james told me and i think if he didnt i'd figure it out.... he's very H and ADD to say the least.....).

i would have said "so do i!" except that i didnt know then.


in other words... not many people know at all, except for people i accidentally told. the rest was beside the point.

The three closets peoeple to me know about my ADD

My bestest friend: She has ADD
Her boyfriend: He has ADHD
His best friend who is my b/f: He has ADHD, OCD and is Bipolar.

SOOO....I don't know if they count! :)

Everyone else that I've tryed to talk about it with all just say that "oh everyone has trouble remembering things....thinking sometimes...." they don't understand its not just an excuse it's MY LIFE!!!

My family...they don't know....I work for my dad and sister .. they understand that my limits and think I'm silly with my OCD ways at my desk and with my forgetting stuff....but they don't think I'm ADD....whatever it's cool....I have three of the bestest people who know and this site to keep me positive!!! :)

My wife, a very close RN friend and the entire cyber universe albeit anonymously.

IMHO, ADD is NOT a disorder to promiscuously tell just anyone. You will be considered a freak and many will use it to your injury.

I don't disagree with that at all Bob. I think it obviously depends on the audience at hand.

Complicating all that is the fact that ADHD is a disorder of self-regulation and impulse control.

I recall someone I knew from Recovery/12 Step circles, being overzealous in telling customers at his place of business how much new clean time he had,following a recent "slip."

He was able to tone it down, but only after he felt rather awkward.

Unfortunately, there are still so many people who're "hooked" into myths and rumors that have no scientific (or rational) foundation.

I try and use my being ADHD as a way of educating parents on the subject, as well as helping establish rapport.

My husband, three close friends, and my parents. My parents do not want to accept it, but maybe they eventually will.

hey addiopie,

Your in NY look into VESID:
NYS Vocational and Educational Services for Individuals with Disabilities
http://www.vesid.nysed.gov/


They took me... :D

My close friends know about my ADHD. I'm also Bipolar, and they know about that too. My sister knows, as well. My aunt kinda knows (I think she's ADHD as well) in the fact that she knows I'm on medication that helps me a lot in the area of focus, but she doesn't really know what the disorder is. I don't think she's ever heard of it, which is odd. I don't remember ever telling her what the name of it is, either...just that I'm on medication that helps my restlessness and concentration.

I'm currently in a partial day psychiatric program, where I go 6 hours a day M-F. It's like a step down from an inpatient unit. You're closely monitored by a team of people, including a pdoc, but you get to go home and all that good stuff. Most of the people there know about it, and of course, they're very accepting.

i agree with mctavish.

I'm pretty self disclosing....after my mom committed suicide, and it was so 'taboo' that no one would talk about it, I decided that letting people know about my 'stuff' might make just one person realize that they weren't alone.

That said, I told people I know in AA....and never expected the reaction. I guess (as usual) I didn't even try to anticipate their reactions.

Too many people in AA believe that, if I really and truly had faith in my 'higher power', I wouldn't be concerned about this...and I certainly wouldn't resort to medication. I've lost friends in AA this way. And that hurts....

And I haven't told anybody until this minute that I have had a few drinks over it. I feel alone like I always did when I was drinking...judged as not 'good enough'. I never expected people in AA to be so judgemental. It's like suddenly my 10 months of sobriety...all the effort I put in...all the 'service work'...are now made invalid because I am taking a stimulant. What the hell. If they deem that as not being sober, then why not drink?

I thought it was all about honesty. Now I don't feel like being honest about the drinking. I'll have to get a 24 hour coin all over again, as if I hadn't gone without a drink for 10 whole months.

I guess I will stop again...but I will think twice about being 'honest' in AA. Which doesn't make any sense...

Joyous56, I stopped going to AA for just that reason. I found the people in AA WAY too judgmental. People would directly and indirectly mention how taking meds for Bipolar was not "acceptable," so to speak. That was before I was even diagnosed ADHD and started taking stimulants. Some people were accepting, but most were not. Most pushed the idea that if I prayed enough and worked the Steps I would be fine. BAH!

IMHO, ADD is NOT a disorder to promiscuously tell just anyone. You will be considered a freak and many will use it to your injury.Indeed, wise words. I wish I hadn't told most of the "friends" i told...it's coming back to haunt me. I've just got friend after friend screwing me over with the whole ADD thing now. People are ridiculous, I HATE the mundanes. So much.:( :mad:

On the topic of AA, I probably shouldn't speak, but I will anyways. Any bunch of jerks who dare judge you because you're taking a stimulant to help you deal with a neurological disorder is a bunch of jerks you don't need to help you with your drinking "problem"(Who knows if it's still a problem with your ADHD controlled?). So **** them. Don't waste your time. Go somewhere where people will appreciate you for ALL of you, including your ADHD. You're better than them. I'm dead serious, you are. You've proven to yourself that drinking isn't something you need, you didn't bother doing it for TEN months. That's a huge accomplishment and one that you should be proud of. You shouldn't be feeling bad about a bunch of *******s who can't handle the truth on a legitimate medical problem. Praying doesn't make ADHD or an addiction problem go away. At worst, it replaces one addiction (alcohol, drugs, porn, gambling, whatever) with another one...praying. What good is not drinking if you pray as much as you used to drink?

Is there a CHADD group nearby? Maybe they can help??? I dunno, it just came to me. Something to look into perhaps?

I am in a job (restaurant industry) where ADD is, I feel, an asset. I tell people there but am waiting for a call about a interview I did for medical claims billing, stuck behind a desk all day. I will NOT be telling people there.
My husband and 2 wacky best friends know. My mother in law totally didn't understand and although I hate it, I haven't told my father or any relatives because of what they will say.
Now I am diagnosed and getting my medication sorted out, I am feeling more confident in my own skin, now that I know why I am who I am. I think that as my self confience grows, I will tell more people.

Only a few select people know i have it. Well that i have told when taylor found out i was also add i think now everyone knows...lol