I'd admit, I'm kind of new to this. I first got diagnosed with ADD last April, after very nearly breaking down. Up to that point, I had always managed to perform well enough and cover up my deficits. But having two kids and planning their lives is not something one can easily "cover up" with sporadic bursts of hyperachievement, LOL - so I got help, and boy, am I glad I did.

Only a few people know I have it. My husband knows, my parents know, a few close friends know.

Most of the people I have told think the syndrome fits me to a T. A few family member and friends, though, still do not believe me and think I am making it up, or imagine I have it, or that if I *just had more self control and discipline, I could...* - you get the rest.

How do you deal with these people? If I didn't care about them, it would not be so bad. But I do, and it bothers me. Anyone else deal with this?

Most people think they understand ADHD ,assuming they believe it exists, when in fact they're clueless.

Most of what I run into is some type of "urban myth" type rumor.A good example is the BS you here about stimulants.

People "think" they know something because they "assumed" something was a certain way when in fact it's not.

Welcome to the Forum. I wish you much luck and hope things go well. Meanwhile, when dealing with someone who "thinks" they know all about ADHD, just consider the (clueless) source. :)

I choose people I share this with carefully. And if they don't get it, I don't feel obligated to convice them otherwise. They have removed themselves from the loop.

Their loss.

If I get them thinking about ADHD and they're willing to be somewhat openminded; that's enough to start.

Cheers,

Before I knew anything about it, I assumed that Ritalin was a sedative, and they just used it to quiet down busy kids. Yeah, that was stupid, but nobody I knew was in that boat. When I did know someone with ADD, I took the trouble to inform myself.

So yeah, I've been wondering about that too. I don't have so many friends that I can afford to cut someone loose just over that, and some of the family is also being, to my mind, intentionally dense. It's like arguing with a brick wall, really. Particularly irritating is the "all children are special" or that Kilian is "perfectly normal." Best so far: "This book says most people with ADD are left-handed. Kilian's not left-handed!" Puh-leeze.

So thanks for bringing this up, beeblebrox. Hope we can get some good advice from the veterans on the board.

I get really tired of the comments people make about thinking they have ADHD too. So many people don't realize that we wouldn't have gotten diagnoses and/or tried medication if it wasn't really bad! I love my ADHD, and I don't want to be "normal." However, I get tired of people wanting to give themselves this disorder.

Everyone around me knows I have ADHD. The teachers I work with, my professors, the parents of my students at school... I am who I am. I'm successful at my job and feel that ADHD has made me more successful. I'm pretty proud to be me! Marie

I get that frequently (probably because I open my mouth about the subject too frequently). I'm working on learning to let it go. If people are interested in learning more, you'll know that pretty quickly and they'll ask questions and so forth. If they're not, it's best just to let it go -- now if I could just follow that advice!:rolleyes:

Scattered

I've been pretty cautious about not discussing my ADD in the workplace, because I'm afraid co-workers/clients might assume it makes me incompetent or unreliable. In truth, I've been fairly successful, due to the fact that I will do whatever it takes, frequently at the 11th hour, just to get the job done. But I always feel like a fraud because non-ADDers would've done it "right" to begin with (not procrastinating, being organized, on time, etc.) So the people who don't see ADD in me are those who've seen the successful, "passing-for-normal" me I try so hard to present to the entire world.

I've told some friends and family about the ADD, but my mom is the most skeptical. She's literally "old school" -- a former teacher (in the 60's) whose only understanding of ADD/ADHD is hyperactive/runs-with-scissors kids. (I'm more the inattentive type.) Mostly, I get the "huh, never thought that about you ..." in the beginning, but after thinking about it, they start to see the things that have always been there -- like planning a huge graduation party with my sister-in-law, who later said she was astonsihed to find I was still pulling it all together just minutes before the event (and then realized that's typical for me; I usually manage to make it work -- it's just way more exhausting that way!)

I get a lot of "I do that, too" comments that are really frustrating. I want to say, "Yes, but do you do it all day, every day? And then do you spend the rest of your life pretending that you don't, so people will think you're not completely incompetent?"

fiji,


ADHD is the world's most researched childhood disorder.An excellent book to help with understanding it is, The ADHD Book of Lists by Sandra Rief (2003).

There have been many posts about ADHD being a "normal dimensional disorder" that most people display some symptoms of during their lives, as well as a disorder that impairs the Executive Functions of your brain.They are the "management " or "supervisory" part of your brain.

Inattentive ADHD is especially hard to see. I believe (personally, I can't recall any research to that effect but I bet its probably out there) that Inattentive girls/females are probably one of the most "underdiagnosed" groups.

Either way, the thing you look for is "impairment in major life activities" that create "harmful dysfunction."

For example, many of the Inattentive children I see are bright,don't get in trouble and dislike making low grades.

Unfortunately, they are sometimes mislabeled as "lazy." While it's possible for them to eventually become depressed and "give up," they are for the most part, genuinely concerned and often don't know what to do.

I wish you well and hope that things get better.

take care

mctavish23 (Robert):)

Some people say you dont have ADD because they think that will make you feel better. You could also be honest and just say "That doesnt make me feel any better, but thanks for the effort".

If someone is being a total jerk, you can also go this way -

Acting truly surprised and totally sincere and complimenting, say "Oh wow, my gosh, I hadn't heard that you went to medical school! When did you graduate? "

That will shut them up everytime. It works when nothing else will! And its so easy.... :)

If they say they didn't go to medical school but persist and say that they know alot about ADD, ask them "Oh really, what DO you know about ADD??" and when they tell you whatever they think they know, such as "I know ADD is a lot of bull**** and over diagnosed in too many people", you can mater of factly as them "Is that your professional medical opinion" and smile. Keep it light.

Thats one option...its a very fast comeback for people who are being ignorant. I know its not nice, but ignoring your attempt to have people understand what you are going through is also not nice.

Overall, you are educating other people in order to gain support, so you have to moderate your attitude too, or you won't get any of the results you are ultimately looking to gain. In other words, don't be cruel.


Jon

fiji,

Inattentive ADHD is especially hard to see. I believe (personally, I can't recall any research to that effect but I bet its probably out there) that Inattentive girls/females are probably one of the most "underdiagnosed" groups.



mctavish23 (Robert):)

McTavish

I am pretty sure I have seen studies indicating that girls with inattentive ADD are the highest catagory for being undiagnosed, because they are usually well mannered and they are not hyperactive, ie, not drawing attention to themselves. My daughter is inattentive, and that was my major concern, that she not go undiagnosed. Her nice manners meant that teachers never complained about her, but her school work was declining by 2nd grade. (Now with medication and understanding, she is an IB student!)

:)

Jon

I think everyone I know that knows that I have ADD has either told me that I don't have that or I don't really need meds or they have told me they think they have it to.

Those who told me that they have it usually has one characteristic that does not fit, I point it out. I have one friend who is majoring in mental health full time, works with ese behaviourel kids full time, interns in a domestic violence shelter 24 hours a week and keeps her home perfect and spotless.

Not to mention spends much time with her two grown children and her husband. She told me once that she thinks she has ADD. I told her that if she did I wanted the kind that she has lol.

For those who have told me I don't need meds or that I don't have ADD and that I am just lazy and give up to easy, although it hurts to hear, everyone is intitled to their opinion. Now I do print info off the net that describes my behaviour to a T and hand it to them.

Later they usually come back and tell me that they think they have it too but at least I know they took the time to read it.

I'm glad to hear that your daughter is doing better.:)

I'm glad to hear that your daughter is doing better.:)
Thanks Mc; She is doing very well. She takes too long on homework, but ..... she is motivated.

How are you doing? Feeling better today? By the way, your comments here are invaluable. I appreciate your input and knowledge very much.

Jon

Marie,
Hi, did you tell your principal that you have add? My principal doesn't know, she just thinks I am nuts. However, the asst. principal knows because she's the one that pointed out to me in Feb that I might be add. I am back to work tomorrow....time to take the meds.
Take care and a good school year.

I guess I need to hang around here a little more often, LOL.

I read some posts that talked about inattentive type ADD - I have mixed ADD with a mild hyperactive component and a strong inattentive component. I fI told you my life story (which I will spare you all ;) ) probably most of you would recognize the classic stuff. Like some of you, I managed to cover up my problems in my work setting and actually did quite well. My desk was a disaster and I routinely got in trouble for stuffing files and important papers into a cabinet, but I was lucky in that I chose a profession which meshed with the ADD issues. I can really relate to teh poster who feels like a fraud - that describes exactly how I feel lots of times.

I can *so* relate to the "Oh, I think I have ADD too" attitude. I hear a lot of, "Oh, I left the front door open too just two weeks ago, and I forgot to pay X bill a month ago, and I was fifteen minutes late this morning...I must have it too."

Like another poster said: yeah, you have it - if you do these things every day, several times a day, and if these things are making your life a hell or have the potential to do so.

Anyway - thanks for your answers. I look forward to getting to know you better. :D

I guess I need to hang around here a little more often, LOL.

I read some posts that talked about inattentive type ADD - I have mixed ADD with a mild hyperactive component and a strong inattentive component. I fI told you my life story (which I will spare you all ;) ) probably most of you would recognize the classic stuff. Like some of you, I managed to cover up my problems in my work setting and actually did quite well. :DThis was a very cool idea for a thread!:) The mild hyperactive with strong inattentive is me too. I'm glad to hear someone else describe what it's like for them. I still so frequently ask myself (which feels much worse than other people asking me),"You don't really have ADD do you?" (Even though I've jumped through all the proper diagnostic hoops). When you function well in some areas that are frequently hard for AD/HD folks to manage (IE: school and work), it's easy to question yourself and feel like a fraud like you said. Boy though, in home, family relationships, paperwork, and emotional arenas it sure comes out. Maybe it's the mixed inattentive and hyperactive that makes it such a confusing presentation.

I guess I can forgive other people for doubting my AD/HD, since I haven't gotten over doing that myself :rolleyes: (but it still doesn't feel good).:(

Scattered

Great thread! :D

I am really careful about whom I share my ADD, and my Son's ADD. It's not that I am at all ashamed of it, it's just that there are many people I know of (friends and family included) that I don't think are educated enough to really know about what ADD really is, or doubt that there is such a disorder, and I definetly don't want to get into it, been there done that!

The people in my life (very few) that I told that I had ADD, were not at all surprised! I actually have had some friends, even new friendships, come out and speak of having it, so then I feel more comfortable saying "hey, me too"! :D

The funniest thing i have ever heard was my teenage daughter. She is in all AP and Honors high school classes. In her second week of school, new to High Sschool, with kids she didn't know until last week, one of her teachers called on her to answer a question right when she was zoning and staring into space (you know how we do that - right?).

So what did my daughter do? She is not ashamed of her ADD - and she smiled, looked down, kind of shyly looked back up, gave that teenage giggle, and said in a clear voice for all the classmates to hear, "I'm sorry, I forgot to take my medication today." From the way she tells it, everyone in the class, including the teacher broke out in a roaring laughter, and they all decided that everyone in class forgot to take their meds too. I am amazed she was able to pull it off and not keep her ADD secret.

Jon

The mild hyperactive with strong inattentive is strong in me to :)

MOST people do not believe me when I say I have ADD

They say that I'm just to LAZY about things that I don't want to do.

That I have to much on my MIND and my plate to handle things and to just take a break already.

That I party to much to be awake at my desk job...I tell them to please tell me where the party is that allows a single mommy a night off and I'm so there..they look at me like I'm the devil (church people)

My work wonders why I SPACE out at my desk and do nothing for four hours. I tell them I'm doing something I just can't remember what the heck I was supposed to be doing.

They say that I'm a WANT TO BE PROBLEM and that I WANT the attention so I make this stuff up. YEAH..........I really want to have a "problem" cause thats my goal in life to make things all about me...:mad:

I've told my family since I was youger like 7-8 years old that I thought I needed special help...they haven't listend to me...I've done my best to kinda clue my dad and sister in on my needs at work (my dad is my boss and my sister is like my boss) they just say I'm spacy and need to focus on my job if it's something I really want.............

HELLO screaming ADD right there!!!! People are so freaken clueless...it's silly

WHEW...........I wish people would understand....my three friends all have AD/HD and so I don't have to explain anything there...being myself around them is a TREASURE...........LOVE it....!!!!!!!!!!

so super long...sorry...i'm just chatty today!! :D