Easier said than done for someone who has ADD or ADHD right?

I have suspected my daughter of having ADD since she was 5. Her kindergaden teacher even agreed after her 2nd year in kindergarden but said that nothing could be done till 1st grade so even though she was still not where she needed to be to pass, the teacher passed her.

Then first grade came and within 3 weeks she was reading. Wow ,,,, i was astonished. Just 3 weeks before that she couldn't even tell me what the sound of an M was if she was fustrated or wanted to do something else and all the sudden she is reading.

So everyone said nooooo she doesn't have anything wrong,,,, no learning disablities no dislexia no add or adhd. She just wasn't applying herself and now she is.

Few weeks later, her grades started dropping back down to D's. Now all the sudden she is in danger of failing again. Last 9 weeks of school last year, like before, all the sudden she is back to making 100% on everything and straight A's on her report card.

Now once again, her grades are dropping back to D's again. Today I get a note from the teacher that she is not applying herself and that she needs to pay attention and listen so she can follow directions. Go figure!

The thing is,,,, I live where I work,,, which is in a domestic violence shelter. Most of those I work with (who can also decide if I have a place to live or not as well as job) think that children are often misdiagnosed and that they just need more home training. So naturally they think my kids fall in this catagory because I am not as stern as they think I should be with my kids.

Now, in my head, I as their mother has every right to decide what is best for my kids. But seeing how I live where I live and the child advocate (who has a degree in criminal justice not child psychology mind you) disagrees with me about my daughter,,,, if I have her tested, it could cost me my job and place to live.

I already know that I am just gonna have to let it go till I save up enough money to move and get a new job but I guess I just needed to vent. Thanks for taking the time to read.

OK so I didn't let it go like I said I was going to have to. I took Joslyn to the Dr. today and he happened to ask the right question and that was how is she doing in school over all? So now he wants the guidence counsler at her school to test her for a learning disorder and she will be taking in the ADHD work sheets to her teacher on Wednesday.

I talked to her guidence counsler today and she agreed that we need to look in to this and she will be starting the assesment for the learning disorder Wednesday as well. I decided that once she has been tested and I have the results in hand, then and only then will I approach her child advocate and the director.

Confidentiality is a wonderful thing because you see,,,,, all they need to know is that the school wanted to test her and so I agreed to let them. My job and home will be safe. (I hope lol),,,, My DV counsler is so against having my child tested and says she can tell if there is something wrong with a child by their handwriting.

If that is all it takes to diagnose someone,,,,,, then why do we have to go through other things to be diagnosed. I know that she works with children with AD/HD in ese class but these are older kids with behaviourel issues. I do not believe that all kids with ADD have behaviour problems to the extream that she tells me about.

So I have decided to stop taking the advice of those without a PhD or those who do not live with this crap everyday. Grant it, my dv counsler is working on her masters in mental health,,,, she needs another degree to tell me what is or is not going on in my kids head.

I think what made me decide to talk to her Dr. is that just before he came in,,, she was trying to read a magazine and couldn't get a bunch of words. She got very fustrated with herself and made the comment that she wished she would die already and that she was just so stupid. My heart broke into a million peices right then and she started to cry.

Right then was when the Dr. came in. I didn't tell him what she had said about dieing because I know she isn't suicidal and I was scared that if I had they would have wanted to baker act her or something. So instead,,, I go to see my pysch. tomorrow and I am going to discuss it with him.

I am already working with her on how to love herself, but that isn't doing a whole lot of good. I know that all of this is truly making her depressed and at 8 years old,,, that scares me. I was 11 the first time I truly felt like I wanted to die and that was living with extream abuse so to hear her say that today,,,,,,, well you can imagine.

I asked her if she really felt that way but she said no and that she just gets so mad at herself sometimes. I think I made the right choice in talking to her Dr. and after I speak with my Dr. and I have her results back,,,, I am going to start taking her to see a therapist because she really seems to be hurting inside and to tell you the truth,,, she always has.

I remember when she was about 3 1/2 and she was crying so hard as she did and does often, I asked her why she was so sad and her reply to me was,,,,, I don't know! I know what your thinking,,,, why didn't I take her to see someone then,,, right? Well the answer to that is simple,,, I was with her dad and her dad thinks all Pyschiatrists are a bunch of quacks out to make a buck and there was no way he was going to allow anyone to take her to see one.

Well now that I have full custody,,, it is my decision and not his,,,, he will have to live with the choices I make in their life. So anyway,,,,, I just wanted to update anyone who was interested. It has been a long long long day so this will be my only post tonight.

I'm so glad that the first steps are going to be taken after all. It is really hard to watch our kids struggle and fight to keep a few shreds of self worth. Sounds like you're a loving Mom, doing your best to meet her daughters needs, and the earlier she is diagnosed, the better. Even if the diagnosis isn't ADD or borderline ADD, you can still make a game plan on how to help and encourage her to overcome whatever limitations are there.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Kim

Hey Draven,

I'm sorry your daughter is struggling. Nothing hurts more than to see your child hurting! (((hugs)))

My daughter is 8 also and had homework yesterday that she didn't want to do. One of the questions was "What do I like most about myself?" another was "What is something that makes me special?" (i'm not wording the questions right, but, you get the idea) -- she couldn't think of anything ... she was having such a hard day, tired and overwhelmed ... she just gave up on herself for a little while. :(

Today, she is back to her bouncy, peppy, upbeat side.

Kids have bad days. I know it's important not to minimize what's going on, but, I think it's important to remember how resilient kids are. She knows that you love her unconditionally. So, even when she's feeling really down on herself, she *knows* that her momma is always in her corner. What a lucky kid!!!

"We do what we know. When we know better, we do better." Maya Angelou

take care, draven.

wheezie

Thank you both for your words of encouragement. She has been out of school for two days now for unrelated reasons and so she has had me to herself and she seems a little better today but that cloud of no selfworth hangs over her always i think.

And Weezie, my daughter would not have wanted to answer those questions either. Reminds me,,,, maybe I should ask her those questions and have her give me an answer tomorrow. Gives her plenty of time to think of all the wonderful things about herself. She is an awesome kid.

I do have a bit of good news too. I just talked to her father and explained that I had talked to her Docter about her grades and overall education. He asked me if I told the Docter that she was slow. (gritted my teeth not to scream at him) I told him she was not slow but that he did agree that she may have ADD or a LD. Surprisingly,,,,, he was very supportive. He asked questions without attacking and he said that "good,,, maybe she will get what she needs and do ok." My mouth just dropped open. I guess him living with the women he has now (she has spent blocks of time in a state hospital on a few occasions) has opened his eyes to the world of psychiatry. He has had a chance to see her on meds and off meds and I guess he knows the Dr. just might know what he is doing after all. lol