03-09-03, 06:50 PM
Ok...Just wondering...Who's married, seperated, divorced, single, with a forever lover???
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03-09-03, 06:50 PM
Ok...Just wondering...Who's married, seperated, divorced, single, with a forever lover???
03-10-03, 12:16 AM
Married 17 yrs on April 22nd... not perfect by any means. Don't know yet if we are going to stay together......but don't want to upset kids by parting at this point.... so, for now getting by.
03-10-03, 02:15 AM
I'm not really single but in a serious relationship. I selected single though when it comes to marital status.. ;)
03-10-03, 02:33 AM
I'm married, we've been married for a little over a year. We lived together for 4 years before we were married.
We actaully met in a chatroom 7 1/2 years ago.
03-10-03, 04:16 AM
Great picture Tara.. Wedding pictures really are cool. Maybe I will have some of my own one day. ;) Until then, I will enjoy everyone else's...
Thanks for sharing it with us!
03-10-03, 02:18 PM
I am married...fast approaching 15 years as of September 22. There are days that I can't believe it's been that long...and then there are those days that it feels longer.
03-12-03, 12:06 AM
Married for 9 1/2 years.... don't know how my husband has survived it... **laughs**
03-12-03, 11:35 AM
I hope you find someone you feel you can walk down the aisle with. The woman in your pic is very beautiful I must say and you make a great looking couple.
You will know when the person is the right one for you though. Hopefully someone who can make you happy and support you in your every day endeavors....and someone who you'll be able to do the same for.
03-12-03, 11:35 AM
What a beautiful dress! You both look very happy. :)
Thanks for sharing!
03-12-03, 07:11 PM
i will be married 16 yrs on the 30th April. We are not perfect but have decided to try and live together for the kids, well until they r a bit older anyway
03-12-03, 07:32 PM
i'm in a life long partnership. wish i could post my pic but i still have to figure that out!
03-13-03, 01:49 PM
Married here, for 17 years now, an am actually happier now than I have been for a very long time, my husband has at long last stopped self medicating, which has stopped mood swings and made him less unpredictable and much easier to live with, he had self medicated with canabis for at least 15 years,the last few years were pretty bad, but he has been drug free for almost 8 months now...............congratulations to him, I am very proud of him.
03-13-03, 01:56 PM
Good for HIM!!!! Good luck, hon. :)
03-13-03, 05:26 PM
Many hugs and good luck on things... also Congrats on your 17 yrs. :)
03-17-03, 07:04 PM
Hmmm, after rebounding from a "total fake" from a Yahoo chat room, last summer. I met a wondeful lady on Matchmaker, got engaged in November, bought a new home in December, but she left me before Valentines day. I pray someone can live with me as my wife, best friend and of course, lover, before I die. I have seriously thought about starting a "Rehab from Yahoo" clinic. So, here I am single again. UGH. I'm happy to see the married couples that stick together.
03-22-03, 05:24 PM
Married when I was 19, divorced when I was 22
Married when I was 24, divorce final next month.
Though I am living with a wonderful man, I don't plan on getting married anytime soon again...
03-26-03, 02:32 PM
Divorced twice (actually technically seperated, divorce will be final in a month or so) I have remained close friends and confidants with both ex'es. When both wives asked for a divorce they cried and said they were afraid they would lose their best friend, (this still flips me out, to hear the same thing from two very different women). I will not get into a serious relationship till I can figure this out a bit and get some trust back, I don't think I can take the pain of this again. For now, I can be a good friend.
The toughest moment of my life was telling the boys I was moving out, the look on their faces was like a dagger in my heart and will be seared in my memory forever. But, they now see friendship and love between wendy and myself, instead of animosity, and a unified front in dealing with them! It is always tough on them, but (imho) the seperating couple needs to acknowledge that while the marriage my be ending the role as loving parents is not.
03-31-03, 12:28 AM
I know it is very hard to go through that. It broke my heart when boogie wept for days over her dad and I getting a divorce and of course he made me out to be the bad guy in all of it.
Huggz to you and your boys and to anyone else having to go through it. Been there myself.
03-31-03, 12:32 AM
Married 3 times divorce twice.
Hubby and I have hit that 7 year itch in our marriage and so far it's still pretty good. (thanks the Goddess I finally found one that gives me my space and allows me to be me :D)
We have our moments but we are both faithful to each other and that is a big plus to both of us. Now if I can just get him to look behind the milk when he is looking for something. LOL
04-03-03, 01:29 AM
Im about to embark on a wonderful journey called "Marriage" and I couldnt be more happier than I am right now...I am so looking forward to spending the rest of my life with the man of my dreams, he full fills every desire I have ever felt. I know this marriage will last a lifetime..compared to my first. This one is meant to be, one thing we have going for ourselves..is that we are best friends to one another and can communicate our feelings, whether they are positive or negative...never judging one another!!
04-04-03, 11:14 PM
im 13 so im none of the above
04-05-03, 01:56 AM
Single never married. Engaged to my daughters father till we seperated and that was it. I decided when she was 4 that no matter what I was going to have a life and so was she not matter what it took and even with the addiction of Stephan to our family that goal hasnt changed. I return to school in May to once again start on my law degree and obtain my webmasters certification. At least we are happy so that is what matters.
04-05-03, 02:39 AM
The great thing I hear is that you are trying "ring fo fire". And yes, those yahoo relationships can be quite heart-breaking. It's probably less risky and less mysterious to meet people in person, but that is not to say it can't be done on-line.
I personally found that break ups, the ones that I cared about, were painful and shook up my confidence a bit. I usually felt afterwards like I would never meet someone who would love "me". However, after a little respite I would get up enough courage and was ready to begin seeking another person to date.
I found that school was the best place to meet people; and that bars were the worst. I never had a serious relationship with anyone I met in a bar. I married a woman I met in school, and dated quite a few while in school that were really descent, intelligent women worth dating. Well, thats a suggestion from someone who has now been married for 16 yrs. There have been some ups and downs, like in most marriages, but we have survived the worst of it and seem to be committed to sticking it out and resolving our issues on an ongoing basis. With two wonderful daughters, we felt it was our obligation to try to be more understanding of each other, and to look to ourselves individually to see what problems each of us has brought to our marriage. This has helped, as the tendency is to blame the other, "you, you, you" rather than seeing how "I,I,I" contributed to each problem.
We have also both entered psychodrama classes seperately to learn to be more compassionate and communicative with others and ourselves, and to help us in our personal growth, as stalled personal growth can often make a marriage seem stale. So we are both embarked on our own voyages of self-discovery and bringing those positive lessons home and putting them in practice in our marriage. It's a slow process, but it has been worth it and has saved our marriage.
The funny thing is we never stopped loving each other even at the times when we felt like we hated each other. Thats how I knew I had to work harder to make it work, because it seemed evident if the love was that strong, then something could be done to bridge the problems.
Love heals all, yet it is the tool we seem blind to in our rage.
04-05-03, 02:44 PM
Wow...nice story Jon...A real illustration of the word "commitment" if I ever heard one...I mean it's easy to hang in there when things are going well....The real test comes when times are difficult..I mean isn't that what marriage vows are about after all????....easier said than done, I know....but you're doing it.....good deal....many more happy years......:)
04-08-03, 11:32 PM
40 and still single and not dating. Where are the men?
People's mouths drop to the floor, they find it hard to believe that someone at my age has never married. I have also never been in a serious relationship where "I love You" was exchanged other than the 9th grade and I don't count that.
04-13-03, 07:08 PM
i will have been married 21 years in july.
i have two young boys and am reluctent to leave because of them....allkids need a dad, even if they are not good spouses.
04-15-03, 01:17 AM
Single.......no one can keep my attention!!
04-15-03, 03:14 AM
i was married once and divorced three years later then i got remarried to another man the father of my kids and were going on 2 years married in October:)
08-18-03, 06:22 PM
Holy moly, is this poll/thread still here?????? Okay, any recently new people or people who have never commented here -- care to comment here? I would like to hear about where some of you are in terms of this issue.....:)
08-18-03, 06:45 PM
18 years we have been married and she still puts up with me
08-18-03, 06:57 PM
Married 10 1/2 years to my first Girlfriend, college sweetheart. My best 10 1/2 years of my life!! I can't imagine my life without my wife. Actually, the best 14 years of my life counting courtship and engagement!! My wife is my best friend, she really is. In some ways we are very opposite, but we compliment one another, complete one another.
08-19-03, 09:19 AM
32, never married nor engaged. Get bored too easily with the non-ADDers; usually too volitile with ADDers. I'm a lot to handle--but in a very good way! :D
08-19-03, 12:50 PM
Never married and no kids..and was just in what probably was the best relationship of my life....but it ended....due to religious differences....we all always be friends though....We were both ADD..and as such did some of the nuttiest things I've ever done:) Some too x-rated to name:) and some just too inappropriate to share:)...
BUT I really got to see what's it like to love another and be loved unconditionally and to have an ADD friend....We did a lot of things spontaneously....which I think was the best part of us both having ADD, etc....Had he been my religion??? I would have married him in a heartbeat because he was unbelievably good to me......Like James and his wife, I felt like he and I complemented each other wonderfully....he brought out the best in me....which was great....and I like to think I did that for him too....Anyway....I'm sad it's over....but so glad I met him....and I feel blessed to have gotten to know him....
08-20-03, 11:27 AM
32 -- single/never married -- rapidly getting disgusted with relationships and dating in general
or maybe I just need to find someone else with ADD and see how that goes
08-20-03, 04:41 PM
Joan. I am not juddging, but I'm certain that any God you may believe in would have chosen "love" over "obedience".
But, hey, your environment, your choices, ultimately your life. I can't say I would have done the same though. My God speaks to me through my conscience and not through books, priests or prophets (I'm technically a Catholic, although I see this more as a cultural affiliation rather than a religious one) - and I'm certain my conscience would not have prevented me from marrying outside my faith.
Having said that, I admire your commitment. It must have been a great act of faith. I am curious, what faith allows for "x-rated and inapropriate" acts between a follower and a heathen but denies them marriage?
PS - I am not trying to be cruel, argumentative or belittling. I am fascinated by your post Joan and the choice you made. I find it very alien to me personally and would like to hear you say more on this topic.
PPS - To stay on topic: Married 5 years (dated for 7 more) w/ child.
08-20-03, 05:20 PM
I think there are all sorts of levels of religious commitment that one can make.
and even though love knows no bounds (i.e. sex, creed, religion), I know from personal experience that religion still has a profound impact when selecting a mate for marriage....more so than who one has sex with.
The above commentary is only my humble opinion, and is not necessarily the opinion of the ADD Forums, or any of its employees, admins, moderators or members.
08-20-03, 05:28 PM
ok heres my history
married in 85 divorced in 86 married again in 87 divorced in 88....married again in 90 divorced - well that one was annulled in 90 married again 4th and last time in 91 divorced in 94.....lol
now im happily single, but always looking, never to marry again - i dont think ill ever get that right!!!
08-20-03, 05:56 PM
Why and Andrew: Thanks for your previous remarks....Hmmmm.....what to say.....Why: I pretty much agree with Andrew's words a zillion percent.. He and I are on the same page with regard to this one....I must admit.....
Anway, I am Jewish, born, raised and bred....Bat-Mitzvahed....hebrew school graduate....Israel visitor....the Jews are my people, my culture, my history, my family....My two siblings are married to Jews. My parents are both Jewish...I want to marry someone who has same background. I am a practicing Jew....I still speak and read Hebrew fluently...etc. and value the customs and culture and want to share this with a mate. My friend was not Jewish. He was the most loveable and loving man I had ever been with..and sex with him reflected that....and he was fun and loved me TO DEATH....but my religion is EVERYTHING....and has nothing to do with obedience....just my own personal values....And he understood that, by the way, going into the relationship....I did not lead him on...He knew that...but wanted to be with me anyway...and I'm glad for what we had because it made me realize that I am capable of being loved and loving and that certainly God can bring exactly the man I am looking for into my life....because this other person certainly was close....:) And with that I will say "Shalom" which means Hello, Good-Bye and Peace....in Hebew:)
08-20-03, 08:42 PM
P.S. Why: Does that sort of clear things up a little???:) And I understand your point of view too:)
08-20-03, 09:03 PM
Thanks for writing, Joan. I feared that my comment was too forward and calous. I appreciate that you're willing to "talk" to me.
I wonder if your choice is in part formulated by the plight of your people? A sense of self preservation? Or perhaps not... Perhaps I am incapable of comprehending that kind of commitment to religion. Although, would a non-practicing Jew be equally unacceptable...that is a Jew by nationality but not by faith (if there is such a thing; I am quite ignorant on this subject as you can see :"> )?
Ok. Sorry. These are personal matters not related to anything we come here to discuss; you can safely disregard this and I will prommise not to poke any further. Good luck, Joan. I know you will meet a wonderful jewish man who will make you happy for the rest of your life. 'Haps you already have and the love of your life is right around the corner. Shalom :)
08-21-03, 05:54 PM
Why: Not willing to talk to you??? I'm confused....why would I not be willing to talk to you....I guess that would be a little dysfunctional and not to get all psycho babbly but also a bit passive aggressive??? -- these are things I am not willing to engage in today. I truly have not felt offended by you. I prefer you ask questions than do what others do....sit in silence and perhaps confusion and even worse -- judgement.....NOT understanding because they have not asked. I am glad you have asked.....
Also I believe I am establishing good boundaries with people.....if I felt you were being too forward or calous, I would let you know:) But I believe your interest is genuine....and so there ya go
Yes my decision could possibly be formulated by the plight of my people or self-preservation....never thought of that.....but on the other hand, there is a lot to preserve....I have practiced all my life...this is not a new thing....I think it's a preservation of my OWN Jewish-ness. I want to attend temple most Friday nights with my future husband AND some holidays......
Non-practicing Jew? Hmmmm, not sure....Perhaps that would be okay, if he might agree to practice a little:) But he would have to have been born Jewish.....and be willing to attend Passover Sedars with my family (a favorite Jewish holiday of mine)....
Yes there is such a thing as a non-practicing Jew, by the way....(you are correct there)....In fact, MANY are just that, Why....Many will go to temple just on "high" holidays which are our holiest days of the year....they come once per year, around NOW actually:) and we ask God to forgive us for all of our sins...(sort of similar to the Catholic confession, I guess)....
No I haven't met Mr. Jewish Right:(....I need to move to an area where I might find him....such as Fort Lauderdale, Boca Raton or Miami.....Right now I am job hunting targeting these areas....I feel as if I'm practicing in the profession of my choice, I'll have something cool to the bring to the relationship......I don't want to be a gold digger or be preceived as one:...so we'll see....Thanks Why....Don't worry about not poking further. I do not feel poked NOR prodded:)
08-21-03, 06:24 PM
17 years just celebrated this month, and 20 years together! Not all a walk through the park, trust me, but then she had to be married to me for all those years, which probably was not always easy! We fell in love fast and stayed in love, and got married 3 years later. Now she is involved in psychodrama too, and that has helped our marriage more than anything, which to me means it is not always about communicating better with your partner, but can be just as important to communicate better with yourself, and the rest starts to happen as a natural extension. She has been happier since starting psychodrama, and that happiness spreads through the house. So this is a testament that staying together, with sincere intent to work on things for improvement, can result in some major developments, if the love is there to start with.
Ok, enough pontificating.... lol. We are doing better now than ever, so this is good news!!!
08-21-03, 07:14 PM
Why: By the way: It is my friend who went to Harvard....to law school...remember how I suggested that to you? that you go to Harvard? And I told you that I knew someone who went to Harvard who wasn't even as smart as YOU? Well that's my friend..and it's true...he isn't as smart as you....I still believe that:)
But he has some awesome qualities and he and I will always be friends..always...and he will meet someone compatible...
Cagrl: My roommate is on her fifth divorce....now...and chooses to sleep with her ex-husband...she can never be happy single or alone....I admire you for choosing to be happy as a single person...:)
08-21-03, 10:01 PM
Thanks again for the compliment Joan, very kind of you.
08-21-03, 11:27 PM
Hi, I married in 86, Husband left me in 85, divorced in 96 (Only to find out he forgot to turn in the papers to the town we were married in, so we weren't technically married) Married in 98 in a church this time, Husband left in 99 due to complications due to diabetes (He said it was my childen and I's fault- Ahhh denial)
I'm technically legally seperated, for 4 years now. And no, I don't sleep or do anything with him.... ewww! I'm torn about divorce because I'm Catholic and I feel that I would be doing something against God. Silly I know, especially since my priest told me I could annul it. But who wants a woman who has two kids and divorced twice?! Sigh.
08-22-03, 02:22 AM
We've been married for 12 years and engaged for 3 years prior. I couldn't be happier. My husband has been EXTREMELY patient with me about my whole ADD thing all these years. My diagnosis helped us both out so much, even just understanding the way I tick.
Wow, can he make me laugh!:)
08-22-03, 08:39 AM
2 kids is wonderful, not negative at all, after all your not chasing someone in the cradle are you? Then the divorced twice while not a badge of honor is not a badge of shame either, so don't make it one. You have a positive twist here, you have been there twice and made some errors, and are working on correcting them for the next relationship, which is darn better than going along accepting a negative relationship. There is always a learning lesson in our past, and it can be a positive if we allow our past to be a gift, I have been taught.
Get your butt out there and flirt!!! and get that divorce too! be free! to live your life.
11-20-03, 10:23 AM
Married for 3 1/2 years.
It hasn't been easy, but I'd say it's worth the effort. I think my hubby and I both have very strong personalities and ideas, so we butt heads a lot. Additionally, my ongoing battle with depression hasn't helped matters. But lately things have been going well.
11-20-03, 01:44 PM
I am opposed to marriage now. I advise people who are considering taking the plunge NOT to.
However, I am married personally, and committed to making my marriage work.
11-20-03, 02:12 PM
Well I certainly agree that marriage is 100X harder than people realize. And some people are better cut out for it than others.
But what would you have two people who are in love do? Live separately forever? Or just cohabitate- in which case you might as well get married.
Nothing in life is ever simple or easy. Marriage is no exception. I agree on advising people to not jump into marriage with expectations of bliss, but I think the "no marriage" standpoint is a little extreme.
Just my 2 cents :D
11-20-03, 06:16 PM
If I meet Mr. Right, I want to get married....I've never been married...and forewarned (that marriage is tough) is forewarned. I'm tired of being alone.....if he is indeed Mr. Right -- I will get married.....
11-20-03, 06:39 PM
SINGLE! (looking, but not actively....hoping....DAILY...always open to new ways of meeting people). I am currently writing my masters thesis and I am forcing myself to stay single until it is done as the last time I got screwed in a relationship it sent me on a year long self destruction binge....now I am doing better...I am a bit lonely, but nothing that cant be overcome on day. I currently talk quite a bit with a friend in England, and would like to meet her one day but theres no guarantee that that will happen (which is kind of a shame....she is beautiful!). Anyway. I am moderately attractive, blonde hair blue eyes.....like to cook oh.,....this is just to find out our marital status.....sorry.....
11-20-03, 06:44 PM
Blond hair, blue eyes, master's candidate -- AND like to cook? Um Missing_Cues -- you'll have no problem meeting the woman of your dreams (when the time is right)....whether it is Ms. Lady in England or someone else....:)
11-20-03, 10:45 PM
I'm *RE*married... didn't see that option in the poll. First marriage lasted 8 years (7 together, one separated and divorcing). Have two beautiful children from the first marriage, so something good can come even from a bad situation. Just got married again this year (June 28) to a wonderful woman who loves me, loves my children, cares for me, and understands me... couldn't ask for more!!!
11-21-03, 12:10 AM
JOAN! BLUSH! thanks.....although......I must admit...It has been hard to meet someone. I was trying for the longest time and in some way, I think I still am. My biggest problem is that I no longer known what its like to date someone...or even flirt for that matter...and I cant tell when someone is flirting with me (hence a name like MISSING_CUES!). Anyway, I am sure I will meet someone. I think when I wrote the message earlier today I was a little lonely....(Still am, but I was depressed a little earlier today as well). anyway.....thats my story
11-21-03, 02:07 PM
I'm now divorced from my second husband. I think 4 years of Toying around was enough.
11-21-03, 06:33 PM
Originally posted by missing_cues
and I cant tell when someone is flirting with me (hence a name like MISSING_CUES!). Anyway, I am sure I will meet someone. I think when I wrote the message earlier today I was a little lonely....(Still am, but I was depressed a little earlier today as well). anyway.....thats my story
Missing - Can't tell if someone is flirting??? On boy do I relate to this....I mean are they flirting OR just being "friendly" OR just seeing if they can get a "reaction" out of me for their OWN purpose....WHO KNOWS???
Well hope you're feeling less lonely and depressed.....You are not alone with those feelings.....:)
11-22-03, 02:13 PM
I clicked Married, but I'm actually divorced (married from 18-24) and engaged. But since I'm getting married tomorrow, in a drive through wedding in Vegas (where I live), I just said screw it and put married. The crappy thing is we were going to get married in his new mustang gt, and yesterday he went and got into an accident!!! Nice luck huh? So we'll be in my 2001 SC2. Not as cool, but I still get to keep the husband. :)
11-22-03, 03:41 PM
Many happy years.....:)
11-22-03, 05:20 PM
It took me 4 marriages (was widowed once ) to realize that I need someone who is easygoing and laid back to deal with my personality. I found the perfect man, but we're not rushing anything>
11-24-03, 02:02 PM
Married, 22 years.
No, longevity is not necessarily validity, but...
The best part was/is being surrogate father to some (generally) cool stepdaughters who got less than a square deal from their father (yes, my wife divorced #1) and so appreciated a little alternative life-support from me.
Another (hopefully encouraging) thot -- being clobbered in love is an equal-opportunity disorder. That is, you don't have to have AD/HD to have a sucky love-life that looks like it came out of a soap opera or a sit com -- and you can't tell which for sure.....
Hmm... where did that come from? Just came back from a large family event in the SF bay area, and am probably feeling a bit sentimental.....
11-27-03, 08:55 AM
Married 35 years, and it was said it would never last.
11-27-03, 11:14 AM
Oh so married.. three beautiful daughters and my dream location to live in, very rural.
I don't buy news papers because there is too much bad news for my taste, but sonehow I came across a "companions wanted" section while I was in college in about 1982. I found a "wanted" ad by a woman that could "leap tall buildings in a single bound" and generally liked to do everything I did. I cut it out and tacked it above my work bench and for years it haunted me as I went through many toxic relationships.
I deeply regretted having never responded to that ad. I had a gut feeling there was something important that I had missed by not at least writing to her.
A few years later I found the same thing happening. Again.. someone had left a news paper behind and I found myself reading the companions wanted secton only to find another one of these damned women calling directly to me! I had sworn off women at that point.
I was bound and determined that I would not have this ad haunt me through the years, so I sat down to a four draft rant and mailed the final draft off. It was a rant because I thought she was so naive as to need to have her bluff called! <vbg> I was a long haired, drug and booze fan, leathered street racer and general terror on a motorbike at the time. ;^)
I never gave it a second thought until weeks later when a flowery bit of stationary with an unfamiliar and local return address landed in my mail box.
We married and made babies. ;^)
Still deeply in love and passionate about our sub twenty year plight! She's a peach and I can't say how grateful I am to have found her.
There are some bleak outlooks in this thread and I have shared many of these moments with you before I found my mate. I wish you all strength and patience.
11-27-03, 03:34 PM
Married once, great "hippy"party! We didn't legally marry, though I took it seriously. We split up a five years later, my decision., as I respected him and thought the world of him yet the chemistry wasn't there on my part. I thought back then at 24 yrs of age, that because he was such a great guy, intelligent and loved me so that it was enough. I realised how unfair it was to us, that he would want sex more than I did. Guilt, doing it when you didn't want to. Finding excuses. It hurt his feelings. We are still friends.
I spent 5 years being a big part of his childrens life. They are still in touch with me. Leaving the kids, my farm was the hardest thing I ever did.
A year later I spent 7 years in love yet, in a horrible not married relationship we have a child, and do better living 5 miles apart for the last 6 years.
I have recently got into seeing a couple men and have been kind of burned. One lied, one nagged. I had to let go of the last while totally in love.because I caught him bold faced lying. (That was hard.. boo hoo!)
I have recently felt the need to meet someone, I think it's the 40
year old thingy.
There are two sides of me that wont merge yet.. Intellectual creative and eccentric, then there is my sexuality.
I am yet to be sexually attracted to a man that is intellegent, and creative. Any of you out there??
12-02-03, 05:15 PM
We have been married for 10 years, last April. We both forgot our "milestone" anniversary. Typical.
12-12-03, 10:41 AM
Married 6 years. The last 2 years have been very hard. Finding out I had ADD has helped some. We seperated for 3 days and got back together. We are both trying hard to make it work.
12-17-03, 09:47 PM
serious relationship for almost 3 years...
12-22-03, 03:42 PM
I was engaged twice before I turned 18 (thank goodness I and fiance's were underaged- those would have been messes! We were hopeless romantics; silly kids :D). After my parents divorced I didn't believe in marriages anymore. I am so glad to see so many happy marriages here!
I'm 'married' now- but not legally. I met my 'boyfriend' (as I refer to him for the sake of simplicity) when I was 17 (he's six months my junior yet acts like he's 5 years my senior at times). Instant attraction. When I was barely 18 we got together and I moved in with him and his family- we got our first apartment shortly after. We've been together for nearly five years; and he has the purist heart of anyone I've ever known and I am so happy that our love continues to grow beyond our expectations! The only problem is- we are complete opposites (and that can be so tiring sometimes!). We consider each other husband and wife because the terms boyfriend and girlfriend seems innapropriate. Our relationship has every resemblance of a marriage in our devotion and lifelong intent to remain together; except for the legal aspect and the fact that we choose to remain together every day without legal obligations. When we have kids one day, we'll take care of the legalities- IF we have kids! ...And I'm keeping my last name too, darn it!
..so I had to select: HUH?
01-04-04, 02:34 PM
Married in 1984. Separated in 1991. Re-married New Year's Eve 1993. Currently in limbo. Still cohabitating but preparing to separate. Wife is looking for full-time job to become self-sufficient. I'm looking for an apartment and will leave at the end of this month or next. Recently "celebrated" our 10th wedding anniversary by barely acknowleding each other.
I'm pledging to be selfish with future relationships. I have to find someone who does more than merely show interest in me. I need someone who is the proper fit. And after being married for 18 of the past 20 years, I have no issues with a couple of casual relationships... maybe more. The thought of being with younger women is also appealing. Mid-life crisis? ADD? Some of each? Guess I'll find out.
Like some of the rest of you, I'm not so sure what women will see in a middle-aged guy with two marriages down the tube. I'm sure some would look at it as a warning signal.
01-05-04, 08:31 AM
I married my first love at the age of 19 and we are still happy(despite having 2900 miles between us most of the time).
Some of the problems we had early in our marrage make me wonder how we lasted so long.
01-12-04, 01:22 PM
Get married! Life is to short to go through it alone...
01-12-04, 01:25 PM
I forgot to say I am 30 and have been married for 4 years. I started dating my wife when I was 19 and still together..have on beutiful daughter 21 months and 1 on the way...see ya
01-17-04, 11:41 PM
just passed our 20th anniversary - and here i thought we wouldn't last 2 weeks....
01-20-04, 08:09 AM
Married,,,I have known him for 17 years (omg am i that old already?),,,Dated for 3 years,,,married for the last 9 years. 3 kids, 2 dogs, 8 fish and one iguana (eeek)
03-12-04, 09:56 AM
<----Single & Never Married. I think I found "The One" finally...
03-12-04, 09:58 AM
Divorced once (big mistake got married when i was 18) married now we date for 3 years then got married how 5 wedding anniversary is July 31.
03-12-04, 10:15 AM
Married 9.5 years. Unfortunately things haven't been "right' for about 3 years at least. At least we have no children.
03-13-04, 03:17 PM
Hugs Ken keep your head up it will get better.
03-13-04, 08:02 PM
someone once told me the first 10 years are the hardest -- and i find myself agreeing.
the first year was tough; the second year we almost ended up divorced. years 3 - 11 he was (most) always drunk or angry about something, or both... (lots of broken stuff). for the past 5 years we've had the occasional blow-up (mostly involves alcohol). but i have learned to not play his games - now i just tell him if he wants to argue on top of several beers he'll have to do it without me. and that works! imagine my surprise, had i only known sooner.....
just in case you're wondering - he is not an ogre. he is charming, wonderful and loving; he is also the adult child of an alcoholic who abused him as a child, to the point where he was pulled from the home (it's no excuse, but helps in understanding) and i was not easy to live with until i found out what it was that was "wrong" with me.
so, to anyone going through a rough spot, hang in there. this too will pass..... remember the person you fell in love with in the first place. s/he is still there (hiding beneath household chores and parent duty)
07-13-04, 05:34 PM
I don't get some people! some of you have been married 3 or more times!!! what! what are you thinking, or not thinking!? its amazing to me people get married again after 2 divorces! I can see people getting married and divorced once, happens ALL the time...and then possibly get married again...waayyyy down the road...but 3 or more times! some of you got married, divorced, married, divorced..in a span of like 5 years! are you from LA or something? actors? please, don't use ADD as an excuse! that's just utterly pitiful...can't people be okay to be on you're own? why do both MEN and Women think that a marriage will save all you're difficuties and problems.... why get married, over and over!? mind boggling to me...
07-13-04, 05:39 PM
Its called hope. Look into it.
07-13-04, 05:52 PM
hope? hope to meet someone you think is perfect?! that's the problem 90 percent of people(yes, even non-adders) think that the NEXT person you marry is the ONE! they, were lonlely for a year a few months, whatever..NOW, they finally found the PERFECT person, who is sooo much different from the last...but down the road another divorce happens...here's an idea, for people who SHOULD NEVER GET MARRIED...DO NOT DO IT THE FIRST TIME! I'm one of these people..I'm 35, and probably will never get married..why? cause I'm sure I'm NOT the marrying type..what I might do is adopt one or two kids...
07-13-04, 06:01 PM
OMG flakey, TOO FUNNY!!!
07-13-04, 06:03 PM
Ok in all seriousness, everyone play nicely :p
07-13-04, 06:07 PM
07-13-04, 06:12 PM
Hey everyone it looks like we have gone a little to far with our reactions here. Nothing wrong with a spirited debate but lets stop the name calling and get back on track. I am going remove a couple of posts. Lets not attack each other when we disagree.
07-14-04, 01:56 AM
Cameron, I apologize for my comments earlier, which may have been perceived as short.
I am not one who believes in perfection (not outside of God). I would agree with you that those who seek perfection in others are destined to be disappointed. The same holds true for those who seek perfection in themselves.
I do, however, believe in hope. Not hope that you will meet the perfect partner. Not hope that you will get the perfect job. Not hope that you will perfectly healthy. Those are wishes. A shooting star or a couple of birthday candles will get you closer to those things than hope ever will. That is not what hope is about. Hope is an just an attitude of optimism. It is openness, excitement and enthusiasm about the future. To my way of thinking, there are no specific reqirements placed on hope.
That is why I think it was a bit disrespectful of you to condemn those who have had multiple marriages. I think they are to be commended for continuing to be hopeful. To fail repeatedly and to make repeated attempts in spite of said failures is success in progress. Who ever said that life was about single-trial learning? Perhaps some of those people are not looking for the perfect partner, just a comfortable fit.
For what it is worth, I think you deserve the same respect for your choice not to marry. You clearly have the deep self knowledge and fortitude it takes to make such a choice for yourself in a world that places such emphasis on permanent coupling. I also think it is very cool that you may adopt. It shows you are hopeful. :D
07-14-04, 12:13 PM
I married in 1986 was divorced 1996
I married in 1998, was divorced 1999
I have been cheated on and abused by the first.
I was abandoned due to his illness by the second.
My therory? I'm bad at choosing men! :D
Ok Seriously. I think I know where I went wrong -
I choose needy people. People with not minor issues but extremely
big issues. Now before I get flamed, I believe that there is no person from 30 years of age and up that doesn't have Issues. I would be interested in someone who at least is trying to help himself. Dealing with someone with Anger, Depression, or sever Anxiety is very stressful if they are not being treated for it - professionally or self help.
07-14-04, 03:05 PM
cameron...please refer to the forum guidelines for more rules on how to play nicely.
Rule number 1: if you want people to treat you with any amount of dignity and respect do not attack their value system.
07-15-04, 11:31 AM
And dude I am curious If you are not the marrying type..can you really criticize those who are unless you have experienced for yourself?
I am single and never been married...failed relationship after another..married couples are no different except they found someone at the time brave enough to take the next step.
07-19-04, 10:36 PM
We'll have been married 2 months tomorrow. :D
07-20-04, 06:33 AM
Soon to be divorced....wife cannot handle my ADD and Bipolar personality any longer.
07-20-04, 10:20 AM
Married 6 yrs 3 mos. He's VERY patient...I thank GOD for him :)
OF course, this is #3.
07-21-04, 07:27 AM
Well, you know what they say Serena "Lucky #3" I say take him and run.
07-21-04, 03:36 PM
Heck yeah :)
07-22-04, 09:11 AM
*grins naughtily* wonder were they are runnin off too
07-23-04, 03:23 PM
Single.......SuperMOM to 2 beautiful boys!
07-23-04, 10:08 PM
I got married April 12th (shhhhh)! My mother is the only one in my family that knows that. We got married by the justice of the peace but will have a full ceremony in September.
07-23-04, 10:41 PM
CONGRATS :) Hugssss
07-25-04, 12:42 AM
07-25-04, 10:08 AM
Married when I was 19, divorced when I was 22
Married when I was 24, divorce final next month.
Though I am living with a wonderful man, I don't plan on getting married anytime soon again...good decisoin my best wishes friend ,,sasi
07-25-04, 10:12 AM
We'll have been married 2 months tomorrow. :D my good wishes for a harmonious living 100 years buddy ok
07-26-04, 10:19 AM
I got married April 12th (shhhhh)!
Congratulations Brianne...you were married on my 7th anniversary! My husband and I don't have a perfect relationship since we're polar opposites and he doesn't take much stock in the ADD diagnoses, but it seems to work.
07-27-04, 10:30 PM
08-06-04, 06:05 PM
Married 26 years, and I can say I still like him!
08-25-04, 06:11 PM
I wish my parents divorced when I was little and not when I was getting married. It was painful as an adult to discover that my little world was a lie. It is always wise to be honest.
08-25-04, 06:13 PM
Happily married, here.
08-28-04, 05:50 AM
Married 24+ years to my total opposite. This has caused tremendous problems throughout our marriage, but with age, I think we're mellowing and focusing more on how we balance each other. We've come to a good place in time.
10-19-04, 09:30 PM
I wish my parents divorced when I was little and not when I was getting married. It was painful as an adult to discover that my little world was a lie. It is always wise to be honest.
Things aren't as bad as they were a year ago hon. Things have been going ok between hubby and me. It's everything else that is fallling apart at this point...lol!
10-20-04, 06:56 AM
Happily Married for 5 years or was it 6? Cant remember.....amnyway, she puts up with alot.....
08-04-07, 06:47 PM
I put divorced, cause religiously, I am (have a Get, Jewish divorce). But according to the government, I am seperated, a 1 year hiatus. Damn no fault divorces.
08-06-07, 12:30 AM
Sad subject for me!"
I'm single and not by choice, either! :(
I would Love to find my Soul~Mate or better yet have him find me, but it hasn't happened and I'm close to fifty years old and losing hope of finding him. :(
08-06-07, 09:02 PM
Single, and plan to keep it that way for some years ;)
08-06-07, 09:16 PM
Married for 12, then divorced, and single for 9. YIKES how did THAT happen???
I will always have my main man, Jesus, and my son, and my house, and my dogs, and my work, and my mom. Oh, THAT'S how that happened, I'm busy! LOL. :D