(thought I better put this here, as chit chat has young teenage guys visiting.)

Somehow after reading this, my naturally bald pate doesn't seem so bad.(from my friend, a cool bald guy)

Subject: hair removal


All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy,
painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now.....

My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids, put them to bed. However, tonight I have the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should get the wax out of the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise\: the bathroom.

It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you
just rub the strips together in your hand and when they get warm, you peel them apart, press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off. No muss, no fuss, no bother. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm no girly girl, I am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out.

YA THINK??!!!???

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's actually two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together though, I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (smart!) Cold wax my rear end!! (Oh
how this phrase haunts me!). I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad either. WOW! I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all
wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!!

With my next wax strip I will move north. After checking on the kids I
sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure I apply the strip across the right side of my bikini line, also covering the right half of my vagina, and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and brace myself.

RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!


Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip. ****!!! Another deep breath and RRRIIIPP!!! Everything is swirly and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums???

OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt, that has caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.

I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair? WHERE
IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the
toilet. I see the hair...The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. ****! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake................. remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door.

Vagina? Sealed shut. Butt?? Sealed shut. I penguin walk around the
bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off."

"Hot water!! That's it - hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits, and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!* I get
in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture
prisoners of war, or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub in scalding hot water! Which, by the way, DOES NOT melt cold wax!!

So now I am stuck to the bottom of the tub!!

God bless the man who convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!! I call my girlfriend, thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter. "So, my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick, but does try to hide the laughter from me. (that b&*ch!) She wants to know exactly where the wax is located on my bottom. "Are we talking cheeks or hole or what?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box and ruin someone else's night, while we go through various solutions. After exausting all suggestions from the supposed expert, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in boiling hot water and then dry shaving off sticky wax!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I slip into glazed donutland.

My girlfriend is still talking with me and my hand reaches towards the
saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What
do I really have to lose at this point?? I rub some on, and OH, MY GOD!!!! The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of my friend, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair ....

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE............ ..........ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

So I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

I love it! Never again......

Lmao,,, I think that is great,,,,, I convinced my ex husband once that I could wax his pubic hair without hurting him. I only got one good strip off before he realized just how ****ed I had been earlier when he told me I really needed to lose weight and how can I look at myself everyday. But it was a great feeling knowing that he really trusted me that much. *evil grin* Pay back is a bit@h. :D

Ive done it too.I did it many times before I went to hair and cosmetics school.I would absolutely torture myself with wax.lol!!!!Just a hint,use the bee wax product from Sally's that goes in the micro.Also,you can use paper or fabric strips.I prefer the paper.It seems to hold better.Sorry about you tweeter.LOL!!!!!

Brilliant! I haven't laughed so much in weeks. Thanks for sharing that.

OUCH!!!!! :eek:

That is the funniest thing I have read in a LONG time!

Thanks for that

OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!
*Pause*
LAUGHTER
That was Sooooooo....

Funny!
*Thank You for the Best laugh in ages!*

I hope You have learnt from your experience EYEFORGOT ?

Do you REALLY NEED to use DYE?
Is it such a good idea?

LMAO
:D

LMAO! I hate to be laughing hysterically at your expense, but at least your pain has subsided enough for you to see the humor and share it. For which I offer my sincere thanks!

Now, you just need to sell this scene to a hit sitcom ... you could make millions for your painful experience!

LOL sorry thats cool never again never again

As a man all I have to say is...

Thank God I only have to shave my face.

Eyeforgot...that is one of the funniest things I have ever read. Too bad Reader's Digest would never publish it or I would say send it in for "Laughter is the best medicine".

Can I post that on my blog???

Eric

LMAO!
I have male friends in wrestling school who shave damn near everything. I'm going to send them a link to this topic-- because I'm evil like that ;-)

Eyeforgot,

I laughed myself silly because I have done the EXACT same thing only I didn't have the handy bottle of wax remover!!! Just so you know Noxema works in removing wax but it's a bit rough on the nether regions!!!!!!

Also, for any of you still wanting to go the wax route, TRIM the hair before waxing. When the hair is too long you get the results Eyeforgot wrote about!

As a man all I have to say is...

Thank God I only have to shave my face.

Eyeforgot...that is one of the funniest things I have ever read. Too bad Reader's Digest would never publish it or I would say send it in for "Laughter is the best medicine".

Can I post that on my blog???

Eric
Somehow after reading this, my naturally bald pate doesn't seem so bad.(from my friend, a cool bald guy)

This was sent from a friend of mine, a guy, about another girl. So, no, thank goodness I did not go through this agony. But I couldn't keep such a roaring laugh to myself.

Feel free to share it anywhere you like. Just don't give me the credit for writing such a hilarious account of personal agony.

I understand a beard trimmer is much better. Keeps it neat but not the uncomfortable ...

I need to stop my advice now or this thread will be moved to a private section.

You get the idea.

As that elder statesman (cough) Bill Clinton once said, "I feel your pain."

Having been down that road (though not quite as far along as you have gone, thankgawd), I can assure you that olive oil and regular vegetable oil (canola, if you're watching calories--arf!) work very well in cases like these.

Not going to go near that beard-trimmer comment...

Absolutely hysterical! Thank you for a great laugh :)

absolutely hilarious eyeforgot! totally tickled my brain!

i thought only i did crazy stuff like that. nice to know i'm not alone. :) :) :D

Chel- I laughed so hard I was cryin & I had to stop reading to wipe the laughter tears away ! ! ! Thank You ! I haven't quite been myself the past week or so, but I'm Great now...all I needed way a Good Old Fashioned Fall Into the Floor and Roll Laugh.
BlessedLady