View Full Version : ADHD, depression, self pity

09-12-05, 02:19 PM
Hi - I was wondering about ADD, depression and 'self pity' - I was watching the movie, 'GI Jane' last night, and that quote from D.H. Lawrence came up,

" I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself."

And then it dawned on me that part of my 'lows-depression' + ADHD, might be from feeling sorry for myself at times, to a point of depression. Is this just me, from feeling 'inadequate', and/or from years of interacting with ADHD? - and this 'pity' I experience, I will extend it to others, not knowing what at times, was making me sad.

09-12-05, 03:53 PM
Animals don't really have a sense of the future and their place in it. They don't realize that they will eventually die and so on. We are different from animals in this regard. When Eve bit into that apple and we got knowledge, it was a double edged sword.

Bruce, the first step in solving a problem is knowledge. You have that, as you can see,...because you are "weighing out" who you are, where you should be, and what you could be. Even sadness can be a motivator....wanting change. The next step is to plan and then act.

09-12-05, 05:57 PM
Some of the symptoms of depression include feelings of hopelessness,low self-esteem and feelings of inappropriate guilt.

09-12-05, 06:53 PM
When my mom hit bottom in a severe clinical depression, she started berating herself for every minor transgression she had made in the last forty years. I did not understand where this blast from the past was coming from until I started reading about depression.

09-12-05, 10:20 PM
It has been scientifically proven that a person can actively affect their mood in two ways.
One: You become what you focus on in your internal conversations. If you ask "why does this always happen to me?" OR "Why do I always feel so awful?" your mind will search your entire concious and sbuconcious for evidence how you've screwed up or any negative things that have happened in your life that you should feel awful about.
On the other hand...if you ask instead "what can I do to make sure this never happens to me again?" or "What can I do right now to feel good about myself?".

Two: by changing your physical position to match the mood you want to be in. If you want to feel happy then walk erect with good posture and a fast step with a smile on your face. If you want to feel like crap lounge around and hang your head and you will.

So, in response to your statement about throwing your own pity party...when you hold one for yourself that's pretty much what you get...a pitiful life.
If you throw yourself a "hey man I have overcome some damn tough obstacles in life" party and revel in your triumphs. Cheer yourself on and start telling people you are having a Fantastic day.

I have amazed people repeatedly by practicing the "fake it until you make it" strategy for being upbeat. When someone asks you how it's going most people see this as an invitation to tell them how much life stinks.
Not me!
No matter what happens in my life when someone asks me "how's it going?" I ALWAYS answer: FANTASTIC!
It makes me feel better and it makes them feel better.

So, do this for a few days and see what kind of response you get from you and others.

09-13-05, 08:38 AM
Hi - Ok, I understand this but I'll tell you what my problem is - when all the music dies down, and you get into bed, either alone or with someone, the reality of our living is 'alone' - as in, 'we are born and die alone' and the 'mirage' of living is very deceiving to the mind's eye and I find this very depressing (I hate being deceived) - now, I'm not exactly sure why, after so many decades of living, this is so depressing.
Now, I'm able to look at this more clearly since being on ADHD meds, as this is not a deep clinical depression - I'm able to work and do everything, whereas before, the combination of depression and ADHD was paralyzing. So now I'm trying to 'pick' this lock open to better understand it and I thought maybe it had to do with 'self pity', but maybe not - I'm starting to think that maybe it is the realization that 'living' is a very unique and important time, and it is not to be wasted. I dunno.

09-13-05, 10:43 AM
Some of the symptoms of depression include feelings of hopelessness,low self-esteem and feelings of inappropriate guilt.
When you think about it, these are actually quite logical reactions for human beings; we are wired to learn from our experiences. When what we learn is that we cannot, on our own, correct the traits and behaviors associated with our ADHD (when we don't yet know about the disorder), it is natural to (1) feel guilty about not doing what we know we 'should' do, and what other people can do, (2) to have low regard for ourselves for the same reasons, and (3) having tried (and tried and tried and TRIED), hope for change is near impossible to muster.

I know now that these ways of thinking are habits; one's I developed and perfected over the last 35 years of my life. Knowing now that ADD is the cause of my traits and behaviors is only partly a solution. I have yet to settle into a treatment regime that works, and I don't yet know how well it will 'work' when I do.

I can only work on the 'habit' depression has become, and I can only work on not regretting or grieving the years when, with proper treatment, I might have had a successful career and relationship had I not been working so hard at changing something in myself I cannot change.

To me, depression became a habit, and although I believe mine has a chemical componant, the 'habit' of it made it worse. Progress in breaking that habit is made slowly and I've got to be patient with myself. All I can work on is today, and with luck, I have tomorrow to look forward to.

Life ain't grand, but it ain't over yet either.

09-13-05, 05:08 PM
If the problem is "doing" then that is a classic ADHD symptom...not getting things done and that can be "depressing". If you haven't used meds, do a trial run. They really help with that. There were also recent studies that inferred that stimulants may help with Depression. Give meds a shot, if the problem is inertia of trying to move that foot so you can take the next step and feel good about yourself.

09-13-05, 05:15 PM
youi know it suck when someone has no idea what the other person is talking about and yet still try to help that person.

09-13-05, 07:06 PM
youi know it suck when someone has no idea what the other person is talking about and yet still try to help that person.
Hi Michelle,
Could you give us more details?

10-11-05, 09:41 AM
I think you all hit the self-esteem/depression issue right on the head! Ive always felt like an outsider in that my 'information processing' and communicative skills are a bit 'beyond' what others might perceive me to be or say.
Its like you KNOW what youre thinking and it makes sense yet its like there is something missing between trying to think it and then conveying it and that has a real effect on ones self-esteem hence depression. Its just trying to tell yourself, your not crazy or stupid for thinking like this because of whats going on in your head but its just a transmission problem.
Still it just reaks havoc in trying to get others to see it your way and that is not always the case. I guess Im just trying to get a grasp on my condition and learn ways to better use it where it will make me more productive and not just someone standing in the shadows because shes afraid of 'what' she might say or what people might think.
Wow, and to think I really have felt this way for years...