I moved here from san angelo texas to lakewood ohio to get a head start on life and nothing is happening. I barely got my insurance today and i have been here since july 9th. okay we have no gas and like my aunt said she was going to kick my loser uncle out. hell no!!! of course not. he is still there and always doing his drug of choice and i want a joint. well, i don't have a job and i am still waiting on job corp but its been three months and i want to go home now. I emial my father and asked him if he could help me in the areas that i believe hope my aunt doesn't have the time or resource to help me with. and the only reason why i asked him was becuase now that he believe nothing is happening for me. he wants me to come home. I want to come home. I dont know! I want to stay and see snow but i want a oven to cook on and i want i warm shower finally. i hate it at his house and i want to leave i just don't want to lose what i have gotten from this and the weather is so lovely and i don't want to miss that either and i don't miss the weather back home. but i do want my life back and family and friends can someone help me. tell me what to do cuase lord know that i have no idea what i am doing. :o

Snow comes around every single year,,,, you need a place that is safe and healthy. When your Aunts situation changes then I am sure that if you want then you can go back but for now you need to do what is best for your health and well being. Getting a head start on life doesn't mean staying in a bad situation it means doing the next right thing to better yourself in a responsable way. If you have a safe place to go where you do not have to deal with the issues you are dealing with ,,,, then go. They are not your issues anyway, they are your Aunts and she will need to deal with them. I hope this helps and be safe.

Now this is probably your worst fear, right.
Try talking to the people who love you, and who might be able to help, if you are totally honest, and tell them how you REALLY feel , right?
So this is all temporary. This to shall pass.
I hope you get some good advice.
I think I would refain from using too much info, since we are here together now?
Good example of that the others were worried about having their family and loved one's in the same room.
Your decision, always. No one can make it for you, or tell you what to do.
The best advice I can give you except what is above, is be honest with yourself, and those around you.
Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean.
And remember the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Your very busy, evil, auntie,
Hope

hope why did you have to come man!!!!!!!! i am sorry i just can't say this to your face.

god i have to go now i mean i have to go cry now.

Michelle,
you had to know that your Aunt may read this. I was even thinking that when I wrote what I did but maybe it was a way for you to say it to her without saying it out loud and now that it is out there, Maybe now is a good time to talk it out and decide what is best for you and she can decide what is best for her. Good luck to you both!

Because I come here.
It's okay Michelle.
This is probably best discussed as we have been.
Now re-read your orignianl post. Tell me, I think there are some stretches there.
You have not been waiting for JobCorp for 3 months. You just applied.
The gas situation is taking care of.
Your uncle is a different thing, legal things are involved, that you can not just change over night.
It is not going ignored. It is being dealt with.
You are safe, eating, and do get to take a warm bath, and a shower tonight.
Venting is good. Private details of your life that involve members on the board, should probably be discussed with them first.
Don't be scared.
I love you. No matter what you end up doing.
No one on this board can tell you how to make decisions regarding your life.
If you are overwhelmed. Step back and breathe.
We will talk later. No more apologies needed. And once your tears are done, no more for today.

Love,
Hope

Thanks Draven,

This is part of growing up.
We have talked already. Things will be fine.
Thanks for your input.
Hope

This is what happens when you tell family members about this great new ADD forum (scense they all have ADD) and then allow them to live together!!!!!!!

I guess the robbins clan needs their own sub-section.....Draven you are cool and give excelent advice......leave it me to "invent" new problems for staff and self!!!!!! We have what 7,000 members here a zillion and one threads and we all have to end up in one place on the same thread.......Ahhhhhhhh and in the section I moderate ....Ahhhhhhhhh.......!!!!!


To all those who have read this we are working toward finding a reasonible healthy solution where I will not get into trouble here and generall ADD madness can continue uninbited by my family's problems. Michelle, my sister Hope, Michelle's Dad and I will be dealing with this in privite. Rest assured all will be cared for in most healthy productive manner......

Now I have got to go find rulers, markers, and instruction booklet (it's under pile of papers some where) on drawing healthy boundaries for family members who patricipte on same ADD forum....can you imagine all of us in one house....isn't it a wonder my mom still has hair,,,knows her name......

To all those who are reading you have just whitnessed a tipical ADD family struggle from three different prespectives. All of our disagreements are like this there is always more than one side to every story...no one is making any thing up no one is pretending we are all real and telling the thruth about the same situaltion from our own unique prespectives!!!!!!!!!!!

I am Crybabys mother and justhopes sister for those who didn't already know.....



Sooo when dealing with ADDed family issues remember how different each one of our prespectives is...it is the same with all family struggles there are as many prespectives as there are people involved.....

Moral of the story...oh that was above.......keep your user name on favorite forum a secret from your family so they won't know which one you are should they decide to join!!!!!!!


Now back to your regularly scheduled insanity!!!!

I'd like to jump in here with a couple of thoughts! OMG, she thinks (sometimes):eek:

First of all, I think that the forums are big enough for all of you, but agree that it can be tricky when multiple loved ones are participating.

I would suggest that each of you might consider the journaling section and respect those entries as "private thoughts", venting, chewing on ideas, etc. and not respond in each others journals.

I also think that there a couple of sections where each of you can find unique support for yourselves. Michelle - Teen/Youth, Hope and Tammy - Adult ADD. In terms of your relationships to each other there is the Relationships forum where you might be more comfortable hashing out some of the tougher issues or the Relationships Private Forum.

What I see as the most important is that none of you end up feeling like you are "collecting advocates" for your individual perspectives. It sounds like each of you have personal issues which you can get a lot of support and info for, AND family issues which is where I think you might need to tread a bit carefully.

I think you all have something special to offer and know that Tammy and Michelle have already contributed a lot to these forums. (Just met Hope :)). However, it is important to remember that the forums don't replace professional counseling and medical care...keep working at it outside of the forums, too!

Okay, now back to the topic at hand...

Michelle,

Getting a jump start on life is tough...because it doesn't always happen. Unfortunately, life takes its own sweet time sometimes, and patience is not an ADHDer's strong suit. Beilieve me, I know.

On top of that, there are so many decisions to make, so many options, that it is sometimes hard to sort out what one really wants to do. I haven't read all of your posts, so you may have answered these questions already, but what are you looking to do? School? Work? Training programs? Have you talked to an employment agency? Are you working now?

I know that I'm an old fogey, but I was 20 once and spent many years jumping from this to that searching for my path in life. It is frustrating, and scary, but simply moving from point A to point B will probably not give you the answers you are looking for. It's always exciting at first, but the issues simply follow you until you confront them.

One option might be part-time schooling and part-time work until you find what you are looking for. It keeps you involved in life, gives a sense of moving forward, and if nothing else, will help you sort out what you "don't" want to do. Volunteer work is also a great way to get away from your problems for a bit and get a different perspective on life.

Okay, like I said, I'm not up on all the "news" so this may all be just blabber that you've already heard. Just know you are not alone and sometimes "time" really is the answer.

Kim

Volunteer work is also a great way to get away from your problems for a bit and get a different perspective on life.


Actually an excelentttttt....suggestion one that had not been considered!!!! What little I remember about youth is the same old catch 22 you can't get a job without experience and can't get experience without a job..........Memories coming back OUCH head hurt!!!!!!! bbbbbbut volenteering would be a good step to begin gaining experience and would get chid "a" out of aunt "b" house for a while and will decrease the Claus phobic effect and get momentum going in positive direction.....

I think the forums are big enough for all three and I KNOW there are no "bad guys" we do love eachother. I want both my sister and my daughter to feel free and welcome here while supporting other members here on the forums. Like this forum has guildlines all can refer to so we will know what is appropiate and acceptible in this enviroment. I believe that presonal boundaries or guildlines are also necessary not just for ADD families but especially for ADD families. All three of us have been reared to have for our selves and respect for others personal boundaries.

There are time we need to sit down and hash out conflicts. Some times emotions do get the better of us as we are each passionate about our beliefs and feelings. We have all been taught that venting our feelings to other netural parties whom will not judge us is an acceptable step in dealing with our own feeling before discussing "facing" the person with whom we are in "conflict" with.........

Crybaby is new to the Ohio area and has not had time to develope friendships with others in her there so she turned here. Having ADD like us all she lacked the forethought of her aunt also being here seeking support thus stumbing accross her vent!!!!!! Aunt under much pressure due to her emourios responsibility (and helping older sis with daughter is only one of many) runs into thread and will the rest is history......

crybaby is not a bad child she loves and respects her aunt, Crybaby is not too sure of just how to begin her "adult-hood journey, until this past May all she had ever known was living with parents and being a school girl. The adult world can be an intimadating place. justhope isn't a bad person she is trying to help me help crybaby buttt has her own young children, thier school stuff, a full time job, relationship, bills, houshold duties, ect NOT to mention the obvious I'll call the ADD factor!!!!!!

Like I said no one is "the bad guy" no one is "wrong" this thread is just true three dementional prespective about a conflict and the subsequent frustration experienced by all from thier own unique prespective. It happens in all families and to see this from a third preson vantage point maybe the reader can see how what you see in any given situation as being "truth" some one else will see same situation totally different.....

Oh my part:
I not only try to listen to and support Crybaby and justhope and do the best I can to decide what is right of my daughter and sister. I also have a partner who is effected by my "family things" and has feelings of his own he shares with me(weather I am ready or not) Crybaby's father also has feelings ,concernns and needs support. Becausehe and I share crybaby and her twin sister we are the only two on the planet who know what it is like to be these childrens parents. Many people understand what it is like to be parents but NOT what it is like to be these two childrens parents. I do not mind and am glad I can be supportive to my family but I often feel I am at the "center of everyones emotional fire" as I am the only one who deals with all four of them directly on a regular basis...some times I think that is forgotten....my loved ones feel fustrated when I become overwhelmed myself!!!!!

I come here to this site to get a perspective...coming and reading your post reminds me that neither me nor my problems is the center of the universe. It gives me a chance focus on others concerns,some times when I am trying to help some one else with thier problems I find answers to my own questions!!!

I can see things with less emotional here intesity because I know when the fire gets to hot I can turn the computer off, I can pass conflicts, concerns I can't handle onto other moderators or adminstrators. I have a scense of protection here that I do not have in the real world. This has been like an emotional safe heaven for me.

My safe heaven was "violated" by family fueds that should have been posted in another moderator sections. Not because it would be better for my family. simply because I would not have to deal with it here in my emotional "safe heaven". Maybe it was "fates" way of maturning me and allowing me to see through a different mind set the true challenges my sister and my daughter are facing!!!! Maybe it was a test of my ability to maintain objectiveness maybe it just happened for no reason. I see a benifit to having the added benifit of some excellent advice from a few people who are pretty smart, and non-judgemental!!!

This is real life and Crybaby1898, justhope are my real family. This stuff was written with real emotions about that which is reality for us all. I do love them both even when they decide "violate" my safe heaven...this is still a better site with both thier presence!!!! I hope they can find the acceptance and support I have found here amoung my fellow ADDers. I hope they can find peace amoung themselves!!!

Thanks and welcome to my "other life" outside of my on-line life!!!!!

I want to thank you yall for sharing and giving me advice. But, I do want to say I am so sorry this had to happen here and i am so sorry to my mother. Please forgive me for voilating your safe haven. Look, I did not mean to i just wanted some advice and i had no one else to turn too. My aunt justhope is not going to be joining us anymore she ahs told me that she will not come back on this forum because of this conflict we had. what i say is families fight and then they need to go on with there life. I wish that she would get back in. I don't want to make here leave. This is a place for all of us. and i feel so bad i just wish i never posted in the first place. I feel like its all my fault!!!!!!!!!!man, this sucks.

Michelle, would it help you to put a note up near your computer, that will remind you that anything you post in these forums can be read by anyone on the internet? When we are caught up in the moment, it's easy to forget the forums aren't just a private email.

I think Michelle is going to take some of Kim's advice and do her privite venting in areas where her aunt will be less adpt to run accross them......we had the sub-thread discussions and this is general ADD.....every one ends up in general at some time or another. This site provides excelent areas where teens can vent in a more privite area...some times our lessons come easy unfortunitly for us ADD types often things get learned the hard way......the hard way is the most difficult and can be damaging to fragile relationships....like I said earlier this is about as real as it gets...but the lessons will NOT be forgotten soon.....


Her aunt should feel free to post here but that decison will have to be left up to her. Maybe some time to sort out her feelings.... maybe just a step back...after all I am quite sure this was like a slap in the face.....some times these things can be of benefit some times not I personally believe my sister has the capicity to make this into some thing positive....her problems are however not confind to the topic at hand....she like all adults with children jobs and lives has a multitude of things that she must cope with first things first.....only she can determine the prority right now.....my sister is strong and although she has voiced some hurt I do not believe her neice has the copasity to stop her from recieving support here should she determine this is necessary...it may take time and even some adjusting from all parties involved but when she is ready I believe justhope will be back......knowing when to back off is a mature decision....things never stay the same when the time is right she'll know..... all I will add is my sister is under a great deal of stress she has three school age children of her own......a full time job and mine kid to boot...... she is has a heavy load......

thank you yall for your support and i have learned my lesson. trust me .

epilog......can't spell

I decided to take back my responsibility therefore Crybaby1898 is going to return to Texas Monday. Hope is going to be less stressed as she will have just her own children to live with....

I can't devulge exactly all that happened as it would not be my place but I will draw you a picture:

Three women crying, hugging, and saying I am sorry for my part. An ADD family over comes yet another challenge in life and emerge still loving each other, closer than we were before. All have grown, learned and matured. We will live happily ever after......... well until the next ADDed challenge slaps us in the face!!!!!


Michelle this was a lesson learned not some thing to burden youreslf with regret......do not feel bad......I believe your aunt will be back, in her own time but she will be back!!!!!!!


Peace out!!!!!!