I could use some advice from anyone who is dealing with this as well! I have never done this before but feel that I am going insane. Unfortunately, my partner has not received any help with his ADD and I am at my wits end.

What kinds of things are bothering you the most?

Pretty much everything lately! He can't seem to remember anything I say or do, or what he has said or done. He will put off everything until the last minute or not at all. Having a conversation with him is very difficult because he cannot retain information! It just seems to be getting worse over the last few months.

lizard, good to have you here.

It really helps to have a support group like we can be here at ADDF.

Hmmm. Perhaps he is under some stress? Maybe at work or family? since you say this is getting worse just recently perhaps something is really bothering him.

How long have you been together, lizard?

cs

well, we have been together for 10 years. We thought it was stress and all of that at first, so he went for counselling. Then we went together. He was told by one Dr. that he had ADD, then by another that he didn't. So therefore, in his mind he doesn't! Even thought two of our children have it so it's not like we don't live with this already! For me, it feels like having an extra child around, not a partner.

Being depressed would probably make things worse. Suddenly being told you have an incurable neurological disorder might do that to some people. ;)

And denial isn't just a river in Egypt -- it's also the first stage of grief.

well, he dosen't act depressed! If anyone is depressed, it would be me! I don't think that it is denial, it's just easier for him not to deal with it. He is a hater of pills! If he has a major headache, he will complain about it for hours before he will take something for it. But, maybe you are somewhat right. it's so difficult to explain

Hey lizard....I think not dealing with it is part of denial.

BUT, regardless of whether he's ready to deal with his disorder, he should still be working on being a good partner.

Nucking Futs had a brilliant idea for communication which I will post below, involving the use of a journal. I thought it was both simple and yet handled a lot of issues related to information sharing.


"Speak openly with your husband, if he chooses to clam up thats his issue. I really suggest talk therapy for yourselves and as a unit to see if you can't come up with any goals and ways to work towards them without ripping each other apart.

As for him forgetting things you tell him. I was famous for this and we were constantly bouncing checks or my husband never showed up to neices or nephews birhtday parties, etc.

We started keeping a journal of sorts. We write any bank transactions, bills paid, upcoming special events, favors needed in the journal. It took us a little while to get the hang of writing and reading it but once we got accostomed to checking the journal everyday things got a lot easier and we haven't had a bounced check in a long time.

I carry the checkbook so my husband leaves me a note that he took $20 out of the account-I make sure to write it down as soon as I read it and initial that I had read and taken care of it (that way he doesn't have to hound me and I can't later claim he didn't tell me because its right there in the notebook).

I could swear up and down that I informed him of birthday parties, etc when in fact I probably didn't so now he knows when and where the party is in case we cannot go as a family and if he doesn't show then I have a right to be mad. lol "

Good luck, Lizard. If you have some specific issues to deal with do let us know because we can hone in on it a bit more.

cs