Hey all,
As I explore what this all means to me certain questions spark and I'm curious about the answers. One thing I have been as long as I can remember is empathatic to the point of losing track of my own feelings sometimes. Unfortunately it's mostly the negative feelings that I feel the strongest, but happiness is good too. The negative I can get by simply reading about something bad happening to a complete stranger and I'll get furious. The positive only works if I can see it on peoples faces. Weird. Anyway, I was curious if this was an AD/HD thing or a personal characteristic.

Thanks for any thoughts on this-

Craig

Hi Craig,

You posted:
One thing I have been as long as I can remember is empathatic to the point of losing track of my own feelings sometimes.

I do that too. It can make it pretty hard to hold to your own position or ask for what you need.

Scattered

I have, way too much Empathy for others!...and rarely think of myself!

I only feel useful, when i'm helping someone else and find it difficult to ask for help or anything i want for myself.

Other peoples suffering cause me to suffer and only when i've tried to help to put things right, do i feel satisfaction.

I aim to please people and outside appearances count a lot to me, as i hate people thinking wrong of me...

I detest being accused of telling lies.. as i don't lie, unless for diplomatic reasons!

I detest being told lies!

I have a very negative attitude towards situations, but i'm really trying to over-come the negative, with positive..

*I don't ever want to get another positive pregnancy test! LOL*

If i strayed from the thread.. I'm Sorry, it's Just My ADDer way! :D

Karen :)

hi criag... i believe that it is a trait that we all have as human beings.

OK,, I do this as well but I come to realize that I am overly emotional and as far as the people pleasing goes, for me, it is part of my co-dependancy. I need to be needed so that I can feel worthy of others. It is messed up but it is part of being co-dependant. It sucks when you put others first all the time because eventually you stop and ask yourself ,,,,, who is putting me first. This is an issue I am working with through DV counseling and I find it interesting that all these years, I never had any self worth but now I do. I say no to people and I try to put myself first. When bad things happen and my heart breaks for others, I validate those emotions and force myself to move. I can't save the world all though I wish I could.

I know this is a little off but it is what came to my mind while reading this thread.

Not everyone has empathy.

I think most people do..those who have "normalness", AD/HD, and any other mental or physical issue.

From observation, I have not witnessed an ADDer on this forum who doesn't show empathy. I've been told that empathy is a common trait for AD/HD individuals because we tend to be sensitive and vulnerable to our own feelings. We see the one who is suffering as a projection of ourselves and therefore have empathy.

I hope some of the more scholarly motivated individuals around here will respond.

I personally don't believe every contribution of AD/HD fits into the scientific realm. I think we are pretty special.
And empathy is good thing. I believe it can be used effectively through consciousness and practice.

~gourmet~

I am an odd on when it comes to empathy. Alone, in the dark I cry for a the people who are hurt or suffering in this world. I understand when people commit suicide because I can feel that intense pain that comes along with just being alive. On the other hand I am a hard a** in the day to day world. I come first. No one is more important than me or anyone close to me. I know that I could kill to save my life or the life of someone i love. I get so angry at the poor and the downtrodden that I sometimes wish that I could drop a bomb on them. The only way that I can reconcile these two sides of myself is that I belive that my anger comes from the fact that I hate that others pain hurts me so deeply so when i see pain I react with hatred and anger because i know that the time will come when all that pain will hit me and it is that moment that i dread.
Pith

Craig,

My take on empathy: Lifting weights builds muscles. It's a struggle to lift them suckers. Life's stuggles build empathy. People with no empathy usually have lives where things come quick and easy. That is not the case with anyone with ADHD. We struggle for the simplest accomplishments. That stuggle builds character, empathy being one of its qualities.

I was very proud of myself recently. I dropped my wife off at a supermarket and waited for her in the car. I saw a severely handicapped man gathering carts and picking up and putting cigarette butts in his pocket. I thought to myself, just one line of corrupted DNA code is the differance between us. I had absolutely no thoughts of superiority or derision. Why should I? Because I didn't experience as severe a genetic accident? Those kind of thoughts only come from experiencing a debilating disorder. Empathy is good, I tell you. Don't fight it.

Bob

Gourmet:
[From observation, I have not witnessed an ADDer on this forum who doesn't show empathy. I've been told that empathy is a common trait for AD/HD individuals because we tend to be sensitive and vulnerable to our own feelings. We see the one who is suffering as a projection of ourselves and therefore have empathy.

I hope some of the more scholarly motivated individuals around here will respond.]

I've been told by some of the most proficient ADD/HD friends that they aren't capable of being 'clued in' to others 'body language'...
To which I respond...'Hooey'...

I believe 'we' are fully capable of being clued in to others responses..to our comments...and to others comments around them..

I believe that because we are so Empathic,...we just don't want to point that out, most times...because it will either be denied, as a defensive gesture, on their part, or it will lead to some drawn out discussion, which most of us don't have the attention span to cover...most times.

As for viewing others as lacking empathy....let me tell you a little secret...they 'feel' as much as you do.
They're human as much as you are.
They've just conditioned themselves to never have someone tell them that they're wonderful human beings...and they view you as doing the same....

Bullies in grade school...Antisocial in high school...

It's one and the same...

Do something wonderous the next time you're around someone you feel to be lacking in empathy...tell them something you like about them...out of the blue...

I promise they'll never exhibit lack of empathy around you again.

All we all need is that glimmer of tiny hope...that we're human...and that we feel...
Nova

have you read about or heard about "compassion fatigue", a.k.a., "vicarious trauma"? it might be something to google if you're interested in reading a more clinical perspective.

i've thought about and read about and talked with my therapist about this quite a bit. it's hard sometimes to figure out if i'm feeling my feelings or someone else's. if i'm feeling someone else's -- that's *too much* empathy.

still working on it ...

w.

Hi Nova...really?

Were you by any chance refering to my statement "Not everyone has empathy"?
Because I agree with you....I wish I had phrased that
"not everyone shows empathy". I believe it's in there somewhere. Have faith in the human race.

Yep....I can relate to this

I can physically feel a person’s pain when in their presence. It is even more intense when I am close to the person that is hurting. It starts down in my belly and moves up to my heart.
Not to be all New Agey or anything but if there is hugging or any physical contact it feels like heat or some kind of energy I am absorbing. It is pretty powerful.

On the flip side I absolutely shut down when I feel a person is being silly, over dramatic, or indulgent. I have no interest, I can’t even fake it.

So some folks would say I am cold, that I don’t care.

But if you ask anyone that I have helped through the death of a loved one, a divorce, or the first time my son’s feelings were hurt (yes that was real pain) and they would never believe you were talking about the same person…

I wonder if our ability to hyperfocus helps us empathize with others. People communicate emotions through verbal and non-verbal means, and the non-verbal cues are extremely fast and subtle (facial expressions, voice tone, rate of speech, breath, eye contact, etc) - something that our speedy, easily distracted brains would likely be drawn to. Same goes with feeling overwhelmed by someone else's intense emotional pain - we feel it more intensely because of our ability to zone in and attune to the other person.

Also, people with ADD tend to be very intuitive; perhaps the creative way our minds work and our ability to know something to be true on a gut level before we even see the empirical evidence makes us better able to ride along with someone else's emotional rollercoaster.

As for feeling bored by someone who seems overly dramatic or indulgent, that makes sense, if we feel that their emotional display lacks authenticity. Being intuitive, we would sense their superficiality. As a therapist, that's one of my biggest struggles is to respond with genuine caring to someone whose suffering seems to be an act. I have to remind myself that, though it seems dramatized, they really do feel (or believe they're) in distress, and perhaps by responding authentically & empathically, I can give their emotional experience some real resonance.

Personally, I feel that my ability to empathize with people is one of my biggest strengths as a clinician, and clients and supervisors have given me that feedback as well. At the same time, it can be pretty exhausting.