Well Im new to this forum since im new to knowing Inattentive ADHD. So i figure i'll just basically write my story because im freaking out and obsessed now. I'll understand if you dont wanna read it all but i guess Im just looking for feedback becuase like I said im freaking out in goods and some bad i guess.

Oh by the way please excuse any typos i just wrote this whole thing and i accidently pushed back button and it erased the whole thing i now i feel like giving up but I'll push on because from what i understand this is our problem, not want to to push even if we should and thats our challenge on life it appears. I could be wrong.

Just for you information. The only way i could type this much is only because im on a stacker which i've taken before but now just figuring that it might have been helping me mental until i crash and feel like crap LOL...

Well i'll just shortly tell you my personitity, Im usually happy, no complaints, e-zily getting over things that happen to me, but most of all Im extremly Apathetic. I basically dont care about most things therefore i dont worry about things and therefore i dont get things done. But Im a hell of a nice guy. Always that i was just strange but now finding this website i freaked seeing how many traits or symptoms i share with so many people.

Well my story basically starts out like this. I grew up with an older brother who was some what abusive i'd say but I loved him anyway but only after he moved out. Now my brother was the one with the ADD but he didnt want to believe, gave him low self esteem. And the only way i knew i could hurt his feelings was to call him ADD BOY, because i was rather big boned and clumsy and non athletic so he had something to say all the time. He on the other hand was slim and extremly athletic to extreme. This is how i describe my brother a man of extremes. Any intrest he had he took to the extreme for about a 2 month period at a time. He played 8 sports in High school being extremly athletic he was really good at all of them, but he could never stick to one long enough for a college to give him a scholarship except in lacrosse which he did not take because he wanted to do another sport. Therefore he did not go to college. And all growing he always had problems in school, one teacher even called him Stupid in the 5th grade. So he had a low self esteem which i think he took out on me. He could never follow a movie asking questions troughout the whole movie. Also very abusive of alchol and weed and ecstacy once he tried it he had to take to the extreme like i say. Now my whole life this was my perception of ADD. And i was nothing like him, i was bright and nice to everyone and never let anything get to me. So why would my family or I believe i could possibly have it.

Well being all that said and now looking back these are my experence in school. I was always bright, did well on tests, but always horrible turning in homework. I found i could only do it if i felt if i was under the gun(which is just about how i get anything done. I would usually do my homework in school usally the period before not paying attention to the class i was in, but most of the time homework was incomplete or not turned in at all. Book reports and projects were horrible for me. I had such trouble reading a book that i just wouldnt even attempt and not think about the report or project until the night before. I found Im quite good when my back is up against the wall. I'd stay up til 3:00am sometimes later to finish and the get up and go to school with only a couple hours sleep. But i have to say i felt better with less sleep. But i found i was quite good, i usally got A's and B's on projects. When i used to think why would i do this, i just figured i was lazy and felt bad about myself. But being i am who i am i wouldnt get down on my self for long because i'd completely wouldnt even remember how felt about it. Which now in life it causes me to be insensitive to others and myself for that matter.

Now in the classroom it was hard for my to be social. I was shy because i was confident in what i was doing. I'd only feel confident when i knew that concept as a whole not just learn this little part one and the next learn another little part. I'd be confused but once i figured out the whole concept in my head i could piece it together and then it would all click in my head what i was learning and luckily it happened before big test.

During school i did work at McDonalds were i met my wife to be. But in that situation i was making sandwhichs and i was really fast and good at it and i found my confidence was up and i felt really comfortable in that social situation. I figure because i didnt have to use my brain much.

Now some how i made it through high school so i figured i try college but all i could see was at least 4 more years of school and the thought alone overwhelmed me and made me not even wanna try. Although i did try but only 4 classes and it just seem like it was path that would never end so i stopped going.

Then i figured i get married and buy a house and got a job with my father working outside doing aluminum work. All worked out great except my wife found i was extremly hard to live with. She is super clean and I am well i mess. I got my piles all over. I got my pile of clothes that really are not dirty draped over the closet door. Basically clothes that i might have worn for about an hour after i got out of the shower. But i rarely wear them again i just pile them up thinking i would. I got piles of bills and papers which i found its hard for to pay all the bills so i did make a chart on excel where i have every bill written down and i check it when it gets paid. Its all good except for the "unexpected bill" i dont have a place for that and mostly it will be over due unless she deals with it. OHHH and all the projects i've started around the house. I only do enough to get it mostly done so i can feel like its good enough. The details at the end of a project kill me I cant bring myself to do them unless my wife and I have a huge fight about something and i let out my anger by finishing a project. Its crazy.

CHORES...I HATE CHORES. I only washed the clothes once in 4 years and it was one day when my wife was sick in bed and couldnt think of anything to do. So i cleaned almost everything it was really wierd for me. But i dont do a chore unless it just because so gross or the pile becomes so big that i feel like my back is against the wall and i have to do something so then i'll clean. I rather just sit hear and think about the things i need to do, but again i get overwhelmed and my brain shuts off and wont think about doing anything. I'll tried to explain my thought process to my wife and she just gets fed up and basically thinks im lazy and dont want to help her which is not true. I want to help but i just cant unless my back if against the wall. For 4 years i thought i was lazy and i figured i needed consueling about it, but being unmotivated, i'd look up the number but never call. She would be so frustrated because i couldnt give a good anwser on why my actions are like this. I never understood it myself i thought all this was just my peronality. Which lead to many fights.

Sorry I'll try not to go on to much longer.......

Now my career. Im not doing anything i want to be doing but im content because i am apathetic i dont care what i do just aslong as the bills get paid. But i know deep down i do care but it requires to much thought to figure on one career so once again im overwhelmed so i dont think about. Heres one big mistake i did. I spent 10,000 on a computer school because i figure i know my way around a computer so i figure i could do that instead of working for my dad. I got my A+ and N+ certs, but for my mcse it would take me 8 tests and as much as i wanted to take them. All i could see was 8 tests so i never even tried the 1st one. So 2 years later im still working for my dad feeling like a failure. which doesnt bother me because im usually always happy or content. I can still take those tests to and i still plan to, but still havent. OHHH and the waste on money but yet that does not give me the motivation to complete them.

Well in a "nutshell" this is me hahaha. I guess i'll conclude my story but an example of today. I had 2 days off, Today and Tomarrow. Bunch of chores needed to be done. My wife called and ask if i'd get them done and i had every intention of getting them done but i couldnt bring my self to do it. So when she got home she couldnt understand how i didnt get anything done and the only thing i could say was i have tomarrow and thats when ill get it down. Which i do believe i'd get it done because i'd feel like i was running out of time and the pressure would be on.

Well my mind if going blank. The stacker must be wearing off. Well i just came to this conclusion ofinattentive add yesterday becuase i was wondering why i am the way i am and took 180 question online test. Said i was highly probable for inattentive add and i freaked out becuase my brother was the one with ADD not me. But then again i feel relieved because i feel i have a reason for being the way i am. Although being apathetic and content with life i find helpful in dealing with life so im worried that if i take meds that i will start worring about everything. So if you read all this and can identify or believe i do have it or maybe im just reaching for an anwser let me know. Or anything else on you mind let me know...
THanks for reading all of this, i feel like i have so much more to say because im looking at everything i do differently but i guess then again who wants to know everything LOL....Sorry if some things down make since also like i said im coming down off the stacker and i hate to reading when im my normal self...anyways thanks again

DAMN i just looked how much i had to scroll down. I cant believe i typed that much. Where was stacker when i was in school. LOL Trust me i understand if you dont read it all, i doubt i can lol

btw I am almost 24 years old in Tampa,FL.... ok ok....ill shut up now lol

Hi usfpanther:

Welcome to the forums.

A lot of what you write sounds so familiar, especially not being able to do anything until your "back is against the wall" (love that expression).

Have you looked into getting a formal diagnosis?

Yeah but just with my regular doctor. He said he does diagnose ADHD so im going in one Monday to see him. Its just all freaking me out because i thought i knew what adhd was. Not only that my brother and i are so different in every way it just seems he had one tpye and i got the other which im thinking that means one of my parents must have have which i have guessed my Mom had it years ago. Im just glad to find this forum. I've been reading everyones stories and its freaky seeing a lot of the same simliar problems through and just now figuring its for a reason

Yes, exactly. I have relatives with ADHD and I'm nothing like that (hyper).

Until I started reading up on my son's ADD, I thought that it was all just a bunch of personality flaws. ;)

Well, if your truly inattentive ADHD...this will just send your mind to Pluto. :) Welcome by the way. Do find a good Dr. for a diagnosis. It does sound like there might be something there.

Does this describe you better?

From Dr. Russell Barkley San Fan lecture 2000

Now I want to come back to this group that we call Inattentive AD/HD. We used to call them ADD without Hyperactivity. These days some people are just using the term ADD for them. I don’t like that. Part of the problem with using that term is that that was the old term for AD/HD over 10 years ago, so it creates a lot of labeling confusion.

ADD and AD/HD are the same thing. ADD is the earlier, 1987 term—goes all the way back to 1980, in fact, whereas AD/HD is the more recent label.

So let’s talk about this Inattentive type: the kids who come to see us who don’t show problems with hyperactivity, who aren’t impulsive. What do we know about that subtype? We know enough that several of us in the research community have taken to arguing that this is a different disorder. This does not belong in AD/HD. This is not AD/HD. This is a real attention disorder with real information processing deficits, and it has little in common with the other two kinds of AD/HD.

The Hyperactive type of AD/HD and the Combined type of AD/HD are the same disorder. You’re just catching it at different developmental stages. Kids start out with Hyperactivity; the attention deficits come within a few years after that, and then they move into being the Combined type. But these children, on the other hand, are a different story all together. Why do I think this is a different disorder? Why do some of my colleagues agree with it? Why do the rest of my scientific colleagues certainly agree that this is a qualitatively different group of children? Whether you view them as a different subtype or as an entirely different disorder is less of concern to me than that you understand these are not the same kids. They do not have the same risk, the same co-morbidities, the same causes and the same outcome, and it is likely that they do not respond to the same treatments the same way.

But we will not know any more about treatment if we don’t view them differently, because everyone will assume as you may do, quite naively, that the treatments for one apply to all the subtypes, and they don’t. We have discovered a new disorder and it does not belong here. It needs its own name and its own criteria and it needs to get out of this category known as the disruptive behavior disorders, because it has no affinity for them. So let me show you why many of my colleagues are now slowly coming around to an idea that 10 years ago I argued for. This is a different disorder. Why do I think it’s a different disorder? Because these children come in with the opposite symptoms. Instead of being hyperactive, intrusive, distractable, they’re lethargic, slow-moving, hypoactive, spacey, daydreamy, quiet, passive, withdrawn, confused, in a fog. They are the polar opposite of the AD/HD child in their clinical presentation. This is not an impulsive, disruptive, intrusive, aggressive, emotional, naive child. This is a kid who is staring, daydreaming, confused, and not processing information accurately. This is a real attention deficit, if attention means information processing. These kids have a processing deficit. AD/HD children do not. Do not confuse these two groups. They do not have the same problems with paying attention.

Other things we see in these children: when we bring them into the clinic, and we run them through a battery of neuropsychological tests, they have deficits in an area we call selective attention. Selective attention is how quickly you can deduce what’s important from unimportant in a spatial array of information, how fast you accurately process information coming at you. AD/HD children have no trouble with selective attention. And by the way, let’s put an end then, to this metaphor for AD/HD that it’s a filtering problem. Because it isn’t. Real AD/HD has no trouble with filtering, selecting information. AD/HD children perceive the world exactly as everybody else does. These children don’t. These kids have a selective attention problem, which by the way explains something that we have found in about six different studies. These kids make more mistakes in academic work than AD/HD children do, many more mistakes. The problem that AD/HD children have is with productivity; number of problems attempted. The problem with these kids is accuracy: the number of errors made. These kids have a real problem with input coming into the brain, how quickly they can handle it, how accurately they can select it out, and deal with it. These children have memory problems. AD/HD children do not. These children have trouble with getting information out of short-term and longterm memory and doing it correctly. It’s especially so for long-term memory, so that they show a very erratic recall of information. AD/HD children, if they have a memory problem, it’s going to be in a very unusual form of memory we’re going to talk about later today. But this is traditional long-term storage, and these children have some trouble with that, probably for the same reason. They’re not getting information out of memory any more accurately than they’re processing information coming into the brain.

There are problems with selection, with filtering, with focusing their attention. These children have a very different social profile. The traditional AD/HD child is often a rejected child, because they’re immature and emotional and hotheaded and demanding and controlling and impulsive and often aggressive, so that when we compute a social profile of the AD/HD children they often wind up as being the least liked, the least popular and most likely to fight. That is their peer group profile. That is what Ken Dodge and his profile of peer acceptance views as the rejected child. And 50 percent or more of AD/HD children are utterly rejected by their peer group; these [inattentive] children, very different picture. These children are overlooked. In Ken Dodge’s taxonomy of social problems, they’re neglected. Why? Because they’re passive, uninvolved. They’re staring, daydreaming, hypoactive, absent-minded, passive. Unengaged is a better term for them. They’re not disliked by the other kids. They’re not rejected by them. The other kids just don’t know them. They’re not engaging. They’re not out there participating. They’re just kind of passive kids. They have more friends than AD/HD children have, actually. These kids tend to be neglected, not rejected. It’s a very different social profile.

Other differences: there is no affinity of this disorder for Oppositional (Defiant) or Conduct Disorder that we can tell. They basically have the same base rates as the normal population. But many AD/HD children are likely to go on to develop Oppositional Disorder and Conduct Disorder. Forty-five to 55 percent of AD/HD children develop Oppositional Disorder by age 7, and another 25-45 percent move up to Conduct Disorder by ages 8 to 12. AD/HD goes with Oppositional and Conduct Disorder. The inattentive group does not.

You see another reason why they don’t belong in this group? Those three disorders—AD/HD, ODD, and CD—are all part of a larger category we call the disruptive disorders. The inattentive group isn’t and it shouldn’t be there. Other differences that we see: by definition, of course, these kids are not impulsive. They don’t have any difficulties with inhibition. These children do not respond to stimulants anywhere near as well as AD/HD hyperactive, impulsive children do. Only about one in five of these children will show a sufficiently therapeutic response to maintain them on medication after an initial period of titration. Oh, you’ll find that about two-thirds of them show mild improvement, but those improvements are not enough to justify calling them clinical responders, therapeutic responders. Ninety-two percent of AD/HD children respond to stimulants. Twenty percent of these children respond to stimulants. And the dosing is different. AD/HD children tend to be better on moderate to high doses. Inattentive children, if they’re going to respond at all, it’s at very light doses, small doses. So the drug response is different. And that’s all we know.

[At this time] there are no other studies of treatment of this group—none. The only studies are five involving medication and mine was the only one that tested multiple doses with a placebo control. There are only two pages in my parents’ book, Taking Charge of ADHD, on this group, and it tells you what I just told you. This is what we know. These are different kids. This is a different disorder. Stay tuned. We don’t know what to do with them. It’s up to you. You’re just going to have to cobble together some help any way you can and hope that it works, because there is no science beyond what I just told you.

They may have different causes. They certainly have different family histories. Those children tend to come from families where there are more anxiety disorders and learning disabilities. AD/HD children come from families where there’s more AD/HD, Conduct Disorder, antisocial behavior, and substance abuse. The family histories of these two groups are not the same. Now, we have to be careful here, because the Inattentive group, it turns out, is rather a wastebasket group of kids. First of all, in that group are the true Inattentive kids. But also in that group are AD/HD children who came in one symptom short of being in the Combined group, right? They’ve got six inattention and five hyperactive symptoms, and according to the DSM, if they don’t have six, they’re not in the Combined type. Well, yes they are, and you should think of them as being Combined type children, even if they come up one symptom short. Don’t put those kids into the Inattentive group.

The Inattentive group in our clinic is for kids with three symptoms or fewer off of that HyperactiveImpulsive list. Any more than three and you’re better off thinking of them as what we call subthreshold Combined type children. There’s another group, the group that starts out being in the Combined type and by adolescence or adulthood are no longer so hyperactive, but they meet the criteria on the Hyperactive list. Now you would flip them over into the Inattentive type. Don’t do it. You always think of them as Combined type.

So, bottom line is this: If any point in your history there was a whiff of problems with inhibition and impulse control, you’re a traditional AD/HD Combined type kid, and it shouldn’t matter what the DSM is telling you about cut-off scores. Clinically that’s how you would approach that child. That’s a Combined type kid. And you reserve this Inattentive group for kids who have never in their lives had trouble with inhibition. Those are the spacey, daydreamy, confused, in a fog, sluggish, hypoactive, slow-moving group. And as long as you conceptualize them that way, you won’t make any clinical mistakes. But if you follow the DSM as it’s written—perhaps you have OCD and you just have to follow all those criteria, just as they’re written—then you’re going to get yourself into some trouble.

Because remember, the DSM was not chiseled in stone in Israel. It’s a set of guidelines developed to help make clinical decisions, but it’s to be used with clinical judgment and understanding of the criteria. Okay, that’s just to resolve some confusion.

And by the way, I said the Inattentive group was a wastebasket. Why did I say that? Inattention is nonspecific. Inattention is unhelpful in defining what disorder you have, because most mental disorders produce inattention. So if somebody walks into your clinic and says, you know, I’m having a lot of trouble concentrating, can’t pay attention, can’t finish work, you have no idea what they have. You don’t automatically say, oh, that’s AD/HD, I’ve heard about that. This could be a psychotic. This person could be a substance abuser. This person could have a generalized anxiety disorder or panic attacks or major depression or bipolar illness. How the hell do you know what they have? For now, just know that the Inattentive type of AD/HD is a real wastebasket category of really inattentive children, along with children who have other disorders that are producing their inattention. There really is an Inattentive group out there, but they have a different disorder, and it’s not AD/HD.

Hmmmmm, well i dont know if all that sounds like me, but i did already know that inattentives are oppisite being my brother and I are very oppisite. But reading what others with similar issues as I have it seems that similar treatments can help both AD\HD and inattentives just as far as this forum goes. And i just find it intresting that my brother and I are so different yet were brothers. It just makes since to me that there is some link between the two. I mean fine lets not call it inattentive ADHD, lets call it Anti-AD/HD. But you are right this lecture does make me think even more about it, but i gotta until i go get professional help i gotta go with the majority of the articals and publishings ive read not just in this forum. You know what else i find intresting, my brother could extremly focus on one thing for about 2 months, but for i can just regular focus on doing something for about 2 weeks. Like a diet or flossing i can do it great for about 2 weeks then i just feel unmotivated doing it, thank goodness i brush my teeth every day without thinking about it

Yeah were all lazy couch patatoes but not knowing why. Although at work i do work very hard outside in the florida sun, i guess its just my job and i gotta do it. I dont know

I was also wondering if anyone else has these issues:
When drinking a drink i constantly have to be drinking it til it gone. 44 oz. big gulp gone in about 10 to 15 minutes unless i make a conscience effort not to drink it and that hard to do.

When cooking i try to eat what ever is left in the pot even if im full I dont know could be just a fat thing.

Oh always have to peel my nails off, i dont bite them i just try to peel as long as there is new growth there. Cant use clippers for some reason have to peel them.

And with bug bites and scabs, i always want to iche them and peel them off because there just bother me and other blemish for the matter if its any sort of bump im gonna mess with it till its scab.

Just wondering if anyone had any similar experiences or am i alone on these ones LOL.

Oh cant forget irreglar sleep patterns, stay up late b/c i feel like im wasting time but then sometime sleep early just because. Either way i sleep like a rock, very hard to wake up as my wife tells me. anyone else???

scuro,

That is ground breaking info. What a perfect explanation of me! Damn. Dr. Russell Barkley is cutting edge. How does he explain hyperfocus within inattentive types. I present that symptom also.

Bob

Can i ask a dumb question? WHat is hyperfocus exactly?

Hyperfocus...like the computer, heck with me it was art too. I can't recall anyting that Barkley specifically said off hand. Perhaps others can help.

Three ideas here...the inattentive mind will always seek to stimulate itself. We often do that with visuals but unlike straight ADHD, we can stimulate ourselves with our own thoughts for hours by daydreaming. The fog look, is really total preoccupation within our thoughts.

Second idea...anyone with a disorder sooner or later gets beaten to the ground. I think it is natural for everyone to want to fit in. When we find that way we may over compensate. We are good at something now which people recognize. We go to town.

Final thought, perhaps we don't have the developed frontal lobe of others, who probably get regular updates from their brain saying something like..."get out of the rain fool, you can practice this some other time". Our "no" messages just are not where they should be.

usfpanther;

Maybe it is time to go see your doctor?

If you can get a proper diagnosis and treatment you might see an improvement.

Please don't put it off, just call the doc and make an appointment.

It makes a huge difference when you get a diagnosis and proper treatment.

Me :D


Well Im new to this forum since im new to knowing Inattentive ADHD. So i figure i'll just basically write my story because im freaking out and obsessed now. I'll understand if you dont wanna read it all but i guess Im just looking for feedback becuase like I said im freaking out in goods and some bad i guess.

Oh by the way please excuse any typos i just wrote this whole thing and i accidently pushed back button and it erased the whole thing i now i feel like giving up but I'll push on because from what i understand this is our problem, not want to to push even if we should and thats our challenge on life it appears. I could be wrong.

Just for you information. The only way i could type this much is only because im on a stacker which i've taken before but now just figuring that it might have been helping me mental until i crash and feel like crap LOL...

Well i'll just shortly tell you my personitity, Im usually happy, no complaints, e-zily getting over things that happen to me, but most of all Im extremly Apathetic. I basically dont care about most things therefore i dont worry about things and therefore i dont get things done. But Im a hell of a nice guy. Always that i was just strange but now finding this website i freaked seeing how many traits or symptoms i share with so many people.

Well my story basically starts out like this. I grew up with an older brother who was some what abusive i'd say but I loved him anyway but only after he moved out. Now my brother was the one with the ADD but he didnt want to believe, gave him low self esteem. And the only way i knew i could hurt his feelings was to call him ADD BOY, because i was rather big boned and clumsy and non athletic so he had something to say all the time. He on the other hand was slim and extremly athletic to extreme. This is how i describe my brother a man of extremes. Any intrest he had he took to the extreme for about a 2 month period at a time. He played 8 sports in High school being extremly athletic he was really good at all of them, but he could never stick to one long enough for a college to give him a scholarship except in lacrosse which he did not take because he wanted to do another sport. Therefore he did not go to college. And all growing he always had problems in school, one teacher even called him Stupid in the 5th grade. So he had a low self esteem which i think he took out on me. He could never follow a movie asking questions troughout the whole movie. Also very abusive of alchol and weed and ecstacy once he tried it he had to take to the extreme like i say. Now my whole life this was my perception of ADD. And i was nothing like him, i was bright and nice to everyone and never let anything get to me. So why would my family or I believe i could possibly have it.

Well being all that said and now looking back these are my experence in school. I was always bright, did well on tests, but always horrible turning in homework. I found i could only do it if i felt if i was under the gun(which is just about how i get anything done. I would usually do my homework in school usally the period before not paying attention to the class i was in, but most of the time homework was incomplete or not turned in at all. Book reports and projects were horrible for me. I had such trouble reading a book that i just wouldnt even attempt and not think about the report or project until the night before. I found Im quite good when my back is up against the wall. I'd stay up til 3:00am sometimes later to finish and the get up and go to school with only a couple hours sleep. But i have to say i felt better with less sleep. But i found i was quite good, i usally got A's and B's on projects. When i used to think why would i do this, i just figured i was lazy and felt bad about myself. But being i am who i am i wouldnt get down on my self for long because i'd completely wouldnt even remember how felt about it. Which now in life it causes me to be insensitive to others and myself for that matter.

Now in the classroom it was hard for my to be social. I was shy because i was confident in what i was doing. I'd only feel confident when i knew that concept as a whole not just learn this little part one and the next learn another little part. I'd be confused but once i figured out the whole concept in my head i could piece it together and then it would all click in my head what i was learning and luckily it happened before big test.

During school i did work at McDonalds were i met my wife to be. But in that situation i was making sandwhichs and i was really fast and good at it and i found my confidence was up and i felt really comfortable in that social situation. I figure because i didnt have to use my brain much.

Now some how i made it through high school so i figured i try college but all i could see was at least 4 more years of school and the thought alone overwhelmed me and made me not even wanna try. Although i did try but only 4 classes and it just seem like it was path that would never end so i stopped going.

Then i figured i get married and buy a house and got a job with my father working outside doing aluminum work. All worked out great except my wife found i was extremly hard to live with. She is super clean and I am well i mess. I got my piles all over. I got my pile of clothes that really are not dirty draped over the closet door. Basically clothes that i might have worn for about an hour after i got out of the shower. But i rarely wear them again i just pile them up thinking i would. I got piles of bills and papers which i found its hard for to pay all the bills so i did make a chart on excel where i have every bill written down and i check it when it gets paid. Its all good except for the "unexpected bill" i dont have a place for that and mostly it will be over due unless she deals with it. OHHH and all the projects i've started around the house. I only do enough to get it mostly done so i can feel like its good enough. The details at the end of a project kill me I cant bring myself to do them unless my wife and I have a huge fight about something and i let out my anger by finishing a project. Its crazy.

CHORES...I HATE CHORES. I only washed the clothes once in 4 years and it was one day when my wife was sick in bed and couldnt think of anything to do. So i cleaned almost everything it was really wierd for me. But i dont do a chore unless it just because so gross or the pile becomes so big that i feel like my back is against the wall and i have to do something so then i'll clean. I rather just sit hear and think about the things i need to do, but again i get overwhelmed and my brain shuts off and wont think about doing anything. I'll tried to explain my thought process to my wife and she just gets fed up and basically thinks im lazy and dont want to help her which is not true. I want to help but i just cant unless my back if against the wall. For 4 years i thought i was lazy and i figured i needed consueling about it, but being unmotivated, i'd look up the number but never call. She would be so frustrated because i couldnt give a good anwser on why my actions are like this. I never understood it myself i thought all this was just my peronality. Which lead to many fights.

Sorry I'll try not to go on to much longer.......

Now my career. Im not doing anything i want to be doing but im content because i am apathetic i dont care what i do just aslong as the bills get paid. But i know deep down i do care but it requires to much thought to figure on one career so once again im overwhelmed so i dont think about. Heres one big mistake i did. I spent 10,000 on a computer school because i figure i know my way around a computer so i figure i could do that instead of working for my dad. I got my A+ and N+ certs, but for my mcse it would take me 8 tests and as much as i wanted to take them. All i could see was 8 tests so i never even tried the 1st one. So 2 years later im still working for my dad feeling like a failure. which doesnt bother me because im usually always happy or content. I can still take those tests to and i still plan to, but still havent. OHHH and the waste on money but yet that does not give me the motivation to complete them.

Well in a "nutshell" this is me hahaha. I guess i'll conclude my story but an example of today. I had 2 days off, Today and Tomarrow. Bunch of chores needed to be done. My wife called and ask if i'd get them done and i had every intention of getting them done but i couldnt bring my self to do it. So when she got home she couldnt understand how i didnt get anything done and the only thing i could say was i have tomarrow and thats when ill get it down. Which i do believe i'd get it done because i'd feel like i was running out of time and the pressure would be on.

Well my mind if going blank. The stacker must be wearing off. Well i just came to this conclusion ofinattentive add yesterday becuase i was wondering why i am the way i am and took 180 question online test. Said i was highly probable for inattentive add and i freaked out becuase my brother was the one with ADD not me. But then again i feel relieved because i feel i have a reason for being the way i am. Although being apathetic and content with life i find helpful in dealing with life so im worried that if i take meds that i will start worring about everything. So if you read all this and can identify or believe i do have it or maybe im just reaching for an anwser let me know. Or anything else on you mind let me know...
THanks for reading all of this, i feel like i have so much more to say because im looking at everything i do differently but i guess then again who wants to know everything LOL....Sorry if some things down make since also like i said im coming down off the stacker and i hate to reading when im my normal self...anyways thanks again