I am a Man with ADHD. I wonder if any of you guys have ever talked to one of your buddies girlfriend sharing your frustration about communicating or locating him. In expressing your frustration mentioned many others were looking for him that day and some jerk made and untrue statement "he is probably with his girlfriend" Which could not be as his girl does not work with us...you know it was either gossip or just an off the cuff expression. To me this was nothing especially since I have always expressed to his girl who sometimes can be insecure, my buddy is a good guy and not a cheat. Days later my buddy calls me on this conversation of which I do not remember the details or howmany people were looking for him that day or even who made the statement I without thinking repeated to his girl stating "can you believe this.."
Frankly the so called Normal or Mainstream man is now having problems with his girl, he blames me for it. Yet, he lacks communication, insight to his girl and told me he "never talks about work with her". I have worked with him 3 years, I have known them together for about a year. I have no way of knowing what he does or does not do, I do not care except when I am trying to confim when we will leave the office to go home we car pool.... To him he says I crossed the line, he says I should be on medication 24 hours obviously he is hot under the collar. From my perspective, yes, it might have been a dumb thing to say, but I was clear I did not belive the statement and was frustrated, I do not believe I crossed anyline. Yet, he yells and treatened to tell my boss... None of this occured at work it occured at home. Help, I am confused I own up to my frankness an frustration, but why all the drama, why all the anger, I told him I am sorry if it caused you greaf, that was not my intention, I was clear that I was not giving any validness to such statement I hate hearing BS.

I feel bad, an I care about them both, I have no agenda or mal intent. Yet as and ADHD Man I am confused. I guess because if someone had said that to my wife or girl I would have laughed knowing it is untrue. I figured people here could give me some insight.

Oh dude...don't even get me started...You're not alone on this one. I've had more or less the same thing happen to me, and it went just as bad. Sometimes, there's nothing you can do and you end up losing a friend or two.

When I was a freshman in college, I asked a girl out at church ( a high school senior) not knowing she was going "steady" with a guy older than myself.

I felt like a fool. But after an initial period of self-pity, I stopped worrying--I listened to the old song "The Boys Are Back In Town". not denying I still liked the girl. And if her boyfriend wanted to smash my face in, I would not fight back, making him look the jerk and me the innocent victim ( It's a small town). I can look back on the experience and feel glad I was honest about my feelings for the girl.

DBR

Not to belabor the point, but to continue with my last post, I find that the experience is a self-esteem generator for me. For I took a risk, breaking out of what was then my play-it-safe, don't ever rock the boat self. Note: I'm not talking about risk one jumps into without any forethought, but had I continued obsessing, I would never have asked the girl out.


As to having felt foolish, if I were to find out the incident is on tape, would it bother me? I think not--I'd say "Show it on TV"--for it was a time I was true to myself.

As to guys who get torqued off 'cause some other guy is friendly to his girlfriend, I have no sympathy. If the second guy is not trying to "move in" on the other guy, then guy number one needs to grow up-to "get a life" as they say.

DBR

As for the original question, yes, I've done something like that before, although I think it's more of a guy/girl thing than an ADD thing, but you never know.

A long time ago, back in high school, we'd all split up into separate cars to go somewhere, and my car got lost...anyways, in my car was a chick who was dating a good friend of mine, a guy who'd been a good friend long before they started dating. Anyways, some song came on the radio and I inadvertently mentioned that it reminded me of when Zach and I used to go out chasing chicks...yeah, apparently it's not a good idea to remind a girl of how you and her boyfriend used to go out looking for tail before he met her.

Makes me wonder what else is going on...

I've been in this boat many times. It usually starts out socializing with the girlfriend and then, for some unbeknownst to me reason, she starts telling me all about her ups and downs. Actually, I do know why. I've been the token "safe" guy for a long, long time. I'm a good listener that can empathize well will the other person. Soon afterwards, they would break up. Fortunately for me, the girlfriend has never mentioned who she had spoken too.

I think that there are problems within their relationship to begin with and you are just being used as the scapegoat for the bigger problems. Tell him to grow up and act like an adult.

Sincerely,
David Pershing

PS - Don't be afraid to talk to other people's girlfriends (especially if they want to talk). I saved my wife from being married to someone totally wrong for her. At least that's what all her friends (and mother) told me.