My son is finally getting treated for ADD. I suspected it, but I guess I was in denial and tried everything to get him to follow the rules and to do what is expected of him. It just amazed me how he could repeat the same mistakes over and over again and just not learn! Now I know. He just started on Adderral a couple weeks ago. He is on 30 mg now, started on 10. He is 13 and big for his age: 5'8", 160 pounds. Anyways, yes I see some improvement but also know from reading in this forum that the dosage and combinations with other meds has to be refined before improvement comes. I am not sure if the Adderall is making him aggressive or if it is just hormones. He is already growing a moustache! To the point: my husband thinks children will and should respect their parents at all times and so do I, but I know this is so very unrealistic. My son's mouth has always gotten him in trouble, and the Adderall isn't going to magicly take that away. We have 4 other children, all under 3 and my husband is threatening that my son has to stop being disrespectful or he will have to go to boarding school or something. I don't think so! Any advise about how to deal with tempermental hormonal 13 year old?

Thanks!

Any advise about how to deal with tempermental hormonal 13 year old? ... or with a tempermental hormonal husband? ;)

I've been there -- the snotty teen with the intolerant stepfather. One thing to keep in mind is that while you and your husband have perspective on the situation, your son doesn't.

Punishment has NEVER /EVER been shown to work in changing long term behavior.

Sometimes, "picking your battles" is the wisest course a parent can take.

The developmental task of adolescence is to learn to accept personal responsibilty for one's own actions.

In the process, it is developmentally appropriate/expected for them to rebel to some extent.

Here's where ADHD impacts things.

I've seen these data presented at 2 different ADHD workshops and it really helps in trying to making sense of puberty & ADHD.

What was presented was that ADHD kids are significantly more immature than non-ADHD kids.

The way that was determined was to multipy the ADHD kid's chronological age by .30 and then subtracting that from the chronological age.

That would put a 13 yr old ADHD kid at an emotional age of 9.1.

Both Russ Barkely & Sam Goldstein commented on this at 2 different workshops.

When you stop and consider that ADHD is a developmental disability due to the fact that same age peers do not manifest impairments from symptomatic behavior, it makes even more sense.

Good luck.