Hi all! I'm new to the forum as well as newly diagnosed with ADD Adult type along with Gerneralized Anxiety Disorder. I'm a 23 y/o stay at home mother of 2 (3 1/2 & 18 mos.) married for 4 years. I've always been faithful to my husband, but this summer I began a relationship with my neighbor. I don't like to blame my ADD for this, but I would say it was a contibuting factor (hunters craving stimulating activities/ risk taking) along with feeling neglected and misunderstood. So I'm wondering if any other AD/HD wives/females have been unfaithful as a result of their impulses, and if so, how have they dealt with it?
Thanx!
Daniela

This is embarrasing, but I've always cheated. I'm not proud of it. My husband cheated on me, and I found out. I was devastated, but I had cheated at one point too. The guy was like 8 yrs. younger than me (I'm 31 now) and worked at Starbucks! I don't think it's the ADD, I don't know what it is.

Anna

I have also been there done that.My husband left me preganant with our lil girl and we got back together about 10 months later and 7 yrs later I had an affair on him witha man in another state.Im VERY confused as we speak but not with either one right now.

Hint: When telling the online world that you've cheated on your husband, it's probably a good idea to NOT use your real name, Wana-bADD-mexa, aka Daniela...

I mean, c'mon, it's common sense.

My husband knows I've cheated.... that issue is what led me to seek psych help and ultimately be diagnosed with ADD, etc.

Daniela,

Does your family know you're ADD? If they do, what do they say about it? I'm hispanic too, and have had a hard time with my family. My husband doesn't know about my stuff, and I'm taking it to the grave.

Anne-
actually, i'm not biologically hispanic. my husband is mexican (in US since 1996) and i've somewhat adopted his culture (hence "wanaB mexa"=wanna-be mexicana). He now knows about my ADD but is still learning about it. it is completely new to him. in fact, when i first mentioned it to him, he asked me what ADD stood for. I told him "attention deficit, deficit meaning not enough of." his response was "oh, lots of kids in Mexico must have that problem." when i asked why, he said "well, the parents work from very early in the morning to quite late in the evening... they don't get enough attention from their parents." I had to bite my tongue and kindly explain to him what i meant by attention. it was a little over his head. he understands it a little better now. but he had the same problem when i was diagnosed with depression. he didn't really understand why someone would cry uncontrollably without knowing the reason. i guess mental illness isn't as big of an issue in his culture.

Do you still love your husband?If so,stop the relationship with the neibor.
I too have had thoughts.Right after my first girl was born.
He was distant,cold and way too busy to be a strong figure in my life.I had the opportunity and boy did I ever concider it but I had to cut myself off from the situation and not worry so much about what a *** my husband was being to me.
What mattered was my child.Sometimes its easier to let someone else fullfil your emotional or sexual needs but in the long run,theres only one conclusion.

I figured I would just concentrate on being the best mom I could be and the love that I had to give for him flowed into her.I didnt need to have a man touch me,flirt,have sex with me to make me feel wanted.I already was!My baby.

Sounds like you have your hands full!!!!!!All those precious babies!Do you feel as though thats the only time you feel like a adult?I can relate.
Its like,I dont really like smoking but its the only thing I can do thats just for me a ADULT THING.LOL!!!!!

I hope all is well in your family tonight.I hope YOU are too.

By the way,real women dont have to hide there names KID.(just playful bander)LOL!!!!

Being single is great.Some things suck being single but overall im enjoying it!!!

I was unfaithful to my first husband (10 years) several times, even when we where dating. I craved affection intensely. After out divorce he admitted to withholding sex and affection to control me. Frankly I think he was intimidated by my, uh, assertiveness.

DH2 and I are approaching out 13th wedding anniversary the end of this month and I have never been unfaithful to him. (Having 3 kids in 4 years may have helped.;) )

Hello ladies,i'm new here,i may have an answer to what your dealing with,i am male btw, but when i flicked the forum topics,i could not help wanting to throw in information that you guys may want.

your descriptions of your behavior are all 100% in line with BI-POLAR disorder.

i to, have add, but a trauma triggered dorment bi=polar, they call it"life rytyhm disruptions".

MANIC side of bi-polar disorder includes impulsive sexual acts,or doing things you know are wrong but cant help. cheating is the no 1 consequence,especially in bi-polar women.

manic side of bipolar also is very similar to ADD and could be misdiagnosed as either add or depression,or you could have both such as myself.

bi-polar mania, has "episodes",the common ones to look for or think of your history include-

1)EGO-"i'm all that and a bag of chips, i can do anything when i put my mind to it","no man can resist me"
2)irritability-"christ cant i have a moment alone? why does he always gotta be around? cant he find friends to hang with?"
3)impulsive spending- "hmm--pay the rent--buy that jacket on sale before the sale ends--aww,i the landlord can wait one more week--this sale is ending!"

sound familier? most bi-polars swing from that to depression or like me, stay on the manic- ESPECIALLY when taking adderall,ritilian etc-why?

because these stimulants actually ELEVATE manic symptoms and keep them going longer. often times when you think your meds stopped working, because suddenly your not feeling euphoric at 0 mgs of adderall,and try and up it, whats really happening is your manic episode is shifting,and your instinct is to cling to it through the meds. this leads to constantly fluctuating your dosages and not knowing why.

heres a tip to know if your bi-polar thats easy.-
are you diagnosed add, but when you take stimulants, talk fast? racing mind? running around full of energy and motivation?

guess what? thats not whats supposed to happen. feels neat,gets results--but true ADDers using stims get CALM and relaxed.

if your speedy it shows your manic side is being elevated by the stims. it can be good--at times it made me handle problems under pressure as if i was a superstar--but the biggest problem is you have to know what the bad side of manic is and Manage it--

if you dont want to cheat on a spouse--do not place yourself in a compramising position--example--if you feel even slightly attracted to ED from work, do NOT accept an invitation to even a harmless "coffee sometime"outside work.

no amount of willpower can predict how you could react if ED gets more bold. avoidance of such vulnerabilities is the only solution. its like if your on a diet, do not think its safe to sit in front of a table of the best smelling cakes,donuts and sweets,and not feel tempted to break your diet.

the human body has a few powerful drives- eating-sleeping-MATING-going the bathroom-you would not pee in the middle of a public place because your society raised you to believe its wrong. but your body doesnt know that rule. your mind has to CHOOSE to override the urge to pee right there.

your body doesnt know how many husbands society allows. it only feels a mating urge,and only your mind can CHOOSE to override it,if a mate prospect is near.

the biggest problem society has is not remembering this basic rule. instinct and choice are what seperate humans from animals. and wether you have ADD,or bi-polar-or any mental disorder, it can make it harder to control, but it cannot be used as an excuse,because choice is still there.

understand and accept your humanity, dont be ashamed of the basic fact your married but feel sexual desire for others, just decide if you, are someone who can "be" married. if you cannot avoid flings, perhaps you were not meant to be monogomous. dont let therepists tell u you are a nympho and need treatment so u can"fit in" and be married,just because our western culture says marriage is what your supposed to be doing.

seems to me the divorce rate outweighs the succesful marriages in the us by 3-1, maybe were placing pressure and making mating rules that nature never intended, and low and behold, when you battle nature, it battles back hard.

so think about that, and dont feel shame for being you. just decide if you are capable of monogomy,and dont be afraid to accept your not. it would spare a lot of pain to others and yourself if you be honest and open to who you are. and btw--the reason men feel instinctivley sleepy after orgasm, is a basic design in our dna- women are designed to recieve many sperm doners and have plenty of eggs to fertilise, and men drop their package and roll over make room for the next--a survival design in human dna.
2)

IN RESPONSE TO CHOOCH<CHOOCH>...Bipolar

Really, I think I am still in the denial stage with this mind illness but this is possibly me. I'll have been married for 10 years this coming January....should we make it. I have kids ages 7, 5, and 2. I feel torn in two because this part of me wants my freedom (maybe it's just the illness, I'm trying to figure that out). It's very hard to separate true honest feelings from what may be only bipolar thoughts. I want to be single again, to date, to flirt. I have these impulses that I guess started flaring up about 2 years ago. At this time I could control them. The last few months I've has some rather manic occasions that I didn't feel as in control. Yesterday was my first spending spree and I know this won't sound like much to some, but for me who is always concerned about money and spending, I just slammed 420 bucks on a credit card. Yeah, 80 of this was at Victoria's Sectret. OMG it felt GREAT! I justified it though because when I am down or depressed I can't pick out one thing and am in no mood to even shop. I'm working with a psychologist and a psychiatrist right now because I really am not sure what this is all about. I've wondered if it is all just normal for me because I was so strict on myself as a teen and stuff and I was pretty much the "good girl", not that one ever has to sew wild oats, but I don't know I just feel this need for freedom like never before. I could just be normal though. I'm still so young, 32, kinda trapped at home with three small children. I do love them though and If I can remember correctly, I have always loved the idea of a family, getting married, and growing old with someone, however, that visual seems so foggy and unclear right now. I'm like was that me, did I really want that? Do I really want that?

The Adderall didn't really induce mania for me. I remember it did add some euphoric feelings the first couple of days I would take it. But I had some mood swings when it would wear off so I didn't last long on the stuff and I went ahead and stopped my Effexor at the same time as well. I think my mind just didn't know what to do because I had been on different antidepressants for over 4 years (none that worked consistantly) somehow my brain sent me into la la land (manic side) and I must admit it was rather a beautiful place for three months until I crashed. I guess I was up and down for two months and I'm kind of leveling out rather up so I am not complaining as long as I don't crash and can control the impulsiveness. Overall I think I am finding myself and I think that is important. I got lost in these roles I thought I had to be for everyone else and all my ups and downs just kind of let me feel my way to who I'm going to be...me. Bipolar, ADD, or whatever....we're all just here for a while, why waste it not accepting ourselves. So go give yourself a big squeeze. ;) Sorry so long...maybe I am manicky...I don't usually leave such long posts.