hello, this is the first time I have done anything like this but I guess I am trying to find some answers. Once again my wife and I are about to get a divorce. We have worked things out a couple of times before. We have been married for almost 5 years and they have been tough ones. It seems like the only thing we ever fight about is money and the fact that I don't communicate very well--or she would say at all. I am in my mid thirties and grew up in a small town--never even heard of add/adhd until we moved to houston--where she is from. I suppose that I am an impulse buyer at times--but usually pretty frugal about it--contradiction huh? It is very hard for me to talk to my wife about money or other things because I feel like I always have to be right, and I feel that if I get her input and she doesn't agree, it just makes me mad because she doesn't see it my way, so I'll just go out and do something regardless of the consequences. She thinks I may have some form of add/adhd. I would appreciate if someone could give me some input or other help. My wife means the world to me, even though she says that my actions don't tell that story--it's just like I can't stop myself sometimes even though I know what I am doing is wrong and is going to hurt her. Thanks...

Welcome to the the best place on the internet for ADHD. You will find a wealth of knowledge and knowledgable people too.

So sorry to hear about your situation. It must have taken a lot for you to open up and post here. Congratulations. :) I can really relate to you.

If you are not in couples therapy, please look into it. Bring it up to her and tell her you would like to go together. This should show her that you are really serious about making changes.

Get an appointment with your general doctor and explain some of your symptoms. If it's available to you, ask for a referal to see a psychiatrist that specializes in ADHD. Houston should have a nice selection. Even if it's not fully covered by insurance it will be worth it. Also, doing this will show your wife you are really serious.

This is my personal opinion, but until you see a medical professional try to not read up on ADHD too much. This might sway your responses or answers during testing and evaluation. I had no idea my psychiatrist was going to say I was ADHD. Then after learning about ADHD more in-depth, I am soooo ADHD. :D

The choice is up to you. Also remember, you can only be responsible for 50% of the relationship. I am sure there are issues that are not related to you. It will be up to your wife to decide if she wants to address these things.

Just to let you know, impulsiveness is one of the main symptoms. ;)

Welcome, good luck and keep us updated.

Aloha,

First of all Welcome, and yes this is a good place to share what is on your mind and pressing on your heart. I would like to say as a man who had a wife and still has two young men as sons, I can relate to impulsive behaviors. This may or may not be add/adhd. Problems in finances are not uncommon. I know I am a Loan Officer for a Mortgage Company and do national Loans.

Best thing to do is get evaluated by your Psychiatrist. Sometimes, you may find you can get training, coping skills, or learn some impluse management skills. Because some behaviors or impulsive tendencies can be related to many diagnosis, let the expert look into it with you.

Once you find out and get to work on it talk to your spouse, see if she is willing to work with you on this. Hopefully, she will and understand you better. However, should she not, be kind and understand sometimes there are personal limits people will allow themselves to experience. You are still a good person. Mainly work on you. Best wishes...

Richard (Kaikona)

If you both feel comfortable with it, why not use the internet to discuss the issues? Someone else on forums mentioned that and I think it has great potential.

You can use the email system; this gives you some time in between communications to think about the answer and respond appropriately. I've also discussed some tough issues with my ADD friend using the instant messenger, since it is less intense than voice.

It might be a good idea to get evaluated as suggested above, if it is true, some things in your life may start to make sense too.

good luck with this, darellh, keep posting

cs