An American, a Scot and a Canuck were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."

He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American,

"the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."

An American and his wife were on a lovely drive in Canada when they got lost. After hours of driving around, they finally pulled into a city. Noticing a man walking down the sidewalk, the husband pulled over and told his wife to ask where they were.

"Excuse me, sir, but where are we?" the wife asked.

The man on the street replied, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan."

The wife rolled up her window and turned to her husband.

"We really are lost," she said. "They don't even speak English here!"

Two guys go ice fishing. They get their small axes out of their backpacks and begin furiously striking at the ice.

A few minutes later they hear a deep voice from above: " There's no fish under that ice."

The two guys are surprised; they look around and when they see no one nearby, they continue their work with the ax.

A few minutes later they again hear the deep voice from above: "There's no fish under the ice!"

Now the two are bewildered because when they look around, there's no one in sight.

So they resume axing the ice at an even more furious pace.

And once again they hear the deep voice from above: "There's no fish under the ice!"
Now totally frustrated and scared, one of the guys shouts back: "Who is there? Who is talking to us...?"

And the deep voice from above said: "This is the Arena Manager speaking.!"

Ottawa's leading newspaper once had a contest for readers to complete the sentence, "As Canadian as_________".

And the winning entry was,

"As Canadian as possible under the circumstances."

Definition of a Canadian:

An unarmed American with health care....

A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper.

"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.

"Toilette pepper!"

Greetings from HaHa Creek, B.C.. :D

Glad you can enjoy a joke about ourselves as a country

I know a little Newfie who would give you a slap upside the head for the fax joke. You don't live anywhere near Hamilton, do you? :D

Garry,

those really made me laugh, especially "as Canadian as possible under the cirumstances"

what a hoot.

eh?

hahaha!!

I am told by a friend in Scotland that our Canadian "eh" is actually Scottish and heard often in Fife.

I'll have to go there sometime and get nostalgic!

Did you know that the original spelling of the country was "CND"?

However, whenever someone from outside the country asked how it was spelled, the Canadians would tell them "C, eh. N, eh, D, eh"

on a cold manatoba night , a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her - "Honey, would you give me a blowjob?? "

Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

"No way. It's just too risky!"

"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!"

"No, no and no"

"I love you too, but I just can't!"

"Oh yes you can. Please?"

"No, no. I just can't"

"I'm begging you ..."

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair dishevelled, and in a sleepy voice she says "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job. Or if you still can't bring yourself to, I can do it. Or if need be, Mum says she can come down herself and do it. But for ****'s sake, tell him to take his hand off the intercom."