I would really like to hear more people just share some of their personal experiences with Anxiety or Depression or OCD especially.

Please get on your soap box :soapbox: we're all ears.
Thanks in advance to those who choose to share!

I have OCD, I've been living with OCD for over 3 years now...It's been a hell of a ride these past 3 years. I am currently not on any meds but I will be seeing a psychiatrist soon. I have germ phobia. Hand-washing and showering for long periods of time are my main compulsions. I also do not like to touch surfaces that I think are dirty, such as the floor. I am a 23 year old female. B/c of my OCD, I am not in college and I am pretty much living in seclusion... alhough I do go grocery shopping, to the bookstore and shopping for clothes etc. But I do not socialize with friends as I find it too hard to do. Believe it or not I am a LOT better then I used to be. I used to not even be able leave my room, and have been in the hospital 4 times. However I feel like I have a LONG way to go yet. And I have been through so much, some of the things I do not think I can ever share with another human being as I think it will be too embarrassing to do. I also have a problem opening up to ppl, and I am a very cynical person. I had PTSD and depression (I had to deal with a major life changing event) before I had OCD. That was how my OCD started...as a way to cope with it. And I probably had BDD way before that. I used to be very into my appearance. I am the total opposite of that now, that is not to say I dont care about the way I look, it's just that my time is being so used up by compulsions and making sure I do not touch dirty things as I fear contamination...I finally really want to break free from it all. I am hopeful that I am only going to get better but I'm also noticing that I am getting depressed again as my compulsions are decreaesing.
Anyhow I think this should be enough for now...thanks for reading. I hope to hear any feedbacks from fellow OCD sufferers thanks. :)

I have depression and anxiety, as well as PTSD and a myriad of other problems, such as phobias.
But the one you said you are most interested in hearing about is OCD, so I'll share my symptoms.
I've had OCD for a long time, when my anxiety is higher, so is my OCD.
Mine comes out like this; when I turn my body, I have to turn back the opposite way to "unwind" back to the original way I was pointing, if I don't I'm overcome with a feeling of doom, as if I've just changed my life's path - and it could be a worse path than the one I'm on now. The unknown terrifies me.
I also have to order groups of things - like all the cup handles pointing the same way in the cupboard.
I can get obsessed on a task, like spend hours polishing a teapot when the rest of my house is in shambles. I also obsess on things I want, whether it be a bracelet or a car, I'll be able to think of nothing else until I get it. Not in a normal excited way. When I told my mom about my OCD diagnosis, that was the symptom she went "AHA!" about.
Also, when I read words about bad things, like "cancer" or "death" I have to exhale on the word as I look away for fear of 'breathing it in' and having it become part of my life, by either me or someone I love being effected by it.
My OCD drives me nuts. It comes and goes though, as I said, with my level of anxiety.

Also, when I read words about bad things, like "cancer" or "death" I have to exhale on the word as I look away for fear of 'breathing it in' and having it become part of my life, by either me or someone I love being effected by it.
Sounds familiar :rolleyes: :)

Do you do that too Naomi?

Sometimes. Usually though it sends of a stream of mental tics/compulsions ('nn-nn-noway nn-nn-no ah-ah-I don’t know, nn, I dn, I dunno' but that's not a very good translitteration) + slight shakes of the head etc.

It's hard to know if it's a tic or compulsion sometimes because it's automatic a lot of the time but other times it's not.

I don't know... :rolleyes: :)

If you want more info, just ask :)

Going through the nightmare of ocd with my son, but the more research I do, the more I come here etc. I think I may have suffered ocd as a child, young adult and sometimes now. (But it doesnt affect the quality of life) As a child homework had to be done the second I got home, the 1st week or 2 of school I HAD To complete the whole spelling book and assignments. I recall re doing things until they were perfect. I recall things that annoyed me so much I would feel such anger.

As a young adult I washed my face 21 times, I recall being in the shower, losing count and going back to the last # I recall. I recall leaving my appartment and checking the vcr over and over. BUT that was the result of me forgetting to set it once and missing my soap. One I came back to my apt from down the street, walked up to the 2nd floor to check the locks. This was not daily but it did happen...

NOW I do certain things in numbers, if I didnt, would I freak out? No, not at all.

I had always chalked it up to being a perfectionist and thats it, but after the last several months, I am not so sure. Chatting with my siblings apparantly I was quite tough to deal with. Keeping in mind they all thought I was spoiled, I was the youngest and I will admit it , I was spoiled, I got everything I wanted. But maybe it wasnt me being a spoiled brat...

So based on al of this, now I am convinced more than ever that my sons issues are all my fault.

what do you guys think?

Babyboy - I don't see how it could be your fault. Even if genetics or heredity played a part in your son developing OCD, that's not something under your control, you wouldn't blame yourself for his hair color would you?
We can transfer our fears to our children - phobias for spiders and such, but I don't think we could transfer a full fledged illness like OCD just by example.
Don't blame yourself. If you have it too, then it helps you to better understand his illness, and that's a good thing as his mother.

thats just it - I do not understand because I think I may have had it, but there arent things that ... well I guess that I am not sure that was ocd- although they may be tendencies, and I cant really relate to his little rituals. To me its like- come on you dont have to do that but from what I learned through my research with him its like- I HAVE To do this or I can not stay in my own skin.

Yes, that's what it feels like. I become gripped with a terrible fear, a dread. It's hellish, if I don't carry out the rituals.
You're a good mom to try to understand your sons illness.
Personally, I think OCD and superstition are closely related. It's like trying to gain control over your life when it feels like it's spiralling out of control. A way of trying to get a handle on panicked feelings of anxiety.
Although it does seem to the outside observer that the OCD person should be able to just 'stop it', you have to take into account the mental repurcussions if they do. They may be able to stop doing the behavior, but they will pay a price that others won't be able to see, maybe gripped by fear inside. Fear that even they can't explain.
Logic tells us that it's foolish and makes no sense to carry out these rituals, but it's not a logical place that they come from, it's more of a primitive animalistic place, a deep ancient part of our brain where the simplest connections are made in an attempt to make sense of life.

Thanks for the support... based on what you said, maybe I didnt have it. will I ever know? can you outgrow it? so many questions....

I wouldn't say a person could "outgrow" it, but they can move past it. "Outgrowing" makes it sound like a childhood problem, and it certainly has nothing to do with age. Some OCD sufferers go through bouts of being symptomatic, with periods of relief at times. As with me, it's often based on anxiety levels - feeling of one's life being out of control.
With continued therapy some sufferers can put their OCD asleep, and keep it that way most of the time.

then mine is probably best described as'quirks'

Why don't you describe your symptoms to the doctor that diagnosed your son to find out if you have OCD? I certainly wouldn't try to guess whether you do or not, and it would settle your mind to know one way or the other.

HOnestly like I said it doesnt affect my way of life. I thought I may have had it before and liek I said got over it. I also need to focus all of my attention on him. just trying to get to the bottom of his... but thanks

I was commenting on the issue of you blaming yourself for his OCD.

I was diagnosed with ADHD/OCD 4 years ago, I recently went to a new Dr. and he confirmed the diagnosis of ADHD, but said nothing about the OCD. My OCD is not as bad as it was when I was in college. I could not stand to have my stuff mix with anyone else's. Everything had to have it's place. I have to have CDs and movies alphabetized. If I scratch one side of my body I have to scratch the same spot on the other half. If I accidentally hit one side of my body on something, I have to do the same to the other, UNLESS I get hurt. My OCD is not that cruel! ;) I have to line things perpendicular and equidistant to each other.
I do not feel too bad about my compulsions and obsessions, except for obsessing about things I want or compulsively shopping, I feel they are minor enough, but it still can effect my relationships because they seem unreasonable to others.

I think that at times my ADHD overrules my OCD and vice versa. So, I am not consistent in my compulsions and obsessions. It is very confusing!!

Chameleon and others....

You guys exhale too? I do that too!

I thought about sharing my OCD/ADD story, but it's so long it would take forever. I'll think about it....I'm fascinated to know how common it is for people with ADD to also have other anxiety disorders.

Do you do the exhale for the same reason as me bekahboo?

Chameleon,


I don't do it much anymore, but lets see if I can remember why I did and do it....

When I was younger if I saw someone that was associated with one of my obsessions, I would have to exhale until I could either think of someone "good" or "safe" (at which point I would inhale). Sometimes I would get really lightheaded from lack of oxygen, waiting until it was "ok" to inhale!

Another example--which I still do sometimes--If I'm watching a tennis match or something like that I have to exhale or NOT inhale while the camera is focused on the opponent/person I'm not pulling for. When the camera finally is taken off the person I don't like only then can I breathe. Why? Because I believe that if I inhale while looking at that person my favorite team/player will lose.

I also used to not let myself inhale when I saw a lesbian or someone with AIDS. I have the obsessive fear of being gay and when I saw one of those two I couldn't inhale for fear I'd be gay or I'd somehow become contaminated. Weird stuff.

My 13 year old son has a diagnosis of adhd, ocd, mood disorder and learning disabilities. He's been medicated since preschool.

One of his ocd related things that come to mind first was when he was little, his shoelaces had to be the exact same length. If they weren't, he'd cut one of them. Needless to say, we went through alot of shoelaces during that phase.

He has always collected hotwheel cars, which I don't mind except when he HAD TO FIND ONE PARTICULAR CAR. It was a nightmare. He tore apart his room trying to find a certain car that he just had to have at that moment.

We went through his "hair phase". If his hair wasn't perfect, life would not go on until it was. If his spike wasn't exact, he'd mess with it forever. When he went a little longer style, if it didn't lay perfectly, he'd freak out. Now he has a longer messy skateboard look which I am happy about because it can't be perfect.

He went through his "pants phase". If his pants were "fat" (aka wide leg or loose fit), he wouldn't wear them. Luckily we only lived a few streets from school so if I was driving him to school and he freaked out about his pants, we were able to hurry back home and change.

Then he went through his pants phase where everything HAD TO BE FAT. This was a combination of ocd and a grunge style that was popular. Everything had to be loose fit and sagging. Now he is into the skateboarder look and likes straight leg pants that are not "fat". He sometimes safety pins the bottom of the pants to make them even more tight. This is definitely his ocd kicking in.

He is obsessed with going to thrift stores buying shoes, pants and shirts. This is definitely ocd related but it is also my fault for getting him hooked on thrifting. We have alot of thrift stores (resale shops) in our area and we get some really good deals on skateboard tshirts, hollister, abercrombie, etc...

Ever since he was little, he always changes his clothes a million times before leaving for school. He changes clothes alot after school and on weekends. I can't get too upset with this because my mom said I used to do the same thing when I was young. She said that the Kindergarten bus would be pulling up in front of our house and I would decide that I had to change my dress. There's no wonder that we all ended up going to a catholic school where we had to wear uniforms. :)

I am medicated for adhd and never really thought as myself as ocd but lately I have been noticing a few things that I do that are definitely ocd. For instance, when I am quickly going through the living room into a different room, I will put the couch pillows in place. One red and one gold on the couch. And one red and one gold on the loveseat. Or if I am going through my bedroom, even though it is a mess, I will stop and turn the lamp lightshade so that the seem isn't showing. Hmmm.....sounds a little ocd to me. Plus I had a zillion pairs of black boots. (Just like my two sisters that are adhd in denial.)

Oh well....it could be worse. :)

your son sounds just like me in the hair dept!
Truth be told no one can tell the difference since to everyone it just looks like a messy scruffy hair of head-- but for some reason if it isnt cut/layered/falling a certain exact way i can feel it and it really irritates me in a physical way i cant explain and as long as its not right i feel very, very wrong and maybe go into cease-functioning mode i.e. lie down & grit my teeth for hrs on end. this has been that way since i was a little kid and God knows it isn't just a "Oh Gawd I look so ugly!" thing.. i cant explain it and everytime i go to get a haircut i tend to get anxious and nervous for that reason. I have never changed my hairstyle since i first had it cut that way when i was a kid, people ask why but i cant explain it. its not just a matter of getting used to it.

I know the "have to have it" itch. Once in the days when I was to stupid to figure out how the library catalogue system worked, I went to 5 different libraries across town in a day just to look for one book for purely leisure purposes. If i had to go to 5 more i would've. If i want to find something I will need to find it no matter what time of the day or night it is and it used to irritate my parents to no end ("why cant you try to find it at a proper time i.e. in the morning?")

Aranging pillows a certain way... for some reason I most mums I have observed do it for some reason though!
As for black boots lady I think just credit yrself on having good taste ;)

yes i uesd to do that as well cut my shore lasey ehhehe yeh trying to find a car an the hair as well aspeaily the pants even today i wont by tonight or to lose fiting onesssss never did the clouths like that but i serpoues that its close cos ive allways had gothic clouths an like it to match i like to know were everything is i allso like to know that everythings in ordor pillws sofers i clean up ever day an i do sometrime drive peps mad cos if they have something out an ant useing for a few mins i put it aways again an they say i needd that lol dorm soounds bit ocd as welll

lol if im in a car, im not even sure if this is ocd but i would with my mind jump over all the obstical for instance if i went past a tree in my mind i will have to jump over it, its like a computer game theres a little mario running at a constant speed as the car im in and jumping over the obsticles as i pass, its worse if im on a bus! none of its seriouse at all just little things!

im also obsesively tidy and clean in the kitchen but thats the only place, my rooms a total tip lol but the kitchen has always got to be cleaned and things put where they should be, i am always cleaning the surfaces even if theres nothing on it!my boyfriend tells me off sometimes! if iv just done the washing up and i find a cup i have to wash it!i can never just leave it!

anyway theers my quirky stories!

hehe i do this too if someone for instance had got something out of the cupboard to use it and i didnt know i would automatically put it away without thinking!

oh this is grose too i also pick at my eyelashes I HATE THIS when i know im doing it i stop but its something i do without thinking!

A lot of my OCD is health or death related. Im obsessively poking and prodding at my body looking for lumps and disease. Then I serach and search for diseases that my sympoms come up in and I decide Im dying. I will obsessively take my temperature if I have a fever.

I do things in numbers. Count when I am feeling out of control. Chant things in my head if I have bad thoughts so that the thoughts wont come true.

I have walked a certain way everyday to go somewhere or come home, not so much anymore. When I was in school I would only wear certain clothes for tests or presentations. I would fail if I didnt.

I wash my hands three times everytime.

I smell things before I use them, eat them, whatever. I am constantly smelling things.

My daughter has ADHD/OCD as well. I feel for her.

hehe i do this too if someone for instance had got something out of the cupboard to use it and i didnt know i would automatically put it away without thinking!

oh this is grose too i also pick at my eyelashes I HATE THIS when i know im doing it i stop but its something i do without thinking!
I pick at my scalp

The hair and eye lash pulling is call Trichotillomania and is thought to be closely related though not identical to OCD. According to Ian Osborn, MD in his book Tormenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals habit reversal is the most helpful technique for this disorder.

1. closely monitoring when hair pulling occurs
2. identify precursors to hair pulling such as studying or watching TV, tingling/itching of scalp, and touching or straightening hair
3. increasing awareness of these precursors
4. learning a relaxation method such as deep breathing
5. interrupting the response of precursor leading to hair pulling by using relaxation methods

I definately have some type of OCD spectrum disorder. As a kid I wrestled with scrupulosity (excessive religious obsession on every action and thought); when my daughter was born premature over the next couple of years the hand washing got to the point of red chapped hands and I was afraid to even let her out of my sights. I actually had her sleep on my chest at night. Even at two years of age I was afraid to put her in her own room for fear she would be abducted. There have been other obsessions since. Prozac helped a lot with them but caused me to develop Tardive Dyskensia. Now I'm using a program from the book Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz. It's an excellent and very user friendly approach that seems to be helping and has been shown on PET brain scans to actually change the brain in much the same way medication does.

As far as anxiety that is probably my biggest problem -- the ADD and anxiety go kind of hand in hand for me. I've been a worrier forever. For several years I was also dealing with panic attacks to the point where the doctor ran EKG's and such just to be sure my heart was okay --it was. Concerta seemed to help with the anxiety when I started by turning down the volume on the incoming stimuli, but it also made me more obsessives and likely to get stuck on things. Ah twell ...

Peace
Scattered

I don't have OCD, but I did find this thread really interesting because I am similar to alot of people here.

I have germ phobia. Hand-washing and showering for long periods of time are my main compulsions. I also do not like to touch surfaces that I think are dirty, such as the floor.
Im very germ phobic too, actually I am a lot better now then I used to be, I used to wash my hands at least twice if I touched a dirty surface or if I shook someones hand. I also can't drink out of the same cup that someone else is using, like if someone wants a bit of my coke I can't say no because I sound wierd so I just give the whole thing to them because I won't be able to drink out of it once someone else has drank out of it.

Mine comes out like this; when I turn my body, I have to turn back the opposite way to "unwind" back to the original way I was pointing, if I don't I'm overcome with a feeling of doom, as if I've just changed my life's path - and it could be a worse path than the one I'm on now. The unknown terrifies me.
I do this too! Ive never told anyone though because nobody else seemed to do it so I thought they would think I was wierd or something.

I also have to order groups of things - like all the cup handles pointing the same way in the cupboard.

I do this, but I have no idea why.

Also, when I read words about bad things, like "cancer" or "death" I have to exhale on the word as I look away for fear of 'breathing it in' and having it become part of my life, by either me or someone I love being effected by it.

I uesd to do this all the time when I was little,I don't do it so much now.

I recall re doing things until they were perfect.
Ive always done this, this is actually a serious problem for me and gets in the way of school. I don't know why I need things perfect though, ive never really thought about why I just have to.
Im always throwing work away and restarting, I get really far behind because of all the restarting I have to do.

I have to have CDs and movies alphabetized.
Me too, I also have my clothes in my wardrobe in order of colour and what type of clothing they are. I order EVERYTHING in order of colour, then the order usually goes into size and shape. It gets on my nerves but I still have to do it.


I can't find who mentioned superstition but Ive always been convinced that I am not superstitious, even though I never used to be able to tread on cracks on the floor, I still find it hard but Im better then I was.


I don't know if this is OCD related but I think its definatly to do with anxiety (Im not diagnosed with OCD or any other anxiety disorder) but do any of you do this?...

...Like if someone (like a family member or friend) says they are coming over in the next 20 minutes and they dont turn up after 20 minutes I start to have horrible thoughts about them having an accident or dying and I sort of have to do stuff to get it out of my head even though they are probably just running a bit late but I just can't help it. This happens every time someone is late and I find it really upsetting sometimes and I get realy worried.

Does this happen to anyone else? Is this normal or should I tell my doctor about it on my next visit?

I don't have OCD, but I did find this thread really interesting because I am similar to alot of people here.


Im very germ phobic too, actually I am a lot better now then I used to be, I used to wash my hands at least twice if I touched a dirty surface or if I shook someones hand. I also can't drink out of the same cup that someone else is using, like if someone wants a bit of my coke I can't say no because I sound wierd so I just give the whole thing to them because I won't be able to drink out of it once someone else has drank out of it.


I do this too! Ive never told anyone though because nobody else seemed to do it so I thought they would think I was wierd or something.


I do this, but I have no idea why.


I uesd to do this all the time when I was little,I don't do it so much now.


Ive always done this, this is actually a serious problem for me and gets in the way of school. I don't know why I need things perfect though, ive never really thought about why I just have to.
Im always throwing work away and restarting, I get really far behind because of all the restarting I have to do.


Me too, I also have my clothes in my wardrobe in order of colour and what type of clothing they are. I order EVERYTHING in order of colour, then the order usually goes into size and shape. It gets on my nerves but I still have to do it.


I can't find who mentioned superstition but Ive always been convinced that I am not superstitious, even though I never used to be able to tread on cracks on the floor, I still find it hard but Im better then I was.


I don't know if this is OCD related but I think its definatly to do with anxiety (Im not diagnosed with OCD or any other anxiety disorder) but do any of you do this?...

...Like if someone (like a family member or friend) says they are coming over in the next 20 minutes and they dont turn up after 20 minutes I start to have horrible thoughts about them having an accident or dying and I sort of have to do stuff to get it out of my head even though they are probably just running a bit late but I just can't help it. This happens every time someone is late and I find it really upsetting sometimes and I get realy worried.

Does this happen to anyone else? Is this normal or should I tell my doctor about it on my next visit?
Having morbid thoughts is often associated with ocd too. I dont know if worrying when a friend family member is late is just normal anxiety or not, but the bad thoughts kinda sounds like OCD.

I used to have a problem with pulling my hair out. I don't know why but I just couldn't stop. I was in the 6th grade and eventually I was put on Paxil and the hair pulling stopped.

Not on Paxil anymore.

I'm a germaphobe too. I never use the same towel twice without washing it. I always check to make sure my silverware, glasses, and dishes are clean (at my own house!)

I also have a problem with being indecisive. For example, I edit posts several times before I post them. (not to correct my grammar or spelling, but because something just doesn't look right and I switch things around until I'm satisfied.)

I'm also obsessed with the way I look. I spend at least an hour and a half in the mirror every day. And I spend a lot of time getting dressed. Clothes I wear will look fine on me one day and the next day something will just not look right, so I make adjustments until I'm completely satisfied.

That's all I can think of for now.

Hello Verdana, I am glad a read a story that is similar to mine. I myself did not live a very social life growing up. I am in my early twenties. I also had a hard time making close friends when I was in my teen years. I used to avoid going to dances and different school activities because I always lived my life in fear of being teased. I am a lot better at dealing with my OCD than I used to be however. I still feel afraid to try different social activities because I want to be prepared for any incidence that can happen unexpectedly. I also feel afraid of being criticised because of my OCD. It does not help me to get better. My advice to you is to try and identify all the thoughts that are overwhelming your mind and try to substitue them with more rational ones. I have also lacked social skills growing up. My parents criticised me when I said something wrong in order to help me learn how to get along with people. My social skills are a lot better than they used to be. I understand the irrational fears that you are having. I am seeing a therapist for my OCD and I have reached a point where I do not live in constant fear. However, certain topics trigger my fears. Whenever you get a chance write me and we can talk about this.