Does anybody else have a problem with avoiding something he or she should do or deal with but then hyperfocusing on something else at the same time?

OOOOH me me me me!!!!...lol. You've just described my BIGGEST challenge!!!!

Computers, Video Games, and TV make it too easy, aside from a million of my hobbies.

I don't know if this counts, but I'm interested in what you're saying.

We think my b/f may have ADD, and he frequently avoids any possibly stressful situation, usually by going ishing - a MAJOR obsession in his life.

Zero

I can avoid ANYTHING by surfing the Net. For houurs on end.

But I guess many of us are Net addicts.

Absolutely - you just described my boyfriend to a T. He has his first appointment with a psychologist this week. Something he has been avioding for WAY too long. I am SO proud of him! (Of course he still has to make it to the appt...) But since I was diagnosed adhd he's been a lot easier to talk to about it. He was very much in denial before. I think the avoidance/hyperfocus factor will be the hardest for him to overcome. Any tips I can pass along???

OOOH YEA!!! I can hyperfocus on a book I am reading for pleasure yet avoid a textbook for school like it is the black plague. Sometimes they may even be related material!! How screwy is that?!

MM

ouch... nailed this one Tara! I'm struggling with this right now. I've finally identified that this happening so at least I can watch for it.

The past two weeks I've been using a count down timer that is set to go off and repeat every half hour. This has been very effective in reminding me about the commitments I'm making to myself about where I need to be and what I need to be doing. I am focused on just those goals I've set for myself with my coach, so I'm much more willing to correct my direction if I find myself distracted.

I would like to find a count down timer with a vibrator alarm rather than noise. I don't like to use it when others are around. I'm going to have to look around a bit for that. If I had a vibrator I'd use it during the evening and on week-ends as well.

I'm stunted when it comes to playing the hand I'm dealt. I'm very good at playing the hand others are dealt which causes no end of grief for me and others. Action is in order and life is in the doing not in the knowing. I'm way short on action and way heavy on knowing. My cards need my attention big time and it's a far over due.

This week-end I had an epiphany regarding this. I'm still not sure what happened but something has shifted to an almost defencive posture in regards to buying into what is good for Ian. A selfishness is in order to act on the things that heal me and it shows up in happier people that have to live with me.

Strength to you all.

Slow and steady... scared to look back.
Cheers! Ian.

That happens to me alot,especially when I feel frustrated or blah. I'll have a paper to do, and yet there I am, on the net.

This is such a great thing to discuss.

I've pondered this a lot. I'm not working right now and still the housework never gets done. It's like my brain gets STUCK on whatever it is I'm interested in and it hurts to unstick it to do something nauseatingly boring like -- whatever it is I'm supposed to do that I don't want to (usually cleaning).

I liken it to the dread of tearing a bandage off of your skin -- RIIIIIP! You know it's going to hurt and you dread it. It's like my brain is magnetized to the interesting thing. Hard to explain -- anyone know what I mean?

Try explaining it to a NON ADDer -- "Well, I don't like to do housework, either, but I just do it." OH BROTHER.

YES YES YES - i know EXACTLY what you mean....

this is by far one of my biggest problems. This week I actually planned everything out (since it's super busy) and I went through and picked out all the places where I already know that I will have trouble.

In every instance, I run into trouble if I have spare time in between things, becuase i try to do extra stuff in that time -it's worst if I'm at home or at a computer, but it definately happens at other times too.

I REALLY have trouble shifting my focus sometimes, especially if I'm avoiding somthing - like you said. My brain finds some pretty ridiculous ways to get out of doing things it doesn't like - even if the rest of my has every intention of doing the boring task!!

For example, I will drag myself to the library and sit in a cubicle to block out eveyrthing possible so that I can do homework. But if my brain doens't want to, then it won't. I'll end up spending hours organizing my notes, listing goals for studying, planning out my week...
Or I'll study a different subject that is less urgent. Or I'll study the right subject, but not the right PART of the subject. It's like my brain is worming it's way out through any size hole it can find!!!

This past sunday I wasted 6 hours (or more??) in the LIBRARY - I didn't get a single thing done that I'd wanted to do or needed to do. I came away with 4 or 5 lists, all neatly organized and coded with priorities; little checkboxes... lol
and I had a handful of not-very-good questions to ask my professor at office hours. Of course, none of them dealt with the areas I'm really having trouble with...
Basically I have nothing to show for my time - it sucks, but results are the only thing that really matters... (not the work itself)


This is a major problem for me - about the only thing I can think of that would help is to have someone else point me in the right directions. But even if I am headed the right way - if it's difficult I will sometimes just shut down and stare at the problem for an hour or more. (that happened tonight on a homework; I had to ask a friend before could move on... and I'm not talking about just not understanding becuase I definately understood... It was like not being able to brush your teeth becuase you can't remember where your mouth is!!)

I wish I could figure it out!! I envy people who can just sit down, work through somthing they don't feel like doing, and then get up and leave again so they can go do somthing else. it's like the impossible task for me!! I loose so much time to ADD...

If I don't have an absolute deadline for something I don't like starting/doing I'll never get it done. For things like dishes, laundry, cleaning the house I have a "dirtyness threshold" that must be crossed before I will do anything - I have to be bothered enough by the mess to do something about it! (or have guests coming over). Stuff I like - the hobby de-jour - I can **** away time on like you wouldn't beleive!

I'm really prone to hyperfocusing on the "wrong" thing when I'm under stress. But even on a good day, I have to limit my internet time so I don't get sucked into the black hole! :eek:

Sigh...such a problem. One thing I try to do is do my reading for College someone where there is no computer with internet, as well as do paper drafts by hand.

Hello everybody,

About avoiding & hyperfocusing i had two questions :

1 ) Do you find easyer to concentrate on manual work than on literal work?
By manual work i don't mean simpler work but something like gardening, electronics , electricity or masonry.

I'm a beginner in to-it-yoursel work but to my surprise i find a lot easier to concentrate and to do planning than when i'm working in my profession ( computer ). It s as if the objects help my mind to go straight to my objective.

2 when do you avoid the most some work ? Is it when you know you will be evaluate or is your avoidance independant of the context ?

This describes my partner at work. He zero's in on his computer going over some report instead of calling customers. He's taking adderall and lexapro. I suggested he try Strattera again. Anyone found a med that helps this?

I seem to have taken it to a new level I have not been to sleep in over 50 hours because I am so hyper focused on a problem I have and I think I need the answer to heal another part of my past. But, I'm so hyper-focused that I'm frustrated the answer is right there in front of my face I know it is. So, I do everything I can to avoid the issue letting life get in the way. Honestly I know what I'm saying even if you don't lol.

Hey, Futs -

This is totally off-topic, but I'm confused - how can it be one in the morning tomorrow already where you are? Where are you exactly?

I even managed to subconsciously avoid looking at the beginning of this thread! That's how bad I am!

Tara, I guess I should thank you for calling me on it.

One thing I've found that helps sporadically (I'm trying to coach myself to make it happen more often), if we're dealing with the computer and paperwork, is to put the TO-DO LIST IN BOLD TYPE RIGHT NEXT TO THE SCREEN ON THE LEFT HAND SIDE SO I CAN'T MISS IT.

That way, I can reward myself by sneaks onto the net/into the forum when I finish things, but the list guilts me into not getting too far off track.

As Michael Keaton said in "The Paper", "Workin' on it. Workin' on it, workin' on it, workin' on it..."

It's not one in the morning here...If your reading the time and date on the post the forum uses some kind of funky time zone thingy. It's almost 10 pm here right now (lot that will do to help you lol) I'm in Nebraska.

It's characteristic of AADD, isn't it?
<p>I can hyperfocus on an interesting work project for weeks. When I did consulting I would frequently complete 40-hour projects in 2 days and still fit in a long run.
<p>But paying my bills? Opening the mail? Gag, gag, gag...

2. I avoid what does not interest me. Too often these are things that really need to be done though it can be something I like but then someone starts demanding I do it & I become too stubborn. What I find most interesting is finding something nobody else cares about so I can be without judgement or perhaps make my own judgement above it all. Sometimes I even like to perform for people, sometimes too much. It's an odd relationship I have with my fellow humans.

1. I enjoy manual work. For gardening, I love weeding becaues it keeps me busy hunting and sorting things visually. I really hate watering because I have to sit there waiting for enough water to fall but it isn't simple enough to let my mind drift & I have to pay attention. I'm not that great at careful handi-man projects where everything takes patience like plumbing but something like digging that keeps me active is nice.

Originally posted by xav
Hello everybody,

About avoiding & hyperfocusing i had two questions :

1 ) Do you find easyer to concentrate on manual work than on literal work?
By manual work i don't mean simpler work but something like gardening, electronics , electricity or masonry.

I'm a beginner in to-it-yoursel work but to my surprise i find a lot easier to concentrate and to do planning than when i'm working in my profession ( computer ). It s as if the objects help my mind to go straight to my objective.

2 when do you avoid the most some work ? Is it when you know you will be evaluate or is your avoidance independant of the context ?

I avoid the things that I need to get done, and I also avoid anything that will require a lot of maintainance on my part, like a relationship or a fish tank.

I hyperfocus when I am trying to figure something out, that is interesting. Like, I am researching some sclerosis disease for a friend and trying to make connections between dopamine, tourette's, and adhd...etc. I could read on it for hours. Now, if it was required, I'd drop the book like a bad habit. :D

Cyndi

Hi,

I'm a new member and I'm not even sure I have ADD. I've read up a lot about it, and I have the symptoms, but I keep procrastinating about getting it diagnosed.

What xav said was very interesting. It is the first time I have ever read something to suggest that ADDers are more able to concentrate on manual work. I've always been very good at manual work, work that mainly requires the use of my hands. Work such as fixing my computer hardware, rewiring the motherboard or something else, fixing stuff, etc.

Whenever I do any manual work, I not only am able to concentrate, I am able to engross myself in the work for hours, until it is done, or someone calls me. I always attributed my unusual ability to concentrate when doing manual work to be just another weird quirk I possess. Xav's post makes me think that it may be another symtom of my possible ADD.

To answer your other question, xav, I would say that I have an equal amount of trouble concentrating on work that I know will be evaluated by someone else and work that I know will not be. I sometimes concentrate better when I know I will be evaluated by someone or something I really care about, but only because I tend to care more, and therefore tend to push myself very hard to concentrate.

To answer the question put forth in this thread though, I find it very hard to concentrate on and tend to avoid anything that I need to do. Even when I care about it and push myself, it is still only minutely better. As to hyperfocusing, boy do I hyperfocus. Just look at what I am doing right now. It is one in the morning where I am from, and here, I have been sitting for the last hour surfing the net, reading your messages, and signing up for this forum so that I can reply. It normally takes me hours to write even a paragraph, but I am so hyperfocused on writing this reply that, in less then twenty minutes I have written five paragraphs already.

I should be in bed because I have to get up at the crack of dawn. I decided to go to bed five hours ago and made myself get into a bed, but instead of going to sleep, I read part of a book I have read 4 times already, watched part of an alien movie, got out of bed and made myself something to eat, exercised, and finally went back to bed and turned off the lights. But as soon as the lights were off, my mind went six different ways, health insurance, hair cuts, movies, etc. My mind finally landed on ADD, so here I am at the computer, typing to you all, now on my sixth paragraph.

I just want to know if you all also find it easier to concentrate and even hyperfocus on manual work or work you do with your hands. Does it matter what kind of work you’re doing at all? If you all do indeed concentrate better on work that you do with your hands then I have a theory about why. I think that there are some thing that we do that only requires our body and not our minds. I have found that I do not really use my mind when fixing a computer or rewiring something. I don’t need to think about it. I just know what to do. I think that when we do things that do not require thought, we are able to shut off our mind. Only when we turn on our minds and think about something do our minds start going haywire.

Of course this is only a theory and doesn’t really help anything. Like I said before, I don’t even know if I have ADD so feel free tell me I am wrong or ignore me. :)

I am hyperfocusing on the forums, when I should be sleeping! hehe

A lot of times, I have to go do something. You know? I don't have to avoid anything because a lot of things don't just show up on the doorstep. An actual task isn't as difficult as getting prepared.
I think the hyperfocusing is in the preperation for me.

I don;t know about the hyperfocusing part, but I definitely can relate to the avoidance part.
Things I dread, I feel like a satan child heading into a church (there was a movie of some sort, I'm Jewish)
but I can loose myself in a book and finish it in a day - with nearly 0 retention but enjoy it anyway.

i have become a semi-recluse, luckily i am in a good spot near the coast and can wander about in the bush with my dogs..i avoid going to the big shops in the city and go to the expensive ones close by, but i save on petrol...i figure it like this, rich japanese tourists spend mega bucks to come up here for a day so i must be living the good life. The ocean has many fish and kangaroo meat is tastier than beef and has beneficial fats so my dream is to one day start a kangaroo farm. apologies to all the vegos out there and animal lovers but i LOVE red meat. I do love animals, arabian horses in particular but even snakes and i never kill anything or its bad luck on me..just gotta get that iron, u know? So avoidance can be a good thing, if i was in the city i probably would have gotten into way too much trouble and died by now. Not sure how i got this old actually.

ahah i just read back and i didnt even address the topic, but at least i know why i do that. This last week i have finished a big puzzle of my life and started a new way of seeing everything. But old habits die hard so apologies in advance to all for next time i do this

Symbol,
You addressed the topic about avoidance (being a recluse). Do you think you ever hyperfocus? What're you going to do with yourself now? It's not so bad living out with nature away from the city (something I may choose to do now) but it must be difficult without friends. Maybe more chances for that now?

Welcome!
You seem a very interesting character. Really I'm very curious, please tell us more about yourself.

hi paulbf,
i do have some friends here, but only a few...i get the feeling a lot of people who live here are doing a geographical and getting away from the rat race and they too wish to be alone. I dont know what i am going to do now, heh...i never did know that one, but i keep myself busy with my artwork and now that i am on the correct medication i am actually finishing things i start! yeeha, i finished a little beaded picture of an octopus yesterday, over 4000 beads....i never would have done that before. It has a few faults because its the first time i have worked with beads but i kept going until it was finished. Normally once i made a mistake i would discard it and start on something else but i made myself keep going...and Im glad i did! I think i like sewing beads onto fabric to make a picture rather than painting so for the immediate future thats what i am going to do. OK well thanks for the welcome and hope you all are feeling fine!

I live a fairly reclusive lifestyle and I was reflecting on this last night with my ten year old daughter Manon. I was wondering if it wasn't a coping mechanism to keep the stimulation down to more manageable levels.

Don't get me wrong, I can to the cheap thrill a minute thang but mostly I just want to keep things moving at a pace that is conducive to calm. I eat with that in mind and I live with that in mind. I'm not tight about it anymore and I find myself out and about much more often these days but it has been a long time in coming.

I have to work very very hard and for a long time before I'm at ease with a broader social exposure. I need to work hard.
Cheers! Ian

Ian,
I've always seen myself as seeking the even road of peace and calm. I've been so suprised that people saw me as the anxious wreck that has been burning inside me.

Symbol,
Oh yeah, just a few friends is plenty. I had this vision that you were wandering around in the woods living in a tent on $12/month. Ha!

I don't know what I'll do with myself now, I just heard about a place available that is a cabin in the woods (but very near the city) which sounds very tempting. I also learned about an opportunity to use somebody's land for growing my plants in a gorgeous setting on a secluded mountaintop here in the city. I had been worried about having to take some grimy place in the barrio but it seems opportunities are opening up.

I've never lived alone without a roommate of some sort. I will definitely have to try that, maybe it'll motivate me to get out and connect with people more. I do enjoy people but not big social events. I want to do more networking for my business and make connections with people who have a common cause with me.

yes - this is *sooo* me, too!
could a need for "instant gratification" have anything to do with this?
:confused:

Things I dread, I feel like a satan child heading into a church (there was a movie of some sort, I'm Jewish)


It was The Omen! :) And I feel just like that poor misunderstood Damien kid when he's going to church...

Isn't there any way out of hyperfocusing? I seem to have a real problem with it - like, right now. I've been meaning to research ADD on the internet and instead I've been pacing back and forth - for hours - composing this essay in my head, which really has nothing to do with anything... and meanwhile, there are plenty of other things that I need to get done.

I feel like I need a meditation technique or something... empty the head, achieve enlightenment. Or something.

I would like to find a count down timer with a vibrator alarm rather than noise. I don't like to use it when others are around. I'm going to have to look around a bit for that. If I had a vibrator I'd use it during the evening and on week-ends as well.


Have you seen the WatchMinder watch. A little large for my taste, but I keep it in my pocket. It vibrates at intervals from 3-60 mins, with start/stop time and it has reminder messages. It is OK for now, although I would really like a smaller model to actually wear as a watch. Check it out.

Funny how i suddenly feel glad to be married for these 16 years to a guy who also has add--and our kids do too!!

i avoid anything unpleasant, from housework to shopping...
but i have found reading this forum as a haven for my hyperfocusing....

how do other people get stuff done...
how is it i have always been embarrased for anyone to come over to my house, even when i was a kid, and see how unconnected everything is....

i tell my kids to go, play, make friends, but here i am glued to my own demon...

sure, be an adult, have courage, you can do it...

how far can one get when small strides are made, but then are undermined by the environment....

my whole being is consumed by the present, i have no idea how to plan for the future....

i am just bouncing around, getting nowhere...

here it is summer, again, and i dream of a world i visit, but do not dream of a world i want to live in....

get this: we are doing a massive house renovation, and soon the contractors will be here to pound down the walls. I have yet to get anything ready, by clearing out the affected areas, but i have already bought and am storing the new 18 kitchen cabinets in the living room part of my house. we are practically tripping over each other, but hey, i got a great deal. now if this isn't add thinking and acting i don't know what is.

every where i look i am reminded of the other thing i was doing before....

oh well, this venting may be what i need right now, and as i see it on the screen it becomes my own reality, and that is what i need to confront....

now my head hurts...

:cool: sneekkers:cool:

Is it me or did anyone else find itschaotic's and lynx's little convo two posts up absolutly hillarious? May be a sign that I'm in serious need of sleep. lol

Futs... I didn't see it before you mentioned it but I've a big silly grin now at any rate!

sneekkers I'm trying to add things to my repertoire one thing at a time. Work is proving to be difficult to make stick just now.

I'm relying on changing some habits. The first is to keep taking my meds which are Dexedrine. Another is to ensure I'm getting plenty of hard heart pounding sweaty exercise four and five times a week.

I'm not happy with every thing I'm doing but when I look back eight months I'm very very happy with what's happening. My kids love the new me. Truth be told I'm beginning to love the new me too. It's like I'm waking up or something.

I've stopped stifling myself so much. I'm still interested in being considerate, compasionate and empathetic and practise those things as best I can. They are a priority for me. I'm very much more active these days but almost as ineffective in meeting my goals at work. I just don't seem to be able to tackle the things that have deadlines very well.

I'm trying not to focus on this fact but instead to be grateful that I'm once again active and I am quite a bit happier. These are tough times as the family dynamic is changing rapidly, but over all I am thrilled to be on the road I'm on. This was not the case late last fall.

I'm new to this. I've been dignosed for three years or so but didn't take it seriously until last fall. I have made huge progress according to some and I want to believe things like cleaning up before the construction crew arrives can be something I can do ahead of time. I'm still struggling with it though.

I'd be really interested to hear from you regarding anything that's working for you to help with the avoidance and hyperfocus.

Posting here has helped fill the gap between times that I can see my coach. A coach has helped tremendously. I feel I've been very lucky to have found a coach as wise in the universal language of healing as she is. This forum is full of wisdom. This place is a big (Andrew dat choo?) part of how I've begun to build a better way for myself and my family.

I used the search function here and read a lot of posts about topics I was interested in. I learnt to set timers and to create more structure. I'm still working on being consistant but I refuse to wallow in the failures. I have made some gains and I'm darn well going to celebrate them! My kids help me celebrate. For instance I've been much more active in parenting our youngest daughter Manon. She'll be eleven in September.

Part of an ongoing series of epiphanies has been just how much like Manon I must have been as a kid. I have been getting in her face about so many things lately and one of them has been books. She has been a reader like the rest of the family but she's been lazy and uninspired. She prefers the manipulation and control of normies to being challenged! Oh dear.. just like Papa! < g >

I've teased her into reading a couple of books that required her to come a way up from her usual posture. She finished the latest tonight. She was electrified. We had been out and she'd brought the book along and finished it. Uncharacteristically she would not shut up on the way home. It was an hour and a half drive and went until 11:30 pm and she was still full of beans recounting details and hashing over some questions she had formulated about the story. It was one of those great moments in parenting where you know you have hit the nail so squarely on the head that the child is changed in a positive way forever. Life of Pi by Yann Martel was the book. The one before was Monty Robert's - The Man Who Listens To Horses. The next one will be A Prayer For Owen Meany by John Irving. Manon is hugging me often. She heads off to camp on Sunday then off to the grand parents cottage from there. I'm going to miss her more than ever before.

Seeing Manon's behaviour tonight I think has helped make clear to my wife that I do indeed have some skills that are beyond her and maybe worth respecting. Me?... I'm not whining about how much work I didn't do today that's for darn sure. Who knows, maybe I'm not fit to work. I have no idea where my future is or how I'm going to get there. Hopefully I'll do it with a positive outlook and a generous heart.

I do what I can. If that means getting up to pee then that's where I start. But I "do" something.. anything. It's all practise I guess. I know a lot but I don't "do" nearly as much as I might for someone as well rounded in their knowledge as I am. However.. I'm winning on some important points, like being a more loving Papa with a fitter mind and body and that seems like plenty tonight.

Good vibrations. Ian.

Thanks for replying to my note....

is it ok for me to not feel alone in this dizzy level of as you put it Ian, chaos?....

i chatted with a longtime friend yesterday who has observed my way of living thru her way, that of being utterly organized, and having no idea what its like to not be able to find that one item that i had yesterday because i was going to file it, but i was so distracted by the never ending crisis after crisis and before i knew it, i was already on to finding something i needed 3 days ago, then ....

she only said i have been this way since she has known me, almost 25 years now, and it astounds her i have survived without a divorce, or without going to jail for being delinquent on bills, and that i could be so much farther ahead in my pursuits, but she had no suggestions...

then as we spoke i recalled what a great childhood i had, sitting in front of the tv, a habit i have replaced with this puter. i do not place blame on my mom or dad, but i do know dad used to tell us to turn off that box. as network programing improved, and the commercials got slicker, the longer my mom would sit and recline watching without moving, and she became a passive tv addict.

my brothers and sister and i were never held accountable for our school grades because that would mean turning off the tv to have some quiet time to study. the house is so small and so far away from the local library going somewhere else to do homework was not even a passing thought. my older sibs and i barely made it thru high school, but my younger brother somehow managed to get thru with a ba in engineering. he has a way of getting stuff done when we aren't looking, and now is the most successful of the 4. i always wanted to do stuff, but i was told 'no thats for other people, not us'. i wondered why not? because we might miss something on tv, it might make us a little more enlightened, it may open our eyes to see there are people who are interesting and do overcome adversity and do survive? that concentration and persistence are the keys to grow away from a passive existence?

i remember going to the library for the first time when i was about 7. i took out blueberries for sal because the librarian had shown us a filmstrip and played a record which had someone reading the story, with music in the background. and then there was the ever distinct beep, which meant to turn the filmstrip ahead. i could not read the book when i got home, but i did look at the pictures a few times hoping the voice on the record would play in my head so i could understand the words. that never happended. what did happen was the librarian called about a month later asking for the book. it was overdue. so my mom drove me to the library, told me to go in and give the book to the librarian. when i did she looked up at me, peering over her little glasses, and said i had to pay a fine for the book being overdue, and that i could no longer take out any books. i was soo scared, but i knew i couldn't cry because my mom would tell me to shut up. so i ran to the car, and told my mom we couldn't take out any more books and she pulled away telling me it was my fault, she didn't like libraries anyway, and it didn't matter since us kids had schoolbooks. i am to this day flabberghasted by her sense of logic.

so here i was, a kid who wanted nothing more than to explore, but i was only allowed to explore in the back woods, or outside as we called it. anytime we had projects for school to do that required research, we had to use our texbooks, or a set of old encyclopedias, that were stored in the basement, and smelled musty, and had little silverfish moving about in them, or we would just go outside and not do our assignments. who cares!

my dad was a ww ll vet, had travelled, and had to work hard to support us. he was a carpenter, and would come home dog tired every day. he was strong as an ox, and loved to fish. he had a 4th grade education, becuase during the depression he had to work to help his family. he was a tinkerer, able to build stuff and repair just about anything.
he built his own house, in the evenings after he would have put in 8 hrs or more on the job. he'd get bikes out of the neighbors garbage and fix them up for us. he took us fishing on the week-ends in the summer, and would leave my mom home with her tv.

when my father first passed away, i was worried my mom would become lonely, living in a rural suburb, but she has cable now. she is soo happy. it is unfortunate that when i go to visit with my hub and kids we end up sitting in front of the loud tv, because my moms hearing is declining. when we do finally take her out she is kind of dissapointed that the world is not like what she sees on tv. we get into a fight, i leave, she calls the next day to apologize and says she wishes i lived closer so we could visit more often....

why i am writing this reply with an essay is becuase i need to vent. i have only been a memeber to this forum for a few days, but by reading other posts, i have a sense of safety, that you all won't tell me to get lost, and that i am whining. these thoughts have just flooded my head and are now on a 'medium' i can see, and react to instead of silently eroding the shores of my being. maybe i need to do this more often!

thanks again,

:cool:sneekkers:cool:

p.s.-i might just copy these thoughts to a word document and save them for posterity!

Thanks for the story. I talked with my ex last night trying to explain what it's like not able to decide what to do first so nothing happens. We ended up having a good talk. She still doesn't really get it but tried.

Thanks for the story. I talked with my ex last night trying to explain what it's like not able to decide what to do first so nothing happens. We ended up having a good talk. She still doesn't really get it but tried.

I have had this problem at home and at my last job...norm's really just don't understand we can't just decide what to do and do it. looking back i can see ADD in full effect i could recognize it at the time. I just viewed it as lazy or unmotivated.

sneekkers

I wrote: I live a fairly reclusive lifestyle and I was reflecting on this last night with my ten year old daughter Manon. I was wondering if it wasn't a coping mechanism to keep the stimulation down to more manageable levels.

Then you wrote: is it ok for me to not feel alone in this dizzy level of as you put it Ian, chaos?....

Whatever I am feeling is valid. It might be inappropriate or redundant to the current situation but that's another ball of wax altogether. Feelings are a good thing. At least for me they are. I am not much in touch with mine although that's changing like everything else seems to be.

It's sure ok for me to feel not alone in my chaotic ways when I'm hanging out with you folks.
I hope this helps. ian.

I have a question for ya'll. I am just now doing some research on ADD to get an idea of what it is and how to overcome it. I haven't seen anyone for a diagnoses yet. But, I am relating to the whole issue of avoidance/hyperfocusing and am wondering how do you know that this is contributed to ADD? I hope it's not an offensive question to anyone, but I just want some assurance, textbook definition type of answer, that it is part of ADD. I also am having an issue with really wanting to blame myself and not the possibility of this disorder.

How some of us know what we know is a toughie. Few of us are professionals. Many of us have only our experience to offer. I rely heavily on the high quality of the contributions of peoples experiences.

I've included some reading that helped me understand a bit better what to expect.
Hope this helps. ian

It's certainly a symptom of ADD but could also be the result of depression, anxiety and other causes. The avoidance symptom has a large anxiety component and hyperfocusing is sort of an obsessive/compulsive response. Sorry no easy answers from me.

Oh my gosh, Tara!! Me!! I'm a drafter and if the work is not so thrilling, I find myself: sorting details, making symbols for other jobs, cleaning up the files from different projects, checking email or going online. Then I lose track of time! I have lost hours in the afternoon doing this. Headphones help make work do-able but if I have to answer phones. Its hell. :(

I have a question for ya'll. I am just now doing some research on ADD to get an idea of what it is and how to overcome it. I haven't seen anyone for a diagnoses yet. But, I am relating to the whole issue of avoidance/hyperfocusing and am wondering how do you know that this is contributed to ADD? I hope it's not an offensive question to anyone, but I just want some assurance, textbook definition type of answer, that it is part of ADD. I also am having an issue with really wanting to blame myself and not the possibility of this disorder.

I'm sure someone will have your textbook answer for you; but, for now just know that I honestly do not know one ADD'er who has not gone thru this phase and a lot of times we still blame ourselves...For instance, I have ADD it does not give me the right to be late or indifferent so when I am I'll beat myself up for days about it...then I'll change gears and work on ways to improve my faults and I do have many. I guess what I'm saying is your not alone in your quest for answer's and your fears.

I tried to read all the posts...I'm sorry I skimmed a lot. Theres so much to go over on this site! ...anyways...hyperfocus...

I am an artist. My artwork has been described as "obsessive art" which is a term used for art that is generally pretty detailed and/or repetitive. In order to do my artwork tho, I have learned that it takes a very very very specific environment to get anything accomplished.
I have spent WHOLE DAYS "setting up" because I get so distracted. Which paints do I need, oh i need to get water for the brushes, I should pick a movie/music, then I spend hours pouring over my DVDs and CDs trying to figure out what i wanna 'watch' (which is really listen to since i will be looking at what im doing) but i get frustrated cuz i cant decide s I check the computer and get lost there a while, then I have to eat something and Itry to get to work again, then the dog needs to be fed, oh I may as well check the comp while Im up, ...on and on and on...

What helps, and the reason why I look for a movie to try to get started on my own, is having another person there or people...talking or doing something else or watching the movie with me....because I can get lost in what I'm doing (hyperfocus) if there is other stuff going on around me. This makes no sense...
Like....if I have to listen to a lecture...the only way to pay attention/hear/grasp what theyre saying is if I doodle. Ive often gotten accused of not paying attention but w/o doing this Im lookin around....Im thinkin "oh! nice shoes!" "he's kinda cute" "Im hungry" "man I need a manicure...why do I let my nail polish get so chipped before I change it..."

But then other times, like right now, Im typing away...if someone were to come in and talk to me right now I would completely lose my train of thought and I would probably snap like "in a minute!" Once sometings got ahold of me I can't tear myself away.

I remember when I was little and we would be watching a movie..I would get SO IMMERSED that the house could be on fire and ppl could be screaming at me and I'd never hear them.

I dunno what my point was..or if I had one. Am I describing hyperfocus or am I just weird? I just joined this site and I had one psychologist tell me I am ADD but she would have had to referr me to a diff dr to get medications as she wasnt licensed for that part, just the talking part. But I havent been able to afford to get it handled.

I'm at my wits end here. I haven't been going to work and Ive had SO MUCH TIME to do my artwork but I've wasted it all because I can't get anything done alone w/o someone there as an anchor making me do it. Like.."Im here. do your artwork." and then I know not to get up. I feel like such a loser. :(

2 when do you avoid the most some work ? Is it when you know you will be evaluate or is your avoidance independant of the context ?

for me I avoid any work at all when I'm out of a work setting. At school and work I have an "I absolutaly have to do this no matter what" attitude so I try (sometimes unsucesfully) to do whatever the task is. At home though, or whenever someones not immediatly holding me accountable, is when I find an excuse not to work.

Hmmm... Why do I think this thread is too...hmmm...old or something?

I am an artist. My artwork has been described as "obsessive art" which is a term used for art that is generally pretty detailed and/or repetitive. In order to do my artwork tho, I have learned that it takes a very very very specific environment to get anything accomplished.
I have spent WHOLE DAYS "setting up" because I get so distracted. Which paints do I need, oh i need to get water for the brushes, I should pick a movie/music, then I spend hours pouring over my DVDs and CDs trying to figure out what i wanna 'watch' (which is really listen to since i will be looking at what im doing) but i get frustrated cuz i cant decide s I check the computer and get lost there a while, then I have to eat something and Itry to get to work again, then the dog needs to be fed, oh I may as well check the comp while Im up, ...on and on and on...
Oh I can so relate. I never seem to get past the procrastination phase though. I'm kind of new to painting and I'm bad at it.

I do fall into the trap of hyperfocus when I need to be doing other things. But I've always struggled to switch my focus.

Hmmm... Why do I think this thread is too...hmmm...old or something?

Hmmmmm.... maybe cuz the last post was in 2004 and I'm a new user as of just yesterday?

Thanks for trying to make me feel stupid for bothering to share my experience in an already established thread.
That was really helpful.

Firebird: I am the same way for sure. Work is work , home is home. I think thats why I need another person around me when I'm trying to do my artwork because its more of a "ok this is the purpose of getting this done" kind of set up. Otherwise all I will do is procrastinate and get distracted with other things.

Fracturedstory: I used to critisize myself as "bad at it" too regarding my artwork. But I found that to be tremendously counter-productive (once i actually start doing the work I mean heh) I think thats another reason I need other things going on around me to work because it helps clear my mind of any judgement. If I have no other distractions for my brain to go "o0o shiny!" at then all it does is judge me and what I'm doing and then Im too tense to create well. I need my mind to go blank and let whatever is inside come out on its own w/o me forcing it. Maybe my method of doing artwork will help you? I dunno.
The problem for me is...finding ppl who will "babysit" me. Everyone has their own life to deal with. Im seriously considering hiring a babysitter for myself so that I can do what need to do and someone will be there makin sure I do it.

Does anybody else have a problem with avoiding something he or she should do or deal with but then hyperfocusing on something else at the same time?


Heck yes! That's probably the biggest issue I have in life. I'll have chores to do or I know I should clean my room or something like that and it makes me anxious, as if I'll never get things done so I feel better just not doing them and I instead turn to the internet or watching a movie or something. Maybe I'll read or write a poem. But I'll never willingly go, 'ok, gotta get those chores finished so I can have some free time!' which is odd considering I get anxious about still having to do them.

I tried to read all the posts...I'm sorry I skimmed a lot. Theres so much to go over on this site! ...anyways...hyperfocus...

I am an artist. My artwork has been described as "obsessive art" which is a term used for art that is generally pretty detailed and/or repetitive. In order to do my artwork tho, I have learned that it takes a very very very specific environment to get anything accomplished.
I have spent WHOLE DAYS "setting up" because I get so distracted. Which paints do I need, oh i need to get water for the brushes, I should pick a movie/music, then I spend hours pouring over my DVDs and CDs trying to figure out what i wanna 'watch' (which is really listen to since i will be looking at what im doing) but i get frustrated cuz i cant decide s I check the computer and get lost there a while, then I have to eat something and Itry to get to work again, then the dog needs to be fed, oh I may as well check the comp while Im up, ...on and on and on...

What helps, and the reason why I look for a movie to try to get started on my own, is having another person there or people...talking or doing something else or watching the movie with me....because I can get lost in what I'm doing (hyperfocus) if there is other stuff going on around me. This makes no sense...
Like....if I have to listen to a lecture...the only way to pay attention/hear/grasp what theyre saying is if I doodle. Ive often gotten accused of not paying attention but w/o doing this Im lookin around....Im thinkin "oh! nice shoes!" "he's kinda cute" "Im hungry" "man I need a manicure...why do I let my nail polish get so chipped before I change it..."

But then other times, like right now, Im typing away...if someone were to come in and talk to me right now I would completely lose my train of thought and I would probably snap like "in a minute!" Once sometings got ahold of me I can't tear myself away.

I remember when I was little and we would be watching a movie..I would get SO IMMERSED that the house could be on fire and ppl could be screaming at me and I'd never hear them.

I dunno what my point was..or if I had one. Am I describing hyperfocus or am I just weird? I just joined this site and I had one psychologist tell me I am ADD but she would have had to referr me to a diff dr to get medications as she wasnt licensed for that part, just the talking part. But I havent been able to afford to get it handled.

I'm at my wits end here. I haven't been going to work and Ive had SO MUCH TIME to do my artwork but I've wasted it all because I can't get anything done alone w/o someone there as an anchor making me do it. Like.."Im here. do your artwork." and then I know not to get up. I feel like such a loser. :(


This is exactly how I feel, practically every day. I have my 'good' days, where things actually get done, but they are few and far between.

Don't feel like a loser. It's not your fault.

I'm a writer and an artist and I'm working on a novel and I've been meaning to put together my children's novel for the past two years now. Nothing has happened. My best writing is when I write poetry because my inspiration comes in bursts and I'm able to churn something out and then walk away knowing it's finished. Might need a little revision but that's for another day if I decide I want to.
As for my art projects, ever since I can remember, I'll start something and never finish it. I always drew things and never colored them or started to color something and lost interest.
I love my writing and I love my art but I can't focus on it long enough to get anywhere and it won't do me any good considering that's my career path. I want to write books, I want to share my art and my poetry but I'll never get there if things don't change.

As for school, I'd fall asleep in class all the time. I'd have trouble reading heavy, uninteresting text and I'd space out and have to start again. My assignments were always done the last minute, albeit perfectly. Teachers would claim they can tell if we put something together the night before but they could never guess I had because it was good work. I work well under extreme pressure but I can't write a novel in one night, ya know?
I'd lose so much sleep finishing a project in about four hours and then run off to school.
I had online classes during my senior year along with reg. school and I finished the courses in one night, the day before my grades were due, passing both with a D. Not my best but I passed, it counts. :/

I always wondered what was wrong with me and then I started doing research a few months ago but I took it slow, didn't let it make sense to me until now. Now I'm starting to piece things together. I think I have ADD and if I don't, well, maybe there's something else but the things I do aren't fun to me, I don't enjoy wasting my time. It comes back to bite me in the end.

This is exactly how I feel, practically every day. I have my 'good' days, where things actually get done, but they are few and far between.

Don't feel like a loser. It's not your fault.

I'm a writer and an artist and I'm working on a novel and I've been meaning to put together my children's novel for the past two years now. Nothing has happened. My best writing is when I write poetry because my inspiration comes in bursts and I'm able to churn something out and then walk away knowing it's finished. Might need a little revision but that's for another day if I decide I want to.
As for my art projects, ever since I can remember, I'll start something and never finish it. I always drew things and never colored them or started to color something and lost interest.
I love my writing and I love my art but I can't focus on it long enough to get anywhere and it won't do me any good considering that's my career path. I want to write books, I want to share my art and my poetry but I'll never get there if things don't change.

As for school, I'd fall asleep in class all the time. I'd have trouble reading heavy, uninteresting text and I'd space out and have to start again. My assignments were always done the last minute, albeit perfectly. Teachers would claim they can tell if we put something together the night before but they could never guess I had because it was good work. I work well under extreme pressure but I can't write a novel in one night, ya know?
I'd lose so much sleep finishing a project in about four hours and then run off to school.
I had online classes during my senior year along with reg. school and I finished the courses in one night, the day before my grades were due, passing both with a D. Not my best but I passed, it counts. :/

I always wondered what was wrong with me and then I started doing research a few months ago but I took it slow, didn't let it make sense to me until now. Now I'm starting to piece things together. I think I have ADD and if I don't, well, maybe there's something else but the things I do aren't fun to me, I don't enjoy wasting my time. It comes back to bite me in the end.


I can totally relate. I often put a project off till the last minute but then scramble to get it done or Im doomed and something about the pressure/necessity drives me to complete it. I picture a dark figure looming over me which I suppose is my imaginary babysitter at times. However, other times.. I just let the doom come. Homework? pfft.. =\

I don't enjoy wasting my time either..but that seems to be what I keep choosing to do. Even when I'm trying to get something done. Distractions, distractions... is it the ADD? Is it a self-destructive tendency and self-fulfilling prophecy of failure? How do I use the hyperfocus to my advantage more consistently? Will medication help? Is it unreasonable to depend on someone else to prompt/support me thru life? Am I therefore doomed to struggle and fail forever? I torture myself with these thoughts, among others equally as distressing, day in and day out.

When I've had the support/help keeping focus I have surprised even myself with the good work I can do. Unfortunately, those successes aren't enough to fuel me to do it w/o the support.

As a result...my whole life seems like its been a colossal waste.

Ironically, even now, I am avoiding doing things I need to do by complaining about avoiding things I need to do. >.<

Heck yes! That's probably the biggest issue I have in life. I'll have chores to do or I know I should clean my room or something like that and it makes me anxious, as if I'll never get things done so I feel better just not doing them and I instead turn to the internet or watching a movie or something. Maybe I'll read or write a poem. But I'll never willingly go, 'ok, gotta get those chores finished so I can have some free time!' which is odd considering I get anxious about still having to do them.


Story of my LIFE. ...such as it is.

And yanno, its not like I always even mind doing them once I get started. Dishes, laundry, running errands...I'm ok once I am doing them. Especially if I have someone just THERE with me. I don't need help doing the thing...just getting started and then staying there doing it w/o stopping to do something else then forget to get back to what i was initially doing. I need that anchor.

And the more I put it off the more anxious I get the more I am unable to motivate to do it...which makes me anxious. madness.

Does anybody else have a problem with avoiding something he or she should do or deal with but then hyperfocusing on something else at the same time?

you just summed up my life in one sentence. loljk :D

totally!! thats actually what im doing right now...

Story of my LIFE. ...such as it is.

And yanno, its not like I always even mind doing them once I get started. Dishes, laundry, running errands...I'm ok once I am doing them. Especially if I have someone just THERE with me. I don't need help doing the thing...just getting started and then staying there doing it w/o stopping to do something else then forget to get back to what i was initially doing. I need that anchor.

And the more I put it off the more anxious I get the more I am unable to motivate to do it...which makes me anxious. madness.

same here, once I'm actually doing whatever it is I need to be doing, I'm fine if someone's around watching or even helping. But if I'm on my own, my mind wanders.

Fracturedstory: I used to critisize myself as "bad at it" too regarding my artwork. But I found that to be tremendously counter-productive (once i actually start doing the work I mean heh) I think thats another reason I need other things going on around me to work because it helps clear my mind of any judgement. If I have no other distractions for my brain to go "o0o shiny!" at then all it does is judge me and what I'm doing and then Im too tense to create well. I need my mind to go blank and let whatever is inside come out on its own w/o me forcing it. Maybe my method of doing artwork will help you? I dunno.
The problem for me is...finding ppl who will "babysit" me. Everyone has their own life to deal with. Im seriously considering hiring a babysitter for myself so that I can do what need to do and someone will be there makin sure I do it.

I actually don't think I'm bad per se but it feels like I'm learning how to draw all over again. Anyway, I've just been thinking of more simpler things to paint.



I'm a writer and an artist and I'm working on a novel and I've been meaning to put together my children's novel for the past two years now. Nothing has happened. My best writing is when I write poetry because my inspiration comes in bursts and I'm able to churn something out and then walk away knowing it's finished. Might need a little revision but that's for another day if I decide I want to.

I want to write a novel too. Sci-fi. But I had to re-think how I was going to write it because it didn't have enough action to keep my focus. And now I want to change it again. I haven't done much work on it lately.

I woke up still half-asleep so I hope what I'm writing makes sense.

Does anybody else have a problem with avoiding something he or she should do or deal with but then hyperfocusing on something else at the same time?

This is how I spend more of my time than I care to admit.

I generally spend a lot of time doing things I enjoy, but wanting to do things that I need to do. It doesn't feel like a simple mechanism wherein I am simply unable to choose the other thing, it feels like there are multiple processes at work that sustain attention on the more tempting activity, that make it difficult to hold the fact I need to do something else in my memory, and so on, difficult to focus on doing that other thing for very long, to the point that any distraction is almost impossible to ignore.

Not that this is news to anyone here.

I tried to read all the posts...I'm sorry I skimmed a lot. Theres so much to go over on this site! ...anyways...hyperfocus...


http://www.madcentral.com/Graphics/necromancer.jpg

http://www.madcentral.com/Graphics/necromancer.jpg

? relevance being...?
:confused:

? relevance being...?
:confused:

Just poking fun that you raised the thread from the dead. =]

Everyone does it at least once, so it's cool. I just get surprised when I see a thread I posted in 5 years ago show up on my Subscribed list.

Just poking fun that you raised the thread from the dead. =]

Everyone does it at least once, so it's cool. I just get surprised when I see a thread I posted in 5 years ago show up on my Subscribed list.


Oh I see. You're the 2nd person to be so kind as to point that out to me.

...in the same thread... as if it was wrong or made some kind of social faux pax.

I'm new here and the subject was important/relevant to me. (as it seems it was to several others who posted after me)

I'm sure I'll be doing it more than once because I don't really care when the thread was begun. If it was not meant to be read and participated in then it would have been closed. And I don't really think what I have to offer is any less valid because of the dang time-stamp.

What is this, pick on the new girl day? meh.

Relax.

I didn't read anything but this last page, sorry to be redundant.

I didn't mean to devalue the thread or you.

I didn't mean to pick on you, either.

Just taking the ****. I like you so far, so don't get in a tizzy and make me change my mind. =]

Relax.

I didn't read anything but this last page, sorry to be redundant.

I didn't mean to devalue the thread or you.

I didn't mean to pick on you, either.

Just taking the ****. I like you so far, so don't get in a tizzy and make me change my mind. =]

haha ok well I wouldn't want that! lol
thanks doll.. no worries.
*puts tizzy back in the box and sits on lid* :D

Does anybody else have a problem with avoiding something he or she should do or deal with but then hyperfocusing on something else at the same time?

Evry single day of my life! :(

I should be working on Sales Orders right now, but instead I am focusing on my ADD and this forum.