jmarx75
10-30-05, 09:13 AM
I'll try to describe this feeling that I have as I think it helps to keep me sad and lonely. There actually is a girl right now, who is crazy enough to go out with me.
She is pretty wild and a free spirit. We go out and go to a dance club and she dances like crazy and I have a hard time keeping up and she often tells me I need to "loosen up". But when I'm out with her, it seems i need to donate so much energy towards not making a fool out of myself, that it is very hard to live in the moment. You know how our minds tend to wander. Well that has led to many problems for me. When I'm in a situation like this, I tend to think too much because I'm worried that I'll say/do something stupid. I'd probably be better off just laying back and allowing myself to do something dumb, in order to make sure I'm 100% there. And it's not just with women, I find myself always having these "reality checks" and trying to make sure I'm paying attention to what I'm doing. These moments can be quite painful. The goal of this thinking is to make sure I'm not doing anything dumb, but it often turns out that the thoughts can be negative like "oh yeah this is who you are" and that depresses me. Since I haven't ever been able to have a successful relationship with a woman, I have a tough time not thinking negatively about it. I do have fun on dates and try as hard as I can not to think like that, but I'm not always very successful at that. Anyways, that is my vent for the day. Sometimes it just feels good to write things down and get my feelings out there. Thanks for listening.
She is pretty wild and a free spirit. We go out and go to a dance club and she dances like crazy and I have a hard time keeping up and she often tells me I need to "loosen up". But when I'm out with her, it seems i need to donate so much energy towards not making a fool out of myself, that it is very hard to live in the moment. You know how our minds tend to wander. Well that has led to many problems for me. When I'm in a situation like this, I tend to think too much because I'm worried that I'll say/do something stupid. I'd probably be better off just laying back and allowing myself to do something dumb, in order to make sure I'm 100% there. And it's not just with women, I find myself always having these "reality checks" and trying to make sure I'm paying attention to what I'm doing. These moments can be quite painful. The goal of this thinking is to make sure I'm not doing anything dumb, but it often turns out that the thoughts can be negative like "oh yeah this is who you are" and that depresses me. Since I haven't ever been able to have a successful relationship with a woman, I have a tough time not thinking negatively about it. I do have fun on dates and try as hard as I can not to think like that, but I'm not always very successful at that. Anyways, that is my vent for the day. Sometimes it just feels good to write things down and get my feelings out there. Thanks for listening.