So I'm getting married in September of 2006 and I'm just wondering how in the world you other AD/HD woman have done it???

I'm going to be on a small budget and it's going to be a small wedding but I still want it to be special and beautiful and a fun thing to look back on.

I know it's "far" away but thinking about things that need to be done well....
My FH and I still need to get an engagment ring made up...we are making our rings...I told him till we get one made we should get a gumball machine ring ... a bright yellow one!! :) He just laughed...

We aren't telling the families till Christmas..........and I just want you all to know I SUCK at keeping secrets..........AHHHHHHHHHH...........I've told a few people. My daycare lady cause it will be in her backyard...and my 2 baby sisters cause they live far away and we are closer than anyone else in our whole family and know when to keep hush hush about things. I can't wait to tell my older sister cause she'll have a cow .. I just want to see the look on her face.... :) hehe so mean I know...

I already know my colors and what time of year to buy them...(red/white/black) I'll buy the dress after Christmas/Feb time....cause it's gonna be red and white...

but the other stuff........I have NO clue...and I don't think my parents will help me out with the money part

oh and another thing....anyone else that was/is a single mummy and getting/already got married???

sorry loads of stuff....I just have a lot on my mind right now and i need to get it OUT!!! :eek:

Thanks for listening!!!

let's see if i can remember that far back: bought my dress on sale; had my mother order the flowers and the cake, but i guess you could have a talented friend do the cake (all craft centers have a cake decorating section) and, might i add, she and i disagreed on the bouquet - in the end she got the colorful one she wanted, because it was presented to me after the fact :mad:

the groomsmen all wore grey suits - no special outfits needed. the bridesmaid and the maid of honor got dressed that matched in color - my maid of honor made her own; we went shopping with a swatch for a discount dress for my bridesmaid.

my mother did the catering.

my uncle did the photography and music.

we rented the church hall. my sister-in-law to be, mom, husband to be, and best man decorated the hall (lots of candles, crepe paper, and crepe paper fold-out decor stuff).

the whole thing cost $2000.00 (well, in 1983)

things like favors can be made by you with help from family or friends. dresses can be off the rack. so can suits, for that matter.

backyards work really well for receptions.

well, that's all i've got...

except for a few websites to peruse:

http://www.ourmarriage.com/html/unique_wedding_ideas.html

http://www.topweddingsites.com/

http://www.blissweddings.com/

http://www.allweddingideas.com/

http://weddings.about.com/

good luck (my husband and i were both just bemoaning the fact that wedding licences don't expire like others do.... :p )

First off congratulations!!!! The first time I got married my ADD was at its worst so I eloped. The 2nd time my husband and I just kept putting it off because I knew it would be so hard. But after we had our baby we knew we better do it soon.

We had a beautiful spring outdoor wedding. Quite risky for the midwest. Well I did have a back up but that would have sucked.

We spent 5,000 on everything. It was one of the best weddings ever I must say!!!

Go to a bookstore and get a wedding planner. THe kind that has organized chapters on all details with pockets so you can put all your papers and receipts in. I still have mine that I see on the book shelf and I giggle looking at all the messy papers crammed inside. But it was all where it was supposed to be. If it weren't for that darn wedding planner I never could have pulled it off.

Good luck!!
Lisa

Oh another thing. I told all bridesmaids to get long formal black dresses of their choice. That way they would be similar but yet have their own style. Kind of like an adder I guess to do that. Picking yuxes was easy too. Went to shop with hubby, picked one out and had the sales person suggest what to do for groomsmen. Hubby calls groomsmen tells them where to call in or go for measurements.

Try to have a trusted friend like your maid of honor or mother or whoever to assign stuff to do that you can't handle. Or I should say if you can't. I had my Mom do some little things that I just got too stressed to do.

Just have fun with it and don't wait til the last minute. A wedding really deserves advance planning. It will show in the end.

Lisa

LOL! I didn't want to marry at all. Had a small civil wedding, the groom and my parents planned the location, got the JoP and organized the whole party. Groom wore a three-piece suit he'd had made for the occasion; I wore a black silk bustier I'd had for ages and a matching long silk skirt I'd made for all-round wear. A florist friend gave me flowers she hadn't sold by the time she closed shop for the long weekend and my sisters, groom and I arranged them. My sister wore a black linen sheath. A couple of friends DJd the huge barbecue/garden party/reception my parents threw for their friends in the evening and the whole event turned out to be pleasant for the guests and my parents. I made sure to introduce now-DX to everyone, but I really didn't give a hoot about it. Oh, and I managed to take a 2-hour nap between the ceremony and the guests' arrival.

Was supposed to have a huge church wedding in groom's country, but his parents got out of control (they were trying to compete with my parents) and I got too overwhelmed so we canceled it.

If you care about the wedding ... I'm really not the person to ask! Guess I'd just say, keep things simple, and do what YOU want. Including marrying someone you actually love, who's truly willing to be an active participant in a relationship.

I didn't plan one. I eloped. We planned to elope LOL The money we would have spent on a wedding and honeymoon went into the downpayment of a new house instead. My understanding is that it needs to be broken down into steps that are more easily managed, and less overwhelming. Give yourself a reasonable, realistic period of time before the date you and your fiance select for your big day. Go to the bridal expos for ideas. Bridal magazines often have step by step check off lists in them. If you have the finances, consider hiring a wedding coordinator to do the running around. Then all you and your honey have to do is say, "this one not the other ones," and write the checks to pay for everything. Good luck!

My suggestion is to find somebody to help you. It doesn't have to be a professional Wedding planner. I'm sure between your friends and family there is somebody who probably really enjoys the planning. I was too stubborn to really ask for help and ended doing just about all of it until myself. If I had to do it over again I would have delagated to others.

Thank you ALL so much for the information and the encouragment...really helps to know that others like ME can get through a wedding ordeal....

I was just talking with a friend of mine...she's in her early 40's and has three teenagers....

she asked me why we are waiting so long to get married...and to just do it in the spring...and why in the world do i want to get married in someones back yard for goodness sake...and yeah....

i told her that the back yard idea is to keep the wedding SMALL...and it will look really pretty at dusk...plus to rent a church ... thats money.... if we did have it at my FH church then I'd have to become a member which isn't bad...that just takes some time to...plus we want to go through marriage counseling first.

I'm wondering if I should have my wedding at the church and the reception at my friends house...it would still be beautiful....and that way we wouldn't have to do the extra work....hum.....that might be good....cause that way all the kiddies can play inside or sleep cause I know we'll all be there late.

After I move outta my friends house I'm going to buy a planner and just start collecting things....

I know EVERYTHING will be MUCH easyer once we just freaken tell everyone... I'm ready to burst....!!! :) FH is more worried about what people will say about our money issues I think....a total guy I guess.....Plus he wants me to have a ring when we tell them..

I have someone that I know that will most likely take the pictures for free or for very cheap...we are going to have a friend do the video stuff....

As for the cake a lady from my mom's church does some amazing cakes and mine will be so simple I'm sure it won't cost a load of dough.

I think the part that worries me is I don't want people to think my wedding is dorky....i want it to be beautiful...duh who doesn't... :)

thanks again and thank you PEMBROKE for the web sites!!!

My first wedding, we did the "formal" thing. I think we had about 150ish guests. I found my dress on the clearance rack so the whole outfit only cost me $200. When you get the tuxs, the groom's is generally free. The food my family all pitched in and prepared. We just hired a couple ladies to serve it. If I hadn't had my family for the food part then we were just going to do cake and punch. I think the big expenses were the flowers, music and the cake. But we could have cut those back too.....just that my mom was paying for it and I was her first daughter. lol I watched pennies where I had control. ;)

My second "wedding" was this April. Both of us had been the big wedding route and neither marriage lasted. When we tried to make a list of only "family and close friends", the list kept growing. We ended up saying to heck with it and eloped to Oklahoma. We got married at Laverne's Wedding Chapel in Miami OK. Yes, we got married by a real pastor and even Laverne was there to be our witness. We had an absolutely wonderful time and I wouldn't have changed even one thing. We have 3 kids between us and they weren't too heartbroke over not going. We are planning a party for our one year anniversary (04/01/06) since we didn't have a reception. (No, it wasn't due to my ADD...lol).

My advice.....don't stress. Buy a planner from Hallmark....or some cardshop. Some of the department stores give you a freebie when you register. Just have fun. If it stresses you out then either delegate it or eliminate it.

God bless and congratulations!!!

Dawn

Your wedding requires the following things:

A bride. A groom. A person legally able to marry you. Two witnesses (this may vary by state). A lot of love, and a great deal of patience.

Every thing else is Icing. K? :)

Yeah.... I know...thats very true...

I still like the icing :p

I am currently planning my wedding for June 2006. I have to say that being on meds has helped A LOT! I also am compulsive when it comes to planning so it works out. However, my Fiance wanted to get married in Oct 06 (we got engaged in June 05) and I told him no way! I would be too overwelmed for too long of a period of time. If I thought I could do it, we would not be waiting as long as we are but legisticts are what they are......

With our parents blessing we eloped. A few people threatened to show up, and on the big day I was secretly hoping they would.
We sent out announcements the day we got married, (Even picking those out was a miserable experience for me) and we invited 100+ to a brunch at a swanky restraunt the weekend after we got back.
The brunch was extremely classy: champagne, a pianist playing classical music a head table, open bar, cake and all that.
It was years ago but I remember it was a fraction of the cost of what a dinner/reception would have been at the same place. Yet it had the same "feel" if you know what I mean.

oh my goodness see i would love that....

here's a different twist on things to...

right now my DD and i are living with friends...the place were i was living wasn't working out and we needed to move out ASAP...do to abuse issues...

so we've been there for a month now....we REALLY need to move out..like within the next couple of weeks..now due to the quickness of leaving the place were i was at...i don't really have money saved up.....

my FH and i are putting money into savings now for me to move out but there is only so much we can put towards it...bills get in the way. :)

so here is what i was thinking...what if we just eloped...got an apartment together...(he lives at home...and when he moves out his family is giving him a crap load of money to put down and are co-signing for him) and got settled then had a little shin-dig....

he says that we need to make sure our money stuff is in order but if we wait till Sept to get married we are still gonna owe money to places....i don't understand what would be different now....

we spend a lot of money on pre-made food cause of me not having my own place i don't like to cook at my friends house....and it would seriously feel strange to just whip up some food at his parents house... i love them dearly but well you know just strange....

we spend a lot of money on gas.....we don't live far from eachother but the driving around gets pricey...

plus the stress level is SO high for me right now i sometimes feel like i can't breath....i don't knoow what to do....it would be so EASY to just elope...with the blessing of our familys of course and then do something small later on....or big...whatever....we don't want to live together till we get married just to honor our familys and us I guess...

just seems like it would help the stress issue if we just buckled down with the money and toughed it out for a few months...if we had to eat at his parents hosue for a month or something....better then where i'm living now and the lack of stress would really help me out and i know him out....

so what are your thoughts on this....????

i'm gonna talk with him about it tonight....and i just would like some help

thanks so much!!

your suggestion sounds reasonable. getting married and moving in together would eliminate stress, save on the gas bill, and maybe even on the food bill.

ultimately, it is up to the two of you to decide what is best for you.

good luck.

Just don't let anyone make you feel guilty. The bottom line is that it is your life!!!! It's no one's business why you make the choice that you do. Just make sure that you and your FH are happy with the decision.

Dawn

Some places offer free budget counseling, such as through Family Services or even local religious affliations. I would respectfully suggest that stress over money doesn't change after the ink dries on the marriage license. One of the main reasons for divorce in the US is money. You have immediate issues, I know. However, you want your marriage to be successful, and in order to do this, you need to be realistic about your choices. Get on a budget. Make sure you both help create it, and are willing and able to stick to it. One thing at a time, okay? Just reading your post gave me this rushed, spinning around in circles sensation. Time to put on some breaks and slow down...think things through, and then make decisions together.
Good luck!

Congratulations on your impending marriage, I'm glad an ADDer's found some happiness...there's hope for me:D

I've never been married...not even engaged but if and when I get married I'm just gonna get married in a registry office with only my closest friends like my parents did and I'm gonna go to a ladies fashion store and buy a $70 dollar dress....it must be pale green I LOVE the colour green!!...I'm not interested in the superficial big white wedding with thousands of people sitting in a church...it's just NOT me (*shudders* at the thought of it.)

My friends recently got engaged to her Bart Simpson look alike boyfriend and she raved about having this big wedding with everyone there....including me as a bridesmaid (*shudders* again at the thought of wearing a frilly bright red meringue that supposedly passes as a dress.....possible sensory integration nightmare) and I was like....why waste all that money on a wedding...seriously...I can think of much better things to spend my money on....I guess it's just my "I like the simple life" personality trait.....HELL I'm raving here and I need to stop!!!!!!!!!!!!

Again congratulations on your engagement sweetie:)

Take Care
Selena
So I'm getting married in September of 2006 and I'm just wondering how in the world you other AD/HD woman have done it???

I'm going to be on a small budget and it's going to be a small wedding but I still want it to be special and beautiful and a fun thing to look back on.

I know it's "far" away but thinking about things that need to be done well....
My FH and I still need to get an engagment ring made up...we are making our rings...I told him till we get one made we should get a gumball machine ring ... a bright yellow one!! :) He just laughed...

We aren't telling the families till Christmas..........and I just want you all to know I SUCK at keeping secrets..........AHHHHHHHHHH...........I've told a few people. My daycare lady cause it will be in her backyard...and my 2 baby sisters cause they live far away and we are closer than anyone else in our whole family and know when to keep hush hush about things. I can't wait to tell my older sister cause she'll have a cow .. I just want to see the look on her face.... :) hehe so mean I know...

I already know my colors and what time of year to buy them...(red/white/black) I'll buy the dress after Christmas/Feb time....cause it's gonna be red and white...

but the other stuff........I have NO clue...and I don't think my parents will help me out with the money part

oh and another thing....anyone else that was/is a single mummy and getting/already got married???

sorry loads of stuff....I just have a lot on my mind right now and i need to get it OUT!!! :eek:

Thanks for listening!!!

Oh my. Unfortunately I can't help you too much but I can sympathize. I'm in the midst of planning mine. I wish more than anything that I didn't care about my wedding, but I do, and if I went the rest of my life knowing that I didn't have one (it doesn't even have to be PERFECT, just a wedding), of course I wouldn't get divorced or kill myself, but I'd regret my decision. I've been engaged for over a year, so here is at least some tips that I have picked up. Learn from where I have failed.

-Decide on and book your location EARLY. It'll be hard enough to find a place you like that will work, and most places are serious about booking six months to a year in advance.
-Keep your mind open. When I first started planning, I was deadset on having an outdoor natural location that wasn't in a park or next to a lake and I knew I hated halters and mermaid silhouette gowns. Well, through trial, error, and exploration, I have ended up with a house (indoors) in a park next to a lake and guess what my dress looks like...yep, a mermaid shape with a halter top, and it couldn't be more perfect.
-Stay focused on what's REALLY important...love.

I agree 100% with elibrowning....."stay focused on whats really important.....LOVE".....that is SOOOOOOOO true!!!

I ended up planning my wedding mostly alone. Horrors! My mom had pneumonia and my MIL-to-be just kept repeating, "The mother of the groom is supposed to wear beige and keep her mouth shut." Which, I might add, she did. For the first and last time in her life. :faint:

The wedding planner book thingy is essential. Nothing would have happened without it.

I got my dress in a vintage store and had it restored ~ all for less than $200. My bridesmaids dresses I found at Penney's on clearance for less than $40 each. My bouquet was 12 bi-colored roses and a feathery fern $30. (Red roses against a white or ivory dress can look like you've been shot in the stomach in pictures.) The bridesmaids (only 2) had the same with only 6 roses $15. Guys wore grey suits. My aunts made the wedding cake. My god-mother made the grooms cake. Reception was a buffet. (My summer wedding would have had a big bar-b-que. I wanted to be there to enjoy having everyone in one place at one time.) I had the catering and the photography done professionally. Without those expenses, it was less than $2000.

Also, be flexible. I had my heart set on a summer, outdoor wedding, by a lake. (;) eli) I also wanted a very simple dress, ie, Carolyn Bissett Kennedy. However, my MIL had cancer and panicked because she didn't think she'd live to see her youngest get married. So, we moved the wedding up to January, obviously inside. Now in a rush, I had to find a dress that I didn't have to order. I fell in love with a dress that was really old and lace from top to bottom. Not simple. As it happened, it fit perfectly and didn't need altering.

Then, on the day of the wedding, my preacher didn't show. DH's preacher came to tell me and I know he was expecting a meltdown. He'd been at it for almost 30 years. However, I was thrilled that it wasn't snowing or icing. It was a beautiful, clear 50 something day. Everybody was getting along. No tantrums or other drama.
So, I jokingly asked him, "Have you done this before?"
P: "Yes" grin
Me: "So, you know what you're doing?"
P: "Yes." snicker
Me: "And, I'll be married when it's all over?"
P: "Yes." chuckle
Me: "Alright, then. Let's get on with it."

And, the bottom line is that DH and I will be married 9 years in Jan. When it's all said and done, if at the end of the day you find yourself married, it was a good wedding. My friends and family loved me enough to sit in the grass sweating and swatting mosquitos and change into shorts and flip-flops for my reception. I know they all secretly thanked God for a Jan wedding, but they would have done whatever I asked and been happy to do it. I'm sure yours will, too.

I will say that in those 9 years, our biggest stress is finances. ADDers and bill-paying is not a pretty combination. Budgets were extremely difficult for us. Quicken helped us set one and keep to it. We have been through family deaths, infertility and treatment, adoption, and building a house. Our biggest and most serious fight to date was over money. Even if it means delaying the wedding, get your finances straight first. It's the best gift you can give yourselves.

Oh, shoot! I'm missing Lost. Check back later.