Ladies, do you have a close girlfriend? Someone you can open up to about anything? I wish I did. I have a neighbor that I've known for 20 years since college who is a "friend" (and our families do stuff together), but she doesn't do much to try and keep a relationship going with me. I'm always calling her, or trying to make plans to do stuff. I have another friend from college who lives three hours away from me. We talk on the phone and when she's in town she comes to visit, but her life is so miserable (bad job, boyfriend breakups, mom has cancer, etc.) that the conversations always end up with me being there for her - which is fine - but when I need to vent about something it always pales in comparison to her troubles.

My husband and I get together with a group of people every now and then, but I'm always the one left out of conversations with other women. I never know what to say and feel rejected, like I'm in their way. I also do scrapbooking with people and am involved with church/school activities and just never feel like I fit in. Probably doesn't help that I say stupid things sometimes.

Sadly enough, I see the same pattern happening in my 8-year old daughter. She doesn't have ADHD (her brother does!) but she doesn't have close friends either and seems to be the "odd one out" when with a group of girls. So far it doesn't bother her, but it bothers me.

I'm newly diagnosed and am on FocalinXR and Zoloft. I'm not sure they're helping much.

I just needed to vent. thanks.

My husband and I get together with a group of people every now and then, but I'm always the one left out of conversations with other women. I never know what to say and feel rejected, like I'm in their way. I also do scrapbooking with people and am involved with church/school activities and just never feel like I fit in. Probably doesn't help that I say stupid things sometimes.

I completely understand how you feel. I grew up & lived in California most of my life. I moved to Minnesota 12 years ago. Even though I do feel that I have a lot of friends..........it is hard for me feel that there is a friend that I can really turn to if I needed support. Although I have met some totally wonderful people here on the forums. It is strange sometimes to think that I am closer to people that I have never met in person then I am with people in my "real" life. I also like scrapbooking but just never seem to have the time to do it anymore :)

I have always shyied(sp?) away from people/events because I just knew that I would probably say something wrong or dumb.
Lately I have been involving myself more with my childrens school. Even though I still tend to say the wrong thing, I am learning to focus on the things that I do know I do right!!

So.........no you are not at all alone with your feelings



I just needed to vent. thanks.
That is what we are here for, so please feel free to vent anytime

I have friends I can vent to (and they vent to me) but what I don't have and wished I did are friends I do things with, like go to movies and so on.

I have many work "friends" and other "friends" I'm not all that close with and with them I feel like "odd girl out". I feel that way with my alot of my family as well.

I don't have the same interests as many of the people I know.

Your not alone ;)

Vent away! I have an eight year old daughter too who is ADHD and I have the same concerns. Give yourself some time to learn new patterns -- meds change your ability but don't change your habits -- that takes some time and I've found outside feedback (counseling) to be helpful. I have to make a note to myself to schedule time each week with friends or they just slip through my fingers and I realize it's been months since I've been in touch with them. I think I've lost the chance to be close to women more often through simple neglect in following up with them than because of social ineptness. For me it really takes writing it on my calendar and than doing it.

I'm very blessed -- I have one incredible friend who I can talk to about anything. We've been friends for 15 years now. Unfortunately, she's on the other side of the country now, but we keep in close contact.

Scattered

Hi Lacylew,
I identify with the 'odd one out' thing. Feel like I rarely fit in a group, and in general just don't seem to 'get' women (or they don't 'get' me)--I seem to get along better with guys. But there's nothing like a really good girfriend, and I've made a few, over time (unfortunately my close ones don't live near me).
I wonder, with the college friend you mention with the problems:

her life is so miserable (bad job, boyfriend breakups, mom has cancer, etc.) that the conversations always end up with me being there for her - which is fine - but when I need to vent about something it always pales in comparison to her troubles.
Is it that she won't listen to your problems, or you feel yours are less important so you don't bring them up? If she doesn't listen, that's not good. No matter how many problems, a one-sided friendship is not healthy. I have a friend who has gone through hell and back in the last few years: a major accident, abusive relationship, father died, going through a bad divorce and now she has cancer. I'm there for her a lot, because she needs it. But sometimes I can't answer the phone when she calls, because I don't have the emotional energy to deal with her. But despite all her problems, she asks about me, and listens to mine on occasion; I don't see that as burdening her, I think it takes her mind off her own as well. I guess what I'm saying is if you're holding back because you feel your problems aren't as important, don't!

Also, the thing about saying something 'wrong or stupid' a couple of you mention. Is it really? This hits a nerve with me (probably because it sounds so familiar :rolleyes: ) I've been really down on myself for saying things that are 'wrong' or others just don't seem to 'get'. Sometimes maybe it's not so wrong, it's just...well, others don't 'get it'. ADDers minds are off the wall, unique and different. Maybe sometimes it's bizarre and different, but it doesn't always equal 'bad'!
Sorry, just my rant for the day.
I'm reading Thom Hartmann, seems to be affecting my attitude :)

i often feel like the odd one out, i never really had a close group of girlfriends and i can't really see myself having one. i am more of a boy person, i have had many close boys as friends. did you find that when you were younger you felt the same, that you were more of a tom-boy than a girlie girl

I have a hard time with conversating with other women.Its been a ongoing problem.I have always gotten along and related to men better.
You know,they dont nip at each other or the old hush of giggles and stares about how my shoes dont match my whatever!!!!
I have never been into clothes,fashion or make-up.I love simple things.

I feel that I have nothing in common with other women.My mom use to say it was jelousy!I would roar with laughter!
In fact its the opposite!I am very happy with getting dirty outside and not having to worry about how old my shoes are.
I have always been a simple girl,I have more important things to fill my head with.

I am very friendly but honestly when Im speaking to some woman and all I can see is her poor little pores crying out for air,its too much!!!LOL!!!!!
I have never been a tomboy,not quite a girlie girl.I love to feel pretty and love being a woman.
But when it comes to the maintenance of a friendship with some women I dont have the time..
I love to hang out with my two friends.I have had them for over 8 years!The reason......they are very diffrent from me and ya know what???They like me the way I am!
They are aware of what I like and dont like and they love me.That dosnt mean they want to go walk in horse crap with me but they dont mind helping me feed the dogs!!!LOL!!!!!!
Its not the amount,its the quality and depth and understanding of the friendship.

Hey Hun, even though just by reading this you know your not alone I just wanted to let you know again that YOUR NOT ALONE!!!

I actually have NEVER liked having girlfriends...I think that girls are a pain in the behind when it comes to having a boyfriend or finding the right outfit or something...girls get jealous fast of eachother...its almost like high school all over again sometimes. Even when I was younger I only wanted to have guy friends....

Now that I'm the ripe old age of 25 ;) I have learned that I need to have at least one girlfriend that can understand me and what I like/don't like and can vent/or be vented to. So I have two, one is my daycare lady; she's a cool down to earth person and has the same views as I do about life and just being relaxed about stuff...then I have my best friend who also has ADD and so that in it's self makes us get along SO well...cause we understand eachother and can tell when we need a break or to talk or just be quite or whatever....we don't fight about the stupid stuff and act like adults when issues come up that we don't understand....

so my advice ... just find a friend that has AD/HD and you'll be fine! :)

Be willing to be honest with yourself as to what you can or cannot handle or stand...

sometimes writting a list as to what your looking for in a friend or in yourself is important to do to....maybe the type of "friends" you have are really not good for you...maybe you think your better than them or have a low-self esteem. mabye there are areas of your life you could ajust to better understand girls or maybe the people you know are just stupid heads and need to get a life!! :D I have 3 sisters and 2 girl friends and believe me thats ENOUGH....anymore and I wouldnt know what to do with myself.

I've got several GREAT girl friends, and I know I am totally blessed in that regard.

I have never felt that being in a group met my needs much in any way; too much pressure to conform. I just don't 'get' that; why would I want to be appreciated by how much I 'fit in' with a crowd of women? Like I would get points for comformity, and have points taken off for being or thinking differently?

I love looking for oddball girlfriends! It's fun to look around and actually seek out women who make it a point to NOT try and 'fit in'. Sometimes I meet someone who stands alone, and doesn't seem too sure about whether she wants to be there at all. It doesn't take long, or much conversation, to find that person is a kindred spirit...if only because she doesn't believe that 'fitting in' is worth the time or effort.

And you know what? Sometimes I find it's a sort of 'giving back', to approach someone who seems different, or uncomfortable in the crowd. It is a wonderful thing to make contact...and maybe allow that person to feel a little bit less alone, or different.

And sometimes I am pleasantly surprised to find a friend.

Could it be that we are too overwhelmed with all that it takes to be a "girl"? Men are so simple minded that we don't get overloaded....girl talk is so tough for me, trying to follow what they are saying and why they are saying it. I do much better one on one with my friends that are girls but can handle all the guys around with no problem.

I seem to have diffrent intrest than other women.I get almost discusted with how "superficial"the conversation feels.
I cant even try to pretend to be interested.

wow!

kindred spirits with a bunch of 'girls'?
I'm a bit blown away here. I love what youall aer saying!

I must be weird because I'm the exact opposite. I still live near where I went to high school (graduated 1993) and so do many of my friends. Some of us have known eachother since junior high. I'm ashamed to admit it but I avoid their phone calls and invites. It's not that I don't like them or anything because I do, it's just it takes so much energy and time to have close friends. At the last baby shower of one of them that I did actually show up at, I asked them all "why do you guys want to even still be friends with me?" I'm a horrible friend. I don't return phone calls, I forget about invitations to parties. You know what they say??? "We're your friends and we want you to lean on us when you need too, don't shut us out". I think that maybe my therapist has replaced them in a way. I know thats not good though. He tells me I need to make myself do things with my friends. I just hate talking on the phone so much and for some reason most women like too.

Hi everyone, I was just diagnosed with adhd in april. I am on medication which has absolutely helped me. I have been miserable my whole life. I went to my family Dr. about 8 years ago and said i can't stand myself another day. I told him everything in the world overwhelmes me. I look at the dishes piled in the sink and want to scream. Family Dr.s know nothing about adhd and neither did I at the time. He put me on paxil.(I did have panic attacks also) it helped to a degree. I still felt like crap though (actually i felt like ****) Can i say that on here? I kept going back and telling him i still didn't feel right. He did nothing. So i finally saw a shrink who diagnosed correctly in 5 min. I am on amphetamine salts. Anyways, I have felt inferior to many women and people in general. I have said the most outrageous things and then would go home and beat myself up for days over what an idiot i am or i would be so nervous that i would drink way too much just to cope with the whole social thing. I have self medicated alot with beer. The amphetamine salts are much better than beer. I'll tell you a dumb story then i'll go. My dentist, who is a very interesting man, he is a musician, a photographer, he learns different languages he's a champion croqet player or something. Anyways i go in there and i am looking at these wonderful pictures he has taken displayed on the wall and i am thinking i am such a loser, why can't i be motivated like this person to do all these things. I know that's what life is supposed to be about. So i get into the dentist chair and he very nicely asks what i have been up too. And i blurt out like a fool, "Nothing, I am not as interesting as you." He didn't know what to say. I feel like such an idiot now. I didn't mean it as an insult. I admire him very much. So i put my darn foot in my big mouth again. I have to tell you though that when i do things like that a part of me does see how comical it really is. Please write to me someone. I think you are all awesome. Adhd rocks. (just kidding.)

I am heartened by you all. I just wish one of you lived near me!! I don't know another woman with ADHD. I too have hung around males most of my life, I find them more interesting and funny. In fact, my husband says one of the qualities he liked in me when we met in college was that I "wasn't like the other girls". You can say that again.:)

i've had dry spells ... but, generally i have one or two close friends. right now i'm blessed to have 2 friends in town who are kindred spirits.

someone said to just be friends with someone else with AD/HD and i have to say that i tend to gravitate towards women who are like me in that way. my friend and i both missed a meeting last month because we both thought it was the following week.... and didn't figure out we missed it until the following week, so, since there wasn't a meeting, we went out instead.

i highly recommend scheduling "friend's night out" and put it on your calendar. it's been the best way for me to make sure i have fun with my friends.

i hate the vague "we'll have to get together sometime" thing. if someone says that to me i 1.) know they are blowing me off or 2.) really mean it, but, it won't happen unless i put it on my calendar.

so, i usually say something like "great idea! i don't have my calendar with me though. so, call me when you get home and we'll put something on the calendar."

i know if i don't do it right away, it's likely not to happen.

wow, i'm a bit scattered this morning! but anyway, it's nice to fit in here, isn't it! :)

wheezie

Most of my friends were boys growing up and I always prefered their company. As an adult though things have changed, especially since I got married. I really enjoy the company of "real" as in genuine women who aren't into whose better or affection or game playing and such and who like me for me.

Scattered

I wonder why its easy for me to make female friends on the net?I get aklong just dandy with the ladies here.
We should make our own community!Like a big neiborhood of goofy,fun women who forgot what they were doing!LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Perfect! Then no one would get mad at eachother for forgetting their name,for forgetting to call them back, for being hours.....ok...days late for something.

Well as my husband says, I am such a guy about somethings. I feel more comfortable talking to guys a lot of the time. When I moved away from my hometown when I was 19 (now 45) is when really missed having gal pals. It just seem harder everyone seems to already have a circle of friends and really don't have the time or inclination for more.

My best friend down here moved out of town about a year ago and my other good friend has basically phased me out when one of her high school friends moved back into town.

Brandilyn I totally agree with you on the online thing. If it wasn't for that I would be feeling totally isolated at this point in my life.

Hello everyone! I am new here but was interested in this post. I am a stay home mom and was just diagnosed with ADD. I would love to have some friends that can relate to this so please feel free to email me. Tina :) :)

Hey, I also have had more guy friends throughout my life than female. I just feel more comfortable and now I'm considering a career as a carpenter. No sitting, no sitting in front of a computer, get to be creative and buzz around all day. What more can an ADDer ask for?? I do have 2 close girlfriends, one I grew up with and the other an older person. Then there's always my sister and we've become closer of late also due to my recent diagnosis of ADD...
Donna

I for the most part have felt more comfortable with guy friends. This weekend I revisited my college 10 year homecoming and ended up out to eat with about 10 men and only 2 women. This always seems to happen. I am much more comfortable with this and feel like I fit right in. As their sexual jokes went on, one guy would reach over and cover my ears and I just laughed because it was like..."no, really, I can take it, as a matter of fact, I dig it, let me tell you a few". lol. I just grew up with a nutty dad and I have this quick witty sense of humor. One guy even was like man, my wife wouldn't even get half of these jokes. And for some odd reason this is just more entertaining to me than Southern Living or Mary Kay parties. I usually cringe when I get invitations to these kinds of things. I don't know why. Also, usually men can just sit there and be quiet at times and it's no big deal. I do have one close girl cousin right now that I feel like I can share everything with but she lives far away. It is nice to have you girls! I guess there is something about us all being behind our computer screens in our jammies just being ourselves that helps us relate to each other better. You go to a baby shower and start talking about just random stuff and would rather just be at home doing yoga or catching up on laundary. Well that's usually how I end up feeling at those kind of things.

You are not alone. I've always been different, never really "got" with the other girls and always got along with the guys better than the girls. It sucks being the odd one. But like was said before, find another ADHD person and exploit your ADHD. I've always seen it as an asset and not a disorder. Just like your hair color and your height, ADHD is a part of you. Wallow in it, enjoy it, flaunt it. Although i do have people in my life that refuse to talk to me until I have a cup of coffee, there are others who find my chaos a definate break from the ordinary. Yeah, it does hurt when you get left out. I see the same thing happening with my kids. Same for me. And it sucks. But that is why you have family. You don't need more than that. My best haning buddy is my 8 year old. Used to be my 15 year old, but she is at that stage. My 22 year old is living in Chicago, ADHD and lives with 3 other guys from the pant he works in. My 20 year old just moved out. All of them ADD/ADHD, none of them have close friends, but all of them look home to me, my husband (also ADHD) and their siblings. Have anyone at home like you? The fact that you can scrapbook is admirable. I've been knitting the same scarf for over a year. All one type stitch because I can't remember if I pearled or knitted or pearled, or what ever!

Without going into details about my own experience, which is somewhat irrelevant, I think that I might be able to give you some advice. I'd like to at least try.

From your post I think your biggest roadblock to intimate relationships with other women is self esteem. It's strange how those of us with low self esteem don't seem to have problems with our friendships with males.

If you work on being satisfied with yourself, I think you'll find that your social skills will improve TREMENDOUSLY. A great deal of what's going on is in your perception. Women seem to pick up on the discomfort of others more easily and it makes them uncomfortable. Get comfortable with yourself, and you'll be more comfortable with others, then they will be more comfortable with you.

This all takes time. You need to keep telling yourself you're worthy, and eventually you'll believe it.

If you need validation from others, just re-read this thread!

Barb

I do not get along with most women. I have always had more male friends than female friends. Males seem to be less jugemental-less emotional. If you say something wrong to a girlfriend, their feelings are hurt, they talk about you, etc etc. males just can shrug it off! I also can't hold on to girlfriend relationships because I always meet girls that want to go out but what they want to do and talk about (men men men) always bores me. It is like they have nothing going on in their lives but to sit around and talk about men.

I feel the same way,.