View Full Version : Denial and sickness.


Ichpuchtli
11-04-05, 05:19 AM
Sorry for a confusing message I don't know how to put it into words it is the first time I have tried.

I have being having a stressful time latly with everything and have really gone down and up and then back down. I have being really fragile emotionaly and I don't know what to do. I am getting sick and occasionally have throwen up. It has being happening everynight so my mum going on my denial of stress and my sad quite moods changed my diet (she is one of those health freaks but I grew up with it so I am used to it) to a Gluten and lactose free diet. I have being feeling ill everynight for ages.

I have being quiter with my friends spending whole days with my mouth closed. Woundering why I am not like other people why can't I find anything to say? It mystifes me. My school marks are showing this A and B's down to my latest mark C-.

I am sorta like my dad in the way I don't let things out I store them inside me so that gets rid of them temporaly but then they come out like dark showdows from hell its self to haunt me and it leaves me trying to sleep but I can't stop thinking about it. I wack my self on the head (not hard I am not heavly into suicde and cutting myself) about how stupid things are and why can't life be more simple.

I am off the drugs because people thought that was causing the nausa. I haven't told anyone about this except about the nausa part of it. I had a bit of a trumatic child hood with my dad but he is much better now. But I belive all of it is just haunting me.

I am not an agressive person I don't let my feelings out easly but now they seem to be with me everywhere I go like they are following me like a black hawk with red beedy eys staring, boring straight into my mind feeding it all the dark unhappy feelings and thoughts I can't get rid of them. I hope this post helps me to lessen them. I really hate showing my emotions so this is a big thing for me. I like to seem like a brick wall and emotional brick wall only showing concern for others.

I am getting really confused and uncomfortable with everything. Things work all the time but I feel like a am getting them wrong. It seems to take so much work to be social now. I'd rather just sit and listen. Not host or join in on the conversation.

Ichpuchtli.

I need help I think.:confused::confused::confused:

Andi
11-04-05, 08:34 PM
I need help I think.:confused::confused::confused:

Big hugs, Ich...I'm glad that you finally released this burden. It took a LOT of courage and I hope it helped but I think it would be best that you talk to your parents. From your description, you really shouldn't let this go and hope that it will take care of itself or go away. If it will help lessen the pressure of having to "talk" about it, perhaps you can print this out and give it to them? I'm sure that they will get the general idea of what is going on with you. And understand that if it's difficult to talk to your parents about this, you can always find someone else that can help you...doctor, teacher, counselor, friend, etc.

Remember that you have friends here and even though most days you may just want to sit and listen, we are more than willing to lend an...errr eye ;).......:p......:)

Ichpuchtli
11-18-05, 09:02 AM
I am randomly feeling like crap and churned up inside. I have a fague idea why but it doesn't help me at all. It is 11 o'clock so that shows up tight I am. I am sitting here freezing but I will not go to bed where I have time to turn over thoughts in my head.

I think I will sit online till 11 30 an see what happens.