Alright, over the past few months I've been spending a lot of time with a nice young lady and we've slowly moved into being more and more intimate with each other. Over the past week or two we have almost reached the point of having sex, but then my mind starts wandering and I just sudenly lose interest.

This is obviously a huge problem.

Today, however, I was thinking about it and realized something. In the past when I had been intimate with other partners and had no problems... There was always music playing or a movie running in the background or something. Everytime I have been intimate with the girl I am seeing now, it's been in silence -- and I'm thinking this is the problem.

Anyone have any input?

Also, does anyone else experience this or any other problem(s) in the bedroom that is related to ADD?

What!? how could you lose interest in sex with someone you LIKE!? very odd to me....an explantion for this the way I see it is that you are probably not physically attracted to her all that much.. then I can understand...you connect on "other" levels..

You mean a lack of focus more then a lack of interest?
Put the radio or tv on so your mind can hyperfocus better.

Whoops! Bad word choice on my part. Yes, this is more of a focus problem.

I don't know it just seems like I'm into it for a good while and then the autoscan in my brain comes across something that sets off a light and then that branches off into a million different other things running through my head. It's not that I'm trying to think about other things it just happens and by the time I realize what's going on, I'm just completely not paying attention. Ugh.

I talked about this with her last night and she was completely understanding and she liked the music idea. So hopefully when I get a chance to try it out, it will work.

Anyone else have an ADD related problem when it comes to getting intimate with a partner?

I talked about this with her last night and she was completely understanding and she liked the music idea. So hopefully when I get a chance to try it out, it will work.

You mean that she wasn't offended that she alone...naked and inviting, wasn't enough to hold your attention?
Wow, that one is a keeper. I'd try telling her that in the past this one girl used to wear a french maid's outfit and that did the trick.:)

Instead of noise to create a distraction, why not invent a fantasy. Could be shared or alone (while together) I wonder if then, even if you hyper focus, you would be staying on target (or on the task at hand or at least in the critical moment)

No puns intended lol

You mean that she wasn't offended that she alone...naked and inviting, wasn't enough to hold your attention?
Wow, that one is a keeper. I'd try telling her that in the past this one girl used to wear a french maid's outfit and that did the trick.:)

Well I was completely up front about the ADHD from the begining and she asks me questions all the time (I got a feeling she might have some mild symptoms and that's why she asks me questions about it all the time), so it's not like she didn't already know about the ADHD. So I guess it wasn't too much of a suprise.

French Maid... greatest idea ever. Thanks :D

She could pretend she is a nurse (helping an ADD patient) doing whatever it takes to "cure" you.

Ok let's not get too off track :p.

I'm still wondering if anyone else has problems with intimacy that are related to his or her ADD.

I kinda liked the French maid costume idea.. :p :eek: :faint: . but my money would be on the music ;) . I play music to focus when I am working at the computer and it helps a little. :p

ME :D

Ok let's not get too off track :p.

I'm still wondering if anyone else has problems with intimacy that are related to his or her ADD.
The answer is YES!. In my case, however, noise distracts me - I need quiet to focus on the situation. When having sex, my mind can leave the room several times and come back for the final approach - although a couple of times has come back to realize the party has been canceled.

you all crack me up ,isn't sex something we all like ,intensly enjoy ?who can't hyperfocus on sex

now I can see reasons we might not be interested in the act with a certain person
1}your not interested in her in an intimate way and to commit the act would be using someone if she thought differently
2}shes abused you verbaly

William,

I've been taking antidepressants for so many years that I forget that sex is supposed to be intense and very enjoyable. One more reason to ask my doc about Wellbutrin!

I guess it's just so easy to say "Yeah right, this isn't a legit problem. You're just not attracted to this person."

edited by moderator

From my experiences I tend to have the same problem as some of the others that have posted here. When I am having sex, as hard as I try my mind still wanders a bit. It gets a lot worse when there are visual and audio distractions as well and especially if they dont have anything to do with the mood. As for music, I actually like listening to it while I am doing it (I have a special fondness for "Closer" by NIN) but if the music is too loud then I get distracted and basically kill my own sex drive

Autopilot,

Given your response to WilliamTell, you may also benefit from searching and posting under coexisting conditions.

In fact, I did search, but the only thread I found was mostly females discussing a somewhat similar experience. I was hoping for some guys to chime in by starting this thread, and also the other thread I found seemed older and most communities I'm a part of seem to look down upon digging up old topics.

Instead of noise to create a distraction, why not invent a fantasy. Could be shared or alone (while together) I wonder if then, even if you hyper focus, you would be staying on target (or on the task at hand or at least in the critical moment)

I like the fantasy idea. The french maids outfit was kind of a joke, but hey, "what ever gets you through the nignt, is all right, is all right". ;)

I've found sometimes I have to give myself a goal... then I can hyperfocus on that goal and just go for it. But ofcourse knowing people iwth ADD will do everything they can for other people that they may not do for themselves... my goal is to make her feel better than she ever has. That makes me hyperfocus on the goal and my partner really enjoys it because she feels she is the center of the universe. If I lay back to enjoy my mind has a tendancy to wander.

I’ve had the problem of being distracted during sex every now and then. Mainly, if it is with a new partner or the girl is so outrageously beautiful that I can hardly believe I'm with her. I think it has little to do with attraction and more to do with performance anxiety or trying to hard to make a good first impression. Dr. Amen from the Amen Clinic has a few questions relating to distractibility during sex on his ADD evaluation. I would suppose that it could be related to the ADD, but it could also be another condition.

Im definetly a woman but I can tell you what helps me.......LOL!!!!!!

I have the same problem,SEVERELY.
I found what works best is a back massage.I know,sounds simple.But for some reason my brain slowly,slowly shuts off.
Without it my mind is in constant flight on something somewher I have to do.Not even something thats a chore.I have actually started thinking of conversations I need to have and so on.
Its like the massage helps my body calm itself.

The lack of conversation that usually accompanies sex can cause my mind to wander — sometimes to the most mundane of topics, such as washing the car. My girlfriend has discovered that if she periodically tells me what she likes, what feels nice, and if she's enjoying what we're doing, that I stay more focused on her. An added bonus is that I find some of what she says quite erotic, making it more enjoyable for me too.

you all crack me up ,isn't sex something we all like ,intensly enjoy ?who can't hyperfocus on sex

now I can see reasons we might not be interested in the act with a certain person
1}your not interested in her in an intimate way and to commit the act would be using someone if she thought differently
2}shes abused you verbaly
This is one of the diagnostic criteria for adult ADHD that Dr Amen uses:

Easily distracted during sex, causing frequent breaks or turn offs during lovemaking. :eek:

i also have problems focusing during sex. my boyfriend has NO problems, because he hyperfocuses. i cant seem to be able to do it, and sometimes i get intensely bored and cant stand it any longer (it happens about 10% of the time). the other 89 percent of the time, i'm just THERE, but my mind isnt there, about about 1% of the time, i'm actually THERE and i'm involved in it.

Not physicut mentaly and emotional i have had some problems getting close