View Full Version : Does therapy make you feel better?


Jaycee
11-09-05, 02:16 AM
Okay, so how many of you just feel generally POd after a therapy session? My therapist has decided my stress is getting a bit out of hand and that I now have a WonderWoman complex (I can tell she's never been to my house), so do we talk about the current issues that are stressing me out now...No we are back tearing my childhood apart (again)!

If you dig hard enough you can always come up with something in the childhood that is a trigger but I get so tired of revisiting the same crap. It doesn't take a rocket scientinst to tell you that working with emotionally disturbed kids is stressful. And it doesn't take Freud to tell me that a family with 3 children with varying degrees of disabilities is stressful... But should you feel like you just wasted and hour that you don't have to pay someone money to rehash the same issues.

I'm not even going into the "your too clinical when you talk about your issues" mantra. I just have a hard time spilling my guts to someone who connects everything to my childhood. I've only been going to therapy for a few weeks, but I'm beginning to dread it. Does anyone else have these views?

Joyous56
11-09-05, 10:48 AM
Um. I don't know if this is the same thing but.....I'm pretty self aware, and have done a lot of reading about my 'issues'. I know what stuff in my childhood led to my stuff in adulthood, I know what my self defeating behaviors are. So going to a shrink and rehashing all that for hours until she knows what I know does seem like a waste of time.

I have never been able to get through to a therapist that knowledge and self-awareness does not necessarily mean that one can overcome whatever is not working. It's more like analysis than it is problem-solving. It's like telling me that my mother didn't love me the right way and that's why I feel unlovable.....so now I'm supposed to feel lovable? OK...so, if I get in touch with my 'inner child' and 'feel her pain' and cry about it....will that allow me to 'let it go'?

I always gave therapy my best, but I did feel like something BIG wasn't happening.

It wasn't until I got into AA for my drinking that I actually learned to think differently about my issues and problems, and became able to accept everything in my life a whole lot better, without getting overly stressed about things. It's not anything I could convey here, but it has surely made a BIG difference.....in a way therapy never did.

Of course, maybe I just didn't find the right therapist. I tend to be more of an independent thinker, and found that the therapy process required me to rely too much on the therapist for solutions. And if her solutions didn't ring true for me, I think the process tended to get 'stuck'...where she would continue to work towards my finding my way down her road.

What I like about AA is....there are a whole lot of folks who have found something BIG in some general guidelines/suggestions/concepts/steps. There is a lot of room for applying these to your own situation.

"The only requirement for AA is the desire to stop drinking". To me, this means that I need to have the desire to stop escaping my life through alcohol. If you do this at all, you might want to give AA a try. You aren't even required to say you are an alcoholic. I don't mean to 'preach' AA, only to say that it has worked for me in a way that therapy never did.

Jenjor
11-09-05, 02:00 PM
AA is Awesome! It has helped more people in its 35 years (Happy Birthday AA) than any other kind of "therapy." The whole Higher Power concept together with ultimately taking responsibility for your past actions (further down in the steps) sets it apart from any other concept of therapy. I would highly recommend AA for anyone with addiction or codependency of any kind. It doesnt even have to be alcohol, you are responsible for working your program and you are sharing with a ton of people who know exactly what you are going through because they've all been there. And just try to stand up in a meeting and make excuses for your behavior. You got a room full of people who will call you on your s--- in a second.

casinowife
11-09-05, 02:24 PM
I'm assuming your in cognitive Behavior Therapy.Your either in the wrong kind of therapy for you or your missing something that the therapist hopes you will pick up on and you haven't yet so he keeps going back. Your therapist is probably trying to get you to see where your belief systems started and that would be your childhood obviously. Emotional problems are rooted in childhood but perpetuated through reindoctrination in the now. So it's not the problem itself that causes the consequences or emotions it's your belief of the problem. Maybe you should try Person Centered Therapy. This type only deals with the here and now. Have you told your therapist you're not happy with the way things are going in therapy?

Jaycee
11-10-05, 01:58 AM
Like Joyous56, I tend to do a lot of self-analysis, so I tend to be aware of my own motives for a lot of what I choose to do or not do....that frustrates my therapist because I already have those types of answers. I'm still willing to try to work things out with her, and I understand the "basic patterns are set in childhood" theory, but I sometimes feel like we're digging for things that just don't matter anymore, because I've already worked through it on my own.

She doesn't ban the present and the stress of here and now, but I get tired of looking back to my childhood to solve problems such as how I feel about my son's school giving me the run around about OT services because he is young and not Learning Disabled.

Although I rarely touch alchohol, I use other methods to escape my problems. Maybe I should look into using AA's 12 step for my reading obsession.

Scattered
11-12-05, 09:45 AM
Looking back is important but not permantly parking there. My counselor will reach back and then apply it to the now. We don't spend a bunch of time reliving the past. He helps me identify beliefs I acquired in the past but focuses on applying new thoughts and actions to the present.

Scattered

...Daria
11-12-05, 02:12 PM
I think self analysis should be a daily activity for most of us. It is the only way to go for me especially not being in therapy.

I am not sure. I went to one session in NY and I felt better due to finding something that made sense even though I didn't like to hear it about myself. I would probably try doing research on a different place for therapy if it were me. That is just my personal opinion though.

Hope it gets better the next time out for you.:)

mctavish23
11-12-05, 03:58 PM
If you were to go see 10 different therapists, you'd get 10 different stlyes, 10 different personalities and 10 different ways of doing the same thing ( specifc therapies and /or therapeutic techniques).

There's an old adage that goes..."Good therapists are born not educated."

speedo
11-12-05, 04:12 PM
Jaycee. I found therapy to be helpful, and began to look forward to it. I am to the point now where I see the time will come when I no longer go to my therapist. There have been a couple of times when I was a little stressed over going to therapy, but my therpist is rather disarming, and I was able to work through it, so therapy has worked out well for me.

You might try asking yourself why you dread therapy.... you might also tell your therapist how you feel. Also, I think you should give it a little time. Therapy is very much about you coming to terms with yourself, so hang in there and make it count as best you can.

Me :D



Okay, so how many of you just feel generally POd after a therapy session? My therapist has decided my stress is getting a bit out of hand and that I now have a WonderWoman complex (I can tell she's never been to my house), so do we talk about the current issues that are stressing me out now...No we are back tearing my childhood apart (again)!

If you dig hard enough you can always come up with something in the childhood that is a trigger but I get so tired of revisiting the same crap. It doesn't take a rocket scientinst to tell you that working with emotionally disturbed kids is stressful. And it doesn't take Freud to tell me that a family with 3 children with varying degrees of disabilities is stressful... But should you feel like you just wasted and hour that you don't have to pay someone money to rehash the same issues.

I'm not even going into the "your too clinical when you talk about your issues" mantra. I just have a hard time spilling my guts to someone who connects everything to my childhood. I've only been going to therapy for a few weeks, but I'm beginning to dread it. Does anyone else have these views?

bythesea
11-12-05, 05:12 PM
From what I've read, folks with ADD often benefit more from "coaching" and focusing on current issues, than the traditional psychotherapy approach of trying to unearth the past or look for hidden meanings under the surface of a tangent (because it may be something that popped into our head, so rather than waste time on it, it might be more important to talk about other things). Although sometimes we need both approaches to therapy.

The first psychologist spent too much time on my past. You need a history, but questions didn't seem related to my current problem. Didn't talk much about why I was there. Talked more about dating history. Felt like a waste of time. So I never went back. Took 6 months and hitting a the wall to decide to try someone else. The 2nd person (I see now) also asked about the past, and occasionally we have gone there - but seemed appropriate to why I was there, rather than feeling like I was going down the wrong path.

My psychologist acts as more of a coach and an objective observer. Tries to help me prioritize (by asking questions), asks how I feel on meds I'm trying, how I feel about recent things, progress on tasks/goals, encourages and offers suggestions. Provides a reality check, helping to keep positives and progress and "failures" in perspective. We have a good rapport (I think this is key! :) ), like when friends can speak certain truths because 1) they know you and your quirks and, 2) you trust their judgment. So you can acknowledge and even see humor in your quirks.

I'm finding this approach helpful. I'm not against discussing the past if it seems relevant. But I'm in my last year of school and some of my issues relate to schoolwork. If we dwell on the past, I'll graduate before we get to anything to help change my present. I went for help with things I struggle with now, not for unresolved issues in my past. Since we have rapport I don't dread sessions, but like someone said, it doesn't mean it's an easy process. It's work, and takes time and energy.

I'd say think about what you want and need from you doctor, do you need a different approach? Think about discussing your needs with her and how you feel about the sessions - is she aware of other approaches and willing to try something different? If she doesn't think she can meet your needs (or even if she does but nothing changes), consider looking for someone else.

Remember, this is a service you are paying for. This person may be a "professional", but would you hire a pastry chef if you wanted roast beef and vegetables because they had a degree from a cooking school? You need to go to someone with knowledge and strengths in the area(s) where you want help.

Good Luck!

speedo
11-12-05, 05:38 PM
bythesea

That is basically the form that my therapy has taken. It has helped tremendously. It also helped me accept myself as I am a little better, which led to me realizing that I have OCD tendencies. I went looking for a diagnosis, but that is still in the works. However, I am now aware of what my diagnosis is likely to be, and I am able to acept it. I don't think I was prepared for it just a few months ago....

Me :D



From what I've read, folks with ADD often benefit more from "coaching" and focusing on current issues, than the traditional psychotherapy approach of trying to unearth the past or look for hidden meanings under the surface of a tangent (because it may be something that popped into our head, so rather than waste time on it, it might be more important to talk about other things). Although sometimes we need both approaches to therapy.

The first psychologist spent too much time on my past. You need a history, but questions didn't seem related to my current problem. Didn't talk much about why I was there. Talked more about dating history. Felt like a waste of time. So I never went back. Took 6 months and hitting a the wall to decide to try someone else. The 2nd person (I see now) also asked about the past, and occasionally we have gone there - but seemed appropriate to why I was there, rather than feeling like I was going down the wrong path.

My psychologist acts as more of a coach and an objective observer. Tries to help me prioritize (by asking questions), asks how I feel on meds I'm trying, how I feel about recent things, progress on tasks/goals, encourages and offers suggestions. Provides a reality check, helping to keep positives and progress and "failures" in perspective. We have a good rapport (I think this is key! :) ), like when friends can speak certain truths because 1) they know you and your quirks and, 2) you trust their judgment. So you can acknowledge and even see humor in your quirks.

I'm finding this approach helpful. I'm not against discussing the past if it seems relevant. But I'm in my last year of school and some of my issues relate to schoolwork. If we dwell on the past, I'll graduate before we get to anything to help change my present. I went for help with things I struggle with now, not for unresolved issues in my past. Since we have rapport I don't dread sessions, but like someone said, it doesn't mean it's an easy process. It's work, and takes time and energy.

I'd say think about what you want and need from you doctor, do you need a different approach? Think about discussing your needs with her and how you feel about the sessions - is she aware of other approaches and willing to try something different? If she doesn't think she can meet your needs (or even if she does but nothing changes), consider looking for someone else.

Remember, this is a service you are paying for. This person may be a "professional", but would you hire a pastry chef if you wanted roast beef and vegetables because they had a degree from a cooking school? You need to go to someone with knowledge and strengths in the area(s) where you want help.

Good Luck!

Nova
11-14-05, 03:24 PM
Well,
Don't look at me, considering this last Doc, is literally the 32nd different doctor I've seen...I usually take them with a grain of 'any spice available'.

I went off on my recent Doc, about a month ago, because I flat out told him that he's not going to find 'me' in some book of his, nor in some magickal pill that he 'heard' of, but has yet to experience...it would be the equivalence of my knowing how his certain male body part works from his telling me, and my reading about it, but not personally owning one of 'them', I wouldn't really understand any of it's dysfunctions
.
I also told him that without me, or his other patients, his business would cease to exist, so he had better stop behaving like a maverick, and give more credence to what we have to say, because we know 'us' better than he ever will. I also told him he can continue to call himself a psychiatrist if he so chooses, but just because I call myself the Queen of Avalon, doesn't automatically maketh me so..either, and trust and respect begets trust and respect. :0)

Criminy Jicket (I always called the little critter that, by the way, so it's no misnomer) I've only known the guy for a few months, and while he's done wonders, I'm not going to suggest a statue of him to be created and placed on any altar, just yet)...

This was all due to the fact that I misjudged the time of my last appointment by half an hour, was told by someone in his office a different time the day prior (not the usual receptionist who calls me, who is always correct in the appointment time), was stuck in traffic after work, and drove for an hour and a half, only to be late by half an hour, and have the office be closed, to have him leave me a voice mail asking me where I was.. I, of course, did not retrieve the VM, until I tried to get into the building, and the doors were locked.

He's made a few diagnostic mistakes in the past that I've pointed out, and he argued with me, and I pointed out that I would go elsewhere if they weren't rectified..to which he conceded, and apologized afterwards when he noted that he had made a mistake.
I also did not gloat when he did apologize. He has more resources at his disposal, and is able to help me, when he does learn.

I do believe he is a good doctor. He isn't as experienced as most, but has great potential, and is under the guidance of a highly experienced psychiatrist, and I wouldn't have been able to see someone profoundly experienced in this area, anyways, and most are older than the hills, and most that I spoke with do not believe in ADHD, and would have told me to quit eating sugar, which I don't do anyways :0)
Mutual respect is the key.

I don't deliberately go there to frustrate and baffle him and I don't allow him to view me as some blithering idiot, either.

I do my own research. I bring written questions, and I write down any changes in symptoms (I have other factors going on with me besides ADHD, though) that I wish to address with him. We do not talk about my childhood. We talk about current events that are hindering me and if I want to change them now, or if I want to wait until the next session to try and work on a strategy on my own for a little longer.

We talk about current medications and if they are working, if we need to tweak them, or if we need to dispose of them entirely, or prescribe some other alternative.
We also talk about what events gone to that I considered fun, since he firmly believes my persona thrives on being out and about at least once a week (and he's absolutely right), and what books or articles I've read recently.

So when I leave therapy, I don't leave frustrated..I do usually leave knowing that I am working towards my goal of healing, and knowing myself better..and becoming stronger in doing so..and in receiving the psychotropics necessary for me to function properly...which is what I am paying for, plus having the peace of mind that I have a doctor that I do trust with my well being.
Nova

Jenjor
11-15-05, 10:20 AM
It has taken me years to find a therapist that I feel can actually guide me appropriately. She must be about #7 in the last 20 years. I had toatlly given up and written off therapy until my primary physician recommended anti depressants for me, along with counseling. I told her my history with therapists and why I felt none of them did it "right." After about 2 months she came up with a name for me and asked me to give her a visit, which I did, and I am very happy with her. She generally guides my thinking, reflects it all back to me, and, when necessary, calls me on my sh**. She gave me appropriate testing and actually considered what I had to say. I would never go to anyone else, I believe I found the perfect "fit" for me, with the help of my doctor, who has known me for many years.

...Daria
11-15-05, 01:58 PM
Jenjor,

This is exactly what I believe, "I believe I found the perfect "fit" for me...". I sincerely think it should be something we can feel has been beneficial. If we just can't after many, many ... Too many attempts, then is when I would definitely question myself. I msyelf have not been to more consultations but only due to insurance at this time. Other than that I have a really supportive friend that relates very well with me. A doc in NY stated he seems to really be a great support until I can get good help and that he has also found great support in me. Friends can be a wonderful source of therapy many a time.

More luck to all...,Charisma :)

Jenjor
11-15-05, 02:20 PM
Jenjor,

Friends can be a wonderful source of therapy many a time.

More luck to all...,Charisma :)
Amen!

hstarr
11-19-05, 02:10 AM
This has been a lovely discussion to read and ponder on.

I am almost finished with a degree in clinical psych and about to start working in a group practice. Becoming a good therapist was the goal that motivated me through 7 years of school, so I've really enjoyed people's comments about the highs and lows of therapy.

I agree that the most important measure of whether therapy is effective is about fit - how well the therapist "gets" you, how motivated they are to understand where you're coming from and what you want to get out of the therapy, rather than trying to be "right." People who want to be right all the time are irritating and difficult to talk to, not the ideal traits for a therapist.

Sometimes it's helpful for people to talk about past issues, if they're related to a current problem and/or a person's awareness of the effects of those issues is preventing them from making improvements in their life. Oftentimes a client and I won't get to childhood stuff for quite a while because it's not immediately relevant to their current problems, or it's lower on their priority list.

If you've got a good grasp of that early stuff and have made some kind of peace with it, digging into the past isn't particularly helpful for changing the present. Though lots of therapists seem to enjoy it as a fun mental exercise - at their clients' expense. :)

Research has shown (and of course I can't remember right now where I read this) that a positive therapeutic relationship is the most important element of effective psychotherapy, and empathy is the most important factor in building a solid connection between client and therapist. So if you feel judged or misunderstood and your therapist shows little interest in correcting their thinking, then it makes sense to move on (I certainly have - it's hard to find a good therapist) and try to find someone else.

...Daria
11-19-05, 12:20 PM
hstarr,

I loved reading your post. I think that is awesome. A true (in my opinion) therapist at large!

I felt at ease with someone relating and asking questions that she/ he already knew resolution for but wanted to assist me in reaching it myself. I love that. I think that was something important for me to see. I hope I can find a therapist to assist me in that particular way again.

I don't know much about what is best but I do know what I felt best in that session was the comfort of my therapist helping me in more than one way in just the first session.

That seems pretty darn important. If not, I would not opt to go again. I would have felt like NO ONE could ever understand or begin to comprehend how I am and who I am. I would of thought(back then) that I was just beyond repair.

What a difference a day can make huh?

:) *thumbs up everyone!*
Charisma

Jaycee
01-13-06, 06:38 PM
Since I first started this post I have meen back to the therapist two more times, and on each time we end up talking about something totally different, so maybe the revisiting the past is done for a while and we are changing the future.

She's been very helpful in making me see what I want changed in my marriage and family life, so that I am not doing all of the MOM jobs for everyone, including my husband. I now have my oldest kids doing laundry and my husband putting up his own clothes.
Did that cure all of my stress? NO, but it did take that much off of my plate and given me the support I need to ask for the changes I need from my family members.

She's forever saying "I'm not telling you anything you don't know yourself," and she's right, but knowing and doing are definitely two different things. Eventhough I apply the same techniques at work everyday, that doesn't always happen at home.

Although three of my children are on meds for ADHD, they wanted to clear my stress before they looked at stimulant therapy for me. In fact, we rarely talk about my inattention issues. Is this something I should bring up? Even though some of my stress is better, my attention is not any different.

ADDfor2
01-13-06, 11:11 PM
Actually, my therapist does help me to feel better and I do see him as more of a coach type counselor. He does a lot of listening and doesn't push his own ideas. I've only been seeing him for about a month or so and was wondering if the first sessions are usually more listening on the counselors part. It seems that the last two sessions I did all of the talking. I was wondering if there is a time frame for when counselors start to communicate more their thoughts on our situation and help us find answers. Any advice or your own experiences on this are very welcome. Thanks. Dee

mctavish23
01-16-06, 02:56 PM
There really isn't a time frame per se.'

I think it probably comes down to a combination of the therapist's personality and style + whatever type of therapy and/or therapeutic techniques they use the most.

As has been said many times before, establishing rapport is the most important factor.

I (personally) thinks it's good to have someone who'll take the time to listen.

As my practice has become more and more specialized over the years, I've got my intake session down pat as far as what needs to be looked at.

The problem, however, is that an hour isn't always enough time.

It is generally accepted by most managed care panels,at least the ones we work with here in Minnesota, that you (therapist) can take up to the first 2 sessions for determining the dx.

Thanks for the comments.:)

tc
mctavish23 (Robert)

sloppitty-sue
01-16-06, 05:36 PM
Hi,

First of all, this ADDForum is HUUUGGEE!!! I think it's great, but I hadn't even seen this little "Counseling/Therapy" area until now - and I'm pretty snoopy!! Anyway, I am glad to have found it, and this is the first post I read - and it seems to be talking about a topic that is troubling me in my own experience.

I had a "breakdown" or "bottom" of sorts last April 2005, and I left my job at that time (it was a friendly but mutual agreement). Anyway, I have been VERY disappointed with the lack of help I've received from the already about 4 or 5 different treatment providers I've worked with. I can count 5 individuals off the top of my head who hold the title "Counselor." Now two of those "counselors" are not your traditional counselors, but they claim to provide one thing - yet DO NOT provide it.

Out of frustration, a few months ago I went to a "Mental Health Agency" and am now on my 2nd counselor. I am NOT difficult in the sense that I say rude things, or DON'T say what it is I am having difficulty with or trouble with . . . I really think I just have had bad luck. I feel as though these people NEED for me to fit into one of two categories: 1. REALLY LAME such as having a thought disorder, psychosis, non-stop crying, or 2. NOTHING IS WRONG and that is what they will tell me as "reassurance" (?).

To sum up my "issues" - I guess it would be chronic ANHEDONIA coupled with daily and FREQUENT overwhelming desire to sleep - often so overwhelming that I WILL fall asleep for anywhere from 1 to 4.5 - 5 hours. THAT SUCKS!! And I'm tired of living that way!! It isn't a phase either, although it is worse right now. It "flares up" every so often - but it NEVER is gone. I have been in therapy off and on since I was a girl, and I have taken a variety of anti-depressants. I never mentioned my daily naps, because I figured that they were something I was choosing to do - and JUST being lazy. However, it really IS something that bothers me NOW at 40, and I want to talk about it . . . but it is difficult for someone to take seriously.

I get all the usual - what time do you go to bed, how many hours, do you get exercise, blah, blah, blah. And having received this ADHD diagnosis a few years ago, I have been CAUTIOUSLY prescribed the stimulants to try. (I do have a history of substance abuse, so I should be grateful, I suppose, that they will even ALLOW me a "bit".) Currently, I am prescribed AdderallXR 20mgs in the a.m., and after practically BEGGING, I was very HESITANTLY prescribed an additional 10mg AdderallIR in the p.m. I think it would be VERY HELPFUL for me to be prescribed a bit more - and I find the IR better than the XR. What does that mean?

I have taken more than I was prescribed twice. Once with the XR - which didn't seem to do anything. But taking a bit more IR DID feel better - I felt a difference. I would propose to my shrink: How about 20mg Adderall IR in the a.m. and again in the p.m.? Dare I? She was so HESITANT to even give me the pm dose that it was uncomfortable to be sitting in the same room with her. She seemed as if she was in incredible distress, overwhelmed, and in mental anguish. She kept writing the script, then stopping and asking me a question, then back, then crumpling up the paper, starting over . . . I swear it takes her about 3 times to write the script. This EVERY MONTH!! It really BLOWS! It doesn't feel very therapeutic to tell you the truth. If I knew of a way to side-step the whole thing, I would. I can't imagine doing this EVERY MONTH for a year, 2 years, ???? This DRAMA is really ridiculous seeming to me. AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Sue

katatak
05-13-06, 07:34 AM
Long before I was diganosed with ADHD, I knew i had it but no physician I found would diagnose an Adult for ADHD. I had a friend who was doing teachers training at University at the same time i was there. He told me about this mode of psychology he had leaerned about called Transactional Analysis. It was developed by a psyhciatrist named Eric Berne.

He rejected Freud's Psychoanaylytic methods for his own method. He saw the human psyche as divided into three parts, Child, Adult and Parent. Additionaly he began to see patterns in the way people dealt with each other. These were quite dysfunctional. He had colourful names for them. He published a book called "Games People Play". He layed these out in a most entertaining way. I was amazed to find how accurate his explanations were. I did more reading and the more I read the more interested I became and since I wasn't getting help from my doctors I sought the help of a psychologist who used Transactional Anaylysis.

The basics of Transactional Analysis are quite simple and so everyone is able to understand it quite easily. It lends itslef to group therapy very well. I discussed ADHD with the therapist and she and I both knew she couldn't treat me for it but we could address some of the other issues which it brought up for me. Completing large projects was one of them. Since I couldn't afford individual sesssions I aggreed to participate in group therapy. I was extremely hestitant at first, but as the group got going, I found it fascinating and also extremely helpful. Instead of one therapist, I had 6 peers. I accomplished almost everything I set out to by the time the group disbanded.

There were two key things I came to know. First, you may be able to fool or pull the wool over one therapists eyes, but you cannot fool your fellow group membersr. Someone will call you on it! The second thing I learned was that no matter how hard we tried, we never solved anyone's problems. We had some good solutions for each other, but in the end, the solution was always found by the person themsleves and it was always more elegant than any the other group members had proposed.

I've seen quite a number of good therapists and some bad ones since the but none were as effective as that group of 6 or so people. It was a most enlightening experience.

Transactional Analysis has another benefit for ADHD people. Perhaps by accident, by insight or by serendipity, the way Eric Berne laid out the human psyche bares a striking similarity to how the ADHD brain works. The very core primitive parts (the child) which throw this rush of ideas up into the upper cortex of our brains, the executive portion (The Adult) which must deal with and is often overwhelmed by these thoughts. As well, his "games" account for the dysfunctional ways in which we sometimes deal with the problems we encounter.

I dearly wish I could find a group like this, becuase I think a group of ADHD people would make the perfect T.A. group. We know each other the way no psychiatrist or psychologist can ever know us (unless they have ADHD as well).

To answer your question, I always felt refreshed (though mentally exhausted) after these sessions. I really miss them.

Katatak

orthomolecular
05-31-06, 01:27 PM
I'm not even going into the "your too clinical when you talk about your issues" mantra. I just have a hard time spilling my guts to someone who connects everything to my childhood. I've only been going to therapy for a few weeks, but I'm beginning to dread it. Does anyone else have these views?

I think your therapist wants you to feel your emotions more. This is common for people in therapy. You may have bottled up your anger, sadness, hurt, etc., from your childhood and now you need to do more than just talk about those feelings. If you only talk about those feelings, and don't cry your eyes out, then I think you could be wasting your time and money (and your therapists time even though she is getting paid).

Therapy is a safe place to get those feelings out. Even using a forum like this one or a trusted friend to spill your guts to is not the same thing. You need to realize that this is an important component of therapy, spilling your guts to free yourself of all that baggage you have. Discussing those feelings does nothing to free you from them. And that is why your therapist said you are too clinical. Some people do like to "stay in their head," meaning they don't get in touch with their feelings but simply acknowledge their feelings
intellectually.


Once you allow yourself to feel something, anger, sadness, rejection, whaterver, then you are basically free of that feeling once and for all. But it isn't any fun to have to feel sad (or angry) now, years after the fact. But, if you don't, you carry that emotion with you your whole life.

Sometimes a therapist will do things that may sollicit certain emotions in you. It is hard to say if this is happening to you but after the fact the therapist will usually let you in on this.

So, you can work with what you have: use your anger at your therapist and get in touch with anger from your childhood. That is why some therapists will provoke certain emotions, to help trigger some response so that it can lead to something buried (instead of anger you have NOW for your therapist). The buried emotions are the source which need to come to the surface; you can't just get angry today about something going on NOW in your life and think you worked through some anger. That new anger doesn't count; you have to get to the source of that anger, sadness or pain that is buried.

Have you ever really spilled your guts? If you did how did you feel afterward? If not, I think if you were to try this you will feel like a burden was lifted afterward. This process does work but a lot of people can find it hard to open up the "floodgates" of emotions.

I know that I would think if I get angry now then I will be angry later on and probably tomorrow too. I didn't want that; but, believe me that will not happen. So, try to remember that letting go of those emotions is what you are there for. You will not walk out of their feeling like you want to go home and go off on your parents or siblings or anyone else from your past.

Those feelings will not leave with you when you leave your therapy session. But you will feel free of those feelings expressed in your therapy session.

livingwithadhd
06-05-06, 03:28 AM
cool :-0...........

Scattered
06-05-06, 01:41 PM
I find that when I record my therapy session I get a lot more out of it. Sometimes I've left feeling like the session was a waste of time and then when I listen back to it there is all this terrific information and a very cool therapeutic relationship. Being ADD I tend to easily focus on something negative and forget the rest. I find therapy definately makes me feel better -- sometimes that day and sometimes after what we've talked about has a chance to sink in or be applied in my life. The biggest benefit for me is when my therapist points and and challenges non functional beliefs I'm operating with.


Scattered

dormammau2008
06-09-06, 07:41 PM
what your doing scatted is the best way so far ofvwe dealing with it tell us more about how it gose dorm

cyclops
08-15-06, 11:28 PM
when I was still in therapy I had a mix of feelings when I'd be done. I had a GREAT social worker who I was seeing for almost 3 years at the Sexual Assault Care Centre in Toronto.. I stopped going to her before I found out i had ADD though..

I'd been going to therapy/psychiatrists for a long time since I was about 10 years old, and she was the only one I felt comfortable with.

The psychiatrist I went to see when I was 13, he was so creepy. I was going to be expelled from private school cause of an outburst I had where I yelled about how i wanted to punch the receptionist's brains out. (she wouldn't lend me the 50 cents I needed SO that I could go to my psychiatrist, which the principal of my school said I had to go to because I was causing so much trouble at school in the first place...) so I was very frustrated...

Anyway, he started asking me really creepy questions like if I had sexual fantasies, and if I did were they about boys, girls or boys and girls, and to describe them in detail...

I finally told him off and left and never came back. It was really hard to get up and leave, because the chair was positioned at the end of the room so when you get up, you'd have to walk all the way across this huge room, and past where the psychiatrist sat to get to the door.

Anyway, the therapist I had at the SACC was really cool, but I had so many years of repressed feelings and stuff that the sessions were pretty heavy..

I'd leave feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, but at the same time I'd feel very angry and agressive... particularly toward my mom.. My mom used to be abusive, but because she was bipolar I felt there was nothing I could do since it wasn't her fault she was like that to me, so didn't realise it was abuse for a long time.. My mom always drove me back from the hospital because it was at the other end of the city, so on the way back which was an hour drive I'd sometimes flip out on my mom about all the things I learned, but it was in a really negative way because I didn't know how to approach my mom about those issues.

All I did was just make things worse because of looking at it as a "blame mom" kind of thing.

Now my mom and me get along really well (most of the time)

sorry that was so long!

nature
08-15-06, 11:39 PM
Lots and lots of good advice here that squares with my experience with well over a dozen of them in 20 years. Things I would briefly add/reiterate:

1) keep looking. I personally believe everyone can benefit from therapy but if you're not getting something out of it and feedback doesn't make a difference then move on; they are very different in their styles and approaches and some are also responsive to feedback. If you aren't comfortable giving it to them then chances are they aren't the right person for you.

2) the coach point I think is accurate re ADHD stuff and I am still hoping my current therapist can accomodate somewhat. He has done wonders around my bipolar issues.

3) the therapist who may be great for you now may not be the one who is great for you two years from now.

4) for people with personality/sanity issues I suspect the right therapist can be invaluable -- has kept me grounded and sane.

Good luck!

Nature

sss180b
08-25-06, 05:13 AM
A good therapist should always try to empower the patient to realize and understand the basis for their own problems. there's a difference between "my therapist said..." and "i realized in therapy..." this is probably why you therapist keeps coming back to your childhood. But if you're not happy with your therapist, try someone different. or even try a different kind of therapy. this website has some useful information about the different kinds of therapy: (link removed by Admin)

Jaycee
10-16-06, 05:47 PM
Going back and reading this post has been really hard for me. My therapist and I finally got past all of the stuff and, yes, aknowledging my feeling was a big part of the process...giving myself permission to have emotional responses that are not controlled.

But we came to the point where we enjoyed each other and worked well together. This is all in past tense because she was murdered last spring. The office offered another counselor, and I tried to talk with her, but she was just too different. I couldn't seem to make a match with her, and I wasn't really comfortable talking with her about Sally's death, so I stopped therapy.

I keep thinking I need to try another therapist, but I'm having trouble making that move. There is nothing convenient in going to therapy. The offices are 80 miles from my workplace (about 45 from home). There is no happy medium because I live in a rural area and this town is the only one of any size near us that offers counceling services. I could go to Austin which is closer to work, but farther from home. I have been thinking about it....I just haven't done it and can't seem to make up my mind what my next step is.


Cyclops...I could do hours of the "blame mom" thing myself not because she was abusive, but because she was depressed and would not admit it or do anything about it. However, I hate that cop-out aand stay clear fo the blame game. My mom and I also have a good relationship.

Foghat
10-17-06, 06:37 AM
I would like to apologize in the beginning... for I did not read any posts on the second page... not because I don't think that they are important... but because I have in my head something that I must get out....(I still have no meds to stop me:()

I understand that therapy can... must... and does help some... and maybe most people. But I have to ask myself why?(I ask you as well)

What is it that therapists/psychiatrists try to get out of you? I believe what they want you to say is... the few things that you want to tell to no-one.

I believe you could save yourself lots of time... frustration... and money... If you could just answer a few questions and figure out how to deal with them. If you must... then answer them to yourself and explain them to a counselor/psychiatrist.

1. What has ever happened to you in the past that you would never tell anyone that wasn't torturing you?
2. What thoughts have you ever had that you think you could never share with anyone... EVER!
3. What is it about you that nobody else could ever understand?
4. What part of your personality would you like to explain... but you could never find words for?
5. What is the most signifigant event in your life and why?
6. What is your biggest fear... Why?
7. If you could realistically achieve your "nearest goal" what would it be?
8. If you could name your biggest obstacle... what would it be?
9. Who...(aside from you) has shaped your life... and why?
10. What is stopping you from overcoming your obstacles and reaching your dreams?

I'm sorry if these are redundant... I'm just pulling these things outta my head. But I think they are some great ways to get the most out of your therapist/pschyatrist's "hour". It might just freak them out a little if you have a list made up... and it could actually save you a few sessions.

Like I said... I got absolutely zero of these from any reputable sources... I just made up some questions that I think will resonate with introverts. If you are not an introvert... and you seek counseling... you soon will be.:D

Anywhoo... hope this helps

casinowife
10-17-06, 01:19 PM
I've been in therapy for a few years but on my very 1st visit my therapist sent me home with an assignment. He said to write down any person or event that has ever caused me trauma. No matter how big or small or how stupid it may seem, just write them down. So I did and we went through them one by one. It was very helpful and I was actually relieved to get everything out all at once because there are some I know I would have chickened out on or been too ashamed to share later.

...Daria
10-18-06, 01:41 PM
just to chime in on the first part of the thread... I never felt much better from therapy.. just felt more like instigated all the time after and I tried 3 shrinks...
I just really can't seem to hang out too long with any shrink.. thus far anyway.

This was before being advised to take meds.

Jaycee
10-18-06, 01:47 PM
Foghat,

I could actually answer all of your questions quite quickly...self-realization has never been one on my problems.. But I have a high stress job with a high burnout rate, a high stress home with 3 kids with diabilities of varying types, not to mention the struggle with having the school districts meet their obligations for my children.

My sister is my first line of yak therapy but I also used my therapist to help me work out the logistics of setting goals to get rid of that stress. It was somewhat successful, but in no way cures the problems. Those are ongoing.

Unfortunately I'm not able to do that anymore. (read 3 posts back for explanation)

Claudia_0102
11-29-06, 11:58 AM
My therapist has helped me alot this past year. Sometimes i feel better after talking to her and sometimes not.

jeaniebug
11-29-06, 01:06 PM
I keep thinking I need to try another therapist, but I'm having trouble making that move. There is nothing convenient in going to therapy. The offices are 80 miles from my workplace (about 45 from home). There is no happy medium because I live in a rural area and this town is the only one of any size near us that offers counceling services. Cyclops...I could do hours of the "blame mom" thing myself not because she was abusive, but because she was depressed and would not admit it or do anything about it. However, I hate that cop-out aand stay clear fo the blame game. My mom and I also have a good relationship.
Jan, I was so sorry to hear about your therapist. I can't imagine how awful that must have been for you.

OK, I went to my first therapist in grad school when I was about 23. I have been in and out of therapy for nearly 30 years. I have always known something is "not right" but could never pin it down until I found this forum.

I'm very aware of my issues. Lots of Mom issues, but I don't blame her for everything. She was pretty verbally abusive when I was little. Our relatiohship has improved vastly over the years.

I have to echo what others have said here: I really get a lot more out of group therapy. Perhaps AA is somewhat similar because you get to know people on a really personal level and find out everyone is struggling just as hard as you are, and that their childhood was even worse than yours. (I'm speaking for myself here.)

However, not one of the therapists I have seen including 2 psychiatrists diagnosed my inatentive ADHD. Which ticks me off. Anger is one of my biggest issues. When I told my favorite therapist about being inatentive ADHD she was surprized and said the psychiatrist would have found that with DSM-IV testing. Which he didn't do. Just talked to me for about 10 minutes, wrote some Rx, and charged me $350. Which also ticks me off.

Having a structured group setting is wonderful, and I have wondered if I could do that with friends, meeting twice a month. I have moved from the town where my former therapist works.

I think I am rambling. My last group did guided meditation and deep breathing holding hands, and that was incredibly powerful. Highty recommend guided meditation and deep breathing. Cleared our chakras and everything. :p

Good luck, sweetie, and keep on keeping on. I am also the mom of a daughter with a disability in addition to ADHD (hearing impairment), and have done support groups with other Moms.

I'll be in your group! Let us know how it goes . . .

piglet
03-19-07, 12:00 AM
I've had a couple few visits with counselors; three with one on my own, through the work employee assistance program; one visit to a marriage counselor, and one with my sister to her psychologist. I can see how it might help but I really don't have the time to invest in that process. The times I went were crisis times and it helped me over a hump; but for long-term, I no way would keep going.

What I did find helpful, as far as giving me tools to find peace and joy, was self-hypnosis. Really. Also known as Neuro-linguistic Programming. Yeah, sort of the Tony Robbins stuff, but it doesn't have to be so plastic. If you find the right person, always key, who can help you find YOUR symbolism and meanings, and what matters to YOU. I mean, if I went to someone who was all about making money, then it would have gone whoosh over my head, because that's not my crisis. My crisis was, inability to let people see me. Hiding myself, and then resenting that no one saw me, and dwelling on it, and usingthat to build more walls. And really, NLP helped me come up with my own triggers to change my thinking, which is what I really want. I don't want to spend years on weekly visits to find out WHY - what I want is, to change my ineffective habits.

No, it hasn't solved it all. And if I get out of the routine of self-hypnosis, I slip into some old, dark thinking that doesn't help me. And a word of warning, my sister, who is so far out of touch with her emotions, it's shocking, went with me to one of these group sessions, and it I think threw her into a tailspin. She's better off not opening that locked box that is her psyche. She has no coping mechanisms. We're all now invested in helping her keep that box locked, it's how she's lived for fifty-some years and it's probably her best thing.

Assuming no one here is at that point - or you wouldn't be here, on this forum - I really highly recommend NLP.

piglet
03-20-07, 04:24 PM
"feeling better" is sometimes not the point. I mean, my brother in law is all about feeling better, runs a self-help group for bipolar people, and calls it something like "let's all feel better"... and do NOT get me started on what a dead weight this man is. He's all about helping everyone else in the world, and my sister has supported the family all these years... and the extended family has supported her.

So, really, this man has no business feeling good about himself.... he needs to feel BAD for a while, and come live in Reality with the rest of us, where we at least recognize responsibilities, and try to live up to them. I don't mean he's a bad person, I mean, he needs to embrace the guilt, the bad feelings, because he has earned them. They're valid. He has failed his family in important ways, and guilt is appropriate. And I think as long as he wallows in happy horsepoop, and invites all these other people into the happy horsepoop with him, he's not going to be any real USE to my sister, or his kids. But he's all about feeling good; and when my sister can't suppress her resentment anymore and BLOWS, as she does from time to time, he's mysitified... why isn't she HAPPY? He explains all about how she needs to Feel Good, like he does. And usually, she can suppress the rage. She's locked up pretty tight.

I better stop thinking about this. I can't do anything about it. It's their choice to live like that.

But you see my point? Sometimes, a step in healing yourself and becoming your best and strongest self, the self that is a blessing to all around you, is a step that takes you through the Bad Feelings. And I don't think you can really heal untli you've embraced them, and accepted what responsibility is appropriate; and then you forgive yourself and find ways to be better.

inspired101.200
04-10-07, 03:18 PM
I really like the therapist I see. Our very first session we devled into the past, but haven't been back just to go back since then. I started going initially because I was rather dissatisfied with my life. It was in our second session that she began to suspect that I had ADD. At that point, she helped me set up an appt with one of the pdocs on staff for a med consult thing. I've yet to come out of a sesson PO'd, but I have come out a little frustrated, more with myself than with her, because I've had issues putting my feeling and thoughts, etc into words and phrases that make sense to everyone else. In our first session, she asked me what I wanted to get out of it and that, I think, really made a difference for me. Thinking about that and keeping that in mind also makes me realize that even though I'm probably going to cry during the session, it's for the best.

With the exception of that very first session, the topic of each session is up to me. I go into her office and she asks what's on my mind or what I want to talk about. A lot of times in the weeks between visits I'll think of things to talk about and deal with, but when I get into her office my mind is usually blank. So most times I just start talking and we deal with what's bothering me. We don't delve into my past unless she thinks it's really contributing to whatever the current problem is. It's also helped to have someone else outside of my normal circle to discuss problems and issues with. As a college senior who will be graduating in December, major upheaval is headed my way. As expected, the people around me all have their own ideas on what I should do, shouldn't do, etc. It's nice to have someone else's opinion and support who isn't in my direct circle.

One of the other things that has been great and leads me to believe that I'll always see therapy as an option is that she told me therapy can be the place where I don't have to be rational or even logical. I can be as irrational and illogical as I want to be and the world won't come crashing down. It wasn't until today that I realized how much I still rely on my sessions. I had an appt in mid-Feb and we're to the point now where she wants me to come in every 4-5 weeks or so, so I set up an appt for over Spring Break (first week of April), but she ended up having to cancel. The first open appt she had then wasnt until the 23rd of April. With all that's coming up in my life, I'm starting to worry a bit about getting through it with my sanity intact. I've already decided to pity anyone who reads my blog beacuse it's going to be full of irrationality.

massagefever
04-22-07, 07:30 PM
Well I am getting frustrated with my therapy too. I know I have the right therapist for me b/c he is the only one who has EVER been able to get me to let down my mask and make me cry. At first that terrified me, i don't let people see the real me, NEVER. I don't like the real me, how can anyone else.

He constantly tells me that I am too aware of things and that is part of my problem. I am too smart, I know too much, I care too much. I have a sense of reality that most people don't reach. He says it's a good thing, I'm not sure.

What I don't understand is how you get over a problem just by knowing it is there? Yes, I grew up at a very young age taking care of my brothers at age ten, having to be the mother figure b/c my mom had to work 2 or 3 jobs to support us. I can see that makes me feel like I am responsible for everything now. Makes complete sense. But how do I get past that feeling? Each session we talk about ways I develped these ways of thinking but I still have no idea how to get past it. Logically I know that everything is not my fault, I am not responsible for everything, I can't fix everything. I know in my head I don't have that much control. Yet I still feel that way. How do you fix that? Each session I leave crying and upset with more questions and no answers. The closest we have gotten to any solution is last week he told me that I am craving validation from people who should love me the most and they are not giving it to me. And that I have to let go and let people really get to know me. He said it took me 20 mins to just come up with some good quality in myself.

He helped me figure out that I am bipolar II and led me to the psychiatrist that diagnosised me as bipolar and add and Rx'd the meds to help me. I can never thank him enough for that. But I just don't know if the actually therapy sessions will get me anywhere even though I try. I just end up more depressed for the day b/c I realize more problems that I can't fix.