Hi I'm new here but let me just hit the ground running. I was doing good for the past couple of weeks, my girlfriend feels secure with our relationship and all is good in the world. In all everything is dandy, I even had plans to meet a internet friend I had known through a game I play for a year.

Well it all went a little bad, while hanging out with my friend my GF comes over because her roommate, who is her cousin, was arguing with her and pretty muched kicked my GF out of their place. So she comes to me for support. I'm the BF so I spend time with her and try to calm her down and then get her to relax I spend about 3 hours with her and then we just go to bed and leave my friends to hang out with my other roommates while I get her to sleep. It would be a good point to note that while I did all this I did feel a little bumbed out that I couldn't hang out with my friend who drove 12hrs to actually meet me, and do something I had planned to do for some time.

Now 2 days later a friend of mine, that was at the party, stops by my work to try and see what happened. Here is where the problem is, I told her how my GF needed me to go lay down with her and how I couldn't go downstairs and spend time with everyone because she needed me there with her. I didn't make it seem like there was any option for me to do what I want or that I did so voluntary, all I seemed to remember was that I was bumbed out that I couldn't hang out with my friend. That is what I relayed to everyone else.

Most of my friends were ****ed it seems because my GF seemed controlling, but in reality I just can't communicate these situations very well. Its annoying because I try and pull all the information I can to clearly explain what is going on but its like only some of the information is ever there to get. I hurt my GF because she felt she forced me, then hurt my friends because they thought I was lying. :foot: I feel insecure to talk right now because I might miss more information and hurt people or give them the wrong idea. Has anyone else had this problem and if so how have you over comed it.

You sound like a terrific boyfriend. Are you sure she really needed you, or is it possible she is manipulative? If she really needed you, you did the right thing. You're allowed to be bummed.

You sound like a terrific boyfriend. Are you sure she really needed you, or is it possible she is manipulative? If she really needed you, you did the right thing. You're allowed to be bummed. Oh no no, its not that me being bummed was the issue, but that since it was all I could remember the next day I felt like I had not right to go down to my friends, because in someways it wouldn't be good for her. She isn't controlling in the least, when we were falliing asleep she said I could go downstairs and spend time with my friends, but she needed me. That agains is something I forgot about.

So all my friends heard was that she was upset about family issues, and she wanted me to herself.

It was like that though, just that I opted to worry about her over my own needs, and I didn't portray that information when I needed to so my friends would understand what happened.

Does that make more sense?

P.S. This happens all the time through my life, when more then just a simple explanation is needed with a small amount of informationj. The more info, or the more complex the situation the harder it is for me to properly relay it to others.

You can't control how other people feel so why stress yourself out about it? Why do you feel like you need to explain in such detail? Next time you catch yourself just stop and say, "I wasn't there because something came up" or "I'm late because I wanted to help my girlfriend with something" or whatever the situation may be. My sister goes into these long drawn out explanations too and I think it's because her idiot boyfriend doesn't trust her and she has to give him play by play of her every waking moment. Not saying that is your situation but did your parents expect such detailed explanations from you and you just carried the habit with you?

Always had trouble making sense of what I was trying to say is more like it. I don't know but I don't know if I have all the facts to recount what happened in the past. I don't want people to get the wrong idea because it can effect others, and my GF is so new to my kind of life style (2 years and still she gets surprised) that I just want to keep things as simple as possible.

We are fine, its just understanding how we are different that is needed.

From what I got,it seems that its the old song and dance.
I went through it with my husband and had been through it before with myself.

My friends and hubby always laugh because I do the same.Go into a big drawn out story,explanation.Not because I have too but I want everyone to know what lead to the point.So everyone knows where Im coming from.
The bad part,I usually forget what I was even trying to explain at the end and Im left standing there going"what was I even trying to say?!?"
They smile and try to get me back on track.

What you did was lovely and very caring!I think what some wonder is did you do it because you wanted to be with her?Did you feel you had to be with her?Thats the diffrence.
You dont owe anyone a explanation for anything you do in a GF or wife or hubby situation.You gotta do what you gotta do.

Now,if I was the friend who drove 12 hrs. I would be a little ticked off.Driving 12 hours is not fun!But you cant change that now.
So,concerning that....oh well,you did what you felt was most important,thats what matters.

Live your life how you want.Do what you decide is most important and beneficial for you and the ones you love.

If someone cares about you truly,they will get over it.My friends have put up with alot of stuff I probably wouldnt have,but I also tell them how I am and they know from the years what I choose and they either accept it and just do what they want or get mad at me and then get over it.

Do you mean how ADDers are diffrent in dealing with situations?
I know one thing.I myself have discovered that I am overly explanitory(like you seem to talk about)I would give my last dime to a friend in need.I would risk life and limb for the ones I love.
I have also noticed that those actions can leave others feeling left out or uncared for because my focus is so intent on the one who is in need.

Hope all goes well for you.

Brandilyn thanks that helps a lot.

One thing I would like to ask is something one of my friends is always saying.
That I need to stop being like I am and get over it, and learn to be better than I am now. She says that I'm just getting worse and I have to stop it because its rude to her and everyone else.

This hurts me because I'm really trying to not be an issue and when she says stuff like this it makes me feel so bad, because I am trying. I try to keep a schedule and get my work done on time, I try to consider what my actions might do and how they might be interepretted, and I even try to seriously focus more. There are just those times when all my carefully developed coping mechanisms tend to just fall apart, and then I get feelings, looks, and lectures of disapproval.

Have any of you felt this happen, and what can I do to be less of a bother to others... I wonder if this deserved its own post:rolleyes:

It sounds pretty clear to me. You made a choice; you felt your girlfriend needed you more than you needed to be with your friends.

So, you seem to remember the details when you write it down. Don't be afraid to use that, as long as you follow it up with personal contact.

Barb

This also sounds like the trying to please friends and GF thing.
The truth is she did breakup a guy thing, but it was understandable from her and your view, but your friends may not see it. Its not your fault. But its hard to know how much time to spend helping your girl and being with your friend. I have similiar issues at home. My daughter is 18 and is special needs, and my roommate has major depression.
I game on Fridays the only time I see my friends during the week. But if my family needs me I cancel, and my gaming buddies get upset. You just can't please everyone.