If anyone is married and had a hard time determining what they wanted from a relationship due to their ADHD I would really like to know how you figured it out. I am at the point in my life where I want to settle down but I don't know what I want. Actually it's not so much that I don't know what I want it's more that what I want changes so much that I get so confused. Sometimes I want a girl that is all over me all the time and sometimes I want someone who is all about giving me my space. Sometimes I want someone who is very structured sometimes I want someone who is all over the place like me. Sometimes I want someone who is in touch with their feelings and sometimes I want someone who has no idea what they are feeling. I can basically go either way on any personality or character trait on any given day. But it doesn't end there because it also applies to physical traits. Now don't get me wrong a beautiful women is a beautiful women but sometimes I like brown eyes and sometimes green. Sometimes blonde hair and sometimes brown. Sometimes a bigger chest and sometimes a bigger butt. I have been struggling with this since high school and my pleasure seeking personality does not help this at all. Also it seems that my adderall might make this whole not know what I want worse and the worst part about that is that adderall does it's job in making me concentrate but unfortunately concentrating on what I want only drives me crazy. Can anyone help? Especially those that are married and have possibly gone through this and gotten through this.

How old are you?

25 years old, male, absolutely confused, in a really bad situation but there is another thread about that(Please Help...My world is falling apart), and am struggling so bad with the concept of marriage, who to marry, what qualities they should have, what love is,etc that I will be on anti-depressents soon. REAL SOON. Either that or Ambien so I can actually sleep for once and not sit on these forums, the internet, and just laying in my bed in the dark, until at least 2am at a minimum, thinking about this.


Does anyone think I should post this as a personal add in a newspaper or on a dating website, LOL. :D

In case this might be worth something to you :)

Here is the advice I gave my brothers who also had a long list of ambiguous ideas about "the one".

To fill all of the shoes you described you would be asking for a high maintenance woman :D and an assortment of colored contact lenses, bottle of hair bleach, a good plastic surgeon and an "I Dream of Jeanie" philosophy.

Let go of your expectations. Because their choices were ultimately better for them than the superficial elements of hair and eye color.

*Understand that your timing may be off...impatience is hard to tackle, but it may be that now is not the time for you emotionally or maturity-wise...

One brother married at age 30, one at 26, and one at 40 and each of them knew pretty quickly that they were making the right choice.


*Make yourself available...a primary need to finding someone. If you are out of school and work a job that employs mostly men it may difficult. So you have to make a social life for yourself.

*Keep an open mind

"Make sure you can communicate with her

*Make sure you have a couple of good arguments and take a look at how they are resolved

*You will want a few common interests but also differences to keep the relationship interesting

*Educate her about ADHD so that she understands how it works and can determine her own willingness to take the risk...look for resiliency

*Know that one person cannot be all things to you and that is your responsibility to enrich yourselves independently

None of my brothers married the 5' brunette with blue eyes or the one who met their every need. The quality, not the quantity ultimately is what sold them.

I have a close friend who did the online thing. She found the social outlet there and now has someone. But she had to weed carefully through her options.

25 years old, male, absolutely confused, in a really bad situation but there is another thread about that(Please Help...My world is falling apart), and am struggling so bad with the concept of marriage, who to marry, what qualities they should have, what love is,etc that I will be on anti-depressents soon. REAL SOON. Either that or Ambien so I can actually sleep for once and not sit on these forums, the internet, and just laying in my bed in the dark, until at least 2am at a minimum, thinking about this.


Does anyone think I should post this as a personal add in a newspaper or on a dating website, LOL. :DYou remind me of myself in my early twenties. I didn't know at that time that I was ADD. I felt like all my friends were getting married and getting on with life and carreers and if I didn't get on the ball and find someone, there wouldn't be any good ones left. You can't force it. You need to work on making YOU happy with yourself before you can search for that special person. You can't expect to make yourself happy by having someone. That doesn't mean you should stop looking though. Keep yourself busy socially. Spend time on hobbies, preferably hobbies that involve available girls too.

What Kind of girl? What are your values and aspirations of life? Do you want kids? Does she want kids? I'd say look for someone who wants a similar future to the one you want.

I had a good friend who helped me down this path, we talked about it lots on road trips. I'd still rather go on a road trip with him than see my Psychologist.

Did I pick the right one? I met her because of my ADD as I look back at it now, a lot of our relationship progressed because of my impulsivity. We have been married more than twenty years. Marriage has never been really easy, it requires work. I do love her but, every once in a while I ask myself,"did I find the ONE?"

Winks

IdowhatIwant...I'm 36, single and a lot like you....I have a hard time figuring out what I want from woman! I sometimes want woman who are VERY attractive..then I think..most real attractive woman have bad attitudes, are cocky, materialistic, etc...then I think I need a "average" looking woman, who is a great person, kind, great personality, etc(then the problem of physcial attraction sets in)....!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think a good "in-between" is what I need....now the problem is finding the right woman!