View Full Version : innocentat50
09-27-03, 12:39 AM
I am 56 and new in this particular forum. I was diagnosed about 10 years ago. My treatment and support was sporadic at best due to losing jobs and therefore insurance, then getting a job and another insurance and different insurance companies require different doctors and clinics etc. One single time, about 6 years ago, I was put on a medication and therapy combination for ADD that actually worked, but as soon as I noticed the positive impact I lost my job through no fault of my own - the company closed. I have never again found anyone who would either support me including my wife. In fact, at this point I am so afraid of my wife that I try to stay away from her at almost all cost - we still sleep in the same bed but barely speak two consecutive words. Every time she opens her mouth something hurtful is coming out. Last week I told her for the first time that I am afraid of her. Since then she does not speak to me at all and when she makes supper she almost throws my food on the table. Half the plate always spills onto the table. My last therapist told me not to make any more appointments just a few days ago. She wanted to get rid of me since day 1 when she told me that she is not the right therapist for me. With 2 PhDs I thought she had to be the right one, but she never even addressed the ADD. Nobody around here seems to take ADD serious.:( Anyway, I am now unemployed for 15 months and have no hope of ever finding a job. So, I try to change my direction professionally, but that is hard to do even with support. I just go forward, always with my thoughts meandering between suicide and taking one step at a time. That combination does not get me far. I try to read a self help book that is sopposed to help me with the career change, so I try to do what the book says to do and hope it will lead to something better.:)
09-27-03, 12:46 AM
How would you like us to help?
09-27-03, 01:13 AM
I truly do not know how anyone can help. My thoughts are racing all over the place and I have a hard time keeping up with the thoughts for writing this. My professional background is in computer applications - 32 years. I just went through training on the newest Microsoft technology. The training was funded in part by federal money and in part by the Software Association of New Hamshire. Part of the training included "soft skills". That was several tests and education on how to deal with human resource departments that do not know what a computer professional is talking about. The tests that were part of the training as well as several others that I took at Employment Security, Vocational Rehab, and on the Internet, all showed the same identical results: 1) what I perceive to be epected of me and what my comfort zone is, are as far apart as they possibly could be, and 2) the profession I was in for 32 years is the opposite of where I should be: an artist. I actually chose the computer field originally because it was considered an art form (32 years ago) and it was a challenge. Now the computer field is as far removed from art as it possibly could be, art applications included.
What I need is a way to slow down and speed up my trains of thought at will. I suspect that there is a medication out there for this, but I have to find a doctor who would prescribe it. Then, after I learn what goeas on in my mind I imagine that I would learn how to control the meandering without medication, but going through all of this is emotionally draining. This book that I read - The Artist's Way - is a 12 week course, describing every step of self discovery or re-discovery to creativity in general. Way back as a child I was considered a prodigy. I was a member of the Vienna Choir Boys and played piano with the Vienna Symphony. At age 14 I stopped abruptly all connections to making music, became a shoe industry specialist for which the US in the late 60's wanted me for, and after the shoe industry failed I switched to computers. I had only 1 single job that lasted for more than 3 years, and that was a job where my boss had me work on problem projects only to solve the problem and then moved me on to solve the next problem. That way my ADD came in handy. Everything else always led to failure eventually.
09-27-03, 01:24 AM
Would you like to chat online?
09-27-03, 01:26 AM
Did you play an insturment as well as sing in the Choir?
Hi Norbert from a fellow New Hampshire person.
I kinda know how you feel. Till I found a good counsilor I was considered just broken.
But now after a few years of meds and counsilling I have much better hope. Try to focus on the positive aspects of ADD, It does help.
09-27-03, 01:35 AM
The Vienna Boys Choir has no musicians among the children except that everyone is required to learn at least one instrument. They are all chosen for their voice and musical hearing. Most learn to play the piano but only few end up playing at a professional level. Sorry, it is kinda late and I have to stop, but I hope to find you again on the forum.
09-27-03, 01:44 AM
my time online is getting short, but you will probably know about the New Hampshire Symphony and the Monadnock Music Festival. This summer I worked as the Operations Manager of Monadnock Music, just to see if going back to my childhood activities - playing music - would be appropriate for me. I am all excited about returning to my dream of playing and/or performing professionally, but I still have a long road ahead. Since the summer season ended I have been working with On The Water Productions in Goffstown and in Bedford. We are trying to get a TV series going about alcohol and drug abuse among high school and college age kids.
09-27-03, 01:53 AM
Getting back to music sounds like an excellent move for you. The right meds can help. Getting a counselor who thinks they can help with ADD is a good thing to do. It sounds like you are taking steps in the right direction. I'm sorry it is going hard for you right now.
Actually I'm very familiar with New Hampshire Symphony and the Monadnock Music Festival. My work does activiities with the "Arts" You know the Opera in the area? We rent our office where they rehearse and they give us discounted tickets to their season. Unfortuantely I still can't afford it but they do rehearsals so I do get a little sampling. I'm very into music. It speaks to my soul :)
There are so many wonderful and supportive people here, who would love to suggest some options for you.
Have you contacted your State Advocate?
Bill Hagy, Ombudsman
Client Assistance Program
Governor's Commission on Disability
57 Regional Drive
Concord, NH 03301-9686
Donna Woodfin, Executive Director
Disabilities Rights Center
PO Box 3660
18 Low Avenue
Concord, NH 03302-3660
Phone: 603-228-0432 Voice/TDD
E-Mail: firstname.lastname@example.org or DonnaW@drcnh.org
They will be more than happy to assist you.
Can we help you with other suggestions?
09-27-03, 10:48 AM
Welcome to the group, Norbert ... I feel your pain as well. I have been in careers that were wrong for me all my life (still am, actually).
My advice, if you want it... and of course, you are free to tell me to take a flying leap if you want to... would be to get music back into your life immediately. Whether as a career or a hobby is unimportant.
You have extremely NEGATIVE support in your life right now, that's going to make things worse. I also think you need to cut some of these people loose and replace them immediately with people who will accept you for who you are.
Since wives aren't that easily cut loose, maybe the therapist is the first step.
And maybe we are the first new people who will accept you for who you are and try to support you. :D :D :D
At any rate, cheers and welcome... you will not be condemned for your alleged "issues" here.
09-27-03, 01:39 PM
I just wrote a whole long note to all of you, Kassie, Paul, David, and Andrew. Then in the middle of it I wanted to look up what David wrote in a previous post and I seem to have lost everything I wrote so far. In short I thank you for your support. On Monday I will be checking with someone at New Hampshire Service Link.
09-27-03, 04:43 PM
Too well, too many of us know the extreme pain and distortion that ADHD can cause in our lives and those of our loved ones.
I for one, am releaved to hear that you are seeking appropriate services on Monday, and are feeling good enough to tollerate waiting until them to do so.
keep coming back here too. As you must know if you've been lurking prior to your posts, there is likely someone here with experiences similar to yours in ways that will be helpful to you.
Sorry about the diappearing note thing. That has happened to me and it is really ..., what word am i looking for?, wasteful.
You are welcome for the support. I can only speak for myself to say that I have received a great deal of support, and consider it a priveledge to be able to offer any.
09-27-03, 05:20 PM
Originally posted by Peter
At the insistence of a friend I attended the CHADD conference in Florida... found myself crying at the end of it during Tom Brown's closing remarks. Lots of grief and wasted opportunities to let go of.
In particular, what is that you did that made (makes!) the difference?
I was there. It was great.
I keep trying to think that the story of "Joseph and the Many colored coat" may be my story... perhaps I'm being positioned to be in the right place at the right time for someone else.
From what I heard at that CHADD meeting, and elsewhere in a presenation, ws that the single characteristic that separates good life outcomes from the others is a defining moment when a person realizes a SINGLE thing they need to do to take control of their life (get a college degree, etc.) and they devote all of their energy to getting what they have identified they need. sk an dmost successful people can tell you what it was, where they were when it happened, and why it is important in their life. It works better than drugs, but many use apropriate drugs and counseling too... but they rely on going after what they realized they needed, with no "allowance" for failure or half measures, determined and "self" focused.
I loved your post Peter. I hope you continue to post. I'd love to hear more.
Welcome with open arms [keyboards? ;) ] to the family, Norbert!
We're here for you! :D