I feel sometimes I'm hangin by a thread. It seems like most of the time I'm fine. Then it just takes that little something to give me that "nudge". I wonder to myself if I could have prevented it trying to think more positive. Take more action to prevent stuff to happen... Am I making sense? I seem to not make alot of sense alot....

I more than understand what you are saying. In just a few words you make perfect sense to me. Part of depression IS environmental. Right now I hear my p-doc telling me that until I manage or deal with my environment, the level of my depression will continue it's current course.

My suggestion to you would be to sit down and take stock of your life. Don't just focus on the negatives but remind yourself of the positives. You're alive; with every breath you take you have been given a chance to laugh, love, cry, and the ability to affect change. Create a plan to conquer life, small goals at first, and remember to reward yourself.

Right now I'm focusing on general health. The first steps in my plan have been to eat healthier and workout or at the very least find SOME physical activity to do everyday that is pleasurable. Get that adrenaline pumping and the endorphins flowing. It's amaaaaaaaazing what it can do. And yes, no matter how I'm feeling that day, how low I think I am, I look to find some way to "move." If you don't feel that you can do this yourself, find SOMEONE to help motivate you. Heck, picture in your mind's eye a cheerleader. Hear them cheer you on and always remember, you control the pom poms :p Then there is that whole briefs, no briefs...you get the idea ;)

Anyway, I hope this gives you that "nudge" in the other direction :)

Thank you very much andi for responding.. :)
Overall I tend to be pretty positive.. I normally try to look at the bright side of things... and I keep telling myself just to try to tough through it, what's that phrase, this too shall pass? Something like that I tell myself. Probably part of the problem is I don'treally have much of a motivator.. I am sure it would help to have someone positive in my life right now. Part of the problem I am sure is that I am kind of anti social.. and I'm not too sad about it I don't like people coming over all the time just on a whim when I'm planning on doing something else... but you need people in you're life to function.. again I'm afraid I'm making no sense haha..
I am getting some exercise.. well trying with it raining so much it's tougher to do. I try not to think of it as well.. since it seems like the more you think about things the worse it gets..
Thanks