Well I'm new to the forums, and I guess I'm just here to vent and collect some thoughts...oh and I'd appreciate any feedback as well. I was recently promoted by a friend to get screened for ADHD, went to the counselor, then the MD, got prescribed Strattera, yada yada yada.Having been a Psychology Major, I know the issues with self diagnoses...but so many things about my life seemed to just "click" when I began learning about ADHD. I was diagnosed at the beginning of this last summer, and am now 28, and somehow survived a very long and accident prone childhood.

One area that really seemed to begin making sense were past trends with my relationships..thus why I'm posting here. Since I was diagnosed, I've "attempted" two relationships that ended the same way. I guess part of why I'm posting is to see if anyone else identifies with what I say; or if its just common that even non-adhd people go through this and I'm just a wackjob.

My relationships have typically been one of three kinds: Physical short term with lack of emotional interest on my part, Physical Long term with lack of emotional interest on my partner's side, or a potentially good match that ended usually by a case of my "insert foot in mouth disease."

The last two "relationship" attempts I've had were with people I felt I had some commonalities with, and specifically the last one. We had extremely similar experiences growing up with travel, education, ethics backgrounds and cultures, parantial relationships, sense of humor, general likes/dislikes, etc. I know I've said it in the past before, but I really felt like we had some things in common.

It started a couple weeks ago, every conversation we had at first went extremely well, funny, lots of good content, etc. But...then she started asking questions like, "tell me about your past relationships," "what are you looking for in a relationship?" and "how did your father die, what was he like?"
I remember saying to myself, "Ok dont put your foot in your mouth, think before you speak," but yet, I started blabbing away, really just thinking aloud. Sometimes I would also feel that I may contradict myself with what I say, but I feel that that is maybe how I just kinda like how I would find my way around in a dark room looking for a light switch. I'd even think before speaking, and say to myself "Ok now dont you say that, you know that would be a real bad thing to say!" Guess what, I still would say it, and it would provoke conflict; even though I probably didnt even think that way, or really wanted to say it.

So She opened the doors for some of these topics, and I charged right through it...to a brick wall. I think I probably made her think I was a psycho, or lacking a spine, or too emotional, or too dependant and whatnot.

But the weird thing is, when I get into the short term physical relationships, I'm generally pretty mellow and laid back, and the other people in the relationship are the ones that want to take things to a more serious level. I dont freak out and incoherently jabber when I'm dating someone that I'm not extremely interested in with regards to a serious relationship. It's only the ones I really like that I mess up with.

Maybe it's that I become hyperfocused with the person since I'm enjoying what they have to offer in the way of physical closeness, communication, etc. And when they pull back and slow down, like normal people do; I start probing for more stimulation, even if it means saying things I dont really mean or believe, or saying things I know will be harmful to the relationship.

So now that it's kinda fizzled away, I'm left feeling like "I'm in a small white room with no doors and no windows, and Ozzy Ozborn's Iron Man is cranked all the way up to "11" on repeat, and I cant leave the room." All I can think about is the last two weeks and how I botched things up, how I probably ruined any kind of foundation that could've been there, or what could've been done differently, etc, etc,etc. I'd like to leave the room, and I know I dont want to stay in the room, but sometimes I feel like all I can do is pace back and forth. Sometimes covering my ears will tune out the music a little bit, but usually takes a serious effort to keep up with. Talking about it over and over again seems to really help. I even feel immensely better right now just getting everything out on these forums. Anyone have any suggestions for how to rip a wall out, or have Enya play instead of Ozzy for a little bit?

Well thanks for listening, Anyone have any comments? Does thiss sound familiar, am I another breed of wackjob? Does everyone go through this? Am I a sappy tard?

Ah well one thing is for sure, I need to get ready or I'll miss my flight.:confused:

I think I get what's happening for you. They say that the harder we try the worse 'it' gets. With those relationships that you don't feel serious about, you don't have to try very hard and it's easy to just be yourself. When a relationship matters to you, it seems that there is risk involved....the risk that you could do or say something and 'blow' it. So you start trying harder, and 'it' gets worse.

I've always had that problem; foot-in-mouth disease. And I'm ashamed to say that I would then resort to, um, let's say 'allow' the physical attraction take over and get into aspects of the 'relationship' where I am more skilled and don't have to worry about what I might say. Inevitably, as people do, someone would get more attached, without that fundamental emotional intimacy, and someone would get hurt.

It's been hard for me to understand that when someone asks about some of those personal things - like past relationships - it doesn't mean I have to try and tell them everything. Lots of situations - like past relationships - are too complicated to try and convey to someone who wasn't there. Heck, the people who WERE there probably couldn't sum it up accurately. So it's good to come up with some simple explanation of what happened and why it ended without making either party look bad. Most relationships end except the right one...and it's usually not all one person's fault or the other.

We're all wackjobs of one sort or another. However, if you could learn to be content with a superficial relationship where no one knows too much about the other, it could work. Dont' be too hard on yourself.

Thanks for the advice, much appreciated.