Hi

I just had an arguement with my partner of 4 years, we are 22/23 years old, we live together with my parents.

She keeps talking to me in a nasty tone of voice, and she just said "in your mental state" because she thinks i said something when i actually didnt, she doesnt seem to be able to understand the simplest of things.

Because im having counselling, and CBT, i think she should get counselling so she can learn how to talk to me and treat me, as she makes me feel very small, i have anxiety and social anxiety, so she seems to think i am mentally disabled and dont know what im talking about, she doesnt think she should go to counselling, but i think it will help us.

Do we stand a chance of being happy again? Neither of us are happy right now, im not "happy at home", which means i dont feel i can work, but ofcourse, she doesnt listen/beleive what im telling her, even when i say it in simple terms.

Help!

Thanks

Matt :(

I am unable to fore-see the future however unless some one changes the situation will not change. There is no reason for you to tolerate this behavior.

Gary did this when we first got together and I would tell him abruptly once
"I will not put up with you talking down to me."
Naturally he would want to continue or argue and when he did that I would simply walk off. Now I am pretty extroverted and plain spoken gal.

He has followed me a time or two only to continue same bahavior. I have gotten in his face and said "You will talk right or leave me alone immediatly because it won't get any nicer from here." I sincerly mean every word of it.

If I am able I will get in my car and leave. He has tried to corner me and I do not do corners at all. He can make a hole or I'll make it for him.

If she is living with you and your parents you have the right to ask her to leave and find some one who will put up with her crap. Your girl friend like Gary is under some impression that they are intitled to treat others any way they want. As tough as it is only you can decide differently. Don't put up with degrading behavior she is running over you because she thinks she can.

My two cents worth!!!!

Hey Matt,

I really think she should get on the forum with you and read around to what we all have to deal with. She is definitely with you for some reason and there has to be a resolve in her heart somewhere as to how things will pan out. They either work out due to you "BOTH" seeking counseling or just working together to keep the understanding going.
Or.... If she keeps this behavior up, it would not be wise to stay in the relationship knowing that your partner wont care enough to work with you no against you. It is very hurtful to keep hearing... Because you mentally can't .. or In your mental state...

Um... Nope! I wouldn't really be able to stay in a relationship without understanding and without really having a relationship. I think in a relationship, you both work on your troubles. No matter what.

Good Luck!

Charisma

Your relationship screams toxic. You are responsible for the way people treat you. When you no longer allow yourself to be treated that way is when she will stop or leave. You don't deserve it. You do know that, right? Counseling may help help but only if she wants to be there and see's there is a problem. From what you have said it seems like she doesn't. I don't think it's so much that she doesn't understand what you are saying but more like she's just not listening. If I were you I would demand that she stops talking to me like that and tell me whats really behind her anger. I'd ask her to move out while you guys attempt to work on things. Do not stay in this relationship if things don't change. She will continue to eat away at your self esteem. Was there ever a time in your relationship that she didn't treat you this way? Can I ask you what good she brings to the relationship that would make you even want to stay with someone who degrades you and then says I love you?

Your partner sounds pretty selfish to me. I also have Social Anxiety and I would certainly have thought that by treating you like you're not normal, your partner is only making your situation worse. We social anxiety sufferers go through life thinking enough people think we're inferior to themselves. The last thing you need is your partner, of all people, doing it too.

You are being abused. You wouldn't let her hit you over the head with a stick, so don't let her treat you like a subhuman. Ditch that b**ch! She's getting off on making you miserable. You are better off alone. You don't need to give her an explanation, don't give her another chance, tell her to get the heck out! You'll feel free I guarantee it.

hmmm, it definitley sounds like you're getting the short end of the stick here--but I'm wondering why you two have stayed for 4 years--that is a long time, so I'm guessing this is something worthwhile?? Maybe you should tell her that you've been seriously thinking about your future together--maybe even show her this post if you're comfortable with that. And if she still doesn't care, then you know know that this might not work out..

best of luck!!

I am in a similar situation, however my wife is now accepting the fact that I do have

ADD. She use to tell me, " It's all your state of mind, you're only depressed if you

want to be, I think you are happy being depressed, just snap out of it." And, then she

would always tell me things like," What? I don't make you happy enough? I"m not a

good wife? I would tell her that has nothing to do with how my brain functions and

processes information. She is a great wife. I love her. It takes time for people (some

more than others) to accept the fact that everyone is not born with a perfect

functioning brain. Counseling and the correct drugs can return a sense of normalcy.





But without the support of loved ones you tend to falter and blame everything on

yourself. If you want her to go to counseling, I think that is a great idea. The only

problems will be convincing her to go which may only lead to ultimatems. You're in a

really tough situation. It may take time. Or, if push comes to shove (no pun intended

or violence promoted) you may have to seperate so that you can find what you both

love about each other after all. COUNSELING is the best option together though

Take Care!