Here I am, wanting to tell my story and hoping someone will read it. I'm 32, 3 kids, and I recently re-married my ex-husband (we were divorced almost 8 years and together since we were 15). As a girl in school, after the teacher would explain the lesson, I would look around and see everyone working and I wondered how they all knew what to do when I was totally lost on what exactly we were supposed to be doing. I, however, got good grades, but never remember doing homework. I see a history of ADD with me, though I've was never diagnosed or even thought to have it as a kid. After me and my husband split up, I made really bad decisions. I dated a married man that I worked with for 3 years, started smoking pot, that led to doing coke, consequently I had to move to Florida (from Michigan) to be near my parents just to get away from all of that. I see now that my drug use was (but not all) my way to feel normal.

I was so lost in the last 7 years or so. All the while, raising 3 wonderful boys on my own and fooling everyone that I was normal and functioning. Before I moved, I tried to find my inner-self. Never could pin-point what exactly that black cloud that hung over me was. For some reason, I was brought back to my soul mate and best friend, my ex-husband. We both went thru some crap while apart, but somehow made it back to each other. It's like we had to be apart from each other in order to make it work with us. It's like we were never apart.

Last year, I moved back to Michigan, got married and we are a family again. I stopped doing all the stupid drugs I was doing to cope. That brings us to why I'm writing now... sorry for the book!

I sincerely think I have ADD. Not because of these reasons, and despite these things... my house is a mess, laundry piled up, piles piled up, absolutely no motivation, expecting my boys to be organized and clean while they live in chaos, yet I'm not sad depressed but I think I have some depression. I mentioned the drugs to see if this has anything to do with the ADD, since the ADD got much worse (even though it's always seemed to be there) after being on drugs. I'm totally sober now and never want to do another "drug" again in my life. As a result of doing drugs and having ADD, I'm so much more scattered now, I can't come up with words quickly anymore, not as quick-witted as I used to be, more clumsy, etc. the list goes on and on.

There's so much more, but I finally went to the Dr. to get diagnosed. This was on Halloween. He gave me Adderall xr 20 mgs. I took that for a month and I haven't noticed any drastic changes. My husband says he sees a big change, but the only thing I see is how clear it is that I have ADD. It was a huge fog before. Last week, he upped me to 30mgs. I hate to talk about the dosage and stuff, but I really wonder if I do have ADD or what the hell is going on with me. I don't think the Adderall is working. I don't notice myself thinking more clearly, concentrating better (although I can type with much easier flow), or any of the other benefits everyone talks about. I also was taking Prozac, but hated that and now I take Wellbutrin.

I guess I just wanted to get this all out and maybe get a response from some of you women out there who also are confused as to what is really going on with yourselves. I crave to change these things about me. I crave to know the real me. I crave answers that I don't have. Did the drugs really screw me up or do I really have this ADD? The meds aren't working (maybe I'm too impatient or expecting more out of it?) and I'm frustrated that I'm just lazy and crazy. Thanks for reading my book.

Hi Janeen.

Have you read the book, "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?" I think the author's last name is Ramundo. It's about ADD. Also "Women with ADD" by Sari Solden. They'll help you sort things out.

If your husband thinks the Adderall is helping you, then most likely it is. ADDers are generally poor self-observers.

Pot and cocaine are pretty typical drugs for ADDers to self-medicate with. I was a stoner for years, like high pretty much all the time that I wasn't working, and the pot really did help me "chill." Cocaine has effects similar to amphetamines, which help ADDers to chill out as well.

If you read posts from other women here and think, Oh my God, I'm not alone, someone understands me for the first time in my life -- what a relief that I don't have to explain to these people who seem to just "know" what my life is like -- you probably have ADD.

Welcome!

If you read posts from other women here and think, Oh my God, I'm not alone, someone understands me for the first time in my life -- what a relief that I don't have to explain to these people who seem to just "know" what my life is like -- you probably have ADD.


This is exactly how I feel while reading posts on this website. I will check out the books you recommended. Another good one that hits the nose on the dot for me is "Scattered" by Gabor Mate. It's my favorite one so far in my search for information.

First, drugs can cause permanent changes, but it's more likely that you're just getting older. There's a lot of info out there (& in here) about pre-menopausal hormone flutuations increasing ADD symptoms a TON. And my personal experience is that this is a very real phenomenon.

Second, I have found that I'm actually MORE forgetful on Adderall when it comes to little things. I was always very good about putting things in the same place, etc. so I don't lose them, but I seem to be much more absent-minded. On the flip side, I have seen a fantastic come-back in the cognitive abilities realm. Maybe your daily activities just don't highlight the changes so much, so you just don't realize you're doing better.

If you husband sees it, it's probably there. Try going off of it for a day or two and then back on. See if there's a difference.

BTW, If you weren't ADD, 30mg of Adderall would probably make you a little nuts and you sound calm to me.

Good luck & welcome