Hey everyone,

First off, this is my first post and I just came across this site last night trying to learn about ADHD off of wikipedia. I have looked around the forums and not found a subject on what i need or am trying to figure out. I was diagnosed with ADHD when i was about 10, and I am 20 now. I was incredibally antisocial until I was in senior year in high school and am now just starting to really embrace being extroverted. I had like maybe 4-5 girls that were kinda friends up until then ever and none until junior year, at least a girl that i felt like i could talk to.

Now to my problem. I have never had a girlfriend and got into my first relationship/fling/first kiss and everything just a few months ago. I thought I liked the girl, but could never really connect with her in any way and was always getting bored and drifting off during everything. After about a week and a half of hanging out and messing around, i broke it off. I could not like her anymore and I just could not continue it so I had to. I am now faced with a few girls that I think like me and whatnot, but the more I think about it, I can never seem to like them enough to really think that I can keep it lasting or that the girl is interesting enough for me. I always feel like every single girl, and just most people in general, do not really understand me and that there is something missing in communication and their understanding that just really sets me off from them. For the moment, im totally shutting off to relationships because I just do not really understand what is going on with me right now or what i can do to remedy this problem or find a place to find a girl that could keep me interested.

In case this information helps anyone, i used to take meds, gone through just about all of htem, but quit in 10th grade because they started to make me feel wierd and I couldnt focus b/c i felt sick, so im not on meds anymore, and am trying to deal with my problems without meds and just come to an understanding on how much this effects me and what I can do.

I think that is all for now, but mostly what im wondering if a) anyone has had this expericence 2) if so, have you overcome it and how did that happen, did it just happen or what 3) what peoples recomendations would be, even if it is just "wait" for the right girl, even though all of us ADHD people know that waiting is torture.

Thanks,
Chris

Hi Tater,

Welcome!
I'm not sure what you want, exactly--are you having a hard time finding the right girl, or just frustrated that you're not interested in anyone atound you? In my opinion, if you're not interested in anyone right now, it's not a big deal--when you come across someone who is a good fit for you, you'll probably notice her. And until then, just focus on making friends (the right girls might emerge from this group).

Are you involved in any social groups? You might find people with simmilar interests there, and thus have a higher chance of being attracted to someone. Are you in school right now?

Just make sure you're not too oblivious to the people around you--b/c you might overlook a really good person (something I need to work on myself).

Don't know if that helps, but wish you the best of luck!

Ummm... kinda both of those for me. Ive been very very oblivious to people in the past and found out that a girl likes me that I like, but nothing ever happened b/c I had no clue she liked me. Im starting to get over this right now. I think mostly what it comes down to is that I've yet to find somone who I feel understands me anywhere as close as I understand myself, or is willing to make that effort in a way that is obvious to me.

I am in several social groups, but the people i hang out with im usally ideologicaly opposed to. I am a radical political leftist and atheists and most of the people I know are conservative christians, so i guess that is one of the things that they also dont understand in me. I'm in school right now and there is no real group on campus with similar beliefs even close to me, so this is incredibally frustruating for me, im on a campus of 2400 which def limits the amount o people. I love the campus and the education i get, but the girls really suck here, so i guess im just frusturated.

I really appreciate the dont be too oblivious to people around me and this is a piece of advice im really going to take to heart because that is something that i really tend to do when it comes to relationships with other people, if I go into it just looking to be a friend, im usually oblivious to everything else. I guess more than anything im just frusturated with the way things are going, I want somone, but I cant seem to find anyone that even comes close to what I want where I am.


Thanks for the input

Welcome to the Forums Tater. I've been trying to think of a wise response, but nothing is readily coming to mind.

Without medication or other cognitive therapy it is going to be a challenge to learn to focus and juggle things for a significant length of time, including a long-term relationship. You sound responsible enough to know that relationships take work and attention.

Silly suggestion, but the first thing I thought of was to try to get to know some people in the Drama department. All kinds of people get involved but I've noticed a certain attraction of freethinking individuals. Could be a fun experience regardless if you meet Miss Right or not.

Another idea is to volunteer at a children's hospital or convalescent home. Visiting those who are sick or lonely and being attentive to them for a little while gives a wonderful lesson in quiet listening. And you'll be doing something that makes them feel better.